(no subject)
Sometimes I truly think I'm crazy. Not only do I have two too many projects going on as it is, I'll have another started in another 1-2 months. Thus, even though I'm exhausted and tired of making store runs, I am trying to "end" one of them. Of course, it's never that easy. I always think "just one more step/email...." And it never is. This time I met that purchasing goal, stored them, declared that phrase of the project over, and all I have to do is deliver it. The final "phrase" as it were. Well, that'd be true if my contact at the non-profit didn't leave! Now, I have to re-explain what I was doing to someone else and work on making contact with them. Whoever it is that responds back.
Then, if I wasn't crazy enough, I went and decided to apply to that fellowship again. I mean, I said I would last year but it wasn't important. Then March hit and I didn't get much done, and mid april hit and I realized I really needed to work on that. So within 2 weeks I went all crazy, immersed myself in articles, pick important parts and made a rough draft. Only to find out it was like 2 pages and 1500 characters overboard. So after an intense editing, it got done. Then realized before I could contact anyone, I needed the motivational essay done, which took a lot of editing again. My C.V. didn't change much but there were some serious formatting issues.
Finally, I contacted my maybe host a month later. That looks promising at least but I did that with the expected results, impact, and timeline incomplete. In fact, it hadn't even been started. The last couple days I've worked on the timeline so that is at least on the "draft" phase. Can't really edit it for a couple days though as it's a good idea to take a few days off and "changes your eyes." I've also got two recommendation ppl but putting that email together requires energy and time to just sit there and do it. Which is not easily found.
In the end, just like before, I'm wondering why I'm pushing myself like this. Is this really worth it? I mean, I suppose I'm better time-wise than I give myself credit for. I mean, I was hustling to do this in July-August last year so I've started earlier but there's still so much to do and all I want to do is be like others at my apartment, just hanging out at the pool, doing nothing.
Meanwhile my mom and everyone is hissing about my job search. I simply cannot handle family affairs, my job, and these two projects, and a job search. I can't do it so it's on hold. Which means working on all these parts so I can at least give some focus to that, within the next coming weeks. Granted this is all my decision but I wish someone would see all of the stuff going on in my life and understand why my job search isn't important right now. Trying to fulfill all the expectations my family, job, and commitments need just takes so much out of me that these 2 projects are already getting it's small remains.
Then, if I wasn't crazy enough, I went and decided to apply to that fellowship again. I mean, I said I would last year but it wasn't important. Then March hit and I didn't get much done, and mid april hit and I realized I really needed to work on that. So within 2 weeks I went all crazy, immersed myself in articles, pick important parts and made a rough draft. Only to find out it was like 2 pages and 1500 characters overboard. So after an intense editing, it got done. Then realized before I could contact anyone, I needed the motivational essay done, which took a lot of editing again. My C.V. didn't change much but there were some serious formatting issues.
Finally, I contacted my maybe host a month later. That looks promising at least but I did that with the expected results, impact, and timeline incomplete. In fact, it hadn't even been started. The last couple days I've worked on the timeline so that is at least on the "draft" phase. Can't really edit it for a couple days though as it's a good idea to take a few days off and "changes your eyes." I've also got two recommendation ppl but putting that email together requires energy and time to just sit there and do it. Which is not easily found.
In the end, just like before, I'm wondering why I'm pushing myself like this. Is this really worth it? I mean, I suppose I'm better time-wise than I give myself credit for. I mean, I was hustling to do this in July-August last year so I've started earlier but there's still so much to do and all I want to do is be like others at my apartment, just hanging out at the pool, doing nothing.
Meanwhile my mom and everyone is hissing about my job search. I simply cannot handle family affairs, my job, and these two projects, and a job search. I can't do it so it's on hold. Which means working on all these parts so I can at least give some focus to that, within the next coming weeks. Granted this is all my decision but I wish someone would see all of the stuff going on in my life and understand why my job search isn't important right now. Trying to fulfill all the expectations my family, job, and commitments need just takes so much out of me that these 2 projects are already getting it's small remains.