Title: Under my nose
Chapters: Pt 5/5
Author:
fallen_am_i Genre: Romance, Dramma,some attempt for humor (?)
Warnings:Boys love, sexual acts between men
Rating: PG-13 to NC - 17, for this one, PG-13
Pairing: Tora x Saga, Shou x Saga (onesided), slight Shou x Hiroto
Synopsis: Onesided love hurts,and Saga tries to find a simple way to forget that pain
Disclaimer: I own the story only...
Coments: A big thank you to
themikachu for beta reading :3
Under my nose Pt5
“Saga, be careful! You missed a chord again!” Nao said loud enough to be heard under the music. The slender brunette turned to him, his face blushing.
“Sorry…” He mouthed shyly, without stopping his playing. Then he turned to the front again, ignoring the worried looks Shou and Hiroto were displaying. The bassist tried to fit into the music again, following Nao’s rhythm, entwining his melody with Hiroto’s and Tora’s guitar and accompanying Shou’s moving voice with soft second vocals. But no matter how much he struggled, he couldn’t get lost in the music, like he usually did. He was playing like a robot, pressing the right strings at the right time. His music had no color; his voice was blank, mirroring nothing as he was singing the gentle lyrics about love that Shou had written. His body was there but it was soulless. His mind was not at the rehearsal at all. A fight was occurring in his mind. He was trying to force himself to focus on the playing, but there was a stronger force inside him that wouldn’t let the man calm down.
“Stop!” Nao’s irritated voice echoed in the room and everyone stopped in their tracks. The boys turned to their leader, waiting for any instructions but the drummer locked his eyes only on one of them.
“Saga, I am going to ask you again. “ He let a big sigh. “Do you want to take a break? We could relax for a few minutes…”
“Uhhh… No…” The brunette scratched his head nervously. He knew his lack of concentration the last three days was a problem in the rehearsals, and he hated to hold the band back. “Let’s continue… I’m ok…” He gave Nao a numb smile while shaking his head to emphasize his words.
“Then focus, Sagacchi!” Nao spat out but he regretted it instantly when he saw Saga’s pout. He took a large breath to calm down. “I… didn’t mean that,” he mumbled feeling awkward; he never liked losing his temper. “It’s just… this rehearsal is so tiring…”
“Maybe it’s a good idea to cancel it for today…” Tora proposed. “Sagacchi is tired and-“
“NO!” Saga blurted out quickly, almost shouting, startling everyone. Cursing himself inside, he suppressed a blush as his dark-haired band mate locked his eyes on him for a few moments. “No,” he repeated, calmer now. “I’ll be fine…”
Nao looked at him hesitantly but decided to go with what his friend wanted. With his drumsticks he gave the rhythm and the boys started playing once again. Saga tried harder this time and things got better. That was it! All he had to do was to avoid looking at the place on his right hand. The place where Tora was standing, playing his guitar, totally ignoring him… Saga’s fingers pressed the strings harder than they should. Three days ago Tora confessed to him. The same words were repeating in his mind, over and over again. I love you… Saga felt himself getting dizzy. Tora said he couldn’t stand their game anymore, it was hurting him.
I want you whole for myself and only…
Saga closed his eyes shut and bit his lip hard, trying to focus back on the tune he was playing. Everything ended that night, and they went to their old routine. So everything was supposed to be alright, it was consensual and their friendship would remain unharmed that way…
But my friendship will always be there for you…
Saga’s teeth gritted in anger. Where was that friendship then? Even though Tora said those words, they were nothing more than just beautiful lies! After that night the dark-haired man kept his distance, being typical and as far as he could from him. Saga tried his best to show the other man that everything could be fine just like before, but Tora kept building walls around himself when it came to Saga. No matter how much the bassist struggled to reach him, Tora seemed to always get away… No matter how many times Saga tried to seem friendly and to get closer to him, like the old days, Tora was always blank. So that was the friendship Tora promised to him? Saga felt fury dominating his mind and body, making his music more aggressive and louder than the usual. Well, aren’t you the same too? Playing and acting? A disgusting voice kept screaming in his head. No, he was not acting. He wanted Tora’s friendship, he needed it. He never ignored the man after everything ended. Tora was the one who let everything go! Where was Tora’s care for him? He just pretended that Saga didn’t even exist! And what was hurting the bassist more, was that he could feel a scary change inside him too. Those three nights he spent alone, able to think clearly, he came to realize that he was feeling an empty space inside him. A space he couldn’t ignore. It was stupid really, but even through that cheap game with the guitarist, he had felt complete. Like a person in love should feel but - Aaaarghhhh! Saga thrashed his head, throwing those stupid thoughts away, making Hiroto look at him in question.
