Impulse of the Heart - Chapter 3
Title: Impulse of the Heart
Author: keshichan
Pairing: Ohmiya
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: R to NC-17
Length: Chaptered
Chapter Word Count: 3,596
Summary:
Satoshi Ohno gets into an accident and forgets about his past. The person that came to his rescue was Kazunari Ninomiya, the CEO of Ninomiya Industries - a gaming company, almost like Nintendo. Little did Satoshi know that the accident that caused him to get severely burned was hidden in his past.
Links to previous chapters: Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
~~~
He chose to forgive and forget what had happened. Why? It wasn’t clear yet, but he would soon find out the reason why Kazunari had been like that. In the morning, Satoshi stirred awake to find himself sleeping alone in Kazunari’s room with the sunlight shining from the wide open window along with the sugary aroma of pancakes swimming in the air. A smile curved on his lips as he stretched a little. He gingerly got off from the bed and looked at his attire and suddenly remembered that he was wearing Kazunari’s pajamas. He tried to search for his own clothes, but they were nowhere to be found. He shrugged and thought that he didn’t have any other choice but to go down wearing the embarrassing clothes; he had never worn them in his entire life, except now. His tousled black-brown hair was sticking out here and there as he headed to the living room.
[READ MORE >>]He almost got lost on his way to the living room; he almost turned the place upside down just to get there. Still, there he was - Kazunari, who almost left him breathless - sitting in one of the couches, seemingly reading a magazine that was foreign to Satoshi. His eyes weren’t staring at the magazine, but at Kazunari who was wearing different attire again; a more sophisticated, but simple one. It was a light collared shirt under a black vest, and a skin fitted pair of pants.
When Kazunari sensed his presence, he smiled at him; a beautiful smile that could break anyone’s heart. He put down the reading material on the coffee table and stood up, went towards Satoshi. He looked as if he was checking Satoshi out before he addressed to him:
“There are clothes in the bath. Don’t worry, they’re not mine. I got especially it for you.”
Satoshi cocked his head to one side, interested. “Why did you have to buy me clothes?”
“I told you, I do what I want. No questions needed. Just use them. I’ll be really delighted if you do.”
Not given any choice to get his own clothing, Satoshi took a quick bath - just like what Kazunari told him - and used the ones that were bought for him: a studded light blue collared shirt, and a pair of dark pants. He was really amazed at what the man was doing for him; he was intrigued with why Kazunari was particularly interested in him. Still, he didn’t ask; his questions would be answered in the right time. Remarkably, they had a talk over pancakes and butter. This was where Satoshi learned the start of Kazunari’s pyromania.
“I don’t really know why, but when I was young, I was with two boys often. We were in this hidden part of the park, and they had matches. We gathered some dried leaves - that was during autumn - and we burned them. At first, it was just for fun, but when the leaves turned into ashes and the wind had swept them away, I wanted to do it again.
“I went home to the orphanage where I lived until I was thirteen, and took a couple of newspapers along with a lighter that I nicked from the cook, and I went back to the park alone. I put the newspapers on fire and the blaze seemed to make me feel lighter.” Kazunari paused to take a bite on his pancake, and then continued, “That was not all. I almost had the kitchen burn when the cook took his lunch as I played with the oven with some rags that I saw cluttered around. That was the moment when the elders in the orphanage decided to really have me out of there.”
“What was the reason why you set the cigarettes on fire in the building though?” Satoshi couldn’t stop himself from asking.
“I was deep in thought. I usually feel relaxed when I see fire. There’s no particular reason at all.”
Satoshi nodded after drinking the orange juice, deep in thought. “I see. I don’t really understand, but I’ll get there. You should really see a doctor.”
~~~
Days with Kazunari were overwhelming. Satoshi called to tell his grandparents that he was going to stay for a few more days in Tokyo before he goes back. His grandparents gave him permission, and told him that they had withdrawn him from school first; they also informed the school of what had happened to him. Though he still couldn’t do much strenuous activities, they had yacht ride with Kazunari in the controls; though he could see that the man wasn’t enjoying the waves very much.
