Understanding - Chapter 5
Title: Understanding
Rating: NC-17
Author: Dana (me)
Warning: yaoi, mpreg, crack, none beta
Pairing: Reita x Saga
Fandom: Jrock, gazette, alice nine
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own insanity, and I make no money with this... or in any other way... >_>
Author's note: ZOMG! Saga pregy & very, very special! Poor Reita...
Plot: you should really know by now... X3
Previous chapters:
~First~
~Second~
~Third~
~Forth~
“We are infested with teddy bears!” Reita picked up a stuffed toy he sat on. “Overrun by the cute, cuddly and fluffy.” He sat back down and looked at the toy. “Kai and Shou do understand that the baby will take about four more months to come out; don’t they?”
Saga smiled and took the toy from Reita. “Actually the poor thing you just squished is a bunny. See, it has big fluffy ears.” He held the bunny by the ears in front of Reita’s face.
“It’s still cute, cuddly and fluffy. And it’s still all around.” He pointed at two more teddy bears that were also on the bed but sitting on the pillows, the one on the TV, two in the armchair and a really big one in the corner of the room.
“Do we really need to keep them as room mates?” Reita wined. “I don’t like how the big brown one is looking at me. It’s like he knows, like he has something one me. And he is trying to look all cute.” He scowled at the big teddy.
Saga raised an eyebrow. “It’s a toy.”
“We could just make a concentration camp for them. Throw them in and away from us until the baby comes.”
“It’s a toy.” Saga repeated. “Besides there is a reason Shou and Kai are giving us toys.”
“They joined a secret organization that plots world domination through teddy bears?” Reita asked innocently.
“What?”
“Who would suspect a teddy bear? It’s the perfect plan. But I’m on to them.” He grinned.
Unfortunately Saga had very low BS tolerance of late; he smacked Reita on the head with the bunny. “Only a paranoid freak would suspect a teddy bear. And in case you haven’t noticed the world is swarming with paranoid lunatics!”
He walked to the other side of the bed, sat down and placed the bunny next to teddies.
“Kai and Shou really want to help. But they don’t know how. They feel good when they bring toys, and in order for them to get the feeling that they are helping we are going to keep the toys out. So that they can see we appreciate their help.”
Reita sighed. “Fine. I guess it could be worse. Imagine if they would move in to give us a hand. Then I would have to live with Kai squealing every time he thinks of something cute about babies and Shou talking to your belly.”
“I think the talking thing is kinda sweet. I think I should start doing that soon. The doctor said the baby will become more aware of sensations around it soon.” Saga flopped down on the bed and placed a hand over his belly. “I want the baby to know I can’t wait for it to come.”
Reita smiled. “That makes two of us.” He lay down to and rolled over to Saga. “I can’t wait for tomorrow.” He placed his hand over Saga’s hand. “We find out if it’s a boy or a girl! What do you think it is?”
“I hope it’s a girl.” Saga replied without much thought.
“How come?”
Saga sighed. “I just think that when the time comes to tell the child the truth about me, a girl would have more understanding.”
Reita noted a hint of sadness in Saga’s voice. He hasn’t been much help, has he? When they told Uruha he more or less hid in the background and let Saga explain it. He freaked out when he found out. He almost forced himself on Saga again. But he wouldn’t hide from responsibility anymore. He has promised himself and his child that when he decided to stay with Saga. He promised Saga. No matter how much that idea scared him too.
“We’ll go though it. We will be good parents. Don’t worry.” He said it to both Saga and himself.
Saga smiled. “Thank you.”
“You should go to sleep. We have the ultrasound early in the morning.” Reita said as he got up. He took one of the covers packed at the foot of the bed, unwrapped it and threw it over Saga.
“Don’t remind me.” Saga yawned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old doctor seemed nicer to Reita lately. No sly remarks, no insults, no scowls. Reita took that as a good sign that he was proving himself to be more responsible and reliable. They walked into the exam room and the doctor instructed Saga to get on the bed and take off his shirt. Reita couldn’t help it, he smiled every time he saw Saga’s belly. It was getting big and the fifth month came.
The doctor placed some lubricant on Saga’s belly and pocked it with and instrument. Reita figured that was the ultrasound; he has never seen one before. The pointy thing had a cord that connected it to the big machine with a screen and a bunch of knobs and buttons. There was a sound. A really fast beat.
