Chapter 1 - Prologue
Title: Understanding
Rating: NC-17
Author: Dana (me)
Warning: yaoi, mpreg, crack, none beta
Pairing: Reita x Saga
Fandom: Jrock, gazette, alice nine
Author's note: ZOMG! Saga pregy & very, very special! Poor Reita... *hides under the bed*
Plot: After a drunken night Reita still wants to make it work with Saga. He is given a chance, but a few week s into their relationship Reita learns of his lover's shocking secret...
Waking up with a hangover can make you feel like you found your drunken way into the third circle of hell. Even the rustling of the sheets can be an aggravating sound. And it all hit Reita as soon as he opened his eyes. Mixing strong booze is never a good ideaBut the first think registered by the cloudy mind was that he was not in his own hotel room. He was naked and seeming alone. Whoever he had sex with that night was gone.
He did have a person in mind. He had spent days trying to work Saga into giving him a chance. And as far as he remembered things were going his way last night, Saga seemed more open. But why was he alone now. If it was Saga, as he hoped, did he feel ashamed about having sex with a men. If so Reita had little hope of getting a second go. He felt somewhat devastated.
A few days gone by and he saw Saga only once. It was in a club and if the way Saga avoided him and couldn’t look him in the eyes when Aoi and Shou met up. They did seem to be on good terms. The four of them got a booth together and ordered drink. Not one work did Saga say to Reita, and when Reita finally asked him how he is doing made an awkward nod and excused himself. He left.
It was quite obvious there was some unrest there and Aoi couldn’t help but ask about it. Shou coldly stated that Saga and Reita had sex. Not that it wasn’t amusing to see Aoi’s drink come out of his nose, but Reita had other things in mind. There was no doubt now. He excused himself and ran in the direction Saga had left in leaving behind Shou to take care of Aoi’s lack of air
It wasn’t too hard to catch up with Saga, it’s not like he was running, he had no idea Reita might try to. He kicked a can he passed by second before he heard Reita’s voice calling him. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. Reita ran up to him and just to be safe he planted his hands on Saga’s shoulders to hold him in place.
“I don’t remember much about that night. I fact don’t remember shit right now. If I did something wrong I’m sorry.”
Saga twitched. “Are you sure you don’t remember?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We were both drunk.”
Reita was breathing normally now. “I wish I could remember.”
He let go of Saga’s shoulders and took a step back. “I don’t think it was a mistake. I’ve been thinking about you for weeks now. I’m attracted to you, I know that.”
Saga frowned “Don’t be stupid.”
Reita was shocked just how blunt he was with all this as the words left passed his lips “Can you give me a chance. Can you give me a chance even though I’m a men? I’m not sure if you are into that”
“That is not the problem. I have to go.” Saga turned around and decided on a faster pace then the one he had as he left the club.
The bolts were turning fast inside Reita’s mind. If that is not the problem
“Wait! Just wait.” He caught up with Saga again.
“What is the problem?”
“I can’t be with you. I like you, so don’t take this the wrong way”
“That is the wrong way! To be attracted to someone but to decide not to do anything about it. I told you, I’ve been wrecking my mind about you for weeks. Ever since we first met in fact. But it only became obsessive in the last few weeks. I’m sorry that I can’t remember our night, because I’ve been hoping for it.”
Reita swallowed a lump. “Give me a chance.”
Saga bit his lower lip nervously. “You know nothing about me. And I know nothing about you”
Reita closed the distance between them, he felt Saga stiffen under his touch and he cupped his face. He made a sad smile at that. “Then give us a chance to correct that.”
He pressed his lips against Saga’s. After a few soft kisses Saga finally gave in. He opened himself up and Reita claimed his mouth, the hands left his face and wrapped themselves around his thing frame bringing him ever closer to the men kissing him. It was good that it was dark, it was good that Reita’s hands moved away from his face, because as Reita kissed him as if his life depended on being close to him, two lonely tears rolled down his face.
It meant he might have to open up, for the first time in his life, completely.
Reita had no idea Saga feeling were stronger then his own. He still had no idea he could cause him more pain than anyone else. At that point he had no idea that the closer he got to the object of his desire the more cracks he would make in an already broken person. How could he know? A bright smile said nothing about it.
Saga could never relax. To Reita there starting relationship seemed perfect, except for the fact that they had sex and he had no memory of it. But Saga was waiting as days went by, waiting for the bottom to drop. Waiting for the sky to crash in. But still he smiled and gave Reita what he needed, the chance.
He knew it was hopeless; he would soon have to push Reita away. With every day that went by he was glad it didn’t come to that, but he still had to fear the next day.