He then learned that Kazunari was just an adopted son of the rich Ninomiyas, but after their death, he inherited all their wealth. He was quite younger than him, but his maturity was beyond his years. He developed the sense of independence rather early and now, in his young age, he was able to spend his money wisely, gaining the title of the youngest entrepreneur in Japan. For Satoshi, he was a genius; being able to compete with the established gaming companies was difficult, but he didn’t show it.
As the salty wind blew to their faces, Satoshi was sitting inside the cabin and was drawing small scribbles in a piece of paper that he picked up. He was in cloud nine and his mind was drifting elsewhere when the yacht stopped moving forward; just rocking along with the waves. Kazunari had turned off the engine, reserving its fuel. He approached Satoshi pretty quietly that when he sat beside him, the latter was startled. Kazunari held Satoshi’s hand without speaking.
Satoshi didn’t really know what he was feeling. He wasn’t sure if he was already in love or what, but when Kazunari looked at him, he felt that his soul was being read like an open book. He was still amazed at how different Kazunari was from the first day he met him in the hospital. Did he have a multiple personality disorder? Again, his mind scanned the mental notes he took from the medical books that he had read. He was, however, not in the mood to think about his studies at the moment. He wanted to enjoy the leisure time that he had.
Satoshi didn’t care if the room that he should have been occupying now was still not cleaned; that he still had to share Kazunari’s room up until now. It was like he was now comfortable with him beside him. Slowly, he was getting attached to the millionaire and he didn’t know how he would handle it if his infatuation grows into a deeper emotion. As he lied down on the bed beside him that night, he had the urge to kiss Kazunari’s sleeping figure. His heart beat so fast that he was afraid that it was drumming like bongos and loud enough for the person beside him to listen to.
Still, uncertain of his own emotions, he stopped himself and just closed his eyes. As he waited for the sandman to bring him to the dream world, he could hear the soft sounds of the household: a faint clinking of dishes and utensils being washed, a few tinkering sounds coming from the garage, and some bats screeching in the distance as they looked for fruits in the trees. Slowly drifting to his sleep, he heard light snores from the one beside him, and then he was taken to the dream world.
The next day, Kazunari was once again gone from the room. Satoshi even had breakfast alone when he learned that the other was in his study, doing his work. He didn’t know that the man was a workaholic, but this didn’t bother him at all. Satoshi knew that if Kazunari didn’t work hard enough, his works wouldn’t be something that was renowned all over Japan. Enlightened and finished with his breakfast, omelet and rice, he decided to go up to Kazunari’s study and tell him his feelings.
He knocked on the door twice and waited. There was no answer, so he tried again; this time he rapped on the door thrice. Regrettably, only silence answered him. Believing that it was alright for him to enter without acknowledgement, he turned the doorknob; and it opened effortlessly. To his surprise, the scene right in front of him threw himself off balance. He was like a bubble wanting to just pop out of there as a rush of memories came back to him, one by one: Chinen’s face, the thought of buying him a present, the burning building, and the blue and red lights of the ambulance. And then he blacked out.
~~~
Satoshi woke up once again in Kazunari’s room, this time it was the afternoon. He judged the time just from the light that was sneaking in from the window. The shades of reds and oranges were playing outside on the horizon along with the clouds. He tried to recall what happened, but it only made him cry. His tears fell freely from his eye sockets as he realized that Chinen - his only best friend - was in a relationship with the person he thought he already knew.
Chinen was just inches away from Kazunari’s face. That was what the last thing he saw in Kazunari’s study. His heart just burst in sorrow along with the headache that soon followed it. He never wanted these feelings; he never wanted to fall in love with Kazunari, but he did. What should he do now, now that the images that he had seen were something that he never realized would happen? He tried to go over to the picture that he just saw then as he attempted to think that it was just an impulse of his wishful heart, but his mind was now closed from what ifs that followed.
Now, he was living with regret; thinking that he was a fool for thinking that there might something deeper in what Kazunari did for him. Even though his mind wanted to forget - to stop remembering the image of Chinen and Kazunari - what he saw, his heart was breaking inside his chest. It was only for a few days, but his stupid heart fell for Kazunari. What was I thinking? Satoshi asked himself. I shouldn’t have let my feelings think for myself.
