The Addies
Some of you who know me well know that I have a tendency to...well, absorb television advertisements, to say the least. To be frank, I have strong opinions on television advertisements, for several reasons. One, I seem to be the only person who actually sees or hears tv ads when they are on; other people seem to have a wonderful ability to tune out commercials altogether. Secondly, my situation offers me more chances to see commercials than perhaps the average person. Thirdly, I find poor advertising especially insulting and, once seen, a bad ad is hard for me to let go of.
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So now I offer the Addies, a compilation partly to celebrate the non-abrasive but mostly to shun the annoying, the insulting, the inane, and the downright stupid. I don't really expect anyone to get anything out of this, because apparently, as I said before, nobody else in the world seems to remember anything about tv ads at all, which makes ME the freak.
.
Best Overall TV Ad Campaigns
Target
Target has had positive, quirky and effective tv ads for years now. Its "Brave New Dorm" promotion is a bit optimistic about the space kids will have to decorate, but it all boils down to the fact that I have yet to see an ad for Target that I don't like. Having Earth Wind and Fire on their holiday ads helped.
Aflac
Clever use of sound and the voice talents of Gilbert "Iago" Gottfried. Even the one with the goat ("Naah-flac") is funny, but the one with the Yogi Berra clone is the funniest to date.
Geico
Cavemen are funny, and the indignance the main caveman has stretches from parties to airports to a shrink's office. And the gecko is still very cute. The "better ways to spend fifteen minutes online" series is a letdown though, because I don't want to see the stupid things people put online.
Miller's High Life
I love the concept (Miller vigilantes raid overpriced institutions to relieve them of their rights to sell Miller's High Life, which is supposed to be moderately priced) and the big black man carrying out the hilarious kidnappings of beer. Clever and it makes me like Miller. Hmm.
Best Individual TV Ads
Miller's High Life: $11.50 for a Hamburger
The aforementioned big black man rolls up to a hoity-toity restaurant with a truck and some cronies, looks at the menu and sees that they charge $11.50 for a hamburger, and absconds with the restaurant's entire supply of Miller High Life. Classic line: "$11.50 for a hamburger, y'all must be crazy!"
Dodger Baseball: Jeff Kent in the Toast
A Latino man calls his wife into the kitchen because his toast carries the impression of Jeff Kent, the Dodgers' second baseman. His wife, unimpressed, takes the piece and says, "It's toast," taking a healthy bite and walking away despite her husband's protests. Funny and using stereotypes without being offensive.
Worst Overall Ad Campaigns
Carl's Jr
For some reason Carl's Jr. has not had a good idea since the hot women washing cars and eating hamburgers spree (wait, wasn't that Paris Hilton?). In a recent ad, you see strange straight people clubbing all night, then suddenly at 6am the LEAST appetizing breakfast club sandwich drops down like a ton of bricks. As if the first thing one would want at 6am after clubbing all night is solid food, since one is probably coming down from the coke and ecstasy. And as if it couldn't get any worse, now we have to watch one of two hideous men in a hardware store licking...nay, slurping, molesting, violating the OUTSIDE of a plastic cup containing an orange-sickle shake, since "it may take you a while to realize it's not an orange-sickle." Only if you're incredibly stupid and cannot separate the taste of cold plastic from an orange dessert. I need say no more. The only redemption is the hot guy eating what looks like a VERY tasty teriyaki burger in a jeep with no shirt on.
Jack in the Box
Now, to combat the new fad of fast food joints using Angus beef in their burgers, Jack has decided to try and make "Angus" synonymous (and homophonous) with "anus." See if you are thinking more about Jack's sirloin burger or other peoples' Angus burgers after these commercials, or if all you can think of is how immature the advertising agents must be. Then there's the salad-mobile ad...why is he so annoyed that someone would ask what the hell that monstrosity he is running cars of the road with is? And why isn't the ugly guy in the boardroom who spills Jack's coffee fired?
Time Warner Cable
I refer mostly to the pair of commercials with people "talking" to Verizon and AT&T about the hideously unfair fact that said companies make you sign a contract and have cancellation fees. Not only are the two people incredibly rude to the poor telemarketer who has no say in the decisions, but the small print reveals that, yes, Time Warner ALSO makes you sign a contract...and everyone has cancellation fees! Sheesh! But also I just grow sick (and amazed) at how MANY different Time Warner Cable commercials there are. Try counting them.
Dodger Baseball
I refer specifically to the man who refuses to take off his big oversized foam finger, not in the shower, at work, on the elevator, or anything. Plus he's ugly. And he lets his kid touch it after he brushes his teeth with it and does all sorts of nasty stuff! He's gross. I don't want to be like him.