Saga woke up to his phone ringing. He knew the ring tone, it was Reita. He didn’t feel like answering. He was asleep in his living room and was pissed off that he was awakened. He was feeling sick all day. Mostly it was just hovering over the toiled, throwing up. His body didn’t seem to be on good terms with his brain. He was shaking and felt cold. Like his whole system was crashing.
The phone rang on. Saga curled himself into fetal position as strong cramps shoot his abdomen. He breathed deeply and tried to focus on it to keep his mind of the pain. Still ringing. Saga mastered the strength to extend his arm to the coffee table and pick up his phone.
“Please tell me the world is coming to an end. And you are calling to tell me how much you love me.”
Reita snorted. “Well I do love you and the creepy homeless guy from my neighborhood seems to think the end is near. But please don’t tell me you are jumping on the same wagon as he.”
“I’m not saying the world is ending. I’m just hoping it is. Reita I don’t feel very well, is this important?”
“Why? What is it? Are you sick?”
“I puked the birthday cake I had for my 10th birthday, I feel dizzy, I have cramps. It’s a long list. But I would say that counts as sick”
“You need to go to the doctor.”
“I never go to public doctors, I have my own doctor. He has been treating me since I was a kid. I’ll call him later if I don’t feel any better.”
“I’m coming over.” Reita said no more that then before he hanged up.
“So rude” Saga smiled and rolled over to sleep on his other side, once again in fetal position.
Reita used his own key to get inside, not wanting to get the sick men out of the bed. But when he walked into the living room he noticed Saga was sleeping on the couch. He smiled and kneeled beside him. He traced a finger down the soft cheek. God his lover was beautiful. He did feel sorry Saga hesitated about having sex again. He closed up every time Reita would make a go for it. But Reita figured it must have been something about that night.
He decided to wake Saga up and ask to take him to a doctor or call his own.
“Hey. Wake up sleeping beauty. Let’s call your doctor.”
He kissed the sleeping men’s forehead. He had a fever. “Wake up!” He shook Saga a bit.
No response. Reita frowned. “Saga! Saga wake up! Right now!”
He silenced down and listened to detect the other’s breathing as fear made his mind rush into extremes. Naturally, Saga was breathing, he should have known it was not the worst when he felt Saga was warm. Reita shook his lover again calling him desperately. His mind was a buzz. He reached for his phone to call the ambulance. Then he remembered Saga said he never goes to any other doctors then his own. He took Saga’s phone and accessed the phone book. There was a phone number saved in it as a doctor’s personal number. He called it.
After a few rings a male voice answered. “Saga?”
“No. Um. I’m his boyfriend. You need to come here right now!”
“Is Saga alright?”
“For god’s sake man, you are a doctor! What do you think I’m calling you for?”
“Calm down!” The men’s voice had a lot of authority. “Tell me what is wrong with him.”
“He is unconscious! He has a fever! Please come here! Should I call an ambulance?”
“No, that won’t be necessary. I’m 15 minutes away and I’m already going to my car. Keep talking to him. Take him to his room if you can. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Reita picked up his lover and carried him off to his room. He placed him in his bed and tried waking him up again. Why not call an ambulance? Was this some sort of condition Saga had? Was he sick?
He kissed Saga’s lips, his forehead, cheeks, nose, and every part of his face. He begged him to wake up. A few minutes later he heard someone come in thru the doors he forgot to lock. He got up and just as he was about to go out to see if it’s the doctor, the doctor came into the room. He had a black leather bag with him, the kind he noticed doctors usually carry. He was an older man, close to his 60s.
“I guess you are his lover. Tell me his symptoms.”
The men passed by Reita and went straight to Saga. “Come on boy. How was he before he fainted?”
Reita shook his head to gain some clarity. “He was throwing up, he had cramps. I’m not sure what else. Is he alright?”
“Please leave the room.” The doctor pulled off the cover Reita laid over his lover and opened his bag.
Reita was about to protest but the old men smiled “I’ll call you if I need you.”
With a nod Reita hesitantly left the room. He immediately started pacing across the living room. Minutes passing by.
Saga woke up and noticed a familiar face waving a flash light before his eyes. “Follow the light Saga.”
“Doctor, who called you?”
“Your lover.” The old men smiled and moved away from the bed to pack up is bag. “He seems very concerned about you. How long have you two been together?”
Saga sat up and pushed a few pillows behind him to lean on them. “Kinda like two months.”
“Kind of like?”
“Well yeah”
“Did you have sex with him? Does he know?”
“He doesn’t.” Saga hugged his knees. “No need to tell him.”
The doctor chuckled “Then who did you have sex with?”
“I had sex with him, but he was drunk. he doesn’t remember. what business is that of your?”
The doctor looked serious now. “Drink this.” He handed Saga a pill and a glass of water. “You will need to tell him.” When Saga drank up the doctor took the glass and placed it on the night stand. “Saga you are pregnant.”