Dampened by misery and desperation from his first love, he decided to get out of the place as soon as possible. With no belongings to gather with him, he was prepared to leave already when Kazunari entered the room with Chinen. This garbled his emotions even more; he wanted to slap Chinen in the face and punch Kazunari for letting him believe, for leading him on, that he had a place in his heart - and nonetheless, here they were, in front of him as if nothing was wrong - yet, he knew that he had no right to do any of it.
Time can never mend what the whispers that were living in his mind; pain just occupied it. He stopped in his steps as the two closed in on him. He wanted to protest; to tell them that he had it all wrong and that he was leaving, right now. However, the look on Kazunari wounded his heart. It was as if he knew what he was thinking right then. He glanced from his best friend to Kazunari, asking questions through his eyes.
It was Chinen who spoke:
“I didn’t know that you’re here. You should have told me that you’re coming.”
Satoshi’s throat had a lump that he couldn’t speak clearly, “I- I was thinking of coming to your place…” he paused in mid sentence. He couldn’t say, ‘Before that man beside you almost killed me,’ so he just didn’t continue.
“Really? Well, if you were coming, you told me that you’re going to message me about it.”
I did tell you that. Would telling you that I was going to buy you a present and coming to see you a surprise? Satoshi retorted in his mind. He was filled with anger with Chinen. If he didn’t think of seeing Chinen and coming to Tokyo, nothing of these would have happened to him in the first place.
When Satoshi kept silent, Chinen blabbed on, “I didn’t think you’d see Kazunari at all. Was it a coincidence?”
“How do you even know him?” Satoshi couldn’t stop himself from raising his voice.
“He didn’t tell you?” Chinen asked, amused. He fleeted a look at Kazunari who dropped his gaze.
“No, he didn’t.” Satoshi raised his eye brows; a little bit irritated by now.
Chinen chuckled a little bit, “He’s our schoolmate when we were in elementary. I thought you remember him, seeing that you seem too close now.”
The comment sounded sarcastic to Satoshi. How were they close, considering that they were almost two feet apart and were not even looking at each other? Satoshi eyed Chinen with annoyance. “I don’t think you’d see us that way.”
“Well, if you must know,” Chinen carried on, “I was bound to secrecy after he left school. I won’t tell you what it is, since he’s the one who should tell it to you personally. Anyway, we continued to be in contact even he left school and was adopted. That’s why I’m here; because he told me that you’re here.”
“I don’t really care about all of these anymore,” he was looking at Chinen, but his words were more intended for Kazunari than him. “I don’t care if you’re here because this man told you so. I just happened to be in the middle of the storm and I was foolish enough to even chase after it.”
Satoshi hated losing his composure, but this was one kind of drama that he didn’t want to see until the end. After saying his speech, he stormed out of the room and out of the whole estate. Once he gets back to his feet, he’ll be able to get home without any of their help. Getting back his courage, though tiny, he went out into the highway and hitched a ride from an old lady - who was driving a blue automobile - and he was able to get to the province after two hours or so.
The weather was chilly when he got off. He thanked the old lady and bid her goodbye. The sky was already ominously dark; even the moon hid himself from view. It seems that even the sky understood what he was going through. His feelings were just like an illusion that wanted to break free, just like the moon behind the clouds; trying to peep from the curtain of white wisps.
He let the breeze fly him away and back in to the place where he should have never left in the first place. Staring at the house that was simple, but homey, he stood outside on the street, wanting to get back to Kazunari’s arms and tell him that he loved him even it was too early to fall in love with him. He was still outside, and he could still rush back to Tokyo, but his feet were frozen. He was terrified, for the first time in his life, that he wouldn’t be able to let his feelings out. Unfortunately, his anger towards the two weighed heavier.
Though his grandparents were surprised to see him that evening, they didn’t ask any questions. They were just happy to see him after the long year that he didn’t come home. He ate a lot, missing his grandmother’s cooking; and tried to put out of his mind the things that occurred within that year. For now, he wanted to be contented in the presence of his family. On the other hand, after retiring to his bedroom - his bed sat close to the wall - he was unable to sleep.
Tossing and turning in his bed, he grasped a lot of things: he missed Kazunari’s body next to him. He missed the short days that they held hands, even just for a moment. He missed a lot of things that he enjoyed doing with the other. He just got home, but he felt homesick. He thought that he would be elated now that he had his first love; however, he just had his heart broken, not only by one man, but also by the person that he considered his best friend.