Saga’s eyes widened. “Is that?”
The doctor smiled. “Yes. That is the baby’s heartbeat.”
Reita was concerned. “Is it supposed to be so fast?”
“Yes. It is normal. Its little heart beats really fast, just as it develops fast.” The old mad reassured Reita. Saga on the other hand seemed hypnotized by the sound. He wasn’t blinking.
The doctor spoke to the screen and moved the instrument over Saga’s belly. “Come on little one. Give us a nice pose, let’s see what you have.”
Both Saga and Reita looked at the screen. They were surprised that they could recognize the shape. There it was, such a small baby, curled up into a ball.
“It’s a girl!” The doctor exclaimed. He pointed at the screen. “A very normal, healthy girl.”
Reita grinned. “Hello sweety!”
He looked at Saga who started crying. “Why? I thought you wanted a girl!” Reita walked over to Saga and hugged him once the doctor stepped away.
“I’m not sad, you idiot!” Saga returned the hug. “But everything, the heartbeat, the baby.” He sobbed into Reita’s chest.
The doctor smiled. ”You did a great job. It’s a beautiful baby. And in a few months you will be able to hold her and play with her.”
Saga cried harder at that note and Reita glared at the old men. “You get kicks out of this or something?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later Reita dropped Saga off to his band practice before he went to his own. He told Saga he will pick him up around nine.
Right as he walked in Saga met face to face with Shou.
“So~ The baby is~ ?”
Saga smiled and walked around Shou. “The baby is a girl.” He gave Shou a few pictures the doctor gave them.
“Oh my god! Look! You can totally see a baby!” Shou shouted excitedly, and ran over to the other guys to show them the pictures.
When the noise finally calmed down and everyone congratulated Saga on the baby, Saga noticed Tora give some money to Nao. He raised an eyebrow.
Shou sat by his side and touched his belly; Saga was used to it by now. “They had a bet. Nao said it will be a girl.”
Saga sighed with a smile. He looked down at his baby now cuddled by Shou.
“You are going to be the cutest girl ever! I have to buy some pink toys. I was buying only neutral colored ones because we didn’t know you’re a girl. Don’t worry; we will make up for it.” Shou talked to the belly.
Saga grinned at the mental image of Reita fighting off an army of big fluffy pink teddy bears out to take over the world. He laughed and thanked Shou for being so exited.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aoi seemed to think it would have been better to have a boy, so he made fun of Reita for shooting “blanks”.
Kai on the other hand was positively delighted along with Uruha. They taped one of the baby pictures on a mirror in the room. They took a marker and wrote on the mirror next to the picture the estimated date of arrival of the baby girl.
“How is Saga?” Ruki asked Reita.
“He actually cried! I couldn’t believe it.”
“He is just emotional. It’s normal. How come you are not?”
“I’m still in shock. Man, the heartbeat, seeing the baby. It’s there. She is there. Growing and existing.”
Ruki laughed. “So philosophical!”
Uruha and Kai heard Saga cried. “Did you comfort him?” They both glared at Reita.
“Of course I did! You think I’m some kind of monster?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saga sat alone in silent half lit studio and waited for Reita to pick him up. They just talked on the phone so he knew he wouldn’t wait too long. He looked down at his round belly and caressed it. He was finally alone and it gave him the opportunity to think about his child as he did back at the clinic.
He never would have guessed things would turn out the way they did. There was a baby girl growing inside him. A brand new life. He loved Reita, but lately the emotional weight pressed on him harder then ever. He thought about every aspect of his pregnancy, the child’s life, and most of all about her father.
He was sad to think that his child was a result of such horrible experience. He knew Reita regretted his actions, and he claims that he loves him. But was he pushing Reita into something he wasn’t ready for?
That night, it didn’t seem like Reita loved him. It was full of rage and violence. Probably due to the fact that Saga fought back. After all he still had the strength of a man, he wasn’t just some sniveling woman shrieking and scratching. I must have been a blow to Reita’s ego, which might be why he was so violent. Saga gave in that night. And because of that he now had his baby. Is that any way to start a life? By giving in. Would he ever look at his child with resentment for the humiliation he has suffered that night? He read that after child birth a lot of mothers would fall into sever depression and even get homicidal tendencies towards their children. He was in a bad position to begin with. Not exactly a woman.
