( 4am relationship angst is all the same )

Further to my last post, the friends I do want to keep close are nearly all in some sort of depressive/emotional crisis. Most of them are externalizing it too, which means they're still in the "the world is objectively terrible and so I have to be emotionally destroyed and nothing can be done" which is-- I mean, that's where it's depression and not ( Read more... )

Today my counselor taught me a technique to hold myself within what she called my window of tolerance-- that is the place where the nervous system is in neither fight, flight, nor collapse. There are a ton of techniques out there to keep us in this place, the place where we can think and play and have compassion and love and engage. I haven't been ( Read more... )

The night before last I slept very late, I was exhausted, and I had a ton of people come visit me in my dreams. It's far enough along that I don't remember most of who, but definitely G, Kelsey, and Heather from work along with a couple others. In many but not all cases there was a definite "Greenie, we like you but we aren't going to spend much ( Read more... )

It's breakup season. The lake fills with meltwater, it rises, the ice floats and is jarred by the wind until it breaks and gathers and eventually melts and flows downstream ( Read more... )