After a month, Satoshi went back to school and continued to pursue his goal to become a psychiatrist. Still, his mind was occupied with thoughts of Kazunari, and this was making him doubt the line of work that he was pursuing. However, as he persisted in studying, he was able to forget - even for just a while - Kazunari and Chinen. Deep inside though, he always knew that his heart will mend.
~~~
Satoshi kept a diary. He often writes on it when he was in doubt or when he was tired or, just right now, when he felt miserable. Sitting in a chair, facing his desk, he scribbled and poured his thoughts, and feelings, to the paper:
March 21
I’ve finished all my final exams with flying colors. I was one of the top in class. I just don’t get how I did it. I can’t even remember that I even studied for the lessons. Today, the weather’s a little bit gloomy and hot. I went to the gymnasium after the graduation rites; I didn’t feel celebrating with the whole class.
I miss him. I even cried at the backstage in which a lot of people saw me. I told them I was really happy to be graduating, but I wasn’t. All throughout the ceremony, I thought about him and his face. It wasn’t much, but the time that I spent with him was one of the best times I had in my life.
I know that I should forget him. I tried, but I couldn’t. His image just wouldn’t leave me alone. Last night, I dreamt him again. It was a repetition of the time in the yacht. It was vivid, but I woke up crying. What should I do?
He dropped the pen and closed the diary. It wasn’t the first time he wrote about Kazunari. In fact, almost all the pages in his diary were filled with his feelings for him. It has been more than five months since he left Tokyo and now that he was getting confused with his feelings. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes as he reminisced the feeling of Kazunari’s body beside his. The warmth that he was looking for was getting into his nerves.
It didn’t seem to matter that he was now far away from the entrepreneur; he was still feeling something that he thinks he shouldn’t be. He felt like he was in the outer space, slowly drifting in the dark unknown abyss. He sighed as he opened his eyes and kept the diary back to the drawer in his desk. He shied away from his thoughts and went out to help his grandmother with the dinner while his grandfather worked something in his workshop just beside the garage.
Dinner passed quickly and when his grandmother retired to bed, his grandfather cornered him in the kitchen as he washed their dishes. His grandfather took a couple of beers from the refrigerator and handed one to Satoshi as he finished his chore. His grandfather’s eyes were piercing underneath his eye glasses. He was gauging him like he does with his own works.
“Is there a problem, son?” His grandfather’s voice was breathy, but the sharpness was there.
As they sat down on the dining seats, Satoshi asked, “What do you mean?”
His grandfather looked at him with probing eyes. “I know my grandson, especially when something’s troubling him. So, I want you to tell me what you’re having troubles with.” Then he added, before Satoshi could answer, “And don’t you dare tell me that it’s about school.”
The gaze that his grandfather was giving him was like daggers piercing right through him. He didn’t know what to say. Should he tell him that he was in love? He took a long swig from the ice cold beer, trying to clear his thoughts and arrange the words that he should say. “There’s this person, and I think I’ve fallen for him.”
If his grandfather was shocked to hear that he was having feelings for someone that had the same gender as he has, he didn’t show it. Satoshi’s grandfather was in deep thought as he fixed his eye glasses. There were a few moments of silence before the ice was broken with his grandfather’s voice. “If you like him, why didn’t you tell him? I’m sure that that person likes you, too. I’m not stating this because you’re my grandson, but because you are a smart kid and knows that everything that is right falls into their places.”
That night as he bid his grandfather goodnight after three more bottles of beer, he instantly fell asleep, but the dream that he had wasn’t something that he expected. It was a dark place and there was fire. It was like a burning building and he was in someone’s arms. Then he felt that the person kissed him on the lips. It wasn’t a peck, but it wasn’t something that was wet. It was something that was sweet like newly picked cherries. The dream woke him up in the middle of the night, sweating like crazy.
TBC
~~~
A/N:
I am really hoping that this time, this has shone light to Kazunari and Satoshi's connection to each other. ^^ I just realized, Aiba's birthday is nearing as well as Christmas eve! What are your plans then?
