Back to civilization
I spent the weekend in relative isolation. I was okay with that. The only human contact I had on Saturday was when my father called--at like 8:15 AM--to check in. He nearly called an hour earlier but mom thankfully put the kibosh on that. I hadn't slept that great, though I'd slept on the floor and managed to go until 5 AM, then I moved to the bed. That may not sound that great, but I've been waking at 4, so that extra hour made all the difference. (Note that today I did sleep until 6. It's been ages since that happened.) And then I stayed in bed 'til the phone rang. Normally my TV goes on at 6, and I lay there listening to the local news, and then the national news comes on at 7 and I start to get up. Because of the French Open, there was no national news but there was an extra hour of local news until tennis started at 8. That confused me since I was dozing in and out, though I will say I was thinking, wow, the news seems really long today! Heh. Otherwise, I didn't leave the property, only going outside to check the mail, water the flowers--it was in the 90s all weekend--and contribute to the compost pile.
I wasn't really looking forward to going back to work and having to deal with people, and had a stomachache shortly after arriving. I then discovered several things from over the weekend that should have been dealt with properly but weren't, and I kinda went off on a couple people, none of whom were likely involved. I immediately apologized, especially since one of them, my boss' brother, tends to be a quiet, gentle man, plus he's the coworker with the medical condition that unfortunately hinders his ability to do his job. (He will likely go on disability in the near future, it's to that point.) Luckily, in this respect, his condition causes memory issues, so when I was relating my fit of pique a little while later, he didn't recall it. Phew. But I still felt bad. A little bit later, my boss' mom comes by and said to me, smile, you're on Candid Camera! I was still pretty grouchy at that point and, truthfully, was mentally flipping her off. But she sensed something was off about me and came up to me a short time later to ask if something was wrong with my eyes. I said, something is wrong with all of me. She said I was frowning a lot, which isn't like me. I mean, it's not like I'm sunshine and joy at all times, especially now when I'm busy and overwhelmed at times, but I guess I must have had a stern look on my face. The good news is that being around people did help loosen me up, and being so busy as Mondays typically are took my mind off of things, so by the time I left I was in a much better mood. See, sometimes, even if you don't want to be around people, it is the best thing. And, mentally, I am getting better. The shock is wearing off. I'm not saying I'm totally great, but improving.
Meanwhile, this was the sort of thing that affected my eating habits. When I get super-stressed, I stop eating. I had a bowl of cereal and a granola bar on Friday. Saturday, I did have something for each meal, but not much; same with yesterday. My parents had eaten before they came home and weren't hungry, so I didn't have to worry about them for dinner. I had picked up a pot pie and ended up making that (in the microwave, because I am not turning on the oven when the temperature gauge reads 100F), and it took a lot for me to finish it off, even though it wasn't monstrously big. I'm still not eating a ton but I know I have to eat something. I got up on Saturday and had lost over 2 pounds, and I had already lost a little weight last week because I tend to do that on band days anyway, so I'm actually down a significant amount from a month and a half ago. I know this because I set the Wii to say I'll lose 10 pounds in 60 days, only because it's pretty easy to track a round number, not because I expect to actually lose that amount, and I only have three pounds to go to hit that mark by the end of the month. Like, around the holidays, I wasn't actually losing weight but gaining it, so this is a little surreal in some respects. I did lose all the holiday weight I put on, so that's good, but I'm hoping to get another couple pounds gone to try and fit into a couple pairs of pants from back at my Company X days. I've suddenly gotten a lot closer to that point. Anyway, I mention it because my mother is the food police, and got all nosy about what I'd eaten over the weekend. Uh…stuff. Turns out she was asking because she and my dad noticed that the food in the house was hardly touched. …Oh. Well, I made myself the can of pulled pork and had that for a couple meals, so there's that. I understand their concern, because there was a point in time where I really wasn't eating back in college (hooray borderline eating disorder), so I was glad I'd eaten the pot pie while they were home so they could see that I'd eaten something.
I don't know. This isn't anything I want to talk about with virtually anyone, save for one or two people and in private, but I guess I'm glad that people are noticing that something's wrong and care enough to say something about it. Just knowing someone cares goes a long way.
I wasn't really looking forward to going back to work and having to deal with people, and had a stomachache shortly after arriving. I then discovered several things from over the weekend that should have been dealt with properly but weren't, and I kinda went off on a couple people, none of whom were likely involved. I immediately apologized, especially since one of them, my boss' brother, tends to be a quiet, gentle man, plus he's the coworker with the medical condition that unfortunately hinders his ability to do his job. (He will likely go on disability in the near future, it's to that point.) Luckily, in this respect, his condition causes memory issues, so when I was relating my fit of pique a little while later, he didn't recall it. Phew. But I still felt bad. A little bit later, my boss' mom comes by and said to me, smile, you're on Candid Camera! I was still pretty grouchy at that point and, truthfully, was mentally flipping her off. But she sensed something was off about me and came up to me a short time later to ask if something was wrong with my eyes. I said, something is wrong with all of me. She said I was frowning a lot, which isn't like me. I mean, it's not like I'm sunshine and joy at all times, especially now when I'm busy and overwhelmed at times, but I guess I must have had a stern look on my face. The good news is that being around people did help loosen me up, and being so busy as Mondays typically are took my mind off of things, so by the time I left I was in a much better mood. See, sometimes, even if you don't want to be around people, it is the best thing. And, mentally, I am getting better. The shock is wearing off. I'm not saying I'm totally great, but improving.
Meanwhile, this was the sort of thing that affected my eating habits. When I get super-stressed, I stop eating. I had a bowl of cereal and a granola bar on Friday. Saturday, I did have something for each meal, but not much; same with yesterday. My parents had eaten before they came home and weren't hungry, so I didn't have to worry about them for dinner. I had picked up a pot pie and ended up making that (in the microwave, because I am not turning on the oven when the temperature gauge reads 100F), and it took a lot for me to finish it off, even though it wasn't monstrously big. I'm still not eating a ton but I know I have to eat something. I got up on Saturday and had lost over 2 pounds, and I had already lost a little weight last week because I tend to do that on band days anyway, so I'm actually down a significant amount from a month and a half ago. I know this because I set the Wii to say I'll lose 10 pounds in 60 days, only because it's pretty easy to track a round number, not because I expect to actually lose that amount, and I only have three pounds to go to hit that mark by the end of the month. Like, around the holidays, I wasn't actually losing weight but gaining it, so this is a little surreal in some respects. I did lose all the holiday weight I put on, so that's good, but I'm hoping to get another couple pounds gone to try and fit into a couple pairs of pants from back at my Company X days. I've suddenly gotten a lot closer to that point. Anyway, I mention it because my mother is the food police, and got all nosy about what I'd eaten over the weekend. Uh…stuff. Turns out she was asking because she and my dad noticed that the food in the house was hardly touched. …Oh. Well, I made myself the can of pulled pork and had that for a couple meals, so there's that. I understand their concern, because there was a point in time where I really wasn't eating back in college (hooray borderline eating disorder), so I was glad I'd eaten the pot pie while they were home so they could see that I'd eaten something.
I don't know. This isn't anything I want to talk about with virtually anyone, save for one or two people and in private, but I guess I'm glad that people are noticing that something's wrong and care enough to say something about it. Just knowing someone cares goes a long way.