As Master Samwise Gamgee said: "Well, I'm back." And I'm willing to eat my words.
Return of the King is NOT boring. Or confusing. Or depressing.
It's far better than The Two Towers. I'm not sure if it equals or surpasses Fellowship of the Ring. I have to think about that.
And--in my view--it's infinitely better than the book. I tend to get bored and confused by descriptions of battles, and the third book is just about all battles. The battles make more sense when you can see them.
Bits I really liked:
Pippin's song for Denethor...which sounded vaguely familiar. I don't know if it is the tune or the lyrics, but I could swear I've heard an Irish song of mourning very like it when I was in glee club in high school. I was particularly gratified that Billy Boyd sang it himself, and sang it a capella. It sounded much more poignant that way. I just about wanted to smack Denethor for not paying attention.
Eowyn, Merry and the Witch-King. I just loved every particle of that...including Eowyn's very practical destruction of the Witch-King's flying reptile. Bonus points to Peter Jackson for making her have to hack at the neck several times to sever the head--that was a nicely realistic touch.
Pippin leaping into the funeral pyre to save Faramir from burning alive. No, it doesn't happen in the book, but it's a great and dramatic way of showing us how much courage, loyalty and maturity Pippin, the youngest and the most jovial of the hobbits, possesses.
Gimli's reaction to an attack on the gates of Mordor to buy Frodo time: "Certainty of death. Slim chance of success. What are we waiting for?"
The ghosts of the men of the mountains flowing across orcs and mumakils.
Shelob. Shelob scared me...but she was perfect. You could believe Frodo and Sam having a tough time beating her.
Gollum. Absolutely brilliant. Treacherous and pathetic, hating the Ring and hating Frodo even more for trying to destroy it, Gollum was compelling. He would have been a scene-stealer in any other movie...
...but this movie had Frodo and Sam.
If Sean Astin does not get an Oscar for his portrayal of the brave, sensible, down-to-earth, loyal Samwise Gamgee, then there is something seriously wrong with the Academy of Arts and Sciences. I have rarely seen perfect performances. This was one. There could not have been a better Sam. Astin was friendship incarnate.
And Elijah Wood deserves an Oscar as well. I don't know how he managed to get that look of aged weariness in his eyes, the look of someone who is walking wounded. Just looking at Frodo, you knew that this was a hobbit who was past all of his physical, mental and emotional reserves...and was still forcing himself to go on, because he had to. Looking at Frodo was heart-breaking.
The most affecting moment was right after Gollum bit off Frodo's finger and, after a struggle with Frodo, fell off of a promontory into the lava of Mount Doom. Frodo fell as well, barely catching hold of a spur of rock with his wounded, blood-slippery hand. You could see, as Sam begged Frodo to reach for him, that Frodo didn't want to. The Ring was gone. He was changed forever. I think he knew that he couldn't go back to the Shire and be happy, even then. Everything is over, his eyes said. Just let me go. But Sam pleaded for Frodo not to let go. And Frodo gripped Sam's arm and pulled himself back onto the promontory...for Sam's sake.
I didn't cry--but I did have to swallow a very large lump in my throat at that point.
And one more thing...I will be seeing this again. It's far too good to just see once.