Thank you for reading. I wait for your comments~ =^_^=
Author: keshichan
Pairing: Ohmiya
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: R to NC-17
Length: Chaptered
Chapter Word Count: 3,596
Summary:
Satoshi Ohno gets into an accident and forgets about his past. The person that came to his rescue was Kazunari Ninomiya, the CEO of Ninomiya Industries - a gaming company, almost like Nintendo. Little did Satoshi know that the accident that caused him to get severely burned was hidden in his past.
Links to previous chapters: Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
~~~
He chose to forgive and forget what had happened. Why? It wasn’t clear yet, but he would soon find out the reason why Kazunari had been like that. In the morning, Satoshi stirred awake to find himself sleeping alone in Kazunari’s room with the sunlight shining from the wide open window along with the sugary aroma of pancakes swimming in the air. A smile curved on his lips as he stretched a little. He gingerly got off from the bed and looked at his attire and suddenly remembered that he was wearing Kazunari’s pajamas. He tried to search for his own clothes, but they were nowhere to be found. He shrugged and thought that he didn’t have any other choice but to go down wearing the embarrassing clothes; he had never worn them in his entire life, except now. His tousled black-brown hair was sticking out here and there as he headed to the living room.
[READ MORE >>]He almost got lost on his way to the living room; he almost turned the place upside down just to get there. Still, there he was - Kazunari, who almost left him breathless - sitting in one of the couches, seemingly reading a magazine that was foreign to Satoshi. His eyes weren’t staring at the magazine, but at Kazunari who was wearing different attire again; a more sophisticated, but simple one. It was a light collared shirt under a black vest, and a skin fitted pair of pants.
When Kazunari sensed his presence, he smiled at him; a beautiful smile that could break anyone’s heart. He put down the reading material on the coffee table and stood up, went towards Satoshi. He looked as if he was checking Satoshi out before he addressed to him:
“There are clothes in the bath. Don’t worry, they’re not mine. I got especially it for you.”
Satoshi cocked his head to one side, interested. “Why did you have to buy me clothes?”
“I told you, I do what I want. No questions needed. Just use them. I’ll be really delighted if you do.”
Not given any choice to get his own clothing, Satoshi took a quick bath - just like what Kazunari told him - and used the ones that were bought for him: a studded light blue collared shirt, and a pair of dark pants. He was really amazed at what the man was doing for him; he was intrigued with why Kazunari was particularly interested in him. Still, he didn’t ask; his questions would be answered in the right time. Remarkably, they had a talk over pancakes and butter. This was where Satoshi learned the start of Kazunari’s pyromania.
“I don’t really know why, but when I was young, I was with two boys often. We were in this hidden part of the park, and they had matches. We gathered some dried leaves - that was during autumn - and we burned them. At first, it was just for fun, but when the leaves turned into ashes and the wind had swept them away, I wanted to do it again.
“I went home to the orphanage where I lived until I was thirteen, and took a couple of newspapers along with a lighter that I nicked from the cook, and I went back to the park alone. I put the newspapers on fire and the blaze seemed to make me feel lighter.” Kazunari paused to take a bite on his pancake, and then continued, “That was not all. I almost had the kitchen burn when the cook took his lunch as I played with the oven with some rags that I saw cluttered around. That was the moment when the elders in the orphanage decided to really have me out of there.”
“What was the reason why you set the cigarettes on fire in the building though?” Satoshi couldn’t stop himself from asking.
“I was deep in thought. I usually feel relaxed when I see fire. There’s no particular reason at all.”
Satoshi nodded after drinking the orange juice, deep in thought. “I see. I don’t really understand, but I’ll get there. You should really see a doctor.”
~~~
Days with Kazunari were overwhelming. Satoshi called to tell his grandparents that he was going to stay for a few more days in Tokyo before he goes back. His grandparents gave him permission, and told him that they had withdrawn him from school first; they also informed the school of what had happened to him. Though he still couldn’t do much strenuous activities, they had yacht ride with Kazunari in the controls; though he could see that the man wasn’t enjoying the waves very much.
