(19)
Today is one of those days where I feel creativity brimming from within. Too bad I can't grasp enough of it to get any solid ideas or feelings. I have been thinking, quite seriously, of moving on from this journal. Then, I came back to myself and remembered that it never solves anything. I'd just start a new one somewhere else, hiding again, and end up leaving that after a few months. I get bored too easily. I always feel like I can make a new start whenever I make new journals. I haven't quite grasped the concept of making a new start without erasing everything behind me yet. I'm working on it.
My friends have gone neglected and only today did I realize that it might have been hurtful to them. I always get lost in my own world where, yes I admit, I become self-absorbed and the rest of the world ceases to exist. So, I apologize. Please try to understand that it's nothing personal. I am going through some sort of ...I don't know what, that makes me feel uncomfortable when talking to people one on one. I feel like I have to work at making conversation, that everything is forced. It's not an encouraging feeling.
Life happenings? Big news, big changes around the corner. I am pondering my future as I type, yet none of it seems to get any clearer. I have made a life altering decision that I don't feel like getting into the details of quite yet, but I am excited as well as terrified. Maybe you can't have one without the other? Of that I'm not so sure. But I am sure that I need something new. My inner demons are still duking out the details.
I have a paper due on Thursday for Medieval Europe. The topic is for us to figure out why Germany didn't come into existence until 1870. I wouldn't normally be fretting so much over one paper that can be easily answered, but it's been more than a year since my last assigned paper and I'm almost afraid that I've forgotten how. And, apparently a history paper is quite different than a normal one according to my professor, so that has only succeeded in increasing my anxiety exponentially. Any chronic paper-writers out there who are willing to give me a few tips? Love in exchange, yes.
I think I'm going to take a nap, my head feels woolly. Allergy pills take me to another realm. I haven't decided my reaction to that yet.
My friends have gone neglected and only today did I realize that it might have been hurtful to them. I always get lost in my own world where, yes I admit, I become self-absorbed and the rest of the world ceases to exist. So, I apologize. Please try to understand that it's nothing personal. I am going through some sort of ...I don't know what, that makes me feel uncomfortable when talking to people one on one. I feel like I have to work at making conversation, that everything is forced. It's not an encouraging feeling.
Life happenings? Big news, big changes around the corner. I am pondering my future as I type, yet none of it seems to get any clearer. I have made a life altering decision that I don't feel like getting into the details of quite yet, but I am excited as well as terrified. Maybe you can't have one without the other? Of that I'm not so sure. But I am sure that I need something new. My inner demons are still duking out the details.
I have a paper due on Thursday for Medieval Europe. The topic is for us to figure out why Germany didn't come into existence until 1870. I wouldn't normally be fretting so much over one paper that can be easily answered, but it's been more than a year since my last assigned paper and I'm almost afraid that I've forgotten how. And, apparently a history paper is quite different than a normal one according to my professor, so that has only succeeded in increasing my anxiety exponentially. Any chronic paper-writers out there who are willing to give me a few tips? Love in exchange, yes.
I think I'm going to take a nap, my head feels woolly. Allergy pills take me to another realm. I haven't decided my reaction to that yet.