How are those nuts, Sarge? They're doing fine, Bill. Nice of you to ask.
So, phew, crisis averted. Walt came through like a knight in shining VAIO armour and Photoshop CS4 is installed and working like a dream. Rejoice.
This week's spamee:
Donnie Carwood Lipton
So, would I be right in saying that everyone loves Lip? I'm not sure how you couldn't like him. And a warning - I have the severe inability to call him Lip. Or Lipton. Every single time I've watched BoB, I've called him Donnie. Sergeant Donnie. So I will be calling him Donnie the whole way through, for the sake of my sanity and so I don't have to go back and retype a whole bunch of Donnies. When another character says 'Lip' or 'Lipton', I hear 'Donnie'. I'm not joking. I just can't shake the habit. Sad thing is, I'm not even an NKOTB fan or anything, I was a few years shy of being caught up on all that hoopla, which kind of sucks, because I'd have loved to have peppered this picspam with hilarious NKOTB songs lyrics. But alas, it was not to be. Feel free to add your own, though :D
MASSIVELY EPIC BOB PICSPAM PART THIRTEEN: CARWOOD LIPTON
(aka Sergeant Donnie and his sensible hair, Easy's mother ♥)
So, before I get into the crack proper, I just have to say a few things.
#1: BoB, combined with The Departed, made me love everything Wahlberg, to the point where I'll blindly defend either of them for anything. When I read the cast for BoB and saw Donnie I was all ".....ohhhhhhhhhkay then." But to his massive credit he acted far better than I ever thought a Wahlberg ever had the right to act, so A fucking +++ to him. I love him.
#2: HOLY SHIT LOOK AT DONNIE'S LEGS. I just love leeeeeeetle shorts like these ♥
OK. So it's pretty much canon that Donnie is a giant mother hen, who takes care of everyone and is selfless and modest and 100% awesome. You know how in The Simpsons Marge makes those grumbling noises when she disapproves of something? I totally see Donnie, in all his motherliness, making those noises all the time, but he's too nice to speak up. So whenever there's a cap where he's totally doing this (UM LIKE THE CAPS ABOVE) I will simply post this:
Because, you know.
So Donnie is super serious. He leads the little officers' mutiny, and he gives magnificent BITCH PLEASE looks to anyone who doesn't take it seriously.
HE'S VERY SERIOUS, EVERYONE. HE'S NOT A CHILD. HE IS RESPONSIBLE.
Almighty pimp walk (for the last time, might I add D:)
Before they leave, Donnie runs around like any responsible mother checking that everyone has enough colouring books and crayons to keep them occupied in the backseat of the car, and is a total Debbie Downer when he's all "MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A WILL BECAUSE YOU WILL PROBABLY DIE". So responsible.
Johnny Martin's already coloured in the cat on page 4. Although he went outside the lines, Donnie, like any good mother, praises his work.
And then has a little secret freakout, bless.
He gets distracted from whatever important thing he was doing on the plane over by the kids yelling in the backseat.
But then he meets up with the other sensible adults, and they make sensible plans,
which involve not getting shot in the head like the idiot next to him,
and always stopping and asking for directions (♥)
AND EPIC LOL AT DICK'S FACE IN THAT SECOND CAP.
Like any good mother, he laughs at his children's dicky little jokes (also he is massively adorable here, bless)
And he puts himself in danger so the kids can cross the street safely,
All the whilst risking his reproductive capabilities :D
Donnie also is the one to always bear bad news.
You know he does not approve of doing this.
He tolerates and entertains the speshul children,
But is always very serious business when it comes to serious things. His hair is also serious (I have massive love for how sensibly combed his hair is, throughout the entire series. It's so freaking precious with its little side part. He's like one of those 1950s housewives with the perfectly set curls that never fall out of place)
And then we have this scene, which I know I squeeeeeeeeed over in my Popeye spam, but really, it's so freaking adorable and a further indication of Donnie's motherly nature.
He's so proud of Popeye, like he's just learnt how to ride his bicycle,
And he treats him ever so slightly patronisingly,
But it's only because Popeye is so unbelievably precious (LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE!!!! OMG)
And then Popeye's like "I CAN EVEN TIE MY OWN SHOES NOW MUM!!!!" and yeah. ADORABLE.
Like any good mother, Donnie is there (quickly! Look at action Donnie) to help you when you have a boo-boo. Or, in the case of Alley, quite a considerable boo-boo. And he'll smooth your hair back from your forehead as well. DAMNIT DONNIE STOP BEING SO AWESOME.
But if you're being a cheeky little shit (a la Luz) he will tell you to shut up. The look on his face is totally a "IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I WILL GO AND GET THE WOODEN SPOON AND GIVE YOU A GOOD THRASHING, YOUNG MAN" look, hahahahah
And then, like any good mother, he has to deal with the slightly retarded/senile older relatives who've lost their way and can't find their way back to the nursing home.
I love this scene, by the way. The look on Donnie's face is priceless, he is rolling his eyes so hard without actually rolling them. One of my favourite Donnie scenes ♥
And then, with Gordon, he's there to kiss another boo-boo better (♥) or, in the case of Hoob....not kiss it better D:
And then Mother Donnie and his sensible hair go and converse with the other grown ups, because he is responsible like that.
And he is nice and friendly and comforting to everyone in the shitty weather,
And pulls a series of completely endearing frowny faces,
And laughs at whatever inappropriate jokes the children are making.
