How A Heart Breaks-Chapter Thirty
Title: How A Heart Breaks
Rating: PG-NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, never happened.
Summary: They met, they fell in love, they learned to know better.
AN: NOT A HAPPY CHAPTER! Though it is the last one
Tonight its graduation night, but I won’t be going. I told my parents that I was going with Lily, and I told Lily that I was going with my parents. By the time that anyone realizes what happened to me, it’ll be too late.
I’m just so tired. This whole thing has exhausted me.
I may sound emo, or childish when I say this, but I know that I won’t get over him. He has invaded my every thought, my every dream, and every drop of my blood. I know that people say when you’re my age; you can’t know what it is to love.
People are wrong.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life miserable like this. I won’t have everyone around me watch me do this. I can’t.
This was written to explain, not to blame. This is not Bam’s fault. I am eighteen, and the law says that I am a man, and I can make my own choices, be they to live or not. Just because the rest of the world doesn’t agree with this choice, that doesn’t make it the wrong one.
Eventually, they’ll understand.
I don’t feel that I’m a coward. On the contrary, I think that I’m being brave. I’m not pushing this off on anybody else, I’m not making the rest of the world suffer by watching my in my own private agony.
Really, this is the best thing I can do.
I just want them to know, my parents, my friends, and most especially Lily that I love them. They couldn’t save me. They couldn’t give me the love I wanted. Love from Bam.
It’s okay.
**
Lily sat on the bed of his best friend’s room. The bed was still unmade; there were still dirty clothes on the floor. Half read books still littered the room, bookmarks in various places.
Stories his best friend had started, laughed over, thought over, and maybe even cried over. Stories that Ville would never finish.
The notebook, filled with his best friend’s hand writing was in his hands. It wasn’t a suicide note, or an apology, so much as it was just a fact of the matter. Ville had, to the best of his ability, stated his case clearly and rationally. Not that suicide was ever rational.
“I’m not less angry with you for doing it.” Lily said out loud to his empty room. “But… Maybe I understand just a little better.”
He’d taken handfuls of pills. And even though his parents had raced home when everyone realized that no one knew where he was, and even though they called the ambulance---.
Lily shook his head, feeling the weight of his dreadlocks on the back of his neck. He hugged the notebook, caressing its worn cover, drawn over with random doodles.
“I love you, Ville. I love you more than you know. Even though you’re gone… Away from me.” He stood up and laid the notebook back down on the bed, carefully against the pillow.
Arms crossed over his chest, Lily walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
Rating: PG-NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, never happened.
Summary: They met, they fell in love, they learned to know better.
AN: NOT A HAPPY CHAPTER! Though it is the last one
Tonight its graduation night, but I won’t be going. I told my parents that I was going with Lily, and I told Lily that I was going with my parents. By the time that anyone realizes what happened to me, it’ll be too late.
I’m just so tired. This whole thing has exhausted me.
I may sound emo, or childish when I say this, but I know that I won’t get over him. He has invaded my every thought, my every dream, and every drop of my blood. I know that people say when you’re my age; you can’t know what it is to love.
People are wrong.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life miserable like this. I won’t have everyone around me watch me do this. I can’t.
This was written to explain, not to blame. This is not Bam’s fault. I am eighteen, and the law says that I am a man, and I can make my own choices, be they to live or not. Just because the rest of the world doesn’t agree with this choice, that doesn’t make it the wrong one.
Eventually, they’ll understand.
I don’t feel that I’m a coward. On the contrary, I think that I’m being brave. I’m not pushing this off on anybody else, I’m not making the rest of the world suffer by watching my in my own private agony.
Really, this is the best thing I can do.
I just want them to know, my parents, my friends, and most especially Lily that I love them. They couldn’t save me. They couldn’t give me the love I wanted. Love from Bam.
It’s okay.
**
Lily sat on the bed of his best friend’s room. The bed was still unmade; there were still dirty clothes on the floor. Half read books still littered the room, bookmarks in various places.
Stories his best friend had started, laughed over, thought over, and maybe even cried over. Stories that Ville would never finish.
The notebook, filled with his best friend’s hand writing was in his hands. It wasn’t a suicide note, or an apology, so much as it was just a fact of the matter. Ville had, to the best of his ability, stated his case clearly and rationally. Not that suicide was ever rational.
“I’m not less angry with you for doing it.” Lily said out loud to his empty room. “But… Maybe I understand just a little better.”
He’d taken handfuls of pills. And even though his parents had raced home when everyone realized that no one knew where he was, and even though they called the ambulance---.
Lily shook his head, feeling the weight of his dreadlocks on the back of his neck. He hugged the notebook, caressing its worn cover, drawn over with random doodles.
“I love you, Ville. I love you more than you know. Even though you’re gone… Away from me.” He stood up and laid the notebook back down on the bed, carefully against the pillow.
Arms crossed over his chest, Lily walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.