Fic: Ether (SGA, Crack, John/Ba'al/Elizabeth [NC-17])
Title: Ether, or, Why We Love Ba'al So Damn Much
Characters: Sheppard, Ba'al, Elizabeth
Rating: NC-17
Genre/Pairing: John/Ba'al/Elizabeth
Spoliers: Mostly AU - SGC exists, characters are sorta the same, but not quite.
Summary: He also found out that some Goa’uld were not opposed to a little trickery in the event that it got them good sex.
A/N: WARNING: COMPLETE, SOMEWHAT OOC, CRACK. Complete with really bad impromptu almost-smut. This is totally the fault of
anuna_81,
alternate0ego, and
meridith_smith. Enough said. Please excuse me while I die of total embarassment of how bad this is.
Ether
Crap.
He blinked ponderously at the prisoner lying on the ground before him. Earth clothes, the Tau’ri arrogance that had become more apparent now that he distanced himself from his roots, everything pointing to the people he had hoped he’d never see again. What was she doing here?
“Well, what do we have here? A guest? How lovely!”
Raising an eyebrow as Ba’al entered the room, he could only shrug and turn his attention back to the woman now starting to awaken on the floor.
This would be interesting.
~~~*~~~
John Sheppard might have been great, if it wasn’t for the fact that he wasn’t. Always pushed to the back of the line, always looked down on just because one time he refused to follow a simple order (that, in the end, would have saved him half his rib cage, but not his conscience). It was a small miracle he was able to get on a gate team at all, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, so the events that led up to this baffling promotion would always be unknown to him.
He knew the first time he went off world that Earth wasn’t for him.
Maybe it was the freedom it presented, maybe it was the fact that he enjoyed being chased by parasite-worshipping natives a lot more than he should have, and maybe it was the moldy cheese he’d eaten the day before, but he felt so at home in another place in the cosmos that he wasn’t going to bother trying to deny it.
When he heard talk of being taken off the team and shipped to Antarctica, he happily began to plan an extended vacation.
~~~*~~~
Elizabeth Weir was a lot more than either of them expected.
Apparently a negotiator who was working at the SGC, she was sharp, witty, and terrified the underlings with what was becoming his favorite expression of being unimpressed - the raised eyebrow of doom.
It was through her that he learned several things. One, that his boyfriend was a kinky bastard (for a snake), and two, he wasn’t as one-sided as he thought.
He thinks he likes the idea of keeping her around for a while.
~~~*~~~
He met Ba’al on P4X-993, in the middle of giving some random Jaffa a blow job in his tent. Truthfully, he’d never have thought that System Lords would want anything to do with walking around their slave encampments, but Ba’al wasn’t like most System Lords.
He learned this difference went deeper than he was sure he was comfortable knowing that night when he discovered Ba’al had been hitting on him the entire time he had followed the Goa’uld around dumbly on the grand tour.
He also found out that some Goa’uld were not opposed to a little trickery in the event that it got them good sex and, surprisingly, cuddling.
When he accepted Ba’al’s invitation to terrorize the galaxy with him, he never looked back.
~~~*~~~
John never got used to how he sounded with a voice modulator on, his normal human voice turned deep and foreboding. It had been amusing when he first put it on, but now it tended to creep him out and prompted him to stay mostly silent around underlings and prisoners - he would turn it off when it was just him and Ba’al.
However, he had no choice in the matter now, for the prisoner had decided she wanted to speak to him. If she thought this would garner her a little more pity…well, she was right, but no one needed to know that.
“Dr. Weir,” he drawled, purposely creeping himself out more than usual, because, really, Goa’uld sounded weird when they drawled.
“Lord Sahu,” she replied formally, making his mouth quirk in a little smirk. Ba’al had given him the name, after a (dead) Goa’uld from way back, to help him keep up the act. Unfortunately, there weren’t many Goa’uld named John.
“You wished to speak to me?”
“I was wondering when you might be willing to let me go.”
