EMDR, session 1

[kat_rowe]

Had my first EMDR session today (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_Movement_Desensitization_and_Reprocessing in case you were wondering). It was quite possibly the suckiest two hours in human history. Those damned flashing lights strip away your

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[kat_rowe]

i keep telling myself it's awful with a purpose. i just wasn't expecting it to be so INTENSE. that's not an adjective one typically associates with a cognitive therapy technique, lol. normally that kind of catharsis is more likely to happen during actual psychotherapy than during what's essentially an extension of treating a phobia. basically it was two hours of:

Doctor: "Got the image? Good. Now hold it, hold it. Focus on the sensation of--"
Kat: *sobs and pukes*
Doctor: *opens a window and rubs Kat's back*
Kat: *wasn't expecting to be touched and tries to punch doctor; can't see straight so misses*
Doctor: *doesn't bat eyelash* "Deep breaths. You're doing fine."

then calm down and repeat. dear lord, I swear it's the flashing lights (they help bypass some memory-encoding deal in the brain) that do me in more than the images and sensations i'm focusing on while watching them. Humiliating doesn't begin to cover my reaction, lol. I'm kind of afraid to ask but she says she's had patients react much worse. whoa...

thanks so much for the words of encouragement *hugs*

Feeling much better today. Went on a 2-mile forced march with my sister through a swamp (although about half the trail was on raised boardwalks so my shoes only got about 2 inches of mud on them) and, since there was road construction everywhere, we had to really book it to finish before the park closed for the night. The language she was using towards her poor GPS when it kept trying to get her to use closed roads...