The Secrets Board had left Josh bewildered. The people of Hogwarts appeared to think that:
a. he looked like "
one fugly mofo" as a child,
b. he was endlessly sobbing, by the sheer number of people writing "such and such
makes baby Jesus cry", and, most disturbing of all,
c. he was some sort of
sex object.
There was only one logical conclusion: the
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"So," she said, not really meeting Josh's eyes, arms folded. "Is it funny, then, to do this? Or do you not have much to do with the whole 'love' thing?"
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She hadn't exactly had a pleasant conversation with Josh the last time she'd seen him. And there certainly weren't any soft and fuzzy feelings growing at the moment. But... She needed advice. And the son of God probably would have a unique view. "I'm in love with my best mate," she said, all in a rush, as if she needed to get the words out before she lost her nerve. "But I can't be. Not the least of which because he doesn't love me; but also because I don't deserve him. Me loving him is probably the worst thing I could do to him. And I wondered... I wondered if you knew how I might go about...stopping."
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He rubbed at the scars on his forehead. "And look- are you sure about the he doesn't love you bit? Because um... I think you may be, um...." Josh trailed off a moment. "Okay. So, love is like a mustard seed." A bit defensively, he added, "What? I like mustard seeds. Okay, so love is like a mustard seed. It starts out really small- so small that you can't see it- and then it grows and grows until it sinks its tree roots down into your heart and sorta... sorta takes over. The thing is, the mustard seed grows into this tree, and you know it's there because you feel it growing and you know that is branches are crowding its judgments, but sometimes- sometimes other people have tress growing inside them ( ... )
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Josh's suggestion...well, it was the best one she'd gotten. Sadly, she knew that the ending would never be as he painted it, but she could continue on with Sirius in the way she'd been going. She could be his friend. "Yeah," she smiled gently at Josh. "I...his friendship is more than enough. I wish, sometimes, I could be completely content with it. But at the same time, I'd never want to give up loving him. Because he is worth it, no matter what the pain. Thank you, Josh."
Reaching forward, Lily squeezed his hand gently. "And I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone."
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