He regarded her with amusement, lifting an eyebrow that mocked her own similar expression. Then he turned and began to walk away.
“I know who you are!”
He kept walking.
“Major Sheppard!”
He stopped dead in his tracks, then reeled for something to say. Turning on his heel, he glared at her, before smirking again.
“Major Sheppard is not available right now.”
~~~*~~~
He never really considered who he had once been after he had gotten himself a free ride into the home of one of the most powerful forces in the galaxy. He didn’t even consider himself John Sheppard anymore once Lord Ba’al had given him a proper Goa’uld name. Adopting the formal speech expected of a god and happily going about his business as an evil overlord, he couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.
Once or twice, he’d even thought about getting a symbiote, but he wasn’t that far gone yet.
Ba’al was pleased. He was pleased. He wasn’t in Antarctica. Life was good.
~~~*~~~
“So, what do you think of her?”
“What do you mean?” he replied only semi-coherently as the goa’uld idly stroked his cock.
“Well, it would be a waste to kill such a fine specimen…”
“That’s the same thing you said about the four-legged whatever on Satuetesh when you went through your bestiality phase.”
“Then you see what I’m implying?”
“I see that you’re insane and looking for a threesome.”
“So shall I consider that a yes or a no?”
“Ask me later.”
He leaned forward and distracted him with a demanding kiss.
~~~*~~~
“What!?”
He figured he should have been at least a little hurt by the incredulous look on her face, but in fact he just smirked more wildly.
“I believe the Tau’ri call it a threesome,” Ba’al replied with mirth in his voice, making John bite his lip slightly.
Elizabeth did the eyebrow raise and seemed to consider it. He cleared his throat.
“Well, I suppose if she needs that long to think about it, the airlock is a much better alternative…”
“I’ll do it!”
“Perfect!”
The System Lord clapped excitedly, striding out of the room with the obvious expectation of being followed. John turned to Elizabeth, who was looking somewhat scared but mostly determined. He pulled her to him, disregarding her surprised exclamation as he brought her face within inches of his.
“Not to be nosy or anything,” he said with a small smile, “But, really, loosen up.”
She met his eyes with her own bright green ones, and for a moment he forgot she was a prisoner and was lost in her intense gaze. Without thinking, he kissed her bruisingly hard, shoving her back against the wall.
A throat was cleared behind them.
Jumping away from her, he looked up to find Ba’al standing in the doorway and looking pleased with himself.
“No, no, go on. This is lovely entertainment, though I have to wonder what kind of ideas the Jaffa will get if they happen to walk in on this.”
~~~*~~~
Elizabeth, it turned out, was as kinky as Ba’al. This became apparent halfway through their endeavor when she hummed happily around the goa’uld’s cock when he kissed him, which really shouldn’t have been as hot as it was. It had been a while since either of them had been with a woman, and apparently Elizabeth as well. He figured she was the kind to be a forced prude for the sake of her job.
On the other hand, he wasn’t in any position to care.
He watched his lover take her as he stroked himself, though stopped dead as he finally made out what they were saying.
“-really was a great find. What do you think of him?”
She blinked, then smiled mischievously over at him. He gulped. Ba’al smirked. The next thing he knew, a warm weight was straddling him and lips and stubble were scraping over his neck. Two pairs of hands, one large and masculine, one small and feminine, tangled over his chest. His hips bucked as a nail flicked one of his nipples, and he moaned under his breath.
He opened the eyes he hadn’t even realized had closed and reached up, cupping Elizabeth’s breasts and exacting revenge by barely ghosting his thumbs over her nipples, tracing their outlines but only brushing the sides. Ba’al, the bastard, sided with her, gripping his cock and beginning to jerk him off, before guiding him inside her.
And that’s when their damn fleet was attacked.
~~~*~~~
In the end, she made a good overlordess. Ba’al got his threesome. John got to fly huge pyramids.
And they all lived happily ever after.
