FIC: "Return To Normal" 2/2 (Dominic Monaghan, Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Orlando Bloom) R
Title: "Return To Normal" 2/2
Authors: Brenda & Jo (azewewish & idiosyncratic)
Featuring: Dominic Monaghan, Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Orlando Bloom (Cooper, Aubrey)
Rating: R (language)
Click here for full disclaimers and notes.
"Man, you shouldn't've told him that," Dom laughed. "Now he'll be bugging you to hurry up and have 'em."
"I gotta ask her first," Elijah said, back to sounding panicked. "And she's gotta say yes!"
"She'll say yes," Josh stated. There was no doubt in his mind that she was as crazy about Elijah as he was about her. "Why don't you take her away for the weekend and ask her then? Be all romantic over dinner."
"I know," Dom said. "Take her to Catalina. Sean owns one of the nicer hotels there - the Vista Del Mar - so I can talk to the manager, let her know what's up, and she'll make sure everything's taken care of for you. I'm talking the Courtyard Suite, flowers, private table for dinner, champagne, the works. All you'll have to do is pop the question."
"That Courtyard Suite is pretty rockin'," Josh agreed. Karl had taken him there for a weekend trip away, and it had taken every ounce of willpower Josh had not to stay in the suite the entire time. Although, speaking of... "Hey, Karl has one of his yachts docked there, too. If you wanted to do the whole sunset romantic dinner cruise thing, and pop the question then, I could totally make a call for you."
"Good idea," Dom said, whipping out his iPhone. "I'll call and set up the hotel. Elijah, when do you want to do this?"
"Before I lose my nerve?" Elijah said, then laughed, high-pitched and nervous. "Uh, I was planning on this weekend, so that's fine. And, uh, thanks guys. I mean it."
"No worries," Josh smiled. "We love Christina, too." He dug out his own phone and made a quick call to Karl's personal assistant to coordinate the yacht, and watched as Orlando just bounced once in his seat, and flung his arms around Elijah. Elijah clung back for all he was worth.
"Alright, all set," he said, putting his phone back on the table. "Suze also asked what Christina's favorite flowers are for the table setting, so, I dunno, let me know or send her an email. I just forwarded you her contact info."
"And Anna-marie's got your back on the hotel," Dom said, shutting his phone off. "She says your girl won't know what hit her."
"Although, you do know once Karl finds out about this he'll insist on paying for the wedding," Josh said. He knew Karl well enough to know Karl always took care of his own.
"Hell, he'll probably have to fight Sean for the privilege," Dom added. "He's taken quite a shine to Christina."
Orlando shook his head. "You know Karl'll claim first dibs on account of Elijah working for him and being my best friend."
"Oh God," Elijah groaned, covering his face with one hand. "Turning Karl loose on the wedding would be almost as bad as turning you loose."
"And who d'you think is going to be helping him and your lovely bride-to-be with the planning? In fact..."
"What?" Elijah's eyes went wide as he watched Orlando pull out his phone. "What?"
Josh covered his face with his napkin when Orlando just motioned for Elijah to be quiet. Dom didn't even bother, openly laughing as he slid down in his seat.
"Monica, ciao bella...posso chiedere per un favore enorme?"
They listened as Orlando lavished some very obvious flattery - all in Italian - on Monica. Josh thought his accent had improved a lot.
"Orli," Elijah hissed, but Orlando just winked at him.
"Yes, love, I know, I've been truly heinous in my lack of attention, and you're right, you should hang up right now, but this isn't for me." He paused to listen to whatever Monica was saying. Elijah seemed about to have a coronary. "My best friend, Elijah - you remember him, right? - anyway, he's proposing to his girlfriend this weekend, and she's going to need... Yes, exactly, hold on."
"Oh. My. God," Elijah managed as Orlando held out the phone.
"You want her to have a dress fit for a queen, don't you?" Orlando asked. "Well, here's your chance to have the best designer in the world at your service."
Elijah snared the phone without another word, but his glare was hard enough to slice metal. "Ah, Ms. Bellucci, how are you?...Sorry, Monica, you're right...yes, that's right...no, you haven't met her yet, I don't think..."
Josh didn't even try to pretend like he wasn't eavesdropping. Dom, he noted, seemed just as intent on the conversation. Orlando simply sat back with a satisfied smile on his face. "I almost feel sorry for him," Josh remarked quietly. "I bet it never occurred to him that his own wedding would be taken over by a bunch of vamps."
"Y'know," Orlando said, slowly, "there's this one place Karl and I went to a couple years ago - Hearst Castle. Karl said then that the place would be perfect for a wedding. Someone should mention it to Christina after she finds out she's got an open checkbook for the event."
"You are an evil man," Josh said, saluting Orlando with his beer. "Lij is going to have a heart attack before this is all over."
"Yes, well -" Orlando stopped as Elijah handed him the phone. "Monica, my love, did you talk some sense into him?"
"I hate all of you," Elijah said in a low voice.
"Look at it this way," Dom said, "every woman should feel like a princess on her wedding day. Imagine all the karma points you are going to score by actually turning Christina into a princess for the day."
"I am seriously rethinking asking you guys to stand up with me," Elijah said. "I may not even invite you to the wedding."
"We'll show up anyway," Dom said. "Christina loves us."
Orlando said his goodbyes to Monica, and put his phone back in his pocket. "Besides, you were at my wedding. I better be best man at yours."
"I didn't try to take over your wedding."
"Tell me you don't like the idea of being able to go all out and throw an amazing party to celebrate your marriage," Orlando countered. "She's the one, right? So she deserves the world."
"Of course she does, I just dropped 10k on a friggin' ring for her, for fuck's sake!" Elijah exclaimed.
"Man, Karl pays well," Josh chuckled, then held pointed his beer bottle at Elijah. "Take the offer. Trust me, in his own way, Karl adores you. Let him do this for you."
"He hasn't even offered yet," Elijah pointed out, but Josh could tell he was weakening.
"But you know he will," Orlando said. "And if he doesn't, then I will."
"Go with Karl," Dom quickly said. "Otherwise you have to deal with Orlando's dubious sense of taste. Remember that one chandelier he wanted to put in Harry's library?"
Elijah shuddered. "You mean the one he kept saying was red glass peppers all twisted together?"
