Dear reader. if your last name is/was/should have been Collier, move along, this isn't about you.

At least a mental one.

Mom says no, but I think she may be biased.

I was just listening to “Deep Purple” (What? It popped up on shuffle,) and I realized that almost all of my sibling problems are their fault.  Watching “The Donny & Marie Show” as a kid created in me an unreasonable expectation of how sibling relationships are supposed to be.

No normal siblings really get along that well, to start with, and when ( Read more... )

I don't think you're doing it right when you spam people trying to get them to click on a link for something (a drug, I presume,) and they don't have the foggiest notion what that is.

I could probably look it up on the internet (it's not like I'm not obviously here,) but I found it more entertaining to look up the Spammer's IP address (somewhere in ( Read more... )

So, in the wee hours of this morning as I'm sitting at my computer harvesting my wheat (and wondering if there's a twelve step program for Mystery Seedling addition) I notice for the first time that little icon near the top of the screen with the two rectangular speech bubbles.  It has a little red 10 over it that wasn't there the night before. ( Read more... )

...and yet it was still a little bit of a shock to log into Facebook Saturday morning and find a message from Kelly.  "Hi Sister...blah blah yadda ( Read more... )

26.  Quarreled? Who under the age of 85 even says that anymore?  It sounds like something out of Jane Austen ( Read more... )

WARNING! Insane ramblings to follow.

I'm just not sure if I'm talking about mine or hers.

So, Mom got a Facebook message from... Kelly. Yes, you're reading that correctly.  Kelly.  Kelly Renee Collier, to be exact. You know, my half-sister by way of my worthless druggie biological (but no longer LEGAL) father. Kelly, who is in no way shape or form ( Read more... )

I just found one of the half-freaks (no, not Diane) on Twitter and it looks like she's stalking Drew Barrymore.

Think I should warn Drew?

My house is for sale! *bouncing up and down* Yeah, yeah, it's in Merced, and I meant it when I said I never wanted to be in the same town as Diane ever again.  But--but--It's the Judge's House (don't ask me what Judge, no idea. That's what Grandma always called it,) and I've been in love with this house as long as I can remember. I don't even care ( Read more... )

My mother, the woman who signed all those report cards where I barely passed (and once flunked) high school English, just called me for help on Maeson's English homework. *blink, blink* Turns out, not only do I not know what a blended consonants is, I can't even spell it correctly (fortunately, for Maeson, Google still knew what the hell I was ( Read more... )