(22) it's called the life effect
I'm going to learn to draw. I've decided that if I had the talent to draw(and to play various instruments), I'd be unstoppable. I thrive on irrationality, impossible goals. And you'd agree if you ever saw something I've attempted to draw. I think I drew one picture in art class in the seventh grade that I was happy with...and I gave it to my first serious boyfriend. I know, I know. I'm an idiotic fool. It's called...the follies of youth? I'm not so sure I'd go that far over one picture...then again, I was really proud of it.
I've re-evaluated...again, and have registered for next semester. I was in need of someone to talk to on Monday afternoon--well, if I'm honest, I was in need of someone to unload on, but onward and up(?)ward. I chose my roommate as my dump trunk, half out of desperation, half out of something akin to defiance. I told myself before hand to be prepared for everyone on earth to know about my problems afterwards, and at the same time I kept telling myself that this was some sort of test to my mentality. Well, no matter how I rationalized going to her, go to her I did, and I didn't regret it. She listened patiently, putting in a word here&there, but mostly she listened to me. In speaking, I uncovered heaps of traps that I had set for myself(unknowingly?), and made a new decision. Again.
I mentioned to J that I wish that I could just make decisions and not look back. I still wish it, but am trying to learn to not despair so much when I feel that it's so far out of my grasp. Maybe. I won't pretend to be miraculously healed of all my emotional hangups. I may be the optimist today, but I'm not stupid. I'm still uncertain, I'm still afraid. I'm still my normal, whiny self. It comes with the packaging, I think.
Well, along with that, I'm finally taking my guitar class. I was hoping to ask 0pinkbong0 to sell me her acoustic guitar(it's byootiful), but she's next to impossible to reach. I'm terribly excited & all my rock star fantasies are taking their shape in my head. As rock star as you can get with an acoustic, anyway.
And now to catch up on that sleep thing. Maybe. I'll slap the 'indecisive' sticker on my forehead soon. Did I mention that you should text message me since I finally enabled it? Mm-hmm.
I've re-evaluated...again, and have registered for next semester. I was in need of someone to talk to on Monday afternoon--well, if I'm honest, I was in need of someone to unload on, but onward and up(?)ward. I chose my roommate as my dump trunk, half out of desperation, half out of something akin to defiance. I told myself before hand to be prepared for everyone on earth to know about my problems afterwards, and at the same time I kept telling myself that this was some sort of test to my mentality. Well, no matter how I rationalized going to her, go to her I did, and I didn't regret it. She listened patiently, putting in a word here&there, but mostly she listened to me. In speaking, I uncovered heaps of traps that I had set for myself(unknowingly?), and made a new decision. Again.
I mentioned to J that I wish that I could just make decisions and not look back. I still wish it, but am trying to learn to not despair so much when I feel that it's so far out of my grasp. Maybe. I won't pretend to be miraculously healed of all my emotional hangups. I may be the optimist today, but I'm not stupid. I'm still uncertain, I'm still afraid. I'm still my normal, whiny self. It comes with the packaging, I think.
Well, along with that, I'm finally taking my guitar class. I was hoping to ask 0pinkbong0 to sell me her acoustic guitar(it's byootiful), but she's next to impossible to reach. I'm terribly excited & all my rock star fantasies are taking their shape in my head. As rock star as you can get with an acoustic, anyway.
And now to catch up on that sleep thing. Maybe. I'll slap the 'indecisive' sticker on my forehead soon. Did I mention that you should text message me since I finally enabled it? Mm-hmm.