…Until they acquired a peculiar First Prime by the name of Rodney, but that’s another story altogether.
Characters: Sheppard, Ba'al, Elizabeth
Rating: NC-17
Genre/Pairing: John/Ba'al/Elizabeth
Spoliers: Mostly AU - SGC exists, characters are sorta the same, but not quite.
Summary: He also found out that some Goa’uld were not opposed to a little trickery in the event that it got them good sex.
A/N: WARNING: COMPLETE, SOMEWHAT OOC, CRACK. Complete with really bad impromptu almost-smut. This is totally the fault of
anuna_81,
alternate0ego, and
meridith_smith. Enough said. Please excuse me while I die of total embarassment of how bad this is.
Ether
Crap.
He blinked ponderously at the prisoner lying on the ground before him. Earth clothes, the Tau’ri arrogance that had become more apparent now that he distanced himself from his roots, everything pointing to the people he had hoped he’d never see again. What was she doing here?
“Well, what do we have here? A guest? How lovely!”
Raising an eyebrow as Ba’al entered the room, he could only shrug and turn his attention back to the woman now starting to awaken on the floor.
This would be interesting.
~~~*~~~
John Sheppard might have been great, if it wasn’t for the fact that he wasn’t. Always pushed to the back of the line, always looked down on just because one time he refused to follow a simple order (that, in the end, would have saved him half his rib cage, but not his conscience). It was a small miracle he was able to get on a gate team at all, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, so the events that led up to this baffling promotion would always be unknown to him.
He knew the first time he went off world that Earth wasn’t for him.
Maybe it was the freedom it presented, maybe it was the fact that he enjoyed being chased by parasite-worshipping natives a lot more than he should have, and maybe it was the moldy cheese he’d eaten the day before, but he felt so at home in another place in the cosmos that he wasn’t going to bother trying to deny it.
When he heard talk of being taken off the team and shipped to Antarctica, he happily began to plan an extended vacation.
~~~*~~~
Elizabeth Weir was a lot more than either of them expected.
Apparently a negotiator who was working at the SGC, she was sharp, witty, and terrified the underlings with what was becoming his favorite expression of being unimpressed - the raised eyebrow of doom.
It was through her that he learned several things. One, that his boyfriend was a kinky bastard (for a snake), and two, he wasn’t as one-sided as he thought.
He thinks he likes the idea of keeping her around for a while.
~~~*~~~
He met Ba’al on P4X-993, in the middle of giving some random Jaffa a blow job in his tent. Truthfully, he’d never have thought that System Lords would want anything to do with walking around their slave encampments, but Ba’al wasn’t like most System Lords.
He learned this difference went deeper than he was sure he was comfortable knowing that night when he discovered Ba’al had been hitting on him the entire time he had followed the Goa’uld around dumbly on the grand tour.
He also found out that some Goa’uld were not opposed to a little trickery in the event that it got them good sex and, surprisingly, cuddling.
When he accepted Ba’al’s invitation to terrorize the galaxy with him, he never looked back.
~~~*~~~
John never got used to how he sounded with a voice modulator on, his normal human voice turned deep and foreboding. It had been amusing when he first put it on, but now it tended to creep him out and prompted him to stay mostly silent around underlings and prisoners - he would turn it off when it was just him and Ba’al.
However, he had no choice in the matter now, for the prisoner had decided she wanted to speak to him. If she thought this would garner her a little more pity…well, she was right, but no one needed to know that.
“Dr. Weir,” he drawled, purposely creeping himself out more than usual, because, really, Goa’uld sounded weird when they drawled.
“Lord Sahu,” she replied formally, making his mouth quirk in a little smirk. Ba’al had given him the name, after a (dead) Goa’uld from way back, to help him keep up the act. Unfortunately, there weren’t many Goa’uld named John.
“You wished to speak to me?”
“I was wondering when you might be willing to let me go.”
He regarded her with amusement, lifting an eyebrow that mocked her own similar expression. Then he turned and began to walk away.