It’s ok, he reassured the younger man with a gesture of his head and continued playing along with thinking, even though he wanted to stop doing the latter.
Tora didn’t even glance at him. Saga started to feel invisible, nonexistent. And that made him even angrier, he could feel his fingers being scratched by the strings, he should press the strings with less force. He made a frown and composed himself again, but the thoughts kept dancing in his head. To hell with it! Saga couldn’t care less for him either! He didn’t love Tora back, right? All he wanted was sex and pleasure. So he could find a new one, and maybe his new fuckbuddy would be better and hotter than Tora ever was!
But you’ll always feel empty inside… Torn… The voice kept shouting in his mind.
“Oh shut up!” Saga was repeating to himself inwardly. “He doesn’t even care about me and I don’t either! I don’t give a damn even if he finds someone else and be happier than he was with me! I don’t-“
“CLANG!”
A really ugly note was heard from his bass. A note he didn’t play.
“Saga! Are you ok?” Shou stopped singing and ran to Saga’s side, checking on him. “Oh my God, your cheek!”
The other three stopped playing immediately and turned at the two men. Saga was shocked, frozen on his feet. His right hand was holding his cheek, covered in blood as a big wound was formed there; and his left hand on his bass with a broken string. The boys gasped at the view, making Saga even more stressed. The bassist couldn’t move although he wanted to run away from his band mates surrounding him. He avoided looking at them and their awkward faces; it was already too difficult for him to stay calm. But he couldn’t ignore his stare, he would never do that. Those hazel eyes were locked on his own, wide from worry and surprise, unable even to blink from the shock. And Saga couldn’t move away from them either. He was enslaved by them. And then a need was formed in his mind, a need that made his heart skip a beat. The need for Tora’s hands to embrace him protectively, to keep him away from everything else. Suddenly he felt his eyes becoming wet. What the hell was wrong with him anyway! One time he wants to erase Tora for ever from his life and the other he just wants to run to him… He put force on his cheek, making it bleeding even more.
“Hey, Saga, is it alright?” Hiroto asked worriedly.
An answer never came to him. Saga was standing silently, like a soulless puppet, watching those eyes softening at him as Tora finally blinked. Tora couldn’t stand it, watching Saga like this. He couldn’t stop himself as he finally stepped forward, quickly closing the distance between them, raising his hand to the bleeding cheek.
“Let me check this…” He said calmly, yet it was easy to notice the slight tremble in his voice. Saga stepped instantly back with fear in his eyes, shrugging the hand he so wanted to touch him off.
“It’s fine!” he said quickly with a high voice, spreading silence around him. “I am so careless… And an idiot…” He laughed nervously, worrying the others even more. “I-I’ll be in the bathroom, ok?”
And with that his numb feet started running away from the others until he reached a toilet stall and locked himself behind its safety. He lowered the lid down and climbed up the toilet, his arms circling around his knees, and he started wiping the wound. He didn’t know what to say, think, or do. The image of Tora’s eyes was haunting him. He took a big shaky breath as he hid his face between his knees. At least inside there he could relax and think…
“Saga?”
No, he couldn’t. Not when his persistent best friend was looking for him, checking every stall carefully until he found the right one. Saga didn’t answer back; he was just waiting for the other to start. He knew Nao would start speaking sooner or later, the deep breaths and gulps were betraying the bassist. And that’s how it happened.
“Sagacchi…” he said in a low voice, feeling bad for his friend. “When are you finally going to admit your feelings?”
Saga twitched, his red face now looking at the door, where he was imagining Nao’s caring eyes would be. He let out a small whimper that he couldn’t control and Nao noticed that. With a big sigh he leaned on the door, leaving a thud sound that made Saga tense a bit more.
“I know everything…” The drummer exhaled noisily. “Not only me, Shou and Hiroto too… But I knew from the start Saga, and I am still pissed off that you lied!” He let a teasing chuckle as he heard the bassist shifting on the toilet.
“How-how do you know?” Saga mumbled, all the words united.
“Ummmm… Let’s say I am observant… Your moves, your long stares to each other, your stupid smiles every time we teased Tora about his… secret lover.” Nao laughed, letting his loud giggle spread in the air. Saga could feel that happy sound easing his pain, making the weight inside him lighter. “Plus...” Saga missed one of the most evil smirks Nao ever displayed and that was good for him, for he would’ve been as red as a tomato the instant he saw it. “I… Well… Before that night, I could never imagine you’d be that vocal!”
“Oh shut up!” Saga’s answer made Nao laugh louder, till his lungs couldn’t breathe anymore. So when he reached his limit, he stopped and calmed down, talking to his friend seriously again.
