die, bitch, die!
It's a thin line between being depressive and giving up. I've been walking that line for the past couple of months, and lemme tell you this, it ain't easy. I realized it's extra hard to pull myself together while at home. I can go a day or two without binging and purging, but i do slip eventually and end up locked in my room for 4 days. Today i got out and decided life goes on. Yeah, i binged. Yeah, i purged so much i'm bloated again. World, i'm fat. Deal with it! I'm doing something about it, so shut the fuck up.
I bought a new music player on monday. It broke down yesterday. That's number two this year. It made me feel sick - i spent so much money on iShit, and now this. I left it for my mother to return it. I break everything i touch.
I haven't seen D since last week, but we're hopefully going out tonight. I feel so undesirable and fat, i think i'm trying to destroy this relationship just so D (who is pissed of, btw) doesn't look at me. It's weird, i'm trying to shut out the person that knows me the best. I'm just too ashamed of myself and my body to look anyone in the eye. That's why it's easy to flirt with strangers. I can cheat, fake it, lie and disappear without feeling guilty when they get too close to me.
I finally decided to give up on Mr Gay, that's not my thing. I'll try and stay with D. I really have to, after everything we went through.
Oh yeah, fasting today!
I bought a new music player on monday. It broke down yesterday. That's number two this year. It made me feel sick - i spent so much money on iShit, and now this. I left it for my mother to return it. I break everything i touch.
I haven't seen D since last week, but we're hopefully going out tonight. I feel so undesirable and fat, i think i'm trying to destroy this relationship just so D (who is pissed of, btw) doesn't look at me. It's weird, i'm trying to shut out the person that knows me the best. I'm just too ashamed of myself and my body to look anyone in the eye. That's why it's easy to flirt with strangers. I can cheat, fake it, lie and disappear without feeling guilty when they get too close to me.
I finally decided to give up on Mr Gay, that's not my thing. I'll try and stay with D. I really have to, after everything we went through.
Oh yeah, fasting today!