Frontline or Meow Mix
It is not cute to see real, adorable puppies or cats lip-synching to stupid songs about fleas. I miss the "Homeward Bound" treatment...no CGI with the mouths, just let us use our imagination!
I'll update this more as the desire hits me. I'm sure it will. Feel free to add your favorites.
.
So now I offer the Addies, a compilation partly to celebrate the non-abrasive but mostly to shun the annoying, the insulting, the inane, and the downright stupid. I don't really expect anyone to get anything out of this, because apparently, as I said before, nobody else in the world seems to remember anything about tv ads at all, which makes ME the freak.
.
Best Overall TV Ad Campaigns
Target
Target has had positive, quirky and effective tv ads for years now. Its "Brave New Dorm" promotion is a bit optimistic about the space kids will have to decorate, but it all boils down to the fact that I have yet to see an ad for Target that I don't like. Having Earth Wind and Fire on their holiday ads helped.
Aflac
Clever use of sound and the voice talents of Gilbert "Iago" Gottfried. Even the one with the goat ("Naah-flac") is funny, but the one with the Yogi Berra clone is the funniest to date.
Geico
Cavemen are funny, and the indignance the main caveman has stretches from parties to airports to a shrink's office. And the gecko is still very cute. The "better ways to spend fifteen minutes online" series is a letdown though, because I don't want to see the stupid things people put online.
Miller's High Life
I love the concept (Miller vigilantes raid overpriced institutions to relieve them of their rights to sell Miller's High Life, which is supposed to be moderately priced) and the big black man carrying out the hilarious kidnappings of beer. Clever and it makes me like Miller. Hmm.
Best Individual TV Ads
Miller's High Life: $11.50 for a Hamburger
The aforementioned big black man rolls up to a hoity-toity restaurant with a truck and some cronies, looks at the menu and sees that they charge $11.50 for a hamburger, and absconds with the restaurant's entire supply of Miller High Life. Classic line: "$11.50 for a hamburger, y'all must be crazy!"
Dodger Baseball: Jeff Kent in the Toast
A Latino man calls his wife into the kitchen because his toast carries the impression of Jeff Kent, the Dodgers' second baseman. His wife, unimpressed, takes the piece and says, "It's toast," taking a healthy bite and walking away despite her husband's protests. Funny and using stereotypes without being offensive.
Worst Overall Ad Campaigns
Carl's Jr
For some reason Carl's Jr. has not had a good idea since the hot women washing cars and eating hamburgers spree (wait, wasn't that Paris Hilton?). In a recent ad, you see strange straight people clubbing all night, then suddenly at 6am the LEAST appetizing breakfast club sandwich drops down like a ton of bricks. As if the first thing one would want at 6am after clubbing all night is solid food, since one is probably coming down from the coke and ecstasy. And as if it couldn't get any worse, now we have to watch one of two hideous men in a hardware store licking...nay, slurping, molesting, violating the OUTSIDE of a plastic cup containing an orange-sickle shake, since "it may take you a while to realize it's not an orange-sickle." Only if you're incredibly stupid and cannot separate the taste of cold plastic from an orange dessert. I need say no more. The only redemption is the hot guy eating what looks like a VERY tasty teriyaki burger in a jeep with no shirt on.
Jack in the Box
Now, to combat the new fad of fast food joints using Angus beef in their burgers, Jack has decided to try and make "Angus" synonymous (and homophonous) with "anus." See if you are thinking more about Jack's sirloin burger or other peoples' Angus burgers after these commercials, or if all you can think of is how immature the advertising agents must be. Then there's the salad-mobile ad...why is he so annoyed that someone would ask what the hell that monstrosity he is running cars of the road with is? And why isn't the ugly guy in the boardroom who spills Jack's coffee fired?
Time Warner Cable
I refer mostly to the pair of commercials with people "talking" to Verizon and AT&T about the hideously unfair fact that said companies make you sign a contract and have cancellation fees. Not only are the two people incredibly rude to the poor telemarketer who has no say in the decisions, but the small print reveals that, yes, Time Warner ALSO makes you sign a contract...and everyone has cancellation fees! Sheesh! But also I just grow sick (and amazed) at how MANY different Time Warner Cable commercials there are. Try counting them.
Dodger Baseball
I refer specifically to the man who refuses to take off his big oversized foam finger, not in the shower, at work, on the elevator, or anything. Plus he's ugly. And he lets his kid touch it after he brushes his teeth with it and does all sorts of nasty stuff! He's gross. I don't want to be like him.
Frontline or Meow Mix
It is not cute to see real, adorable puppies or cats lip-synching to stupid songs about fleas. I miss the "Homeward Bound" treatment...no CGI with the mouths, just let us use our imagination!
I'll update this more as the desire hits me. I'm sure it will. Feel free to add your favorites.