“So… Will you ever accept what you feel about him? Didn’t you have enough already?”
Silence was the answer he got back, and that irritated him. “I am tired of your hide and seek guys…” Nao let his fist fall with slight strength on the wooden door. He was disappointed. “For more than two years you’ve been asking for love from the wrong person, hurting yourself over and over again, destroying yourself from inside. And now you have what you’ve wanted all this time, yet you keep ignoring it even though it’s right under your nose!!!!”
Saga listened quietly what Nao had to say, nodding even if the other man was not able to see him. Under his nose, huh? Well, was that really true? His thoughts stopped again by Nao’s voice, soft but strict at the same time.
“I’ll leave you alone for now, as you wish to be… But stop fooling yourself… Love can give good things too…”
And with that Saga heard steps moving away from him. The steps were bold and slow, like Nao was trying to give him a chance to say something. But Saga’s lips wouldn’t open, even though there was a flow of words in his throat drowning him. Not until he heard the toilet door opening. At the screeching sound of the door all of Saga’s defenses went down. He felt that this would be the last chance to talk about it, so he decided to follow that feeling.
“Isn’t it a bit too late to talk to him now?” the bassist mumbled in disappointment. The steps stopped, waiting for him to continue, along with a small gasp. Saga took a shaky breath and closed his eyes, trying to hear what his heart was screaming the whole time. His need for Tora’s presence around him, his soothing voice, his touch. Impulsively his hand caressed his forehead, bringing back the memory of that last kiss. He wanted more of those, he wanted more affection. He wanted him. “Haven’t I screwed up enough ‘til now? He doesn’t even approach me anymore, and he’s right. I was blind, wasn’t I? And weak…”
The brunette cupped his face, trying to control the sound of his voice. His clean hand clenched his shirt at his chest, getting strength from his tight grip.
“I don’t know what to do, Nao!” His voice suddenly got loud, echoing in the almost empty room. “I want him back but I am afraid…” He almost whispered. He felt a warmth ghosting his face as he accepted his feelings finally. “I’ve hurt enough from love, I don’t want to risk anymore… But…” Saga smiled bitterly. “I can’t imagine my everyday routine without him, you know?” He admitted honestly, chuckling. Steps reacted to his words, moving unbalanced, hesitating, but then they started echoing louder and louder, till a pair of feet stood again outside of the stall where the bassist was hidden.
Saga didn’t notice it; his mind was lost in his memories of Tora, those beautiful eyes, observing anything around him and the faint smile the guitarist was displaying only for him…
“I miss everything about him, I guess…” he continued shyly. “His dorky face when he gets drunk, his grumpy face when he is angry… Even his silly, teasing look when he was making fun of me!” But then his smile withered away, as his thoughts returned back in the start and the happy images were torn apart to dust. A new feeling came to rest within him. Loneliness…
“It’s too late, isn’t it Nao?” He sighed, sinking his face deeper in his hands.
“No, it is not…”
Saga’s heart stopped, he could swear it stopped at that moment, when he heard that voice. He jerked his head up in surprise, his eyes ready to tear up. The bassist could only move the pupils of his eyes that were now staring down at the empty space below the stall’s door. A pair of black boots was standing there, not moving at all. And then everything made sense as Saga’s brain started working again. For those boots were not Nao’s.
Saga let a gasp and jumped up to the door. He cursed his stupid, shaking hands, unable to unlock the stupid door. He was now feeling locked up in a cage and he wanted to escape to break free. When the door finally opened the light from outside slipped in and Saga felt his eyes growing wide, trying to imprint the figure of the taller man waiting for him.
“To-“
The guitarist cut him off, placing a finger on Saga’s lips and pushing the man back inside the stall. Without averting his eyes away from the bassist, Tora slipped in too and locked the door behind them. He leaned closer to Saga’s numb form, breathing deeply. His fingertips caressed Saga’s shocked face, running gently along the no longer bleeding wound. Soon enough, his fingers were replaced by his lips, leaving soft kisses on the scratched cheek. He had missed the younger’s sensation, his scent, so much. He could feel Saga’s body reacting, twitching as Tora’s breath reached his ear. Tora could feel the other’s confusion and excitement all over him.
“Tora I-“
Tora cut him off again, this time kissing him on the lips. Saga tried to resist; he had many things to say and confess before kisses should start, but Tora didn’t care to hear any of them. The brunette let a soft moan and surrendered himself as the kiss deepened, as his hands reached Tora’s neck, locking them in a tight embrace, making sure that he would never lose him again.