"The one we insisted looked like mutated dog penises, yes," Dom replied, ignoring the dirty look Orlando gave him.
"That was a joke," Orlando said, all huffy, and Josh made a mental note to go looking for this chandelier. If Dom and Elijah both remembered it, it had to be bad.
"Keep telling yourself that, princess," Dom said, reaching across the table to pat Orlando's hand. "Seriously, though, let Karl pay for the wedding. Orli, you can do the engagement party."
"And the bachelor party," Josh pointed out, pasting a sober expression on his face. "I know some girls - very classy - who work nothing but private parties."
Dom blinked. "You know classy girls? I mean, outside your mom and sister?"
"Hey, my Aunt Kate is the definition of classy."
"I'm not going to Vegas," Elijah cut in, poking Orlando in the ribs. "That's final."
"Fine, no Vegas, classy girls only, got it," Orlando shrugged, but Josh could tell he was already plotting the party. He couldn't wait to see what Orlando would come up with.
"And you know Christina'll probably ask your band to play," Dom said.
"That, she probably will do," Elijah agreed. "She's taken a real shine to you guys."
"Far be it from me to let a lady as lovely as Christina down," Josh replied, pleased that they thought she'd want to ask. He hadn't played weddings in a really long time, but for his friends, he was willing to make an exception. "If she asks, consider it done."
"You know your condo's not really big enough for a family," Orlando pointed out, and Josh almost choked on his beer at the perfect innocent expression Orlando managed.
"I haven't even asked her yet," Elijah said, looking panicked yet again. "And you've already got us with a family!"
"Well, I expect you to have lots of babies I can spoil, since these two," Orlando said, pointing at Dom and Josh, "haven't yet. And lots of babies means a house. A big one."
"Stop right there," Elijah said, shaking a finger in Orlando's face. "I know where this is going, and I'm not buying a house yet. My condo's plenty big enough."
"But now's the perfect time to buy," Dom said, looking far too amused with the conversation. "The market's still in the loo, so you can get a great place for a good price."
"He's right," Orlando said. Josh couldn't help thinking that it was nice to see Orlando almost back to normal after how he'd been when he first showed up at the door earlier. "And who knows, someone might give you one as a wedding gift."
"You are not buying me a house!"
"I didn't say that I was."
"But Harry might," Josh said, because he had a pretty good idea about how Orlando's mind worked. When Orlando winked at him, he knew he'd guessed right.
"Harry?!" Elijah's eyes threatened to bug out of his head.
"What, you don't think he's just not going to get you a wedding gift, right?" Dom asked, clearly delighting in Elijah's reactions.
"Yeah, but a house?!"
"He's got a great property in Brentwood he's been sitting on," Orlando smiled. "You've always liked Brentwood."
"Great schools there," Josh nodded. "I can think of a worse place to raise a family."
"I hate you guys," Elijah swore, burying his face in his hands.
"It's okay," Orlando said, reaching over to ruffle Elijah's hair. "We love you, too."
"I haven't even asked her yet and you guys already have the wedding planned, don't you?"
"Pretty much."
"And it'll be the wedding of the century," Orlando grinned.
"Until Viggo decides to tie the knot," Dom said, and the table erupted into laughter. "Exactly."
"Please, he'd have to find someone willing to deal with his uptight ass for however many more centuries he sticks around," Orlando said.
"I don't think he's that uptight," Josh said. "I mean, yeah, he's got a lot of weight he's carrying, but leading an entire race'll do that. I wouldn't want that responsibility."
"Yeah, you're right, uptight is a poor word choice," Orlando nodded. "It's not like he's Marcus or anything. He's just...focused. In a scary way."
"I keep telling you, Marcus is only uptight in Council," Dom argued. "Outside those chambers, he's a totally different person."
"I don't know why you keep expecting I'll fall for that."
"Just wait. You'll see. And I just hope I'm around to witness it when it happens."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
"Back to Elijah here," Josh said, trying to derail Orlando and Dom before they got out of hand (he'd been around them long enough to recognize the signs). "10K on the ring, huh?"
"Yeah," Elijah said. He looked at the ring for a moment before snapping the box closed and shoving it back in his pocket. "Her favorite color is yellow, so y'know..."
"It's a good choice," Dom said. "And I bet she'd look great in yellow, too."
He and Orlando shared a long look, then Orlando grinned. "You're right," he said. "A creamy, soft yellow."
"Stop it," Elijah said, making slashing motions with his hands. "You can't pick out her wedding gown!"
"Not picking it out," Dom said.
"Just brainstorming to offer suggestions," Orlando added.
"It's her fucking gown, we are not offering suggestions!" Elijah rubbed at his eyes. "Good Lord, Orli, even you have enough experience being around women to know that wedding gowns are a sacred business. You can't just waltz in and offer opinions about something most girls have been picturing in their head their entire lives."
"Man's got a point," Josh said, deciding to take pity on Elijah. Wouldn't do the dude any good to have a stroke before he'd even stammered out his proposal. "I've been around enough chicks tying the knot to know that even the sane ones get crazy when it comes to the dress."
"Monica could suggest yellow," Dom mused.
"I really don't think that's a discussion we need to get in the middle of," Josh said.
"Honestly, guys, I don't care what she wears. As long as she says I do."
Josh patted Elijah's back. "Now you're thinking like a groom to be."
"Just don't actually say that to her," Orlando said. "Even I know that'll end up with you sleeping on the sofa during your honeymoon."
"I'm not stupid. But I'm going to fuck up the proposal, I know it."
"Nah, you'll be fine. Just pretend you're, I dunno, in the courtroom."
"That's a horrible idea," Dom groaned.
"I do business law, you jackass."
"You've been in a courtroom, though, right?"
"Actually..." Elijah shifted, looking uncomfortable.
"You haven't," Josh said, and it wasn't a question.
"You'd be surprised what mentioning Urban Corp. or Sinclair Enterprises will solve. I'm proud of the fact that not a single thing I've dealt with has escalated to an actual courtroom battle."
"Lij," Orlando said, sounding like a proud parent, "is very good at his job."
"Either that, or everyone's scared to death of going toe to toe with Karl and Harry," Josh said, then held up his hands when Elijah narrowed his eyes. "Hey, I've told you more than once that Karl thinks the world of your negotiating skills. If you weren't great at what you do, you wouldn't be working for him, I don't care if you're Orlando's best bud or not."
