I'm on my way home. Even though Amy's in the apartment, i feel pretty okay. B told me to tell her not to turn on her laptop so her bf doesnt see our pics. Hope she's going to listen to me ( Read more... )

Relationships were always important part of my life. It would be too much to say that relationships give me purpose, but the change is obvious. It may be the excitement of meeting someone new and the intoxicating euphoria after the first kiss or the everlasting need to be aknowledged as GOOD ENOUGH, but every relationship pushed me through my ( Read more... )

It's a thin line between being depressive and giving up. I've been walking that line for the past couple of months, and lemme tell you this, it ain't easy. I realized it's extra hard to pull myself together while at home. I can go a day or two without binging and purging, but i do slip eventually and end up locked in my room for 4 days. Today i got ( Read more... )

I'm on my way back home, looking through the window trying to summarize the weekend. The first and most important thing is that i got to spend a lot of time with armin, even though it was not enough - I hadn't seen him since the last august. This was a great chance for me to relax, kick back and forget all about my ED. I didn't binge once! That's 5 ( Read more... )

Okay, this didn't happen before. I woke up hungry! And after a cup of coffee, i'm still hungry. Sucks ( Read more... )

god, this is hard.
i literally can't look at myself in the mirror. i'm not only sad, i'm really angry too. i want to break something, kick someone. i feel so helpless, as if i can't do anything about it but cry.
and i started hearing voices. the other night i went to my grandmother's place across the street to purge cause her house was empty and ( Read more... )

Last night i listened to the last song on my iPod touch. The screen became unresponsive, than it went white and finally, my best friend, walking buddy, my precious, my everything, my iPod touch died. I bought it after the new year's eve, and it died last night. It's not fair. I want to sue someone. I couldn't sleep last night, that's how upset i ( Read more... )

I wanted to eat today. I haven't eaten a thing last three days and thought it would be okay to have a tomato with cheese. After i went to the campus, on my way back i stopped in three stores to buy tomatoes (my mom packed a homemade cheese when i was back home) but noone sells tomatoes because it's winter!! I was like what the fucking fuck! I ( Read more... )

God, i hate when the whole world conspires against me when i'm trying to lose weight. I'm fasting again, and that's going okay i guess, but to speed up the process i decided to walk around as much as possible. Yesterday i walked almost two hrs, today i was supposed to go to campus by foot. 20mins after i went out, a friend of my pulls over and ( Read more... )

After an hour of talking about my progress and the most recent slip into ana routines, i managed to avoid hospitalization!!! That's the best news i got this year. Still, i have to do therapy, antidepressants and i silently promised to myself i'll go to the gym at least 3 times a week and see a nutritionist ASAP. I want to be 79kg, but i'll give ( Read more... )