life as I know it...
Well, life as I know it is complex beyond my mind's ability to handle it. I find myself very moody these days. Relationships are hard and difficult to know when to alter them...or end them. I try to run the possibilities in my head and end up retreating to my comfort zone...Having seen a film at nighteye's house that sheds light on human behavior, it makes me feel really stupid that I run to the comfort zone. Little by little, I feel the protien molecules getting over themselves but I always question myself. Are you sure it isn't just a difficult time and things are just extreme at the moment? Is there an unhealthy pattern emerging from this relationship? Are things as bad as I make them or am I just moody? Are there other things in my life that I'm unhappy with and therefor I'm tranferring that to my relationship?
I feel like I am going crazy with the multitude of things going through my mind. I want things I can't have...at least not as things are. I try the communication thing but it doesn't seem to go well...am I soft? Am I one of those people that runs to abuse (mentally, not physically) rather than away from it? I have been pouring myself into trying to be more creative as an outlet...baking cakes, painting, etc... I also find myself taking even more to things that take my mind to fantasy (sci-fi, books, writing.) So many things I want to do that seem impossible and yet not so impossible. I have moments of extreme motivation only to be followed by depression. I have tried some medications but apparently they do no good for me. I tried to talk myself into them working but it was all in my head. I want to make my dreams reality...but something always seems to get in the way. What's up with that?! I think I need to go to bed.
I feel like I am going crazy with the multitude of things going through my mind. I want things I can't have...at least not as things are. I try the communication thing but it doesn't seem to go well...am I soft? Am I one of those people that runs to abuse (mentally, not physically) rather than away from it? I have been pouring myself into trying to be more creative as an outlet...baking cakes, painting, etc... I also find myself taking even more to things that take my mind to fantasy (sci-fi, books, writing.) So many things I want to do that seem impossible and yet not so impossible. I have moments of extreme motivation only to be followed by depression. I have tried some medications but apparently they do no good for me. I tried to talk myself into them working but it was all in my head. I want to make my dreams reality...but something always seems to get in the way. What's up with that?! I think I need to go to bed.