and it was your heart on the line
i guess secrecy doesn't get you far.
you know the feeling in your chest when you remember something that made your heart beat faster? like there's a butterfly trapped in your ribcage, fluttering against the bones?
i had that feeling carry me through my saturday.
today i mostly realised that i really shouldn't wait with enjoying life. not that i particularly do, but if we'll really die in 2012 i haven't even finished uni. i can't wait to start living fully until after that, because there might not be an after. the idea makes me sad but also feel like uni isn't as serious as i make it out to be in my mind sometimes. i still feel like life holds endless possibilities for me, i should remember that i feel that way. some day i might not.
every day is a day. the reality is that i do grow older, so why waste the days while i'm still young and full of life? i don't want to only really be alive twenty percent of the time, while the eighty is grey and listless. i don't want that to be my path.
in other news, my friend's going to be a dad. he's currently in norway and has been for.. closing in on six months. i guess he's not coming back soon, not that we were really expecting him to. i'm part shocked and part unblinkingly unsurprised, but when i really started thinking about it i realised there's a part sadness mixed in, too. i'm sad he's all the way over there now - i'd have liked to meet and hold the first baby born among my friends. but who knows, maybe i will.
today i folded ten origami cranes to say goodbye to the people i met in performance anxiety training. they looked pretty, grouped together on my desk.
this mad headache is now driving me under the covers with the lights off.
you know the feeling in your chest when you remember something that made your heart beat faster? like there's a butterfly trapped in your ribcage, fluttering against the bones?
i had that feeling carry me through my saturday.
today i mostly realised that i really shouldn't wait with enjoying life. not that i particularly do, but if we'll really die in 2012 i haven't even finished uni. i can't wait to start living fully until after that, because there might not be an after. the idea makes me sad but also feel like uni isn't as serious as i make it out to be in my mind sometimes. i still feel like life holds endless possibilities for me, i should remember that i feel that way. some day i might not.
every day is a day. the reality is that i do grow older, so why waste the days while i'm still young and full of life? i don't want to only really be alive twenty percent of the time, while the eighty is grey and listless. i don't want that to be my path.
in other news, my friend's going to be a dad. he's currently in norway and has been for.. closing in on six months. i guess he's not coming back soon, not that we were really expecting him to. i'm part shocked and part unblinkingly unsurprised, but when i really started thinking about it i realised there's a part sadness mixed in, too. i'm sad he's all the way over there now - i'd have liked to meet and hold the first baby born among my friends. but who knows, maybe i will.
today i folded ten origami cranes to say goodbye to the people i met in performance anxiety training. they looked pretty, grouped together on my desk.
this mad headache is now driving me under the covers with the lights off.