The bottom dropped. “No! You are joking! Don’t say that!”
“Calm down. Is he the one you had sex with?”
“I can’t calm down! This is not right! You are wrong!” Saga got out of bed but his legs gave up on him. He fell.
The doctor helped him up and guided him back to bed. “Enough! I don’t want to hear anymore hysteria. I warned you! You knew there is a risk. Now deal with your mistakes. I’m not wrong. When it comes to some of your medical problems and looked at you more like a woman then a man. That is way I don’t find it hard to say this. You are pregnant.”
The few minutes of silence that came the doctor used to put his coat back on and let information sink in for his patient. When he looked back at Saga the young men looked like he was in a trance, a few tears were rolling down his face.
“No, no, no. It was just once. It couldn’t”
“Just once is enough if you do it in just the right time.”
At that note Saga burst in tears. Reita could hear his lover sobbing and it twisted his heart, but he waited. After some time Saga calmed down, the sleeping pill taking its effect.
Reita jumped to his feet the moment the doctor came into the living room. The old men eased his agony. “He will be alight. He is asleep now.”
“Why was he crying?”
“Do you love him?”
Reita blushed “Excuse me?”
“He will need you no matter what he decides to do. But he might try to push you away” The doctor seemed more like he was thinking out loud.
“I love him. He won’t push me away.”
The old men sighed “He is very special. You got drunk and took advantage of that. What he has now is your fault.”
“Eh? How? What is it?” Panic filled his very core.
The doctor made his way out “Stay with him till tomorrow when I come to check up on him.”
“What did I do? It was weeks ago!” Reita bellowed.
“You got him pregnant!” The old men’s eyes looked directly into Reita’s.
“I did what?” His lips curved into a smirk. “Are you insane?”
“No. Saga is special. And that night which you choose to erase from your memorymaybe you should ask him if he remembers what you did to him.” The doctor slammed the doors behind him leaving Reita with a thousand thoughts running through his mind.
Think. He kept refusing to have sex again. He seemed relived Reita didn’t remember the night they had sex. He was throwing up all morning. Think. No way. Saga is man. Men don’t get pregnant. Think. Think harder. Find a shred of sanity in it all. He only goes to one doctor. Don’t call the ambulance. Saga fainted. Think still. It can’t be. Think of another way.
Reita dropped on the arm chair. Face sank into his hands. Nothing made sense. Why didn’t Saga tell him? But tell him what
Four hours went by. Reita sat at the foot of Saga’s bed looking at the sleeping mystery. Waiting for the pretty face to open it eyes. The more he though about it, the more unnatural it all seemed. He was angry, confused and nervous.
Saga woke up and gave himself a few moments to collect and arrange all the thought s that needed to be considered. He didn’t notice Reita was there. It was night and dark in the room. His hand ghosted over his belly and rested there. It must be true, back when he was a teenager he knew it could happen. It wasn’t so unnatural when he though about how it was just a part of who he is. Just as the pleasant warmth was about to rise up, just as he was about to smile
“What the fuck are you?!”
Hi eyes widened. Reita was there, he forgot about it. He lifted himself up and in the dark looked at Reita who was now standing by his bed.
“Reita. I didn’t”
“I don’t know what to think! Am I mad? Was that charlatan mad? What are you?!”
Saga felt emotional pain melt into physical when he noted the loathing in Reita’s voice. He got up.
“Is it true?!”
“It’s possible”
“Sick!” Reita hissed through his teeth.
“I need to explain this, please wait” Saga walked slowly up to Reita, he extended his arm to touch Reita’s chest, but his arm was slapped away.
“Don’t touch me!” Reita got out of the room and slammed the doors.
Saga fell to his knees; he crossed his hands over his belly trying really hard to hate what was in him.
Reita did not leave the apartment; he will wait for the doctor to come back in the morning. He felt cheated and full of negative energy. He made his way to the front doors, opened it, but slammed it shut without leaving. He should really wait. There has to be more to all this. He should just wait, calm down and ask to be explained, to be let in on that secret.
He walked back.
Saga cried out loudly as he heard the front door slam, knowing Reita left, there was no need to hold back the tears. Still on his knees he bowed down in pain, with one arm supporting himself and the other still on his belly. He didn’t just cry because he lost Reita, he knew it would come to that; it did pain him none the less. He cried more because he felt lost.
Reita walked back to his lover’s room to ask for clarification but before he opened the door the heard the most heart breaking cry leave the men he loved. He heard Saga sobbing in his room and he rested his hand on the door. His anger melted away and guilt sank in. The old man’s words: ‘Maybe he remembers what you did to him’; ‘He will need you no matter what he decides to do.’ Saga’s words: ‘I need to explain this, please wait’ Saga’s cries.