And then that senile retard wanders away from the nursing home again, and rambles nonsensically at Donnie when he's in his foxhole, then wanders away again, and Donnie's like SERIOUSLY?
And when Bill inquires after his nuts he is completely adorable and all "yes dear, my nuts are fine, thanks for asking"
And shit blows up and he gets excited and shows off his lovely straight teeth, laughing just a little bit deliriously,
Until the senile retard wanders up again like some mental patient, and the WTFery is epic.
And then there are a whole series of boo-boos that not even Mother Donnie can do anything about, and he gets a little verklempt, just for a moment,
Before switching back into super-comforting Mother Donnie mode with Luz,
And then Buck,
And I know I mentioned it last spam, but I'd love him to pat my knee in a comforting manner. It's so motherly I can't handle it.
And then he, like, cuddles Luz when he runs into his foxhole bedroom in the middle of the night after a bad dream,
Picking up a bad habit along the way.
Seriously. It's like having your mother share a smoke with you or a bottle of wine when you're like, 14, hahahahaha.
So he's doing his best, trying to keep spirits up,
But still being all stealthy and smoking and shit,
And if you don't like Donnie by this episode then you have no heart. LOOK AT HIM.
So then Mama Bear Donnie emerges, leading all the little baby bears into battle,
And comes across the senile retarded uncle once again, and yells at him and probably gets him sectioned or something, because THANKFULLY WE NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.
And then, it's like fate. THROUGH THE SMOKE AND FIRE, ACROSS THE TOWN, HE SPIES A MAN.
AND FALLS IN LOVE.
(Donnie fangirling Speirs is like the cutest thing ever. But more on that later)
Because there is a brief interlude of more Mama Bear Donnie bravery,
Putting his life at risk and being awesome to save all the kiddies ♥
And then we have some random pretty shots (I love that second cap)
Where Donnie's looking all bloody and kinda sexy,
UNTIL WE GET TO THE CHURCH OF IMMENSELY FLATTERING LIGHTING.
AND I SHIT YOU NOT,
IT'S LIKE WATCHING YOUR PARENTS FALL IN LOVE.
Because Donnie is all shy and adorable as he fangirls Speirs,
And Speirs is all sexy and manly and IT'S LOVE, GUYS. CANNOT BE DENIED.
And Donnie's all "he likes me" awwwwww ♥ ♥ ♥
So he continues to indulge in that naughty habit,
Whilst all his boyfriends cover him with blankets and bring him tea and shit,
And Mum and Dad have a serious discussion,
And in spite of all the pneumonia Donnie is still all motherly and comforting to poor Malark,
AND HIS AWESOMENESS IS FINALLY REWARDED AND I LOVE THIS SCENE SFM FOR SO MANY REASONS AND IT PISSES ME OFF THAT WE SEE, LIKE, TWO SECONDS OF IT, THROUGH A DOORWAY. BECAUSE IT'S THE OT5 (+ weeny Jones, ugh) AND LOOK AT DONNIE'S FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE, OMG. *ahem* sorry.
So then Donnie gets cleaned up and combs that lovely sensible hair again, which is all totally in preparation for...
This scene where he fangirls Winters SO hard,
That I'm surprised that the Alps don't fall down around them or something. IT IS ADORABLE.
And then we get to the final Donnie scene, which you know already that I love an epic amount, because of Harry and his gappy-toothed laughing and Donnie and his awesomely broad shoulders and the sunshine and EVERYTHING. He's like some proud mother watching his children run at Sports Day. I LOVE IT.
And then we say goodbye to Donnie, who has one final moment of considered responsibility, and I vow to love Donnie Wahlberg forever.
AND LOOK AT REAL LIFE LIPTON (RIP)
He is so freaking adorable and QT ♥ ♥
And he has sensible hair!!! Except it's a damned sight thicker than Donnie's, hahahahahaha
AND AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
♥
Part One (the epically fucked-up love of Webster and Liebgott)
Part Two (Speirs, the badassest badass to ever badass)
Part Three (Christenson and Grant, hot but criminally underused)
Part Four (George Luzzzzzz and the giant slash debacle)
Part Five (Mr CAPSLOCK Band of Brothers, Gonorrhoea)
Part Six (OMG THAT'S THE TRICKSTER FROM SPN AND THE GINGER ONE FROM ER!! And someone else)
Part Seven (ADMIT POPEYE IS ADORABLE OR MIGUEL ALVAREZ WILL CUT A BITCH MMKAY?)
Part Eight (Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabe)
Part Nine (people it is not possible to hate: Smokey, Shifty and Tab)
Part Ten (Harry the gappy-toothed wonder)
Part Eleven (JOHNNY MARTIN IS A SICILIAN GRANDMOTHER AND WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP)
Part Twelve (LOL BUCK'S REAL NAME IS LYNN and THE TRAGIC IRONY OF HOOB AND THE LUGER)
ALSO: IMPORTANT PSA FOR ALL BRITS
GENERATION KILL IS ON TONIGHT. ON FX. IF YOU HAVE IT. WATCH IT.
ALL THE PAPERS HAVE BEEN WAXING LYRICAL ABOUT IT. AND THERE'S A GIANT PICTURE OF FRUITY RUDY IN THE TIMES' CULTURE MAGAZINE.
In case you are yet to realise the potential awesomeness of this show, let me dump some more peer pressure on you:
Click to viewOH ASKARS
DOC BRYAN >>>>>>>> WORLD
The way Encino Man's face falls at the end there is a thing of beauty.
It is imperative that you find a way to watch this show.