"Truth," Orlando agreed, and gave Josh a fistbump. "He put you through law school and gave you a place in his upper echelon. That wasn't to make me happy, I can tell you that much."
Josh nodded. "Maybe pretend you're negotiating a merger...wait, that's a terrible idea, forget I said it."
"That is a terrible idea," Dom agreed. "I thought you were smooth with the ladies."
"Getting someone to sleep with you is a lot different than asking them to share your life," Josh pointed out. "We need Aubrey or Cooper here. The mysteries of how a woman's mind works is so not my area of expertise."
"You should call 'em! Get 'em over here to give Lij some advice," Dom said, practically bouncing in his seat.
Josh glanced at Orlando, noted the panic that flitted through his eyes. "Um, maybe that's not such a good idea."
"Nonsense," Dom said. "Orli'll be alright, won't you?"
"Uh, sure," Orlando said, sounding anything but.
"Orli -" Josh leaned forward, searching Orlando's face. What he saw there wasn't exactly reassuring, but it wasn't like Orlando could avoid this forever. He'd even admitted that himself. "Alright, I'll give 'em a call and see if they can come over."
"Thanks," Elijah told him.
Cooper answered on the second ring. "Little man," she exclaimed, warmth suffusing her voice. "And how are you this fine day?"
Josh immediately started smiling. He loved all of his bandmates, but Cooper was the true sister of his heart. "Pretty awesome, sexy mama, how's your day?"
"Another day in paradise. What can I do for you?"
"You remember my friend Elijah, right?"
"Sure I do. He and his girl both."
"Well, he's getting ready to pop the question to said girl and needs some advice on how to go about doing it without fainting. I was hoping you could drop by the house and give him some advice."
"Advice, hmm? I could maybe help him out. You mind if Aubrey tags along? We've been going over a few new songs to bring to the group next session."
"It would save me a phone call if you did, since she was next call on my list. I figure the more help the better when it comes to something like this," Josh replied, and they exchanged a few more pleasantries before hanging up. "They'll be here in fifteen," he told the group. "Anyone want anything to drink while we wait?"
"You got anything stronger than beer?" Orlando asked.
"Dude, this is me. I got a whole liquor store. What d'you want?"
"Jameson's," Orlando promptly replied. "I notice you didn't mention that I'm here."
"Nope," Josh said, getting up and heading towards the bar. Yeah, maybe it was shitty of him to blindside Aubrey, but a little honest reaction from the two of them might not be a bad thing. After all, Josh had seen the two of them the morning after, and he wasn't entirely convinced when Orlando said it wasn't like that. "Don't worry, though, it'll be cool. I promise."
"Thanks."
"Anyone else?" Josh held up the bottle, nodding when Dom asked for a glass and Elijah requested a Corona. "Seriously, Orli, relax. Aubrey hates to lose her shit in front of a bunch of people, so you're pretty safe. I'd still take her to Urth to talk, though, just the two of you."
"I call dibs on talking to Orli first," Elijah stated, giving him a meaningful look that a toddler could have deciphered.
"Hey, that's between you two, man," Josh said. "I am totally not getting in the middle of that."
"Besides, I'm with Josh, Aubrey's a cool chick. She's not gonna make a scene," Dom shrugged, smiling his thanks when Josh pressed his glass into his hand. "I mean, I wouldn't count on getting another go at tapping that, but since you said yourself you're concentrating on the Eternal Idiots, that might be a good thing."
"I don't want another go at 'tapping that', thank you," Orlando primly replied. "I just don't want her to hate me or anything. She was...really awesome, y'know? And she deserved better than me bailing on her the way I did."
"Dude, when we talk, we are going to have a very long discussion about how to treat women the morning after," Elijah said, as he took a long sip of his beer.
"I know how to treat women the morning after. In fact, I think two women are much better teachers on that subject than you are."
"Didn't save you from fucking up with Aubrey, did it."
"That was a first time thing. I freaked out."
"Just don't go getting any ideas in that little T-Rex brain of yours."
"Piss off," Orlando said, taking a swallow of his drink. "I'm not going to do anything I shouldn't."
"Why am I still worried?"
Dom laughed again. "Because he's Orlando."
Josh started to clear the plates from the table, shaking his head as they continued the good-natured bickering. He kept glancing at the clock as he worked, judging how much time they had before the girls got there. Sure, he'd told Orlando that he had nothing to worry about with Aubrey, but saying she was unpredictable at times was an understatement.
"Come on, let's take this out to the patio," he said, once he'd gotten everything squared away. It was a gorgeous afternoon out, and he thought everyone could do with a little sunshine. Plus, he'd just planted some honeysuckle and hibiscus in his back garden (with a lot of help from Harry), and wanted to check on them.
They brought the bottle of Jamesons, and a small cooler of Corona out with them, and settled into their chairs. Dom lifted his face towards the sun and let out a deep breath. "I just don't get why anyone would want to live anywhere else."
"The traffic sucks," Elijah said, pushing his sunglasses up his nose.
"And the smog," Orlando added. "But the weather makes up for a lot. I think it rained or drizzled just about every day in London."
"There's a reason I wasn't all that heartbroken when Sean wanted to leave England," Dom said. He reached out his foot to nudge Orlando's calf. "How's Dave?"
"He's good. Happy as he can be, all things considered, y'know. And the girls have been good for him. Plus Lawrence keeps him busy. He put Dave in charge of the public relations side of the company."
"I bet he's great at it," Elijah said, thoughtfully. "All that time as Viggo's assistant should come in handy in how to deal with people."
"Speaking of," Orlando slowly said, toying with his glass. "If you wanted to, y'know, invite Dave to the wedding, I, um...I could ask Viggo if he'd, y'know, lift the banishment for a few days. No promises, though."
"That would be cool. You think he'd go for it?"
"I don't know, but it can't hurt to ask, right? It's not like I'm asking for me."
"Actually," Dom broke in, "it wouldn't hurt if you were with him, Lij. If you want to put the odds in your favor, you could butter him up by asking him to officiate the wedding."
"He can do that?"