Oh gods, make him stop crying. Reita went back to the living room. He sat down and concentrated on his own breathing to calm himself down. He looked out the window at the night sky. The morning was so simple and this night so difficult. Moment passed in quiet contemplation, but it came to him, if Saga is truly pregnant wasn’t he being selfish thinking only about himself. Was he evil for considering walking away from it all?
Saga made his way through the apartment; he felt thirsty and wanted tea. As he passed by the living room he saw Reita was still there, looking at the sky, apparently in deep thought. Saga sighed and figured it must al be hard on Reita. He walked in and Reita still didn’t notice him.
“Hermaphrodite.”
Reita was slightly startled and caught off guard “What?”
Saga made a sad smile “You asked what I am” He turned around and went to the kitchen.
A few minutes later as he was having his tea Reita came in. He sat across the table from Saga and looked at him. “I really need more info.”
With a sigh Saga began “When the time came for me, as an embryo to be defined in gender I ended up with a defect. All embryos are at start female and change. Hermaphroditism comes in different levels. Mine is even more unique because of the vanishing twin syndrome.”
“You are just confusing me more.”
“Then let me finish. The lost twin means that at some point my mother was supposed to have twins, but one embryo died. The remains of the lost twin are mostly absorbed by the mother and in some cases by the other embryo. Seemingly my twin was supposed to be a girl. So the two defects made me what I am today. I got developed as a man, but to some level I am a female. I am tolerant of both testosterone and estrogen. I have them both. Because of the lost twin my hermaphroditism was perfected. I have both male and female genitals. Except when it comes to fertility. Which brings us to our current situation. As male I am sterile, but my female reproduction organ is fertile. When we had sex that night it was the first time anyone got to... well... from lack of a better term... penetrate me. And you have done it in just the right time. I was ovulating.”
Reita’s head hit the table.
“I know that this seems unnatural, but medically I am normal human, only slightly different. You see, the two defects affected each other, forming a new one, molding together.” Saga made a sad smile. “I don’t know how else to explain this.”
Reita looked up “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not something I feel comfortable discussing. And I though you would freak out at it. Which you did.”
“I freaked at the two infos. That a man is pregnant. One at a time would have been easier to handle.”
Saga sighed “Technically I was already pregnant when we started dating” He made a nervous smile.
Reita blushed “So you have, you know”
He didn’t finish the awkward question because Saga screamed in pain. He rushed over to Saga who was holding on to his belly. Pangs of fear shoot though Reita as he found himself fearing for the life of his child for a second. Hearing a logical explanation to the problem made him feel more comfortable with the situation.
“What is it?” Reita asked with a note of panic.
“It’s alright. The doctor said I might feel some pain. It’s not the baby, it’s my body getting used to the baby, making adjustments.”
He tried to get up but his legs hurt too. “Can you walk me to my bed?”
Reita did more. He lifted Saga and carried him to the bed. He pulled the cover over him just as he did when the other was unconscious. Saga smiled sadly and looked up at Reita.
“It’s ok. You don’t have to stay. I understand this is too complicated to deal with.”
Reita woke up from the trance he was in, thinking about why he was so concerned about the babies safety. “Whatever you choose to do I’ll stand by you the best I can. I’ll cope.”
Saga cried again “I don’t want you to cope! I don’t want you to suffer because of one drunken night! I want you to love me as I am and as much as I love you!”
Reita sat by his side and took his hand. “The more we talk about thins the more I understand. I feel more comfortable now.” He whipped away a few tears “Do you want the baby?”
Saga’s eyes widened. Reita smiled “When you woke up. You looked happy when you reached to touch your belly. You said that you are a woman to some extent. Does that mean you have maternal instincts?”
“I think so. I will keep the child.” He looked into Reita’s eyes. “But I don’t want you to feel obligated to help me.”
Reita leaned closer to Saga and kissed him. “But will you let me help you if I want to? A moment ago when you screamed and grabbed your belly I felt genuine fear for the life of our child.”
Saga smiled and melted into Reita’s warm embrace.
“Did I hurt you that night?”
Saga stiffened in Reita’s arms.
“Did I force myself on you? The tone of voice the doctor use when he told me this if my fault made me think so. Saga, did I rape you?”
Saga hugged Reita tighter “Don’t be stupid”
“You were careful all your life and that was your first time. Somehow I don’t see why you would let someone take you and forget that you have a very special secret. I did it. I did hurt you.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. I forgave you all the first time you told me you love me. So leave it alone, nothing good will come out of it.” The hug broke and Saga lay down again. “Come, let’s get some sleep.”
Reita followed, he wrapped his arms around his lover and as he watched him sleep he promised he would never hurt him again.
