I know, I know, I know.

I have to get up in two hours for an eye doctor appointment. My pupils wide and vulnerable with half hearted confessions. The kind of open that makes you fold up, deformed by a self preservation that only makes you lonely.

I’m far too reluctant to meet new people and I got so trashed to deal with it, tonight, that I don’t ( Read more... )

My room is bright and smells like 60 watt, artificial, bullshit

It took three coats of paint to cover up the grey that I wish had let stay

Now my walls are “moonlit yellow.”

What a fucking joke because my shades are always closed

At least the grey was honest and what I wouldn’t give to strip the paint and break this silence

I haven’t slept, yet. I ( Read more... )

( Original )

February 22nd.

That feels like enough to write down for now. I think I'm going to spend these next couple weeks in a cloud of intoxication. 

“I have had a migraine for days and nothing is right and nobody says the right thing and I HATE myself and I hate that I’m so weak and pathetic and I hate that everyone slouches off into the comfortable distance of unfeeling when I am spraying neediness all over them like an open wound like my arteries have been cut and instead of mending them I ( Read more... )

Submerging.

The distance across my street grows wider everyday
I no longer hear birds crying,
but cement pourers and tree pickers celebrating,
            rebelling.
My beach house sits on a highway
and I keep waiting for waves that won't ever come.
My neighbors throw parties for big screen TVs and smart phones
they wave silently at me through their chain ( Read more... )

the trees delight in the robin's arrival,
are seduced by his fitful dance.
"oh," they sigh,
"what a welcome sight,
his lovely song
will free us all
and he brings us gorgeous weather."

but beneath his well timed arrival
is his devastating retreat.
the delicate wings which
betray his perfect song.
his carefree flight
a circle.

he shies from unknown ( Read more... )

Between the anger
and the thousand hollow words we'll never share
I wonder if I am your greatest failure
or you     mine

This sunny day burns and peels at a foreign pace ( Read more... )

B
There is no place to start so I will just start with the fact I'm holding back tears right now and you're fluttering through my head. Really? You're texting her? Really? You want to be friends? Honestly? How the fuck did I expect anything different? I feel fractured and desperate and hopelessly lost and those are the things I fear the most. I'm ( Read more... )