"Yeah, he's actually been ordained in, um, lemme think," Dom said, scratching his chin for a second, "a dozen different religions, I think. As long as she's not a Scientologist or something, he could probably do it."
"The Scientologists wouldn't have him?" Josh wondered. It was literally the first thing that popped in his head.
"I think it's more a matter of them wanting their own ministers to officiate," Dom shrugged. "Viggo can't perform Catholic ceremonies, either, on account of the whole not being celibate thing, and the fact that he's never been a priest."
"Now that would be a neat trick," Orlando mused. "Are there any vampire priests?"
"Not that I know of, but it's not like they're my people," Dom grinned.
"That would be really weird," Josh agreed. "It does seem like the whole priest lifestyle would go against the vampire culture."
"Especially given the enhanced sex drives," Elijah nodded. "But, since neither Christina nor I are Catholic or Scientologists, if Christina's cool with it and Viggo's cool with it, I think it'd be pretty fucking sweet."
"Don't you boys look as pretty as a picture?"
Cooper, looking as cool as the other side of the pillow in a bright yellow sundress that showed her flawless dark skin off to perfection, and Aubrey, wearing a pair of cut-off jeans and a green tank top that did considerable things to her curves, stood on the other side of the small, wrought-iron gate.
"Not as pretty as you," Josh replied, and went to let them in. Cooper brushed a small kiss to his cheek as she stepped past him, and was warmly greeted by the others. Aubrey glanced around him, then raised an eyebrow Josh's way when she spotted Orlando.
"Way to warn a girl," she murmured.
"No violence in my house," he warned her, playful, but serious.
"Please," she scoffed, and gave him a friendly hug. "He's not the first man to duck and run the morning after. Hey sexy," she called, louder, and patted Josh on the shoulder as she walked to Orlando. "Nice to see you stateside again."
"Hey gorgeous," Orlando said, flashing her a soft smile as he stood. "I, uh, I'm sorry for -"
"Apology accepted," she said, putting a finger against his lips. "It's not like you took off before I woke up and didn't bother ever speaking to me again. I got the texts you sent."
Orlando exhaled slowly, then nodded. "Still, though, I was a jerk. Let me make it up to you."
"And how do you plan on doing that?"
"By asking you out to coffee, for starters," Orlando said. He grinned at her, and Josh knew that grin all too well. And so far, Josh had never seen it not work.
"We'll see," she said, but her smile was enough indication that she could be persuaded. Not too shabby, Josh thought, as Aubrey turned to Dom and her smile widened. "Looking good, Dominic."
"Looking better than good, Aubrey," Dom replied, and leaned in to give her a soft kiss. Aubrey then turned to Elijah, and Josh took advantage of the moment to stand next to Orlando.
"Everything good?" he asked quietly.
Orlando nodded. "It wasn't as horrible as I'd thought it would be."
"I told you, she's not the type to make a scene."
"I'm still in the doghouse, though, aren't I?"
Josh patted his back. "Dude, that was never in any doubt."
Orlando sighed, his eyes following Aubrey. "I figured as much," he said, then went to sit beside Cooper. Josh narrowed his eyes, watching him, but it seemed innocent enough at the moment. And if Orlando tried anything funny, Josh would just pulled him aside and give him a good talking to.
"Hey." Josh looked down as Aubrey linked her arm through his. "Ease down, Papa Bear. I can hear you growling from here."
"Sorry." He patted her hand. Orlando and Cooper were joined by Elijah and Dom. Dom, he noted, was also on his best behavior. "I know she hates it, but I...I just don't want her to get hurt again." Not that he thought Dom or Orlando would do it on purpose - far from it - but the habit was hard to break.
"She can take care of herself." She leaned against his shoulder. "Simon was a long time ago."
"She's still fucked up about it."
"She's getting better. Now, come on," she said, and tugged him forward. "I thought we were here to dispense advice to the groom-to-be."
"Conspiring?" Cooper asked, when they sat at the table. She looked like she knew exactly what they'd been talking about, and wasn't too thrilled about it.
"Not really," Josh replied, with an apologetic smile. He knew she hated to be fussed over, but he couldn't help it sometimes.
"Good," she replied, with a decisive nod, then turned that megawatt smile of hers to Elijah. "So, we hear you're finally ready to pop the question to Christina."
"I am. I just, uh, I'm not sure the best way to ask her."
"What did this bunch of delinquents tell you?" Aubrey asked.
"To, uh, act like I was in the courtroom," Elijah muttered, turning bright red.
"That's a horrible idea," Cooper frowned.
"It was Josh's."
"I meant as far as the confidence factor."
"I told you it was a bloody awful idea," Dom said, beaming as both girls smiled at him.
"Suck up," Josh muttered.
"Don't be hatin'," Cooper sweetly said. Then she turned back to Elijah. "Okay, so tell us what you've got planned so far. Is it a big production, or are you just going to take her to dinner and do the whole one knee thing?"
"Well, Dom suggested a weekend at Catalina at the Del Mar -"
"Because I have awesome ideas -"
"And Josh suggested taking her on Karl's yacht for dinner while we're down there and popping the question over dessert," Elijah finished, ignoring Dom. "Which, I dunno, sounds romantic to me, but it's the how that's giving me jitters."
"I like the weekend away and the yacht idea. Very romantic," Cooper said, and Josh barely resisted the urge to gloat. Although he did flip Dom off. Dom just stuck his tongue out at him.
"You could always put the ring in her dessert," Orlando suggested. "Like they do with the baby in King Cakes at Mardi Gras or something."
"I'm not putting a ten thousand dollar ring in a cake!" Elijah said, sounding horrified.
Aubrey swept her finger over Dom, Josh, and Orlando. "No more suggestions," she stated. "You sent for the experts, so let us take over." Then she patted Elijah's knee. "Why don't you show us the ring and start telling us what she's like. We know her, but not like you do."
Josh settled back in his chair and watched as Elijah pulled the ring from his pocket again and opened the box.
"Sweet baby Jesus," Cooper breathed.
Aubrey nodded, her eyes as wide as saucers. "Wow."
"And a weekend in Catalina with a romantic dinner on a yacht out on the ocean?" Cooper added, tilting her head, then glancing at Aubrey.
They looked at each other for a long moment, then nodded. It made the hair on the back of Josh's neck stand up. Women - they were worse than vampires when it came to wordless communication.