Rating: NC-17
Author: Dana (me)
Warning: yaoi, mpreg, crack, none beta
Pairing: Reita x Saga
Fandom: Jrock, gazette, alice nine
Author's note: ZOMG! Saga pregy & very, very special! Poor Reita... *hides under the bed*
Plot: After a drunken night Reita still wants to make it work with Saga. He is given a chance, but a few week s into their relationship Reita learns of his lover's shocking secret...
Waking up with a hangover can make you feel like you found your drunken way into the third circle of hell. Even the rustling of the sheets can be an aggravating sound. And it all hit Reita as soon as he opened his eyes. Mixing strong booze is never a good ideaBut the first think registered by the cloudy mind was that he was not in his own hotel room. He was naked and seeming alone. Whoever he had sex with that night was gone.
He did have a person in mind. He had spent days trying to work Saga into giving him a chance. And as far as he remembered things were going his way last night, Saga seemed more open. But why was he alone now. If it was Saga, as he hoped, did he feel ashamed about having sex with a men. If so Reita had little hope of getting a second go. He felt somewhat devastated.
A few days gone by and he saw Saga only once. It was in a club and if the way Saga avoided him and couldn’t look him in the eyes when Aoi and Shou met up. They did seem to be on good terms. The four of them got a booth together and ordered drink. Not one work did Saga say to Reita, and when Reita finally asked him how he is doing made an awkward nod and excused himself. He left.
It was quite obvious there was some unrest there and Aoi couldn’t help but ask about it. Shou coldly stated that Saga and Reita had sex. Not that it wasn’t amusing to see Aoi’s drink come out of his nose, but Reita had other things in mind. There was no doubt now. He excused himself and ran in the direction Saga had left in leaving behind Shou to take care of Aoi’s lack of air
It wasn’t too hard to catch up with Saga, it’s not like he was running, he had no idea Reita might try to. He kicked a can he passed by second before he heard Reita’s voice calling him. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. Reita ran up to him and just to be safe he planted his hands on Saga’s shoulders to hold him in place.
“I don’t remember much about that night. I fact don’t remember shit right now. If I did something wrong I’m sorry.”
Saga twitched. “Are you sure you don’t remember?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We were both drunk.”
Reita was breathing normally now. “I wish I could remember.”
He let go of Saga’s shoulders and took a step back. “I don’t think it was a mistake. I’ve been thinking about you for weeks now. I’m attracted to you, I know that.”
Saga frowned “Don’t be stupid.”
Reita was shocked just how blunt he was with all this as the words left passed his lips “Can you give me a chance. Can you give me a chance even though I’m a men? I’m not sure if you are into that”
“That is not the problem. I have to go.” Saga turned around and decided on a faster pace then the one he had as he left the club.
The bolts were turning fast inside Reita’s mind. If that is not the problem
“Wait! Just wait.” He caught up with Saga again.
“What is the problem?”
“I can’t be with you. I like you, so don’t take this the wrong way”
“That is the wrong way! To be attracted to someone but to decide not to do anything about it. I told you, I’ve been wrecking my mind about you for weeks. Ever since we first met in fact. But it only became obsessive in the last few weeks. I’m sorry that I can’t remember our night, because I’ve been hoping for it.”
Reita swallowed a lump. “Give me a chance.”
Saga bit his lower lip nervously. “You know nothing about me. And I know nothing about you”
Reita closed the distance between them, he felt Saga stiffen under his touch and he cupped his face. He made a sad smile at that. “Then give us a chance to correct that.”
He pressed his lips against Saga’s. After a few soft kisses Saga finally gave in. He opened himself up and Reita claimed his mouth, the hands left his face and wrapped themselves around his thing frame bringing him ever closer to the men kissing him. It was good that it was dark, it was good that Reita’s hands moved away from his face, because as Reita kissed him as if his life depended on being close to him, two lonely tears rolled down his face.
It meant he might have to open up, for the first time in his life, completely.
Reita had no idea Saga feeling were stronger then his own. He still had no idea he could cause him more pain than anyone else. At that point he had no idea that the closer he got to the object of his desire the more cracks he would make in an already broken person. How could he know? A bright smile said nothing about it.
Saga could never relax. To Reita there starting relationship seemed perfect, except for the fact that they had sex and he had no memory of it. But Saga was waiting as days went by, waiting for the bottom to drop. Waiting for the sky to crash in. But still he smiled and gave Reita what he needed, the chance.
He knew it was hopeless; he would soon have to push Reita away. With every day that went by he was glad it didn’t come to that, but he still had to fear the next day.