He then learned that Kazunari was just an adopted son of the rich Ninomiyas, but after their death, he inherited all their wealth. He was quite younger than him, but his maturity was beyond his years. He developed the sense of independence rather early and now, in his young age, he was able to spend his money wisely, gaining the title of the youngest entrepreneur in Japan. For Satoshi, he was a genius; being able to compete with the established gaming companies was difficult, but he didn’t show it.
As the salty wind blew to their faces, Satoshi was sitting inside the cabin and was drawing small scribbles in a piece of paper that he picked up. He was in cloud nine and his mind was drifting elsewhere when the yacht stopped moving forward; just rocking along with the waves. Kazunari had turned off the engine, reserving its fuel. He approached Satoshi pretty quietly that when he sat beside him, the latter was startled. Kazunari held Satoshi’s hand without speaking.
Satoshi didn’t really know what he was feeling. He wasn’t sure if he was already in love or what, but when Kazunari looked at him, he felt that his soul was being read like an open book. He was still amazed at how different Kazunari was from the first day he met him in the hospital. Did he have a multiple personality disorder? Again, his mind scanned the mental notes he took from the medical books that he had read. He was, however, not in the mood to think about his studies at the moment. He wanted to enjoy the leisure time that he had.
Satoshi didn’t care if the room that he should have been occupying now was still not cleaned; that he still had to share Kazunari’s room up until now. It was like he was now comfortable with him beside him. Slowly, he was getting attached to the millionaire and he didn’t know how he would handle it if his infatuation grows into a deeper emotion. As he lied down on the bed beside him that night, he had the urge to kiss Kazunari’s sleeping figure. His heart beat so fast that he was afraid that it was drumming like bongos and loud enough for the person beside him to listen to.
Still, uncertain of his own emotions, he stopped himself and just closed his eyes. As he waited for the sandman to bring him to the dream world, he could hear the soft sounds of the household: a faint clinking of dishes and utensils being washed, a few tinkering sounds coming from the garage, and some bats screeching in the distance as they looked for fruits in the trees. Slowly drifting to his sleep, he heard light snores from the one beside him, and then he was taken to the dream world.
The next day, Kazunari was once again gone from the room. Satoshi even had breakfast alone when he learned that the other was in his study, doing his work. He didn’t know that the man was a workaholic, but this didn’t bother him at all. Satoshi knew that if Kazunari didn’t work hard enough, his works wouldn’t be something that was renowned all over Japan. Enlightened and finished with his breakfast, omelet and rice, he decided to go up to Kazunari’s study and tell him his feelings.
He knocked on the door twice and waited. There was no answer, so he tried again; this time he rapped on the door thrice. Regrettably, only silence answered him. Believing that it was alright for him to enter without acknowledgement, he turned the doorknob; and it opened effortlessly. To his surprise, the scene right in front of him threw himself off balance. He was like a bubble wanting to just pop out of there as a rush of memories came back to him, one by one: Chinen’s face, the thought of buying him a present, the burning building, and the blue and red lights of the ambulance. And then he blacked out.
~~~
Satoshi woke up once again in Kazunari’s room, this time it was the afternoon. He judged the time just from the light that was sneaking in from the window. The shades of reds and oranges were playing outside on the horizon along with the clouds. He tried to recall what happened, but it only made him cry. His tears fell freely from his eye sockets as he realized that Chinen - his only best friend - was in a relationship with the person he thought he already knew.
Chinen was just inches away from Kazunari’s face. That was what the last thing he saw in Kazunari’s study. His heart just burst in sorrow along with the headache that soon followed it. He never wanted these feelings; he never wanted to fall in love with Kazunari, but he did. What should he do now, now that the images that he had seen were something that he never realized would happen? He tried to go over to the picture that he just saw then as he attempted to think that it was just an impulse of his wishful heart, but his mind was now closed from what ifs that followed.
Now, he was living with regret; thinking that he was a fool for thinking that there might something deeper in what Kazunari did for him. Even though his mind wanted to forget - to stop remembering the image of Chinen and Kazunari - what he saw, his heart was breaking inside his chest. It was only for a few days, but his stupid heart fell for Kazunari. What was I thinking? Satoshi asked himself. I shouldn’t have let my feelings think for myself.