“I know who you are!”
He kept walking.
“Major Sheppard!”
He stopped dead in his tracks, then reeled for something to say. Turning on his heel, he glared at her, before smirking again.
“Major Sheppard is not available right now.”
~~~*~~~
He never really considered who he had once been after he had gotten himself a free ride into the home of one of the most powerful forces in the galaxy. He didn’t even consider himself John Sheppard anymore once Lord Ba’al had given him a proper Goa’uld name. Adopting the formal speech expected of a god and happily going about his business as an evil overlord, he couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.
Once or twice, he’d even thought about getting a symbiote, but he wasn’t that far gone yet.
Ba’al was pleased. He was pleased. He wasn’t in Antarctica. Life was good.
~~~*~~~
“So, what do you think of her?”
“What do you mean?” he replied only semi-coherently as the goa’uld idly stroked his cock.
“Well, it would be a waste to kill such a fine specimen…”
“That’s the same thing you said about the four-legged whatever on Satuetesh when you went through your bestiality phase.”
“Then you see what I’m implying?”
“I see that you’re insane and looking for a threesome.”
“So shall I consider that a yes or a no?”
“Ask me later.”
He leaned forward and distracted him with a demanding kiss.
~~~*~~~
“What!?”
He figured he should have been at least a little hurt by the incredulous look on her face, but in fact he just smirked more wildly.
“I believe the Tau’ri call it a threesome,” Ba’al replied with mirth in his voice, making John bite his lip slightly.
Elizabeth did the eyebrow raise and seemed to consider it. He cleared his throat.
“Well, I suppose if she needs that long to think about it, the airlock is a much better alternative…”
“I’ll do it!”
“Perfect!”
The System Lord clapped excitedly, striding out of the room with the obvious expectation of being followed. John turned to Elizabeth, who was looking somewhat scared but mostly determined. He pulled her to him, disregarding her surprised exclamation as he brought her face within inches of his.
“Not to be nosy or anything,” he said with a small smile, “But, really, loosen up.”
She met his eyes with her own bright green ones, and for a moment he forgot she was a prisoner and was lost in her intense gaze. Without thinking, he kissed her bruisingly hard, shoving her back against the wall.
A throat was cleared behind them.
Jumping away from her, he looked up to find Ba’al standing in the doorway and looking pleased with himself.
“No, no, go on. This is lovely entertainment, though I have to wonder what kind of ideas the Jaffa will get if they happen to walk in on this.”
~~~*~~~
Elizabeth, it turned out, was as kinky as Ba’al. This became apparent halfway through their endeavor when she hummed happily around the goa’uld’s cock when he kissed him, which really shouldn’t have been as hot as it was. It had been a while since either of them had been with a woman, and apparently Elizabeth as well. He figured she was the kind to be a forced prude for the sake of her job.
On the other hand, he wasn’t in any position to care.
He watched his lover take her as he stroked himself, though stopped dead as he finally made out what they were saying.
“-really was a great find. What do you think of him?”
She blinked, then smiled mischievously over at him. He gulped. Ba’al smirked. The next thing he knew, a warm weight was straddling him and lips and stubble were scraping over his neck. Two pairs of hands, one large and masculine, one small and feminine, tangled over his chest. His hips bucked as a nail flicked one of his nipples, and he moaned under his breath.
He opened the eyes he hadn’t even realized had closed and reached up, cupping Elizabeth’s breasts and exacting revenge by barely ghosting his thumbs over her nipples, tracing their outlines but only brushing the sides. Ba’al, the bastard, sided with her, gripping his cock and beginning to jerk him off, before guiding him inside her.
And that’s when their damn fleet was attacked.
~~~*~~~
In the end, she made a good overlordess. Ba’al got his threesome. John got to fly huge pyramids.
And they all lived happily ever after.
…Until they acquired a peculiar First Prime by the name of Rodney, but that’s another story altogether.