Very belated (and loooooooooooooong) update

[kat_rowe]

Time to get back into the swing of posting regularly, I guess. RL's been so tiring that I just haven't had the motivation lately, but it's time to smile, put my head up, and hop back on the horse. Isolating myself socially is a bad thing and I know that, so I'm resolving (again) to do better. Despite the prolonged radio silence, things haven't been

Comments

[kat_rowe]

it amazes me that one small-town Midwestern Walmart can manage that much drama and wank (and all at once, lol). I may just be too used to working in offices and hospitals, though, where people had the sense (mostly) to keep business and pleasure separate, or at least to keep any mixtures of the two on the DL

the jewelry ended up with a distinctly cyberpunk feel. I need to find my camera (the darn cat keeps dragging off the case and hiding it, lol). Only pics I have so far are on my phone that i took while finishing it and I can't get that stupid thing to send them to my email (that's what I get for assuming a $30 a month unlimited plan would be reliable, I guess).

thank you for the well-wishes. they mean a lot *hugs*

my history was all sunshine and lollipops until a few years ago when (and if you don't want TMI, you may want to stop reading right now), in the same week, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung/brain cancer and my father shot himself with me in the next room. his aim was bad and, as the resident Medical Assistant, I got to keep him alive until the paramedics arrived (I managed, too, but what with the DNR order I didn't know about and all, he died pretty shortly). cue a massive phobia of all things medical (well that was a nice career while it lasted!) and, of course, of unexpected loud banging sounds, along with health and self-worth issues.

but the therapist says that I'm finally ready to take the bull by the horns and bury my demons once and for all. me, I look at it as burying the bastards alive and am eagerly looking forward to pissing on their graves once I have

[michelle1963]

Oh dear God! I can't imagine.

I, too, was in attendance at my father's death, but it was not self-inflicted and was swift, all things considered ~ he died of cardiac arrest before the paramedics arrived. That was traumatic enough in of itself.

Hugs Kat. Sounds like you're getting stronger. Keep after it!

[kat_rowe]

*hugs* it's always hard losing a parent. i was actually fine with my father's death until we lost Mom, too. I quit work and school to take care of her and she hung on for four years when the doc said she'd be lucky to have six months. she couldn't stand the idea of a hospital or nursing home, so it seemed like the obvious choice but the therapist actually winced when I told her, so I'm guessing that means not so much (or something?)

i hope you've made peace with losing your dad. I won't be trite and call it merciful or anything; even when it's peaceful, it's horrible to see *hugs you*

thanks *hugs*

[michelle1963]

Slow death..., fast death. It all sucks ~ it's just the characteristic of how it suck that changes. All in all, for the person who goes, fast probably is more merciful.

So yes, I've made peace with my father's death. His worst nightmare was a slow demise, and to be at the mercy of the medical profession. When it came to dealing with doctors, he was a like a feral cat. LOL!

My dad was always at peace with the idea of his own death. He knew he was dying, told me a matter-of-factly, "I don't have a pulse, I'm going to die, and I don't care." That statement both gave me some peace, but also left me feeling abandoned for awhile. And angry.

And so again, I'm left unable to imagine what you went through (or perhaps I'm just too faint of heart to try).

As for your mother, I probably would have made the same decision as you did, but I understand why your therapist winced too.

[kat_rowe]

quick death is best for the sufferer and, in a lot of ways, probably easier on the family, too. it's hard and it definitely leaves you feeling abandoned (even when you didn't much like the parent in question). I think anger is par for the course at some point for most people who mourn. It's just whether it lasts five minutes or five years that varies from one person to another

mom took care of me for 18 years. the least I could do was return the favor