"Elijah," Aubrey said, "just let the ring speak for itself."
"Huh?"
"What we mean," Cooper continued, "is just before dessert, get down on one knee, hold the ring up, and just say 'will you marry me' - trust us. A ring like that doesn't need any fancy words or speeches."
"Oh." Elijah sat back, looking stunned. "Well, that seems...simple enough."
"Trust me, if she doesn't get an inkling something's up when you suggest the trip, then she'll definitely pick up on it once you get to the yacht," Aubrey said. "By the time you actually go to a knee, she'll have been rehearsing her 'yes' mentally all during dinner."
"Provided I don't pass out first before I can get the words out."
"You love her, right?" At Elijah's enthusiastic nod, Cooper's smile widened. "Well, there you go. If you love her, and she's the one, and you spent that kind of coin on a ring like that, then you'll be fine."
"The hard part will be planning the wedding," Aubrey added.
"We've already been going over that," Orlando said, with a nod.
"We've got it all planned," Dom agreed. "No need for them to stress over anything."
Cooper raised an elegant eyebrow. "Have you really?"
"Monica's designing the dress, Viggo will officiate, Karl's paying for the wedding - although he doesn't know it yet, Orlando's paying for the bachelor party - not in Vegas," Josh said, "and Harry's buying the happy couple a house, not that he knows it yet, either. Oh, and I said if Christina asked that we'd play the reception."
"We are?" Cooper asked, with an amused laugh. "We haven't played a wedding in years."
"Not since the one where we met Aubrey, nope," Josh grinned. That had been a very memorable night.
"I still remember your Aunt Kate getting Grabby Hands fired or demoted or whatever it was," Aubrey said.
"I think that dude's still working in the mail room."
"Good," Aubrey said, with a nod. "Teach him to keep his hands to himself."
"I still say your Aunt Kate should've waited until Aubrey had belted him," Cooper added. "I had money riding on whether she'd go knuckles to the nose or a knee to the crotch."
"Next time," Aubrey promised. "Just for you."
"I won't hold my breath." Cooper crossed her legs, and rested her hands on her stomach. "So, Little Man, are you going to be a good host and offer us poor ladies a drink?"
Josh narrowed his eyes. "Where are my manners," he drawled, even more suspicious when she flashed him a saccharine-sweet smile in return. "Would you ladies like anything?"
"I'll just take one of those," Aubrey said, pointing to the cooler of Coronas.
"It's such a nice day, I think I'll have something frothy," Cooper declared, dark eyes flashing with challenge. "Maybe you can blend something up for me."
Yeah, he knew her game alright. She knew he'd have to go into the kitchen to make her something, and that she'd be alone (relatively speaking) with Dom and Orlando and their wildly flirtatious ways. Dom and Orlando, who had no idea about Cooper's past (just the way she liked it, Josh knew) and wouldn't know to be on their guards. "This is payback, isn't it?"
"Maybe I'm just thirsty," she replied, mildly, but Josh got the message loud and clear.
"Yeah, alright, one frothy drink coming up," he said, and stood. He didn't dare risk looking at Dom and Orlando and telling them to behave themselves.
"I'll come with," Elijah said, standing with him. "If I'm drinking, I need to grab some water."
Which just left Aubrey to chaperone - not that anything was going to happen, and Josh knew it - and he trusted Dom and Orlando, he really did, but this was Cooper, and fuck, he really was an overprotective control freak sometimes - but Josh just shrugged. "Suit yourself."
Elijah waited until Josh had gotten fresh strawberries from the fridge and the rum from the liquor cabinet (Cooper had a fondness for homemade daiquiris) before saying anything. He leaned against the counter, fiddling with his water bottle cap. "Hey, is it just me, or are you and Cooper having the world's most polite fight?"
"More like she's reminding me to keep my nose out of her personal business," Josh said, filling the blender with ice.
"Ah." Elijah looked confused.
Josh sighed. "Cooper has a history, okay, and some bad shit happened with her a couple of years ago," he said, capping the strawberries and tossing them into the blender. "So we - well, Gibson and I mostly - look out for her. She doesn't like it."
"You mean with guys," Elijah said, slowly, and shifted to look out the window. "And you think Dom or Orli..."
"No, I don't," Josh said, holding the bottle of rum and just looking at it for a moment. "Not really. But they don't know, and Orlando...fuck, I know he's serious about reconnecting with Harry and Karl, but he's going to explore his options, y'know."
"And Cooper's beautiful," Elijah said. He nodded, then glanced at Josh. "I don't think he'd push it, though, y'know, if she doesn't seem interested."
"I know." Josh sighed again. "I trust him. I really do. And I trust Dom. It's just...it's hard to forget what she was like after...well, anyway, it's not my story to tell, but it wasn't pretty. We all thought she was gonna bail on us and head back to Meridian. Her hometown," he explained, at Elijah's blank look. "Some podunk place in Mississippi, to hear her tell it."
"Wow, that must've been bad," Elijah said, as Josh added lime juice and simple syrup to the rum and strawberries and started the blender again. "And it's cool that you're all looking out for her, but as almost two decades of friendship with Orlando has taught me, your friends are gonna royally fuck up their lives no matter how much advice you give. All you can do is be there for them for the fallout."
"Yeah, I know." Josh snagged a few glasses and poured. "And I worry about Orlando, too. I know he and I didn't get off to the best of starts, but..."
"He's like a brother now. He feels the same way about you, you know," Elijah added, hitting the nail on the head. "And I bet Cooper can also get her claws out on your behalf, if she thinks you need protecting."
"You have no idea," Josh chuckled. "Before Karl, man... I have made some epic mistakes, let's just put it that way. And she still gives me grief sometimes about how she didn't get a chance to vet Karl out before we had our ceremony."
"I know how she feels," Elijah grinned. "Scariest moment of my life was going toe to toe with Karl when he and Orlando first got together - I mean, here's this friggin' Council member in our crappy Hollywood apartment going through Orlando's things like he's got every right to be there and dictating what Orlando can bring with him or not to the house, moving Orlando out from under my nose, basically, and there was no way I was just gonna stand by and let that happen. Someone had to look out for the dork's best interests, since he clearly wasn't doing it. He was in such a sexual fog I don't think he would have noticed a bomb going off next to him."