“Three rules…” Tora whispered on the other’s lips between kisses, licking them hungrily. “No more games… No benefits… Just… You and me…”
Saga closed his eyes in joy and nodded. A smile of true happiness was spread all over his face as he shook his head repeatedly in agreement. Then a brow was raised as the bassist remembered something else, something he needed to ask. He pushed Tora back, surprising the dark-haired man. He looked back at Saga in worry.
“Tiger… will there be dates too?” He asked in expectation, making Tora laugh in relief.
“Hmmmm… Maybe…” The guitarist chuckled and pinched Saga’s nose teasingly. “Maybe we should do a dinner we never had…” He winked.
“Oh, ok then!” Saga grinned and closed the distance between them, this time starting the kiss and Tora reacted quickly enough. Both of them got lost in their feelings, forgetting the reality. Forgetting that they were still in a toilet stall.
“Uhhh… Guys?” A hesitating voice sounded quietly. “It is… weird to interrupt you… but- Saga stop moaning like that and get out of there both of you!” Nao shouted nervously, making Saga smirk. “I am still your leader and we still have a rehearsal to do! Man~” Both men laughed hard and parted smiling. Their faces were red and their breaths still fast. They wanted to continue from where Nao stopped them but there was no rush. They had plenty of time to continue now…
As they both exited the stall, they could clearly see three heads peeping at them secretly. Saga burst laughing loudly, but Tora furrowed his brows. Because he knew what exactly that meant.
“Well well, how sweet of you!” Shou smirked alongside his lover.
“Nao~ was it necessary to bring them here too?” Tora snorted, making Saga laugh harder than before. “This is not good for you either!“ Tora turned at him in defense, pointing a finger straight at Saga’s nose.
“Well,” Nao started chuckling. “I know that you shoved me out of the room when you came in but I, no, we were curious to see how things would end… And worried too! Pfff! Believing that we knew nothing… Idiots!”
“Plus,” Shou blurted out before anyone could react “You are going to pay tiger, for every. Single. Dirty. Word. And I remember all of them!” An evil smirk appeared on his wide grin, challenging Tora to talk back.
“No you won’t… Because I’ll kill-“
“Yeah yeah right… Oh, how dangerous both of you are…” Nao cut them off as he started pushing the two men into the rehearsal room. “Now both of you shut it and let us finish the stupid rehearsal!” Both Tora and Shou nodded; Nao was too tired for their own good, so they didn’t protest. The drummer nodded satisfied and turned to the other two. “Do you have any problem, guys?”
“No, of course not!” Saga and Hiroto shook their head nervously as they ran into the room. Nao stood back, watching them running playfully to continue and smiled softly. “Ahhh, finally an end to all of this…” He exhaled and stretched himself as he followed them inside.
*****
The last hours of the rehearsal passed so quickly that none of them even realized it! They were having fun again and they were united as one, like they used to all those years together before! And Saga found his music again, the right feelings when he was singing about love, or playing a happy melody. Because he had those feelings inside him too. No matter the hard work, whenever he glanced at Tora, the taller guitarist was looking back at him, smiling. And that smile was giving Saga all the power he needed to be awesome and even more than that!
“So… What are we going to do now?” Saga asked his lover as they were packing their things. And oh how good it felt every time he was thinking of this word, lover. He couldn’t stop thinking about it!
“Hmmmm… How about a movie? I’ve seen that new trailer of a movie with lots of gore, Sagacchi!” He said enthusiastically.
“Gore?” Saga’s eyes widened. “Cool! Let’s go there then! And buy lots of popcorn! I’m hungry…” He stroked his belly with a comical movement.
“That’s no news, you are always hungry!”
Saga laughed, moving his hands energetically all over the space around him. His left hand brushed Tora’s right one was they started walking to the door. It was not strange, Tora was happy enough that he was not hit by the wild dance Saga’s hands were having. What surprised him were Saga’s fingers, caressing his hand more and more, until their fingers were entangled together in a warm net. Tora looked at the bassist as they kept walking, and slowly reaching the door. He was weary of all this but the brunette merely smiled, squeezing the hand that was locked in his own tighter. Tora relaxed again, grinning as wide as Saga was. There was really no need to hide from themselves anymore, was there?
THE END ^-^
"AAAAhhhh an ending to this!" *exhales and streches* xD
So, this was the final part of under my nose... I am satisfied how this story evolved and ended, to be honest i wanted to make it more raw, but in the ended it ended up fluffier xD I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much i enjoyed writing it. For the next month i won't be posting that often (except personal posts maybe), I have some OS ideas i want to post but it's time to focus on the next idea for a multichapter that i have in mind...And i am obsessive with the new story ^-^
I feel strange that this ended,as some of you know i grew attached to this one... But i am happy the i finally finished something and it turned out to be good, well,at least it left me satifying feelings... :)
Comments are allways appreciated!!! xD