voices
god, this is hard.
i literally can't look at myself in the mirror. i'm not only sad, i'm really angry too. i want to break something, kick someone. i feel so helpless, as if i can't do anything about it but cry.
and i started hearing voices. the other night i went to my grandmother's place across the street to purge cause her house was empty and while crossing the street i started hearing voices, just plain old voices telling me that if i were dead, i wouldn't feel anything. i wouldn't be sad. the voices never tell me to kill myself, i just hear them talking about how worthless i am in the most awkward situations. on the middle of the street i wanted to scream back at the voices that they are right, that the only solution is for me to stop moving there and let a car hit me. god, i wanted a car to hit me so much, but i kept on walking. i just wasn't brave enough, i'm simply too fat to die. i don't want to be fat when i die, i don't them making fun of me and my body. i want to be thin. but i am so weak, i simply can't do it.
this is what i want :( more than anything. and i'm too fat, worthless, fat to do it.
worthless piece of shit. big, obese blob of fat
i need the voices to stop screaming at me! i miss the silence. and only death can bring back the silence.
ONE DAY I'LL BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO KILL MYSELF.
i literally can't look at myself in the mirror. i'm not only sad, i'm really angry too. i want to break something, kick someone. i feel so helpless, as if i can't do anything about it but cry.
and i started hearing voices. the other night i went to my grandmother's place across the street to purge cause her house was empty and while crossing the street i started hearing voices, just plain old voices telling me that if i were dead, i wouldn't feel anything. i wouldn't be sad. the voices never tell me to kill myself, i just hear them talking about how worthless i am in the most awkward situations. on the middle of the street i wanted to scream back at the voices that they are right, that the only solution is for me to stop moving there and let a car hit me. god, i wanted a car to hit me so much, but i kept on walking. i just wasn't brave enough, i'm simply too fat to die. i don't want to be fat when i die, i don't them making fun of me and my body. i want to be thin. but i am so weak, i simply can't do it.
this is what i want :( more than anything. and i'm too fat, worthless, fat to do it.
worthless piece of shit. big, obese blob of fat
i need the voices to stop screaming at me! i miss the silence. and only death can bring back the silence.
ONE DAY I'LL BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO KILL MYSELF.