"Dude, I've seen him around Karl. I know exactly what you mean," Josh laughed as he rinsed out the blender. "He's even worse around Harry."
"I believe it." Elijah grabbed one of the glasses, and his bottle of water, then stopped when he got to the sliding glass door. Josh followed his gaze, and saw Dom and Cooper engaged in what looked like a pretty lively conversation, with a lot of hand waving on Dom's part, and Aubrey and Orlando sitting next to each other, both of them also clearly involved in whatever it was Dom was saying. Josh was pretty glad to see that they looked friendly. Maybe it wouldn't take much on Orlando's part for Aubrey to forgive him.
Elijah turned his gaze to Josh. "Can I ask you something?" When Josh said sure, Elijah turned his head back to the patio. "What the hell happened that night?
"I don't know the whole story, and that's the truth," Josh replied, quietly. "I mean, he slept with her, obviously, but as far as the particulars and how it happened? No clue. After I left you guys at HC, I didn't see him again until the next morning at Dom's." He remembered how shocked he'd been witnessing Orlando and Aubrey with each other over breakfast. Even three months later, it still felt a little unreal.
"It's just so crazy to imagine him with girls."
"Well, clearly no one was more shocked than he was that it happened," Josh said, and gently bumped Elijah's elbow. "But I told him at the time, he could have done a whole lot worse than Aubrey as his first, but he couldn't have done much better."
"Good." Then a strange look passed over Elijah's face. "You, uh, you think the two of them might, uh, go out again?"
"Who knows with Aubrey. Hell, she might kick me out of bed with her and Karl and put Orlando in there instead."
"You guys are all too convoluted," Elijah shook his head. "Even after all this time, it still makes my brain hurt."
"Not everyone's cut out for monogamy. But if I had a woman like Christina, I don't think I'd mind so much," Josh said, then laughed outright at the dopey, lovestruck look on Elijah's face. "Come on, before Cooper thinks I'm in here pouting."
Elijah reached for the door, then stopped. "Hey, uh, you think that Aubrey and Cooper would... You think they'd like to maybe hang out with Christina sometime?"
"I don't see why not. What's up?"
"Nothing, just...well, Christina doesn't have a lot of really close friends," Elijah said. "Most women can't see past the exterior, y'know? So the ones she has are really important to her, but she works a lot, and I just...I want her to have her own life and her own friends, and I guess I figured they seem to like her, and I know she likes them..."
"I can talk with them, if you want, maybe mention that they could kidnap her for a bride-to-be spa day or something to start brainstorming over whatever it is chicks need to talk about when it comes to weddings."
Elijah flashed a grateful smile. "That'd be great."
"What are friends for?" And, as strange as it was to realize, considering how different his life had been just a year ago, Josh really did consider Dom and Elijah and Orlando friends.
He held one of the glasses up as he stepped back on the patio. "Homemade and extra tart, just the way you like it," he told Cooper, and handed it to her with a flourish.
She took a sip, then nodded approvingly. "Alright, you're forgiven," she smiled. "Have a seat."
"Aren't you sweet," Aubrey said, arching an eyebrow as Josh sat the second glass in front of her before dropping back into his chair.
"Sometimes."
"Mine?" Orlando looked startled when Elijah sat the third glass in front of him.
"Extra rum in the batch," Josh replied. He accepted a fresh Corona from Dom and settled back.
"Are you trying to get us drunk, sir?" Cooper asked, but she was smiling.
"Maybe," Josh admitted, with a wide grin. "Some people at this table are pretty damn funny when they're drunk."
"Agreed," Dom said, clinking his bottle to Josh's.
Orlando narrowed his eyes. "Oi, I am not the only one who's funny when they're drunk."
"No, but you are pretty funny," Elijah stated. "And you should enjoy it while you can, since you bitched so much about how hard it was to get drunk when you had your fangs."
"And since everyone decided to come to my house to play hooky, and there's a pretty kick-ass pool at the main house, and I've got enough rum and Corona for a party..."
Cooper and Aubrey looked at each other, then at Josh. "You do realize that neither of us is dressed for a pool party, right?"
"Well..." Dom said, then his eyes almost crossed when Aubrey's finger jabbed at his nose.
"Don't finish that thought, Dominic," she said. "There will be no skinny dipping."
"You could borrow t-shirts from Josh," Orlando suggested.
"Or," Josh said, "you could remember that you both left bathing suits here when you were over the other week. So why don't you ladies go get changed, and we'll head up to the pool with the drinks. I might even be persuaded to throw together some munchies later."
"Now you're talking like a man with a plan," Cooper pronounced. "Aubrey, you up for it?"
"Am I up for lounging poolside in the Hills with a group of gorgeous guys and Josh as our personal cabana boy bringing us food and drink? Hell yeah on that."
Josh rubbed his hands together. "Alright, let's reconvene at the pool in fifteen."
Dom high-fived Josh as he walked with Elijah up to the main house to grab their swim trunks, and Aubrey and Cooper headed to the spare bedroom to get changed, leaving just Josh and Orlando at the table. Josh saluted him with his beer. "Here's to good friends and new beginnings."
Orlando smiled and tapped his daiquiri glass to the bottle. "Here's to family of the blood and of the heart. It's good to be home."
Josh returned the smile. "It's good to have you back."
***
Authors: Brenda & Jo (azewewish & idiosyncratic)
Featuring: Dominic Monaghan, Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Orlando Bloom (Cooper, Aubrey)
Rating: R (language)
Click here for full disclaimers and notes.
"Man, you shouldn't've told him that," Dom laughed. "Now he'll be bugging you to hurry up and have 'em."
"I gotta ask her first," Elijah said, back to sounding panicked. "And she's gotta say yes!"
"She'll say yes," Josh stated. There was no doubt in his mind that she was as crazy about Elijah as he was about her. "Why don't you take her away for the weekend and ask her then? Be all romantic over dinner."
"I know," Dom said. "Take her to Catalina. Sean owns one of the nicer hotels there - the Vista Del Mar - so I can talk to the manager, let her know what's up, and she'll make sure everything's taken care of for you. I'm talking the Courtyard Suite, flowers, private table for dinner, champagne, the works. All you'll have to do is pop the question."