Saga woke up to his phone ringing. He knew the ring tone, it was Reita. He didn’t feel like answering. He was asleep in his living room and was pissed off that he was awakened. He was feeling sick all day. Mostly it was just hovering over the toiled, throwing up. His body didn’t seem to be on good terms with his brain. He was shaking and felt cold. Like his whole system was crashing.
The phone rang on. Saga curled himself into fetal position as strong cramps shoot his abdomen. He breathed deeply and tried to focus on it to keep his mind of the pain. Still ringing. Saga mastered the strength to extend his arm to the coffee table and pick up his phone.
“Please tell me the world is coming to an end. And you are calling to tell me how much you love me.”
Reita snorted. “Well I do love you and the creepy homeless guy from my neighborhood seems to think the end is near. But please don’t tell me you are jumping on the same wagon as he.”
“I’m not saying the world is ending. I’m just hoping it is. Reita I don’t feel very well, is this important?”
“Why? What is it? Are you sick?”
“I puked the birthday cake I had for my 10th birthday, I feel dizzy, I have cramps. It’s a long list. But I would say that counts as sick”
“You need to go to the doctor.”
“I never go to public doctors, I have my own doctor. He has been treating me since I was a kid. I’ll call him later if I don’t feel any better.”
“I’m coming over.” Reita said no more that then before he hanged up.
“So rude” Saga smiled and rolled over to sleep on his other side, once again in fetal position.
Reita used his own key to get inside, not wanting to get the sick men out of the bed. But when he walked into the living room he noticed Saga was sleeping on the couch. He smiled and kneeled beside him. He traced a finger down the soft cheek. God his lover was beautiful. He did feel sorry Saga hesitated about having sex again. He closed up every time Reita would make a go for it. But Reita figured it must have been something about that night.
He decided to wake Saga up and ask to take him to a doctor or call his own.
“Hey. Wake up sleeping beauty. Let’s call your doctor.”
He kissed the sleeping men’s forehead. He had a fever. “Wake up!” He shook Saga a bit.
No response. Reita frowned. “Saga! Saga wake up! Right now!”
He silenced down and listened to detect the other’s breathing as fear made his mind rush into extremes. Naturally, Saga was breathing, he should have known it was not the worst when he felt Saga was warm. Reita shook his lover again calling him desperately. His mind was a buzz. He reached for his phone to call the ambulance. Then he remembered Saga said he never goes to any other doctors then his own. He took Saga’s phone and accessed the phone book. There was a phone number saved in it as a doctor’s personal number. He called it.
After a few rings a male voice answered. “Saga?”
“No. Um. I’m his boyfriend. You need to come here right now!”
“Is Saga alright?”
“For god’s sake man, you are a doctor! What do you think I’m calling you for?”
“Calm down!” The men’s voice had a lot of authority. “Tell me what is wrong with him.”
“He is unconscious! He has a fever! Please come here! Should I call an ambulance?”
“No, that won’t be necessary. I’m 15 minutes away and I’m already going to my car. Keep talking to him. Take him to his room if you can. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Reita picked up his lover and carried him off to his room. He placed him in his bed and tried waking him up again. Why not call an ambulance? Was this some sort of condition Saga had? Was he sick?
He kissed Saga’s lips, his forehead, cheeks, nose, and every part of his face. He begged him to wake up. A few minutes later he heard someone come in thru the doors he forgot to lock. He got up and just as he was about to go out to see if it’s the doctor, the doctor came into the room. He had a black leather bag with him, the kind he noticed doctors usually carry. He was an older man, close to his 60s.
“I guess you are his lover. Tell me his symptoms.”
The men passed by Reita and went straight to Saga. “Come on boy. How was he before he fainted?”
Reita shook his head to gain some clarity. “He was throwing up, he had cramps. I’m not sure what else. Is he alright?”
“Please leave the room.” The doctor pulled off the cover Reita laid over his lover and opened his bag.
Reita was about to protest but the old men smiled “I’ll call you if I need you.”
With a nod Reita hesitantly left the room. He immediately started pacing across the living room. Minutes passing by.
Saga woke up and noticed a familiar face waving a flash light before his eyes. “Follow the light Saga.”
“Doctor, who called you?”
“Your lover.” The old men smiled and moved away from the bed to pack up is bag. “He seems very concerned about you. How long have you two been together?”
Saga sat up and pushed a few pillows behind him to lean on them. “Kinda like two months.”
“Kind of like?”
“Well yeah”
“Did you have sex with him? Does he know?”
“He doesn’t.” Saga hugged his knees. “No need to tell him.”
The doctor chuckled “Then who did you have sex with?”
“I had sex with him, but he was drunk. he doesn’t remember. what business is that of your?”
The doctor looked serious now. “Drink this.” He handed Saga a pill and a glass of water. “You will need to tell him.” When Saga drank up the doctor took the glass and placed it on the night stand. “Saga you are pregnant.”