Dampened by misery and desperation from his first love, he decided to get out of the place as soon as possible. With no belongings to gather with him, he was prepared to leave already when Kazunari entered the room with Chinen. This garbled his emotions even more; he wanted to slap Chinen in the face and punch Kazunari for letting him believe, for leading him on, that he had a place in his heart - and nonetheless, here they were, in front of him as if nothing was wrong - yet, he knew that he had no right to do any of it.
Time can never mend what the whispers that were living in his mind; pain just occupied it. He stopped in his steps as the two closed in on him. He wanted to protest; to tell them that he had it all wrong and that he was leaving, right now. However, the look on Kazunari wounded his heart. It was as if he knew what he was thinking right then. He glanced from his best friend to Kazunari, asking questions through his eyes.
It was Chinen who spoke:
“I didn’t know that you’re here. You should have told me that you’re coming.”
Satoshi’s throat had a lump that he couldn’t speak clearly, “I- I was thinking of coming to your place…” he paused in mid sentence. He couldn’t say, ‘Before that man beside you almost killed me,’ so he just didn’t continue.
“Really? Well, if you were coming, you told me that you’re going to message me about it.”
I did tell you that. Would telling you that I was going to buy you a present and coming to see you a surprise? Satoshi retorted in his mind. He was filled with anger with Chinen. If he didn’t think of seeing Chinen and coming to Tokyo, nothing of these would have happened to him in the first place.
When Satoshi kept silent, Chinen blabbed on, “I didn’t think you’d see Kazunari at all. Was it a coincidence?”
“How do you even know him?” Satoshi couldn’t stop himself from raising his voice.
“He didn’t tell you?” Chinen asked, amused. He fleeted a look at Kazunari who dropped his gaze.
“No, he didn’t.” Satoshi raised his eye brows; a little bit irritated by now.
Chinen chuckled a little bit, “He’s our schoolmate when we were in elementary. I thought you remember him, seeing that you seem too close now.”
The comment sounded sarcastic to Satoshi. How were they close, considering that they were almost two feet apart and were not even looking at each other? Satoshi eyed Chinen with annoyance. “I don’t think you’d see us that way.”
“Well, if you must know,” Chinen carried on, “I was bound to secrecy after he left school. I won’t tell you what it is, since he’s the one who should tell it to you personally. Anyway, we continued to be in contact even he left school and was adopted. That’s why I’m here; because he told me that you’re here.”
“I don’t really care about all of these anymore,” he was looking at Chinen, but his words were more intended for Kazunari than him. “I don’t care if you’re here because this man told you so. I just happened to be in the middle of the storm and I was foolish enough to even chase after it.”
Satoshi hated losing his composure, but this was one kind of drama that he didn’t want to see until the end. After saying his speech, he stormed out of the room and out of the whole estate. Once he gets back to his feet, he’ll be able to get home without any of their help. Getting back his courage, though tiny, he went out into the highway and hitched a ride from an old lady - who was driving a blue automobile - and he was able to get to the province after two hours or so.
The weather was chilly when he got off. He thanked the old lady and bid her goodbye. The sky was already ominously dark; even the moon hid himself from view. It seems that even the sky understood what he was going through. His feelings were just like an illusion that wanted to break free, just like the moon behind the clouds; trying to peep from the curtain of white wisps.
He let the breeze fly him away and back in to the place where he should have never left in the first place. Staring at the house that was simple, but homey, he stood outside on the street, wanting to get back to Kazunari’s arms and tell him that he loved him even it was too early to fall in love with him. He was still outside, and he could still rush back to Tokyo, but his feet were frozen. He was terrified, for the first time in his life, that he wouldn’t be able to let his feelings out. Unfortunately, his anger towards the two weighed heavier.
Though his grandparents were surprised to see him that evening, they didn’t ask any questions. They were just happy to see him after the long year that he didn’t come home. He ate a lot, missing his grandmother’s cooking; and tried to put out of his mind the things that occurred within that year. For now, he wanted to be contented in the presence of his family. On the other hand, after retiring to his bedroom - his bed sat close to the wall - he was unable to sleep.
Tossing and turning in his bed, he grasped a lot of things: he missed Kazunari’s body next to him. He missed the short days that they held hands, even just for a moment. He missed a lot of things that he enjoyed doing with the other. He just got home, but he felt homesick. He thought that he would be elated now that he had his first love; however, he just had his heart broken, not only by one man, but also by the person that he considered his best friend.
