I've been using Twitter a lot more lately. Here are some clever things I've said that are worth repeating. I also set up a perl6 script to post a #quotefile quip every day.

• A smile is a hammock for your face
• I tried to order an extra large T-shirt from Rome. I received forty shirts.
• Bitcoin is a commodity whose foundation is the artificial ( Read more... )

I just realized that I'd posted a bunch of great one-liners to my Twitter feed but hadn't added to my signature quote file. I'd forgotten a bunch of these jokes, so I'm glad to see Twitter is solving the role of my mom's "Write it down!" pleas from my youth ( Read more... )

If you ask a PhD student what she'll do tomorrow, she might say "just dissert."Originally posted by prettygoodword at dissert
dissert (dih-SURT) - v., to discourse at length on a subject ( Read more... )

Long before web comics were "a thing," my mom would often respond to my puns with a groan (she was a groan up, after all) by telling me to write it down and start a comic in the vein of The Far Side. My graphic arts skills are very limited, but if they weren't, I might have produced something like Prooffreader's Whimsy. The first few comics ( Read more... )

The Berber of "Seville" is "ⵙⴻⵠⵉⵍ". Or, if you don't have a Tifinagh font,

( Read more... )

A discussion on our bad-puns mailing list got a little Wilde when I posted this:

( Read more... )

Some phrases I came up with tonight in pirate garb:
TEDx marks the spot
What kind of pirate drinks absinthe? An arrrrtist.
Did you hear about the pirate investment? It's doubloon value every year!
This place is more popular than a dyke bar on ladies night.

You've probably heard about what vegan zombies say: graaaaains. But wait, there's more!

What do zombie flight attendants say? Plaaaaanes
What do zombie bowlers say? Laaaaanes
What do zombie plumbers say? Draaaaains
What do zombie hydraulic engineers say? Water maaaains
What do zombie vikings say? Daaaaanes
What does zombie Mitt Romney say? ( Read more... )

I bought a car made in Eastern Europe. The Czech Engine light is on all the time.

(best said in a Steven Wright monotone)

If you're an AIM user, you may have recently had a chat bot try to start a conversation in pink or purple with you. The bot is pretending to be a young female that wants to strip over webcam, but it's really a credit card stealing scheme. A while ago, a sure way to identify this bot was to use the word "bot" in a message and they'd respond "lol ( Read more... )