me: Yeah, I'm taking a welding/forging class.

him: please tell me you're building a terrorist-killing armor suit
PLEASE
doesn't even have to be true
just tell me
and if you could say something about a cave and some scraps, I would sure appreciate that.

me: That's the plan ( Read more... )

"I can't find the hammer."

"Why do you need a hammer?"

"The one you gave me. Can't find it."

"I didn't give you a hammer."

"What? Hmm. Thought you did. I'll find it tomorrow and you'll remember."

(I'm pretty sure I've never given anyone a hammer.)

"Bek and I are getting drunk. When are you coming home?"

"Soon!"

"When you were talking about ice melting stuff, I sort of envisioned something like a flamethrower ( Read more... )

"I might point out that right now, when my batteries are drained and I don't want to do ANYTHING, might not be the best time to really ask about going out on NYE ( Read more... )

"I've been telling you that you need to go to a neurologist for years."

"You're so satisfied, aren't you?"

"We have Peeps!"

"Yeah, I was surprised to see non-regulation Halloween Peeps in the house."

*shakes a Halloween Peep at me* "Peep! Peep! Wait, what sound does a pumpkin make?"

. . .

*silently shakes a Halloween Peep at me*

*spank* *spank* "Move!"

"Y'know, I think I like being hit in the ass more than being spanked."

*thwack* *thwack* "Ow. My fingernails are digging into my hand."

(With hand gestures.) "Hm. Try it this way."

"Like a volleyball?"

"Yep."

*thwack* *thwack* "Your ass is more stationary than a volleyball."

"*bite ( Read more... )

"I don't mind him having easy access to catnip."

"I do. No-one's done any long term studies on the effect of catnip on kitty brains."

"That's because there are laws against the scientific study of catnip."