"That Courtyard Suite is pretty rockin'," Josh agreed. Karl had taken him there for a weekend trip away, and it had taken every ounce of willpower Josh had not to stay in the suite the entire time. Although, speaking of... "Hey, Karl has one of his yachts docked there, too. If you wanted to do the whole sunset romantic dinner cruise thing, and pop the question then, I could totally make a call for you."
"Good idea," Dom said, whipping out his iPhone. "I'll call and set up the hotel. Elijah, when do you want to do this?"
"Before I lose my nerve?" Elijah said, then laughed, high-pitched and nervous. "Uh, I was planning on this weekend, so that's fine. And, uh, thanks guys. I mean it."
"No worries," Josh smiled. "We love Christina, too." He dug out his own phone and made a quick call to Karl's personal assistant to coordinate the yacht, and watched as Orlando just bounced once in his seat, and flung his arms around Elijah. Elijah clung back for all he was worth.
"Alright, all set," he said, putting his phone back on the table. "Suze also asked what Christina's favorite flowers are for the table setting, so, I dunno, let me know or send her an email. I just forwarded you her contact info."
"And Anna-marie's got your back on the hotel," Dom said, shutting his phone off. "She says your girl won't know what hit her."
"Although, you do know once Karl finds out about this he'll insist on paying for the wedding," Josh said. He knew Karl well enough to know Karl always took care of his own.
"Hell, he'll probably have to fight Sean for the privilege," Dom added. "He's taken quite a shine to Christina."
Orlando shook his head. "You know Karl'll claim first dibs on account of Elijah working for him and being my best friend."
"Oh God," Elijah groaned, covering his face with one hand. "Turning Karl loose on the wedding would be almost as bad as turning you loose."
"And who d'you think is going to be helping him and your lovely bride-to-be with the planning? In fact..."
"What?" Elijah's eyes went wide as he watched Orlando pull out his phone. "What?"
Josh covered his face with his napkin when Orlando just motioned for Elijah to be quiet. Dom didn't even bother, openly laughing as he slid down in his seat.
"Monica, ciao bella...posso chiedere per un favore enorme?"
They listened as Orlando lavished some very obvious flattery - all in Italian - on Monica. Josh thought his accent had improved a lot.
"Orli," Elijah hissed, but Orlando just winked at him.
"Yes, love, I know, I've been truly heinous in my lack of attention, and you're right, you should hang up right now, but this isn't for me." He paused to listen to whatever Monica was saying. Elijah seemed about to have a coronary. "My best friend, Elijah - you remember him, right? - anyway, he's proposing to his girlfriend this weekend, and she's going to need... Yes, exactly, hold on."
"Oh. My. God," Elijah managed as Orlando held out the phone.
"You want her to have a dress fit for a queen, don't you?" Orlando asked. "Well, here's your chance to have the best designer in the world at your service."
Elijah snared the phone without another word, but his glare was hard enough to slice metal. "Ah, Ms. Bellucci, how are you?...Sorry, Monica, you're right...yes, that's right...no, you haven't met her yet, I don't think..."
Josh didn't even try to pretend like he wasn't eavesdropping. Dom, he noted, seemed just as intent on the conversation. Orlando simply sat back with a satisfied smile on his face. "I almost feel sorry for him," Josh remarked quietly. "I bet it never occurred to him that his own wedding would be taken over by a bunch of vamps."
"Y'know," Orlando said, slowly, "there's this one place Karl and I went to a couple years ago - Hearst Castle. Karl said then that the place would be perfect for a wedding. Someone should mention it to Christina after she finds out she's got an open checkbook for the event."
"You are an evil man," Josh said, saluting Orlando with his beer. "Lij is going to have a heart attack before this is all over."
"Yes, well -" Orlando stopped as Elijah handed him the phone. "Monica, my love, did you talk some sense into him?"
"I hate all of you," Elijah said in a low voice.
"Look at it this way," Dom said, "every woman should feel like a princess on her wedding day. Imagine all the karma points you are going to score by actually turning Christina into a princess for the day."
"I am seriously rethinking asking you guys to stand up with me," Elijah said. "I may not even invite you to the wedding."
"We'll show up anyway," Dom said. "Christina loves us."
Orlando said his goodbyes to Monica, and put his phone back in his pocket. "Besides, you were at my wedding. I better be best man at yours."
"I didn't try to take over your wedding."
"Tell me you don't like the idea of being able to go all out and throw an amazing party to celebrate your marriage," Orlando countered. "She's the one, right? So she deserves the world."
"Of course she does, I just dropped 10k on a friggin' ring for her, for fuck's sake!" Elijah exclaimed.
"Man, Karl pays well," Josh chuckled, then held pointed his beer bottle at Elijah. "Take the offer. Trust me, in his own way, Karl adores you. Let him do this for you."
"He hasn't even offered yet," Elijah pointed out, but Josh could tell he was weakening.
"But you know he will," Orlando said. "And if he doesn't, then I will."
"Go with Karl," Dom quickly said. "Otherwise you have to deal with Orlando's dubious sense of taste. Remember that one chandelier he wanted to put in Harry's library?"
Elijah shuddered. "You mean the one he kept saying was red glass peppers all twisted together?"
"The one we insisted looked like mutated dog penises, yes," Dom replied, ignoring the dirty look Orlando gave him.
"That was a joke," Orlando said, all huffy, and Josh made a mental note to go looking for this chandelier. If Dom and Elijah both remembered it, it had to be bad.
"Keep telling yourself that, princess," Dom said, reaching across the table to pat Orlando's hand. "Seriously, though, let Karl pay for the wedding. Orli, you can do the engagement party."
"And the bachelor party," Josh pointed out, pasting a sober expression on his face. "I know some girls - very classy - who work nothing but private parties."
Dom blinked. "You know classy girls? I mean, outside your mom and sister?"
"Hey, my Aunt Kate is the definition of classy."
"I'm not going to Vegas," Elijah cut in, poking Orlando in the ribs. "That's final."
"Fine, no Vegas, classy girls only, got it," Orlando shrugged, but Josh could tell he was already plotting the party. He couldn't wait to see what Orlando would come up with.
"And you know Christina'll probably ask your band to play," Dom said.
"That, she probably will do," Elijah agreed. "She's taken a real shine to you guys."
