[i'm being irresponsible.]
so today i kinda resolved all the problems i had with my work practices. and by resolving i mean that my side - uni, will talk with them - school. that's all. since i'm lazy, a liar and an actress i can do things. well, fuck it. i'm lost so i'm getting rid of one problem at least. i guess it's too stressful for me and i can't handle it well. i can't handle it AT ALL. but i'm left with two other problems: fucking-german and my thesis. i'll pass fucking-german one way or another (i hope so) and i\ll defend after summer. BUT. there are many BUTs, i need to think about everything but i'm too scared so i push it away. DENIAL IS MY OTHER NAME. but while i could do it when i was 1-17, i can't do it when i'm almost 23. so i need to calm down (or fucking drug myself to death with herbal pills, lol), think and plan. but i get so anxious my stomach starts to hurt and my pulse rises to 120+ (woho!). my anxiety states (?) came back and i'm so not delighted. at least i think my neurosis is sleeping very deeply. it's only anxiety for now. wtf is with my nervous system, srsly.
during my bigger checkup (once per 3 months) i've learned that i DO have something damaged. i have some symptoms that my corticospinal tract is damaged (the lower part, i think). oh well, that's a gives. i'm sick after all, lol.
this has been an awful week ad it started exactly a week ago. my anxiety has returned and i kind of gave up on everything. along with my nervousness came weaker physical condition (it's like a reacting or what lol). anytime i'm fine physically i'm weak mentally, today, when i'm in GOOD mood (it's not funny, whenever i visit hospital i feel better. i'm a freak) my stomach reacted late to the stress as well as my head. so i won't do anything. i decided that i'll skip doing anything till the end of the week. i know it may (and probably will) result in me not graduating or having to mov everything to september. but as i'm pretty clueless as what to do in my life and i want to (with or without dad's consent) take a year break, move to lublin and "look for myself" - i'm not worried about late graduating. i haven't been able to handle it lately and i don't want to push myself too much - the more i push te more i run away.
but i'm not done!!! i don't know how long will my motivation last, tomorrow i have fucking-german and i need to talk with my promoter. but i hope i'll get myself together till saturday. we'll see!. i just wish the sun would go to the other half of the world, seriously.
p.s no proofread.
p.s.2 I DESIRE MY DOCTOR. oh my god, i wish i could have her at least once.
edit: the sexiest bishounen currently is gotta be date masamune. so hot.
during my bigger checkup (once per 3 months) i've learned that i DO have something damaged. i have some symptoms that my corticospinal tract is damaged (the lower part, i think). oh well, that's a gives. i'm sick after all, lol.
this has been an awful week ad it started exactly a week ago. my anxiety has returned and i kind of gave up on everything. along with my nervousness came weaker physical condition (it's like a reacting or what lol). anytime i'm fine physically i'm weak mentally, today, when i'm in GOOD mood (it's not funny, whenever i visit hospital i feel better. i'm a freak) my stomach reacted late to the stress as well as my head. so i won't do anything. i decided that i'll skip doing anything till the end of the week. i know it may (and probably will) result in me not graduating or having to mov everything to september. but as i'm pretty clueless as what to do in my life and i want to (with or without dad's consent) take a year break, move to lublin and "look for myself" - i'm not worried about late graduating. i haven't been able to handle it lately and i don't want to push myself too much - the more i push te more i run away.
but i'm not done!!! i don't know how long will my motivation last, tomorrow i have fucking-german and i need to talk with my promoter. but i hope i'll get myself together till saturday. we'll see!. i just wish the sun would go to the other half of the world, seriously.
p.s no proofread.
p.s.2 I DESIRE MY DOCTOR. oh my god, i wish i could have her at least once.
edit: the sexiest bishounen currently is gotta be date masamune. so hot.