All i've ever wanted, is to be wanted, in every sense of the word.

sighhh, im tired of the games but i've been playing my own lately...fuck.

someone tell me again, why do i do this to myself?

how does such a good time with him always end up with me questioning everything about myself...? its like the mintue hes gone im super hard on myself for nothing what so ever, things are actually going well yet i cant wrap my mind around it, im just sitting convincing myself everything will eventually blow up in my face...again. ugh.

anytime ivan makes plans with me a night i work, i try to get out early so that i can spend time with him...then he blows me off. i dont know why i think it will change, it doesnt. at lease im going in early tomorrow, but its ufc, fuck my life, i wish i didnt need the money...

why the fuck do i always cut ties with everyone the mintue Ivan gives me any sort of atenttion? why do i let him do this to me and why do i always think it will be different? better yet, why dont i just stay away ( Read more... )

i'm bored of him. Hes a bit of a freeloader and i'm thinking hes got a drug problem he doesnt want me to know about. i know about it. sometimes i wonder if hes trying or if he knows hes the only person ive really got now days, now that the fakes and other freeloaders are out of my life, i guess somebody had to take their place right?

He lied to me, right to my face, he looked me in the eyes and told me everything he thought i wanted to hear. I knew it too, i knew he was lying the mintue i read the texts on his cell phone, i dont know if i was more upset that he was lying or the fact that i gave him the chance to keep lying to me. I just layed there, still as could be, no ( Read more... )

everything in life sucks again =(

the stores been closed, so im hurtin money wise. I sent off 75 bucks yesterday to kyle for half the holding fee on the apartment we wanted...rent went up 50 dollars so we no longer want it, so much for having a place before i get there. Kyle booked his ticket today to come home. only 21 more days now. i feel sane again. We had a hugeee fight the ( Read more... )