Call it an acute reaction to having spent too much time in the past several months being disapointed by people I once held dear, but I've been having a difficult time of late mustering up the inclination to trust. Opening up is a luxury best applied to people who actually put forth the effort to be there, show attentiveness, actually not take me ( Read more... )

I find myself troubled by feelings. Somehow I find myself in the uncomfortable duality of being both an emotive, expressive person and at the same time calculating and stoically rational. I try my hardest to keep people at arms length, for fear of being undone perhaps, or the inevitable cruelties famalirity tend to visit upon any eventual paring. ( Read more... )

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I'm having a bit of an interpersonal crisis of late. In order to seek out perspective, does one have to dump the proverbial baby out with the bathwater? How do you tell someone "I love you but I wish like hell I didn't?" , How do you convey that you'd like your vital comraderie to continue but you find yourself stumbling into stunned silence every ( Read more... )

I bleed and I burn and I keen, feeling foolish for being under the misconception that you'd ever notice at all. I moved as close to what I hoped was  forward, resolute, slightly unnerved that the dying feelings make me move through this as though an alien had taken my guise. There's much less to say now. You have fun in your bubble.

I'd been meaning to post something, as its been quite some time...but blockage tends to prevent this quite often. Here's something- a touch more maudlin than I'd like- that I found while sorting through my books this afternoon. No idea when it was scrawled down, but here it is in its mediocre glory all the same.

Brought low by that inevitable ( Read more... )

Hey hey, cats and kittens (and whomever actually reads this stuff)! Memorial day weekend has slowly slipped by, and by rights I had a pretty amazing weekend- despite the abject poverty thing. I wound up going to the Pub a lot more often than I had expected, via the kindness of non-strangers. My social capital and karma points must not be so ruined ( Read more... )

It was the sort of crisp, absolutley lovely autumn day you always dream about. The sky was a dazzling azure, campus was abuzz with students going about their weekday routines, and I, after months of interoffice buck shifting had finally managed to badger the idle Graduation department into actually finding the time to get me my Master's degree. I ( Read more... )

Given the somber, weighty gravity that laces the first few weeks of September, it is not out of the ordinary that everyone in this neck of the woods (New York is an hour away from Easton. Almost everyone has longtime friends and family who either work or live in the City) move through their days a little more vulnerable, a little more on edge. ( Read more... )

 I bought my increasingly tattered leather journal roughly a year and a month ago, and the other day when I flipped it open, I scrutinized the first passage and had an odd epiphany. Its a very weird thing when you rediscover things you've already known. Recall things you may have just forgot in your haste to get on to the next so-called big thing. ( Read more... )