(in a Steven Wright monotone)
Two police interrogators decided to play good cop/bad cop. The bad cop showed up late and forgot why I was there.

This entry was originally posted at https://flwyd.dreamwidth.org/383308.html - comment over there.

I just realized that I'd posted a bunch of great one-liners to my Twitter feed but hadn't added to my signature quote file. I'd forgotten a bunch of these jokes, so I'm glad to see Twitter is solving the role of my mom's "Write it down!" pleas from my youth ( Read more... )

A discussion on our bad-puns mailing list got a little Wilde when I posted this:

( Read more... )

I wonder what would happen if America started calling "erectile dysfunction" the "fickle pickle syndrome."

Yeah, it's been a long day.

I just pictured someone like Woody Allen saying "I went to summer school at synagogue. We didn't go on any field trips, just guilt trips."

Tam just came up with "I'd love to go out with you, but I have to prepare for the apocalypse" to fit nicely with the standard fortune set:

• "I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it."
• "I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat."
• "I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I ( Read more... )

When I posted last week, I forgot the second half of the joke. The full exchange goes ( Read more... )

I didn't read nearly as much by Molly Ivins as I should have. Unfortunately, the final two years of Shrub must be without the sharpest barb.

I saw Molly at the Conference on World Affairs a few years ago, around the time the Supreme Court was hearing the Texas anti-sodomy law. In her typical sharp fashion, she quipped Immediately after that bill ( Read more... )

Hooker in Phoenix worked for me!

A magnetic travel jenga game.