Jeez! (Open rp)

[josh_h_christ]

The Secrets Board had left Josh bewildered. The people of Hogwarts appeared to think that:
a. he looked like " one fugly mofo" as a child,
b. he was endlessly sobbing, by the sheer number of people writing "such and such makes baby Jesus cry", and, most disturbing of all,
c. he was some sort of sex object.

There was only one logical conclusion: the

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[lilypotter60]

She was just walking, on her way to the library, when she saw the sign. And she should just keep on walking, she knew, and yet...

"So," she said, not really meeting Josh's eyes, arms folded. "Is it funny, then, to do this? Or do you not have much to do with the whole 'love' thing?"

[josh_h_christ]

"Funny?" Josh asked,slightly puzzled. "There isn't anything funny about love. Um... just to clarify, what kind of love are we talking about here? Eros, philia, or agape? Though... hang on, there's no good translation for true pilia in English, so, um... let's try affection, friendship, romantic love, and charity, for mortal love. Or d'you want to discuss divine love, between God and humanity?"

[lilypotter60]

Lily's mouth actually dropped open a little and she blinked, bewildered. For some reason, she'd simply assumed that 'divinity' also meant 'mind reader'. For a second it appeared as if Lily would just turn and walk away. But then, with a sigh, Lily sank down into a seat, resting her elbows on the table and propping her head in her hands. "Romantic. Although friendship plays into it."

She hadn't exactly had a pleasant conversation with Josh the last time she'd seen him. And there certainly weren't any soft and fuzzy feelings growing at the moment. But... She needed advice. And the son of God probably would have a unique view. "I'm in love with my best mate," she said, all in a rush, as if she needed to get the words out before she lost her nerve. "But I can't be. Not the least of which because he doesn't love me; but also because I don't deserve him. Me loving him is probably the worst thing I could do to him. And I wondered... I wondered if you knew how I might go about...stopping."

[josh_h_christ]

Josh nodded. "Ah, that. I was wondering if you'd come talk to me about that. But, um... this may sound kinda awkward, but... I sorta... I sorta need you to tell me what kind of love you think it is. Do you- is it the kind of love where you just want to sleep with him, or the kind of love where you would give up everything to see him happy?"

He rubbed at the scars on his forehead. "And look- are you sure about the he doesn't love you bit? Because um... I think you may be, um...." Josh trailed off a moment. "Okay. So, love is like a mustard seed." A bit defensively, he added, "What? I like mustard seeds. Okay, so love is like a mustard seed. It starts out really small- so small that you can't see it- and then it grows and grows until it sinks its tree roots down into your heart and sorta... sorta takes over. The thing is, the mustard seed grows into this tree, and you know it's there because you feel it growing and you know that is branches are crowding its judgments, but sometimes- sometimes other people have tress growing inside them

[lilypotter60]

It wasn't that Lily didn't know what to say to that question. She did - without hesitation or confusion. It was that she had to struggle to find the way to express in mere words the depth of feeling behind the answer. "Since I came back, there's been three constants in my life. The first is my son - the joy I feel when I see him, the absolute knowledge that my sacrifice, James' sacrifice, was worth it, the love I feel for him. The second is that I haven't the foggiest idea what I was supposed to be doing, now, or how to go about this 'second chance'. A lot of flailing in the dark is what it came down to, a lot of groping and hoping the holds I found would stay. And the third was Sirius. Just him. From the second I showed up, he's been there. Quietly, mostly unappreciated by me, but there. Like air when you're drowning or water in a desert - everything in you aches for it, needs it to live, but once you have it you forget how important it is. Until you lose it again

[josh_h_christ]

Josh smiled sadly. "I know what you feel like. Damn it, it's horrible. It's- to continue the metaphor- it's like this whole forest of mustard trees have grown up in your skull and you can't think of anything else. But you have to. I mean, it's not the same-" i.e. Josh was too busy saving the world to let himself be in love "-but it sort of is. I mean, nothing ever came out of it for me, but I was damn thankful for every day I got to see her. For God's sake, apologize. Keep him your friend. Then... maybe, one day, he can- well, he may love you back some day, and then, when it becomes inevitable that you both find out, you'll discover that you each loved the other for ages, have a good laugh about it, and then let yourselves love each other. You don't have to tell him. Just... just keep him your friend."

[lilypotter60]

And this was new - that she would feel empathy for a deity. Blinking, Lily then laughed a little and nodded. "A whole sodding forest," she agreed, running her hand through her hair.

Josh's suggestion...well, it was the best one she'd gotten. Sadly, she knew that the ending would never be as he painted it, but she could continue on with Sirius in the way she'd been going. She could be his friend. "Yeah," she smiled gently at Josh. "I...his friendship is more than enough. I wish, sometimes, I could be completely content with it. But at the same time, I'd never want to give up loving him. Because he is worth it, no matter what the pain. Thank you, Josh."

Reaching forward, Lily squeezed his hand gently. "And I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone."

[josh_h_christ]

Josh grinned. "No worries! Glad to have helped. Anything else I can do for you?"