yearly update
wow. what an epic last post. was thinking about jb the other day. wondering how he's doing. what he's doing. last time we hung out was the 4th of July. fun but weird. One of those "you look great, glad you're doing well" type hangouts. more than one of his friends saying "you two should get back together". I would have in a heartbeat if I thought it could work out. Haven't seen him since. Last I heard he went briefly? permanently? to farm out in CA.
to follow suit:
It's been just shy of a year since Ryan and I broke up. I am still single although have started trying to go on dates and see some people within the past month and a half. It's not really working out. It is what it is, casual and meaningless. Fun nonetheless. I have yet to see or meet a person with that instant pull. That something about them that makes me crazy. obsessed. drawn in for keeps. haven't seen anyone quite like that. It really takes me a long time to fully become unattached to someone. Like getting used to losing an arm or something. Still have to see Ryan at work...we are still friendly. Although deep down on the inside it makes me feel weak. Like he wins. He got to date me, he got to treat me like crap, he got to kick me out and throw me away, and now he gets to still keep me around and talk to me. ugh.
I have been hanging out with a few boys. Ive had to tell all of them i don't want to date them...i must have low self esteem because they all say the same thing: that i'm awesome "a total babe" (i liked that one lol) and they wished we could be more but are totally fine with just hanging out. i don't want anyone clinging to me at the moment.
i feel like i'm just going through the motions. and i don't want to get caught up in a relationship to make me feel more "alive" i want to kick my life back into gear and figure me out on my own terms. stupid boys.
i'm tired. i wiped out on my bike and wrecked myself friday. it still hurts. i'm really good at falling down.
thats all.
to follow suit:
It's been just shy of a year since Ryan and I broke up. I am still single although have started trying to go on dates and see some people within the past month and a half. It's not really working out. It is what it is, casual and meaningless. Fun nonetheless. I have yet to see or meet a person with that instant pull. That something about them that makes me crazy. obsessed. drawn in for keeps. haven't seen anyone quite like that. It really takes me a long time to fully become unattached to someone. Like getting used to losing an arm or something. Still have to see Ryan at work...we are still friendly. Although deep down on the inside it makes me feel weak. Like he wins. He got to date me, he got to treat me like crap, he got to kick me out and throw me away, and now he gets to still keep me around and talk to me. ugh.
I have been hanging out with a few boys. Ive had to tell all of them i don't want to date them...i must have low self esteem because they all say the same thing: that i'm awesome "a total babe" (i liked that one lol) and they wished we could be more but are totally fine with just hanging out. i don't want anyone clinging to me at the moment.
i feel like i'm just going through the motions. and i don't want to get caught up in a relationship to make me feel more "alive" i want to kick my life back into gear and figure me out on my own terms. stupid boys.
i'm tired. i wiped out on my bike and wrecked myself friday. it still hurts. i'm really good at falling down.
thats all.