This is a pretty interesting series of links, and discussion thereof. I too was generally praised as a child and now have crushing insecurites and fear of failure.
Hm. I disagree with the notion. I think a lot of people have a fear of failure. I might even go so far as to say that most people fear failure, but I do not think that it is a result of the praise that we are given as a child. I'm not afraid of failure. It's how we learn. My mother and grandparents praised me a great deal as a child and continue to. I have one heck of an ego, a fact which astridsdream will attest to in some time if she notices this comment, but failure only serves to strengthen my desire to do it again and this time to succeed. The fear of failure, I think, comes from knowing that other people have done it before and did it better and or easier than you are able. That has to be locked away and you have to light out and make whatever you want your own.
Hmm. I made one reply but it came off kind of snarky, although it wasn't meant to be, and so I deleted it, and have been trying to post a different response and it just... isn't posting. So if you've gotten several dozen notifications about the same post or variatons thereof, I apologize.
Snarky is cool, but I didn't take it that way :D It is good to be me, but thank the maker we all function differently. Otherwise it would be nice for everyone to be me and well...I'm not ok with that :D
Oh hey! I had another thought.... did you actually read the article all the way through? Because it makes the point that just telling a kid they were "natually talented" or "smart" or what have you is what causes the trouble; because they don't know -how- they do it, so they don't have control over it and fear losing it since they think it's what makes them valuable. BUT, if you praise children for effort, or for trying, or for working hard and learning, that DOES boost their self-esteem and helps them to not be afraid of failure and so forth
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Well, that was pretty terrifyingly spot-on. Yeesh.
It's probably notable that the skill I went on to any success with--art--was the one I didn't start until I was seventeen or so and had a blank slate to start with.
Yeah, pretty much I'm doing my 'hobbies' on a semi-professional basis at this point. God forbid I try to take anything -seriously-; that's a death-knell.
I think there's some truth to it. Early on I was praised quite a bit for being smart. My wiser teachers didn't make a fuss, but all my age-mates knew what coursework I got, and they made a fuss, so it didn't really work. But those teachers didn't allow me to be just smart, they still made me *do.* Later on I eventually got a couple of general tirades that boiled down to this: If you're really smart, you shouldn't be competing against anyone else; you should be competing against yourself. That was the whole intent behind the K-12 school I was attending, so it wasn't a new idea. But it was very forcefully presented in that instance
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...yeah, clicking disturbingly well. Just had a moment of "Well, shit, I'm just skating, aren't I."
However, the question is thus begged: if you grew up a gifted learner, doesn't that mean that you have an advantage towards learning to be a gifted doer?
I also think kids are sometimes 'smart for their age'... but that doesn't mean everyone else won't catch up eventually. If you're reading at a 3rd grade level in first grade, that's pretty cool... but if you're still reading at a third grade level in third grade, suddenly it's not so special.
Comments 26
-Mr. Money
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Cheers,
-M
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It's probably notable that the skill I went on to any success with--art--was the one I didn't start until I was seventeen or so and had a blank slate to start with.
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an interesting way to look at it. I'll be thinking about this for a while today.... (whee!)
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Fear is the mind-killer... ;)/nitpick ( ... )
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ARGH!!!
yes. :)
Yep, logically it all makes sense. But it can keep you from living a richer life. You don't have to be good at something to enjoy it throughly. :)
....admittedly I *still* loathe wiz-war. that damn game! ;)
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However, the question is thus begged: if you grew up a gifted learner, doesn't that mean that you have an advantage towards learning to be a gifted doer?
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