He once heard his parent talk to his doctor about possible mental illness cause by chimerism. Everyone was relieved nothing like that ever happened to him. He showed no signs of any problems usually associated with the condition. The doctors attributed that the fact that his chimerism was blended with another condition. But what is giving birth is that one grain that tips the scale. Would he ever hurt his child or himself? He had natural predispositions for mental break downs. The doctor seemed reassured when he found out Reita would stay with them.
This was bad. He started doubting himself.
Luckily Reita arrived to pull him out of the misery and deep dark thoughts.
“You ready to go home?” He saw Reita’s head pop in thought cracked door.
“Yeah.” He got up and followed Reita to the car.
On the drive back Saga remembered what Shou said and grinned. “Just so you know, Shou is planning to send a second infantry for world domination on you soon. These will be even fluffier and pink!”
“Oh crap. More stuffed animals. Where are we going to put them all? It’s only a matter of time before Kai does the same, and he will have reinforcements from Uruha. I never understood why people shower babies with toys. They can’t even lift their heads, like hell they’ll play with ten toys at once!” Reita rested his head on the wheel as he waited for the traffic light to change.
“Kids grow into things. Plus toys are cute just like kids. It’s a matter of putting together birds and the feathers. Do you hold tools in the kitchen or in the garage?”
Reita lifted his head and grunted “Smartass.”
When they got home Saga threw himself into Reita’s arms. “I need to ask you something.”
“Shoot my love. What do you need to know?”
“Will you take care of her if something happen to me?” He broke the embrace and looked Reita into the eyes.
“What are you talking about!?” This was not a welcome topic.
“Please just answer me. If something, if anything goes wrong, will you take care of her? Will you tell her I love her?”
“Yes! I will! Just let’s not talk about this again. Don’t worry. I will take care of her, and you!” Reita kissed Saga just to make sure no more stupid questions ran passed those beautiful lips.
___________________
Closing notes:
This chapter sucks. I know. I wasn't really in the mood to write...
But if you like the fic, as whole, please comment because comments make me wanna write more! Plus I'll give you cookies! X)
Rating: NC-17
Author: Dana (me)
Warning: yaoi, mpreg, crack, none beta
Pairing: Reita x Saga
Fandom: Jrock, gazette, alice nine
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own insanity, and I make no money with this... or in any other way... >_>
Author's note: ZOMG! Saga pregy & very, very special! Poor Reita...
Plot: you should really know by now... X3
Previous chapters:
~First~
~Second~
~Third~
~Forth~
“We are infested with teddy bears!” Reita picked up a stuffed toy he sat on. “Overrun by the cute, cuddly and fluffy.” He sat back down and looked at the toy. “Kai and Shou do understand that the baby will take about four more months to come out; don’t they?”
Saga smiled and took the toy from Reita. “Actually the poor thing you just squished is a bunny. See, it has big fluffy ears.” He held the bunny by the ears in front of Reita’s face.
“It’s still cute, cuddly and fluffy. And it’s still all around.” He pointed at two more teddy bears that were also on the bed but sitting on the pillows, the one on the TV, two in the armchair and a really big one in the corner of the room.
“Do we really need to keep them as room mates?” Reita wined. “I don’t like how the big brown one is looking at me. It’s like he knows, like he has something one me. And he is trying to look all cute.” He scowled at the big teddy.
Saga raised an eyebrow. “It’s a toy.”
“We could just make a concentration camp for them. Throw them in and away from us until the baby comes.”
“It’s a toy.” Saga repeated. “Besides there is a reason Shou and Kai are giving us toys.”
“They joined a secret organization that plots world domination through teddy bears?” Reita asked innocently.
“What?”
“Who would suspect a teddy bear? It’s the perfect plan. But I’m on to them.” He grinned.
Unfortunately Saga had very low BS tolerance of late; he smacked Reita on the head with the bunny. “Only a paranoid freak would suspect a teddy bear. And in case you haven’t noticed the world is swarming with paranoid lunatics!”
He walked to the other side of the bed, sat down and placed the bunny next to teddies.
“Kai and Shou really want to help. But they don’t know how. They feel good when they bring toys, and in order for them to get the feeling that they are helping we are going to keep the toys out. So that they can see we appreciate their help.”
