(20) or maybe i'm confusing my heartbeat with emotion again.
my continual battle for self-identity is tiring. i'm tired of having to whine about not knowing what's next, what's to come. i want to let down my hair and just let it. acceptance without retort. that's something i've never managed to do well in. i have a reply to almost every situation, warranted or not.
last night i completely lost myself in something for the first time in ages. i almost forgot that i could do that. i don't feel good or bad about it, just surprised. i'm starting to write a little bit again, although only in the form of a forum-based rp--which is better than nothing i suppose.
i allowed myself to feel nostalgic yesterday. it didn't go anywhere though, since i am too deadened to past events to feel a small pang of any emotion. it's about damn time. i was reading love in vein again and came upon a short story entitled 'the marriage.' .... &all my thoughts just flew out with that. so, nevermind. i read that story. the end. [excuse my flighty brain]
i just had a debate about the neverending story. the childlike empress. her name was 'moonchild.' he swears up and down that it was 'mariah.' mind you, i'm holding my copy of the book in my hand right now, but apparently in the movie they changed something so vital as that. hn. i wish he'd accept my hundred dollar bet.
last night i completely lost myself in something for the first time in ages. i almost forgot that i could do that. i don't feel good or bad about it, just surprised. i'm starting to write a little bit again, although only in the form of a forum-based rp--which is better than nothing i suppose.
i allowed myself to feel nostalgic yesterday. it didn't go anywhere though, since i am too deadened to past events to feel a small pang of any emotion. it's about damn time. i was reading love in vein again and came upon a short story entitled 'the marriage.' .... &all my thoughts just flew out with that. so, nevermind. i read that story. the end. [excuse my flighty brain]
i just had a debate about the neverending story. the childlike empress. her name was 'moonchild.' he swears up and down that it was 'mariah.' mind you, i'm holding my copy of the book in my hand right now, but apparently in the movie they changed something so vital as that. hn. i wish he'd accept my hundred dollar bet.