The bottom dropped. “No! You are joking! Don’t say that!”
“Calm down. Is he the one you had sex with?”
“I can’t calm down! This is not right! You are wrong!” Saga got out of bed but his legs gave up on him. He fell.
The doctor helped him up and guided him back to bed. “Enough! I don’t want to hear anymore hysteria. I warned you! You knew there is a risk. Now deal with your mistakes. I’m not wrong. When it comes to some of your medical problems and looked at you more like a woman then a man. That is way I don’t find it hard to say this. You are pregnant.”
The few minutes of silence that came the doctor used to put his coat back on and let information sink in for his patient. When he looked back at Saga the young men looked like he was in a trance, a few tears were rolling down his face.
“No, no, no. It was just once. It couldn’t”
“Just once is enough if you do it in just the right time.”
At that note Saga burst in tears. Reita could hear his lover sobbing and it twisted his heart, but he waited. After some time Saga calmed down, the sleeping pill taking its effect.
Reita jumped to his feet the moment the doctor came into the living room. The old men eased his agony. “He will be alight. He is asleep now.”
“Why was he crying?”
“Do you love him?”
Reita blushed “Excuse me?”
“He will need you no matter what he decides to do. But he might try to push you away” The doctor seemed more like he was thinking out loud.
“I love him. He won’t push me away.”
The old men sighed “He is very special. You got drunk and took advantage of that. What he has now is your fault.”
“Eh? How? What is it?” Panic filled his very core.
The doctor made his way out “Stay with him till tomorrow when I come to check up on him.”
“What did I do? It was weeks ago!” Reita bellowed.
“You got him pregnant!” The old men’s eyes looked directly into Reita’s.
“I did what?” His lips curved into a smirk. “Are you insane?”
“No. Saga is special. And that night which you choose to erase from your memorymaybe you should ask him if he remembers what you did to him.” The doctor slammed the doors behind him leaving Reita with a thousand thoughts running through his mind.
Think. He kept refusing to have sex again. He seemed relived Reita didn’t remember the night they had sex. He was throwing up all morning. Think. No way. Saga is man. Men don’t get pregnant. Think. Think harder. Find a shred of sanity in it all. He only goes to one doctor. Don’t call the ambulance. Saga fainted. Think still. It can’t be. Think of another way.
Reita dropped on the arm chair. Face sank into his hands. Nothing made sense. Why didn’t Saga tell him? But tell him what
Four hours went by. Reita sat at the foot of Saga’s bed looking at the sleeping mystery. Waiting for the pretty face to open it eyes. The more he though about it, the more unnatural it all seemed. He was angry, confused and nervous.
Saga woke up and gave himself a few moments to collect and arrange all the thought s that needed to be considered. He didn’t notice Reita was there. It was night and dark in the room. His hand ghosted over his belly and rested there. It must be true, back when he was a teenager he knew it could happen. It wasn’t so unnatural when he though about how it was just a part of who he is. Just as the pleasant warmth was about to rise up, just as he was about to smile
“What the fuck are you?!”
Hi eyes widened. Reita was there, he forgot about it. He lifted himself up and in the dark looked at Reita who was now standing by his bed.
“Reita. I didn’t”
“I don’t know what to think! Am I mad? Was that charlatan mad? What are you?!”
Saga felt emotional pain melt into physical when he noted the loathing in Reita’s voice. He got up.
“Is it true?!”
“It’s possible”
“Sick!” Reita hissed through his teeth.
“I need to explain this, please wait” Saga walked slowly up to Reita, he extended his arm to touch Reita’s chest, but his arm was slapped away.
“Don’t touch me!” Reita got out of the room and slammed the doors.
Saga fell to his knees; he crossed his hands over his belly trying really hard to hate what was in him.
Reita did not leave the apartment; he will wait for the doctor to come back in the morning. He felt cheated and full of negative energy. He made his way to the front doors, opened it, but slammed it shut without leaving. He should really wait. There has to be more to all this. He should just wait, calm down and ask to be explained, to be let in on that secret.
He walked back.
Saga cried out loudly as he heard the front door slam, knowing Reita left, there was no need to hold back the tears. Still on his knees he bowed down in pain, with one arm supporting himself and the other still on his belly. He didn’t just cry because he lost Reita, he knew it would come to that; it did pain him none the less. He cried more because he felt lost.
Reita walked back to his lover’s room to ask for clarification but before he opened the door the heard the most heart breaking cry leave the men he loved. He heard Saga sobbing in his room and he rested his hand on the door. His anger melted away and guilt sank in. The old man’s words: ‘Maybe he remembers what you did to him’; ‘He will need you no matter what he decides to do.’ Saga’s words: ‘I need to explain this, please wait’ Saga’s cries.
