so long

[crimsonaddict]

Its been a month since Jordan and I broke up.  It's crazy how life can change so fast.  I think I mourned our relationship months ago .  Because right now I feel so freed up.  I have not cried once this month.  In fact, I feel better than I have in so long.  I didn't realize how drained I had become during our relationship.  For what it's worth, I still love Jordan.  But I'm not in love with him.  I don't know when exactly that happened.  But it took me this whole month to be ok with that.  I miss being his friend.  I miss hanging out, playing music, eating brunch, making smoothies, jamming on the keyboard, making crafts.  Who knows, maybe we can still be friends.  Emotionally, I became detached awhile ago.  And thats not fair that I stayed for so long, and we should have let each other go a long time ago.  So strange how there can be so much love but no way to connect.  I always felt so far away.  What I need he couldn't give me and maybe it's vice versa.  I am such a fan.  of who he is.  what he stands for.  and his understanding of the world and people around us.  I am not a fan...of the lack of emotional support, the suppressed feelings, and the way we grew apart.  I changed.  Jordan changed.  Our relationship changed.  What a rollercoaster.

jb you are beautiful but you are so new on your journey.  I'm too grounded to be a dreamer.  Sometimes you were flying so high...it gets so lonely on the ground.  I've missed you for so long.  So much longer than a month.