Reita sighed. “Fine. I guess it could be worse. Imagine if they would move in to give us a hand. Then I would have to live with Kai squealing every time he thinks of something cute about babies and Shou talking to your belly.”
“I think the talking thing is kinda sweet. I think I should start doing that soon. The doctor said the baby will become more aware of sensations around it soon.” Saga flopped down on the bed and placed a hand over his belly. “I want the baby to know I can’t wait for it to come.”
Reita smiled. “That makes two of us.” He lay down to and rolled over to Saga. “I can’t wait for tomorrow.” He placed his hand over Saga’s hand. “We find out if it’s a boy or a girl! What do you think it is?”
“I hope it’s a girl.” Saga replied without much thought.
“How come?”
Saga sighed. “I just think that when the time comes to tell the child the truth about me, a girl would have more understanding.”
Reita noted a hint of sadness in Saga’s voice. He hasn’t been much help, has he? When they told Uruha he more or less hid in the background and let Saga explain it. He freaked out when he found out. He almost forced himself on Saga again. But he wouldn’t hide from responsibility anymore. He has promised himself and his child that when he decided to stay with Saga. He promised Saga. No matter how much that idea scared him too.
“We’ll go though it. We will be good parents. Don’t worry.” He said it to both Saga and himself.
Saga smiled. “Thank you.”
“You should go to sleep. We have the ultrasound early in the morning.” Reita said as he got up. He took one of the covers packed at the foot of the bed, unwrapped it and threw it over Saga.
“Don’t remind me.” Saga yawned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old doctor seemed nicer to Reita lately. No sly remarks, no insults, no scowls. Reita took that as a good sign that he was proving himself to be more responsible and reliable. They walked into the exam room and the doctor instructed Saga to get on the bed and take off his shirt. Reita couldn’t help it, he smiled every time he saw Saga’s belly. It was getting big and the fifth month came.
The doctor placed some lubricant on Saga’s belly and pocked it with and instrument. Reita figured that was the ultrasound; he has never seen one before. The pointy thing had a cord that connected it to the big machine with a screen and a bunch of knobs and buttons. There was a sound. A really fast beat.
Saga’s eyes widened. “Is that?”
The doctor smiled. “Yes. That is the baby’s heartbeat.”
Reita was concerned. “Is it supposed to be so fast?”
“Yes. It is normal. Its little heart beats really fast, just as it develops fast.” The old mad reassured Reita. Saga on the other hand seemed hypnotized by the sound. He wasn’t blinking.
The doctor spoke to the screen and moved the instrument over Saga’s belly. “Come on little one. Give us a nice pose, let’s see what you have.”
Both Saga and Reita looked at the screen. They were surprised that they could recognize the shape. There it was, such a small baby, curled up into a ball.
“It’s a girl!” The doctor exclaimed. He pointed at the screen. “A very normal, healthy girl.”
Reita grinned. “Hello sweety!”
He looked at Saga who started crying. “Why? I thought you wanted a girl!” Reita walked over to Saga and hugged him once the doctor stepped away.
“I’m not sad, you idiot!” Saga returned the hug. “But everything, the heartbeat, the baby.” He sobbed into Reita’s chest.
The doctor smiled. ”You did a great job. It’s a beautiful baby. And in a few months you will be able to hold her and play with her.”
Saga cried harder at that note and Reita glared at the old men. “You get kicks out of this or something?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later Reita dropped Saga off to his band practice before he went to his own. He told Saga he will pick him up around nine.
Right as he walked in Saga met face to face with Shou.
“So~ The baby is~ ?”
Saga smiled and walked around Shou. “The baby is a girl.” He gave Shou a few pictures the doctor gave them.
“Oh my god! Look! You can totally see a baby!” Shou shouted excitedly, and ran over to the other guys to show them the pictures.
When the noise finally calmed down and everyone congratulated Saga on the baby, Saga noticed Tora give some money to Nao. He raised an eyebrow.
Shou sat by his side and touched his belly; Saga was used to it by now. “They had a bet. Nao said it will be a girl.”
Saga sighed with a smile. He looked down at his baby now cuddled by Shou.
“You are going to be the cutest girl ever! I have to buy some pink toys. I was buying only neutral colored ones because we didn’t know you’re a girl. Don’t worry; we will make up for it.” Shou talked to the belly.
