111.
Hmm, so much in my head again.
I had 2 days off a day off from work and in that 2 days I think I've thought and worried about work more than I should have. It's not like my work requires any worry. It's the type of work where you leave work at work and there's nothing to take home and worry about but I think I worry about it more than I should or stress about it when I shouldn't. I try to take my mind off of things and watch movies on my own or find people to scene with which sometimes ends up a bit rare. With work there's no time to scene at all. I got 2 days off and managed a couple. The usual AJCL, DooSeob, DooGina, DoojBom and Ssangyoon. At least I still get to scene. Though it's kind of hard how my muse's partners all have other people to be with while the suvival of mine just rests on their partners.
I've browsed through my twitter feed and noticed how everyone seems to know each other. May it be in RP or school. I realized how small my world is and it felt like I was being choked. Though right now it's more like I'm merely a spectator watching everyone have fun and well, I've never felt lonely like this in a while. Everyone's having fun. Everyone's talking to someone. I try to busy myself with something else because I.....have no one to talk to. Ahh, oh well. It's not the first time anyway.
Anyway, I need to put this in.
My mom found out about me and Izzy. She said she was open minded about it but well, here's what she had to say...
"You've always been a confused child and you're willing to ry and test everything. All I wish you won't get into deep trouble in the choices you make. I'm very open minded person but sometimes I feel gender is not a preference. I have many classmates who had girlfriends and ended up married now. There is a time in a person's life when they mistake admiration as love. When you gave up Marlon I had a feeling but I want you not to commit to anyone until you fix and know who you are. Til you don't know who you are you will hurt people on the way. Growing up with boys gives you a notion you are one of them believe me I know but you're young and you have so many things to discover. I'm your mom and I know you're a girl. You just rebel at all what it stands for."
Well, I guess I'm broken and I need fixing.
I don't know why I keep the messages. Why I read them everyday. It's not like I have anyone to talk to about it. I'll just end up saying the same things over and over. There's probably so much going on inside my head, my heart and yeah it takes a toll but I'm okay. I'm usually always okay.
There's more to that message but well, I'll put it in some other time.
One day I'll really find a place I belong in. One day...
I had 2 days off a day off from work and in that 2 days I think I've thought and worried about work more than I should have. It's not like my work requires any worry. It's the type of work where you leave work at work and there's nothing to take home and worry about but I think I worry about it more than I should or stress about it when I shouldn't. I try to take my mind off of things and watch movies on my own or find people to scene with which sometimes ends up a bit rare. With work there's no time to scene at all. I got 2 days off and managed a couple. The usual AJCL, DooSeob, DooGina, DoojBom and Ssangyoon. At least I still get to scene. Though it's kind of hard how my muse's partners all have other people to be with while the suvival of mine just rests on their partners.
I've browsed through my twitter feed and noticed how everyone seems to know each other. May it be in RP or school. I realized how small my world is and it felt like I was being choked. Though right now it's more like I'm merely a spectator watching everyone have fun and well, I've never felt lonely like this in a while. Everyone's having fun. Everyone's talking to someone. I try to busy myself with something else because I.....have no one to talk to. Ahh, oh well. It's not the first time anyway.
Anyway, I need to put this in.
My mom found out about me and Izzy. She said she was open minded about it but well, here's what she had to say...
"You've always been a confused child and you're willing to ry and test everything. All I wish you won't get into deep trouble in the choices you make. I'm very open minded person but sometimes I feel gender is not a preference. I have many classmates who had girlfriends and ended up married now. There is a time in a person's life when they mistake admiration as love. When you gave up Marlon I had a feeling but I want you not to commit to anyone until you fix and know who you are. Til you don't know who you are you will hurt people on the way. Growing up with boys gives you a notion you are one of them believe me I know but you're young and you have so many things to discover. I'm your mom and I know you're a girl. You just rebel at all what it stands for."
Well, I guess I'm broken and I need fixing.
I don't know why I keep the messages. Why I read them everyday. It's not like I have anyone to talk to about it. I'll just end up saying the same things over and over. There's probably so much going on inside my head, my heart and yeah it takes a toll but I'm okay. I'm usually always okay.
There's more to that message but well, I'll put it in some other time.
One day I'll really find a place I belong in. One day...