Oh gods, make him stop crying. Reita went back to the living room. He sat down and concentrated on his own breathing to calm himself down. He looked out the window at the night sky. The morning was so simple and this night so difficult. Moment passed in quiet contemplation, but it came to him, if Saga is truly pregnant wasn’t he being selfish thinking only about himself. Was he evil for considering walking away from it all?
Saga made his way through the apartment; he felt thirsty and wanted tea. As he passed by the living room he saw Reita was still there, looking at the sky, apparently in deep thought. Saga sighed and figured it must al be hard on Reita. He walked in and Reita still didn’t notice him.
“Hermaphrodite.”
Reita was slightly startled and caught off guard “What?”
Saga made a sad smile “You asked what I am” He turned around and went to the kitchen.
A few minutes later as he was having his tea Reita came in. He sat across the table from Saga and looked at him. “I really need more info.”
With a sigh Saga began “When the time came for me, as an embryo to be defined in gender I ended up with a defect. All embryos are at start female and change. Hermaphroditism comes in different levels. Mine is even more unique because of the vanishing twin syndrome.”
“You are just confusing me more.”
“Then let me finish. The lost twin means that at some point my mother was supposed to have twins, but one embryo died. The remains of the lost twin are mostly absorbed by the mother and in some cases by the other embryo. Seemingly my twin was supposed to be a girl. So the two defects made me what I am today. I got developed as a man, but to some level I am a female. I am tolerant of both testosterone and estrogen. I have them both. Because of the lost twin my hermaphroditism was perfected. I have both male and female genitals. Except when it comes to fertility. Which brings us to our current situation. As male I am sterile, but my female reproduction organ is fertile. When we had sex that night it was the first time anyone got to... well... from lack of a better term... penetrate me. And you have done it in just the right time. I was ovulating.”
Reita’s head hit the table.
“I know that this seems unnatural, but medically I am normal human, only slightly different. You see, the two defects affected each other, forming a new one, molding together.” Saga made a sad smile. “I don’t know how else to explain this.”
Reita looked up “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not something I feel comfortable discussing. And I though you would freak out at it. Which you did.”
“I freaked at the two infos. That a man is pregnant. One at a time would have been easier to handle.”
Saga sighed “Technically I was already pregnant when we started dating” He made a nervous smile.
Reita blushed “So you have, you know”
He didn’t finish the awkward question because Saga screamed in pain. He rushed over to Saga who was holding on to his belly. Pangs of fear shoot though Reita as he found himself fearing for the life of his child for a second. Hearing a logical explanation to the problem made him feel more comfortable with the situation.
“What is it?” Reita asked with a note of panic.
“It’s alright. The doctor said I might feel some pain. It’s not the baby, it’s my body getting used to the baby, making adjustments.”
He tried to get up but his legs hurt too. “Can you walk me to my bed?”
Reita did more. He lifted Saga and carried him to the bed. He pulled the cover over him just as he did when the other was unconscious. Saga smiled sadly and looked up at Reita.
“It’s ok. You don’t have to stay. I understand this is too complicated to deal with.”
Reita woke up from the trance he was in, thinking about why he was so concerned about the babies safety. “Whatever you choose to do I’ll stand by you the best I can. I’ll cope.”
Saga cried again “I don’t want you to cope! I don’t want you to suffer because of one drunken night! I want you to love me as I am and as much as I love you!”
Reita sat by his side and took his hand. “The more we talk about thins the more I understand. I feel more comfortable now.” He whipped away a few tears “Do you want the baby?”
Saga’s eyes widened. Reita smiled “When you woke up. You looked happy when you reached to touch your belly. You said that you are a woman to some extent. Does that mean you have maternal instincts?”
“I think so. I will keep the child.” He looked into Reita’s eyes. “But I don’t want you to feel obligated to help me.”
Reita leaned closer to Saga and kissed him. “But will you let me help you if I want to? A moment ago when you screamed and grabbed your belly I felt genuine fear for the life of our child.”
Saga smiled and melted into Reita’s warm embrace.
“Did I hurt you that night?”
Saga stiffened in Reita’s arms.
“Did I force myself on you? The tone of voice the doctor use when he told me this if my fault made me think so. Saga, did I rape you?”
Saga hugged Reita tighter “Don’t be stupid”
“You were careful all your life and that was your first time. Somehow I don’t see why you would let someone take you and forget that you have a very special secret. I did it. I did hurt you.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. I forgave you all the first time you told me you love me. So leave it alone, nothing good will come out of it.” The hug broke and Saga lay down again. “Come, let’s get some sleep.”
Reita followed, he wrapped his arms around his lover and as he watched him sleep he promised he would never hurt him again.