After a month, Satoshi went back to school and continued to pursue his goal to become a psychiatrist. Still, his mind was occupied with thoughts of Kazunari, and this was making him doubt the line of work that he was pursuing. However, as he persisted in studying, he was able to forget - even for just a while - Kazunari and Chinen. Deep inside though, he always knew that his heart will mend.
~~~
Satoshi kept a diary. He often writes on it when he was in doubt or when he was tired or, just right now, when he felt miserable. Sitting in a chair, facing his desk, he scribbled and poured his thoughts, and feelings, to the paper:
March 21
I’ve finished all my final exams with flying colors. I was one of the top in class. I just don’t get how I did it. I can’t even remember that I even studied for the lessons. Today, the weather’s a little bit gloomy and hot. I went to the gymnasium after the graduation rites; I didn’t feel celebrating with the whole class.
I miss him. I even cried at the backstage in which a lot of people saw me. I told them I was really happy to be graduating, but I wasn’t. All throughout the ceremony, I thought about him and his face. It wasn’t much, but the time that I spent with him was one of the best times I had in my life.
I know that I should forget him. I tried, but I couldn’t. His image just wouldn’t leave me alone. Last night, I dreamt him again. It was a repetition of the time in the yacht. It was vivid, but I woke up crying. What should I do?
He dropped the pen and closed the diary. It wasn’t the first time he wrote about Kazunari. In fact, almost all the pages in his diary were filled with his feelings for him. It has been more than five months since he left Tokyo and now that he was getting confused with his feelings. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes as he reminisced the feeling of Kazunari’s body beside his. The warmth that he was looking for was getting into his nerves.
It didn’t seem to matter that he was now far away from the entrepreneur; he was still feeling something that he thinks he shouldn’t be. He felt like he was in the outer space, slowly drifting in the dark unknown abyss. He sighed as he opened his eyes and kept the diary back to the drawer in his desk. He shied away from his thoughts and went out to help his grandmother with the dinner while his grandfather worked something in his workshop just beside the garage.
Dinner passed quickly and when his grandmother retired to bed, his grandfather cornered him in the kitchen as he washed their dishes. His grandfather took a couple of beers from the refrigerator and handed one to Satoshi as he finished his chore. His grandfather’s eyes were piercing underneath his eye glasses. He was gauging him like he does with his own works.
“Is there a problem, son?” His grandfather’s voice was breathy, but the sharpness was there.
As they sat down on the dining seats, Satoshi asked, “What do you mean?”
His grandfather looked at him with probing eyes. “I know my grandson, especially when something’s troubling him. So, I want you to tell me what you’re having troubles with.” Then he added, before Satoshi could answer, “And don’t you dare tell me that it’s about school.”
The gaze that his grandfather was giving him was like daggers piercing right through him. He didn’t know what to say. Should he tell him that he was in love? He took a long swig from the ice cold beer, trying to clear his thoughts and arrange the words that he should say. “There’s this person, and I think I’ve fallen for him.”
If his grandfather was shocked to hear that he was having feelings for someone that had the same gender as he has, he didn’t show it. Satoshi’s grandfather was in deep thought as he fixed his eye glasses. There were a few moments of silence before the ice was broken with his grandfather’s voice. “If you like him, why didn’t you tell him? I’m sure that that person likes you, too. I’m not stating this because you’re my grandson, but because you are a smart kid and knows that everything that is right falls into their places.”
That night as he bid his grandfather goodnight after three more bottles of beer, he instantly fell asleep, but the dream that he had wasn’t something that he expected. It was a dark place and there was fire. It was like a burning building and he was in someone’s arms. Then he felt that the person kissed him on the lips. It wasn’t a peck, but it wasn’t something that was wet. It was something that was sweet like newly picked cherries. The dream woke him up in the middle of the night, sweating like crazy.
TBC
~~~
A/N:
I am really hoping that this time, this has shone light to Kazunari and Satoshi's connection to each other. ^^ I just realized, Aiba's birthday is nearing as well as Christmas eve! What are your plans then?
Thank you for reading. I wait for your comments~ =^_^=