ok. im gonna get off the journal. i havent updated in like a month and i dont think i need to anymore. i have people to talk to about my "problems". im not insulting anyone in cyberland but i just wanna say that i cant do this right now. i need to straighten my life out before it begins to become some huge cesspool of antisocialism. i've everything ( Read more... )

i would apologize for not updating, but no one would forgive me. last week i had some mad decision to say what i want to say and when i want to say it. it worked for about twenty minutes before my mom looked at me with burning hate. today i said how i feel to someone and i just went, no holds barred. and it worked, i got a lot of stress off and i ( Read more... )

im in that kinda funk mood again. not the one where im funking around but the one where i just cant wrap around the fact that i dont have a fucking girlfriend. im just sick of being single. and not just single, like totally and completely in no prospect of anyone near me. thats what sickens me. im only interested in like two people and ones totally ( Read more... )

i really hate conflict. have you ever had conflicting feelings between your heart and your head? i got one now. it hurts. im sick. and bored. and really really tired. oh i dont know how i feel now. so many battles are going in my head its really hard to keep track. im not complaining. im just venting. well i better go to bed. i really didnt have ( Read more... )

what a strange day. i just want to crawl in my bed and just hide where all the women cant see me anymore. morals always have to come first no matter what. jesus. i love this song. its about someone i hate, but i love it so much. it just reminds me how much i dont want to be single anymore, im sick of it. i need to settle down and just be happy. i ( Read more... )

its really hard to imagine a perfect life. no flaws. no hate. i thought about it today, and i came to the conclusion that it didnt exist. i feel so tired. not physically, but mentally. im exhausted. im gonna be one of those guys who suffers from anxiety attacks everyday before he turns 30. my friend ditched me tonight. went to go see a movie alone ( Read more... )

felt good today. brought someone to tears with a monologue, and now im actually thinking about acting again. blah....i hate when life calls. does anybody like six feet under? i havent ever watched it and im afraid to rent it because im afraid it might stink. comment on it. and...i really like curb your enthusiasm, but i've only watched like two ( Read more... )

today was absolutely....tiring. all of my drive has been taken away from school. i dont have any more life left in me. its jsut all school and work. i count the days before i leave for north. i feel really old. i really dont even know why i use this anymore. im thinking about getting rid of it. i guess i just like to think theres enough hope in the ( Read more... )

i figured out today i dont wanna be an actor for the rest of my life. think i might go into film history. sounds a lot more exciting and a lot more realistic. i saw like 8 people i knew this whole break. im starting to think im anti social or im a really bad friend. people use me. i dont like it. and you know, it more angrifying when they try to ( Read more... )

you know, i really havent participated in any social activities since my release from school. i probably should. today i really didnt want to be around the family so i ditched and went to go see a movie by yself. and, i left in the middle of munich, which im sure is a great movie, but i just wasnt in the mood. so i went out, to my car, and just got ( Read more... )