i need an outlet of some sort. my body hurts with everything i hold in.

last night when i couldn't sleep, my mom told me about her day and how she had to write down 50 things she loves, and in only 10 minutes.i guess you're supposed to take something from it, i'll have to go over mine again, maybe i can figure something out with all this mess...

1. the smell of rob's hair ( Read more... )

i wish i was on a normal schedule. my stomach aches now and i think it's because i ate supper at 10 tonight. i woke up in desperate need of water, ran upstairs and downed a bottle, definately too much salt for supper.
today i work at 1 which isn't bad but then later in the week i have a day that is from 6 in the morning until 8 at night. i want ( Read more... )

i got my nipples done today, talk to me on yahoo if you want to see ;)

today i got an e mail from the dean of students asking if i would like to participate in yet another event for the inauguration. this time it was a direct request from the president. i'm very honored in this and i'm very aware that not everyone get's these oppurtunities. it all makes me feel awkward though, happy, but awkward. sunday night i ( Read more... )

i miss you

i wish i could have said good bye.

all i have energy and motivation to do is sleep and sometimes eat. sleeping brings me joy but pain. the joy is in dreaming. the pain in waking to reality and physical pain in my stomach. today i dreamt of rob's house that isn't his but it always is in my dreams. this time i had to walk past his parents in the living room to get to the bathroom ( Read more... )

this morning i went out to my car, unlocked the doors, noticed something on the windsheild. i put my bag in the back seat and took the note in my hand. written in black sharpie and in all caps until the ending, it said...

you like good music, and that's a good thing... at least it's more than can be said for most people on this campus. have a swell ( Read more... )

every time i even try to dream, something jumps in the way. it jumps in the way to destroy the fucking dream before it even becomes the dream.

these situations play into why i give up all the time.

i came back to school tonight after playing racquetball with my dad. i came in through the north entrance of mary commons, some guy came in at the same time through the south entrance. we met at the hallway to aurora. he told me he like my shirt and seemed impressed. i opened the door for him and that was all. the shirt i was wearing... CRADLE OF ( Read more... )