(no subject)
oh how pissed i am. at just about everything. which is stupid. this is so goddamn frustrating. i can't do a thing about it. i don't believe them when they say it's harmless. i don't want to wait. i don't want to be at the mercy of medicines that fuck up my eyesight and my ability to hold a fucking cup, and don't work besides. i wonder sometimes if i'd feel better if i took a week off and used it to run myself into the ground by fucking around doing things i like. and you think november will stop me from swimming, ha. christ. at the very least it would take my mind off it somewhat. stupid fucking bakery. i hate being such an essential employee, when i'm still paid shit whether i work my ass off or not. maybe i should just leave and say to hell with them. so many places are hiring. i like them, and the food, but it's going nowhere. my boss isn't the brightest of ladies. sweet, sure. ....i'm not going to quit. i'm just going to reduce my hours by a shitload, enough to have another job. i've been applying at places. i was accepted at one but then they told me what i'd be making and it was not a good job to begin with. whatever.
ok, enough of already shared anger.
today has been decent and slow. slept in like i haven't since forever ago, more by an effort of will than actual desire to though. i was having good dreams, and my dad and his wench were here, so, bed seemed like the place to be. i could have gotten up and driven somewhere neat, but rest is good. i redyed my hair. plum again, but i added blue to the ends and it blended in to make a more purple color than straight plum. also, i can't think of what i did with most of my day. oh, i read. the last of the mountain men or something like that, about the most isolated family in alaska, pairs well with mountain man which i finished last night, and i began desert solitaire by edward abbey and i am impressed with his writing, and him. i need to finish that book. last night began the moon is a harsh mistress, today also a phrase book. found a book on tracking and i plan to read that too. i read others in fifth grade, but they only contained some of the basics, like what animal it is, and a tiny bit on how old a track might be. this has more detail. forget who wrote it -- no, i didn't even look. no wonder i can't.
anyway, i've decided i will have to ask for a week off, but i don't know when would be good since thanksgiving is soon and they need me that week. maybe i'll have to wait for december. which may mean snow will be involved. SNOW. i'm going to deposit my check from over a week ago and go buy that tent. then imna use it. -sigh- guess i have to visit my mom next weekend. so darn about that.
talked to a friend i haven't heard from in months, that was a definite plus for the evening.
still need a home for this rat. he's such a nice guy, i've been taking him out some and he's like a little dog, sort of. i feel bad about how much he hates his cage. if he had a buddy he'd feel better. just...four rats is too much. the rat smell is bad enough with two.
i wish the neighbors would turn off their driveway light. someday i'll ask them, or leave a note. something.
next week: at some point need to stop at REI in issaquah and apply. while i'm there, get new license plate. and check out gi joes for the tent. maybe i should buy a damn printer. or no, i can ask for one for xmas. he can't say no to that.
two days after halloween they put up christmas decorations and play holiday music. *kawhrfijhc`f amklfnh* there are no words for what i'd like to do to them all.