Saga grinned at the mental image of Reita fighting off an army of big fluffy pink teddy bears out to take over the world. He laughed and thanked Shou for being so exited.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aoi seemed to think it would have been better to have a boy, so he made fun of Reita for shooting “blanks”.
Kai on the other hand was positively delighted along with Uruha. They taped one of the baby pictures on a mirror in the room. They took a marker and wrote on the mirror next to the picture the estimated date of arrival of the baby girl.
“How is Saga?” Ruki asked Reita.
“He actually cried! I couldn’t believe it.”
“He is just emotional. It’s normal. How come you are not?”
“I’m still in shock. Man, the heartbeat, seeing the baby. It’s there. She is there. Growing and existing.”
Ruki laughed. “So philosophical!”
Uruha and Kai heard Saga cried. “Did you comfort him?” They both glared at Reita.
“Of course I did! You think I’m some kind of monster?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saga sat alone in silent half lit studio and waited for Reita to pick him up. They just talked on the phone so he knew he wouldn’t wait too long. He looked down at his round belly and caressed it. He was finally alone and it gave him the opportunity to think about his child as he did back at the clinic.
He never would have guessed things would turn out the way they did. There was a baby girl growing inside him. A brand new life. He loved Reita, but lately the emotional weight pressed on him harder then ever. He thought about every aspect of his pregnancy, the child’s life, and most of all about her father.
He was sad to think that his child was a result of such horrible experience. He knew Reita regretted his actions, and he claims that he loves him. But was he pushing Reita into something he wasn’t ready for?
That night, it didn’t seem like Reita loved him. It was full of rage and violence. Probably due to the fact that Saga fought back. After all he still had the strength of a man, he wasn’t just some sniveling woman shrieking and scratching. I must have been a blow to Reita’s ego, which might be why he was so violent. Saga gave in that night. And because of that he now had his baby. Is that any way to start a life? By giving in. Would he ever look at his child with resentment for the humiliation he has suffered that night? He read that after child birth a lot of mothers would fall into sever depression and even get homicidal tendencies towards their children. He was in a bad position to begin with. Not exactly a woman.
He once heard his parent talk to his doctor about possible mental illness cause by chimerism. Everyone was relieved nothing like that ever happened to him. He showed no signs of any problems usually associated with the condition. The doctors attributed that the fact that his chimerism was blended with another condition. But what is giving birth is that one grain that tips the scale. Would he ever hurt his child or himself? He had natural predispositions for mental break downs. The doctor seemed reassured when he found out Reita would stay with them.
This was bad. He started doubting himself.
Luckily Reita arrived to pull him out of the misery and deep dark thoughts.
“You ready to go home?” He saw Reita’s head pop in thought cracked door.
“Yeah.” He got up and followed Reita to the car.
On the drive back Saga remembered what Shou said and grinned. “Just so you know, Shou is planning to send a second infantry for world domination on you soon. These will be even fluffier and pink!”
“Oh crap. More stuffed animals. Where are we going to put them all? It’s only a matter of time before Kai does the same, and he will have reinforcements from Uruha. I never understood why people shower babies with toys. They can’t even lift their heads, like hell they’ll play with ten toys at once!” Reita rested his head on the wheel as he waited for the traffic light to change.
“Kids grow into things. Plus toys are cute just like kids. It’s a matter of putting together birds and the feathers. Do you hold tools in the kitchen or in the garage?”
Reita lifted his head and grunted “Smartass.”
When they got home Saga threw himself into Reita’s arms. “I need to ask you something.”
“Shoot my love. What do you need to know?”
“Will you take care of her if something happen to me?” He broke the embrace and looked Reita into the eyes.
“What are you talking about!?” This was not a welcome topic.
“Please just answer me. If something, if anything goes wrong, will you take care of her? Will you tell her I love her?”
“Yes! I will! Just let’s not talk about this again. Don’t worry. I will take care of her, and you!” Reita kissed Saga just to make sure no more stupid questions ran passed those beautiful lips.
___________________
Closing notes:
This chapter sucks. I know. I wasn't really in the mood to write...
But if you like the fic, as whole, please comment because comments make me wanna write more! Plus I'll give you cookies! X)