"Far be it from me to let a lady as lovely as Christina down," Josh replied, pleased that they thought she'd want to ask. He hadn't played weddings in a really long time, but for his friends, he was willing to make an exception. "If she asks, consider it done."
"You know your condo's not really big enough for a family," Orlando pointed out, and Josh almost choked on his beer at the perfect innocent expression Orlando managed.
"I haven't even asked her yet," Elijah said, looking panicked yet again. "And you've already got us with a family!"
"Well, I expect you to have lots of babies I can spoil, since these two," Orlando said, pointing at Dom and Josh, "haven't yet. And lots of babies means a house. A big one."
"Stop right there," Elijah said, shaking a finger in Orlando's face. "I know where this is going, and I'm not buying a house yet. My condo's plenty big enough."
"But now's the perfect time to buy," Dom said, looking far too amused with the conversation. "The market's still in the loo, so you can get a great place for a good price."
"He's right," Orlando said. Josh couldn't help thinking that it was nice to see Orlando almost back to normal after how he'd been when he first showed up at the door earlier. "And who knows, someone might give you one as a wedding gift."
"You are not buying me a house!"
"I didn't say that I was."
"But Harry might," Josh said, because he had a pretty good idea about how Orlando's mind worked. When Orlando winked at him, he knew he'd guessed right.
"Harry?!" Elijah's eyes threatened to bug out of his head.
"What, you don't think he's just not going to get you a wedding gift, right?" Dom asked, clearly delighting in Elijah's reactions.
"Yeah, but a house?!"
"He's got a great property in Brentwood he's been sitting on," Orlando smiled. "You've always liked Brentwood."
"Great schools there," Josh nodded. "I can think of a worse place to raise a family."
"I hate you guys," Elijah swore, burying his face in his hands.
"It's okay," Orlando said, reaching over to ruffle Elijah's hair. "We love you, too."
"I haven't even asked her yet and you guys already have the wedding planned, don't you?"
"Pretty much."
"And it'll be the wedding of the century," Orlando grinned.
"Until Viggo decides to tie the knot," Dom said, and the table erupted into laughter. "Exactly."
"Please, he'd have to find someone willing to deal with his uptight ass for however many more centuries he sticks around," Orlando said.
"I don't think he's that uptight," Josh said. "I mean, yeah, he's got a lot of weight he's carrying, but leading an entire race'll do that. I wouldn't want that responsibility."
"Yeah, you're right, uptight is a poor word choice," Orlando nodded. "It's not like he's Marcus or anything. He's just...focused. In a scary way."
"I keep telling you, Marcus is only uptight in Council," Dom argued. "Outside those chambers, he's a totally different person."
"I don't know why you keep expecting I'll fall for that."
"Just wait. You'll see. And I just hope I'm around to witness it when it happens."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
"Back to Elijah here," Josh said, trying to derail Orlando and Dom before they got out of hand (he'd been around them long enough to recognize the signs). "10K on the ring, huh?"
"Yeah," Elijah said. He looked at the ring for a moment before snapping the box closed and shoving it back in his pocket. "Her favorite color is yellow, so y'know..."
"It's a good choice," Dom said. "And I bet she'd look great in yellow, too."
He and Orlando shared a long look, then Orlando grinned. "You're right," he said. "A creamy, soft yellow."
"Stop it," Elijah said, making slashing motions with his hands. "You can't pick out her wedding gown!"
"Not picking it out," Dom said.
"Just brainstorming to offer suggestions," Orlando added.
"It's her fucking gown, we are not offering suggestions!" Elijah rubbed at his eyes. "Good Lord, Orli, even you have enough experience being around women to know that wedding gowns are a sacred business. You can't just waltz in and offer opinions about something most girls have been picturing in their head their entire lives."
"Man's got a point," Josh said, deciding to take pity on Elijah. Wouldn't do the dude any good to have a stroke before he'd even stammered out his proposal. "I've been around enough chicks tying the knot to know that even the sane ones get crazy when it comes to the dress."
"Monica could suggest yellow," Dom mused.
"I really don't think that's a discussion we need to get in the middle of," Josh said.
"Honestly, guys, I don't care what she wears. As long as she says I do."
Josh patted Elijah's back. "Now you're thinking like a groom to be."
"Just don't actually say that to her," Orlando said. "Even I know that'll end up with you sleeping on the sofa during your honeymoon."
"I'm not stupid. But I'm going to fuck up the proposal, I know it."
"Nah, you'll be fine. Just pretend you're, I dunno, in the courtroom."
"That's a horrible idea," Dom groaned.
"I do business law, you jackass."
"You've been in a courtroom, though, right?"
"Actually..." Elijah shifted, looking uncomfortable.
"You haven't," Josh said, and it wasn't a question.
"You'd be surprised what mentioning Urban Corp. or Sinclair Enterprises will solve. I'm proud of the fact that not a single thing I've dealt with has escalated to an actual courtroom battle."
"Lij," Orlando said, sounding like a proud parent, "is very good at his job."
"Either that, or everyone's scared to death of going toe to toe with Karl and Harry," Josh said, then held up his hands when Elijah narrowed his eyes. "Hey, I've told you more than once that Karl thinks the world of your negotiating skills. If you weren't great at what you do, you wouldn't be working for him, I don't care if you're Orlando's best bud or not."
"Truth," Orlando agreed, and gave Josh a fistbump. "He put you through law school and gave you a place in his upper echelon. That wasn't to make me happy, I can tell you that much."
Josh nodded. "Maybe pretend you're negotiating a merger...wait, that's a terrible idea, forget I said it."
"That is a terrible idea," Dom agreed. "I thought you were smooth with the ladies."
"Getting someone to sleep with you is a lot different than asking them to share your life," Josh pointed out. "We need Aubrey or Cooper here. The mysteries of how a woman's mind works is so not my area of expertise."
"You should call 'em! Get 'em over here to give Lij some advice," Dom said, practically bouncing in his seat.
Josh glanced at Orlando, noted the panic that flitted through his eyes. "Um, maybe that's not such a good idea."
"Nonsense," Dom said. "Orli'll be alright, won't you?"
"Uh, sure," Orlando said, sounding anything but.
"Orli -" Josh leaned forward, searching Orlando's face. What he saw there wasn't exactly reassuring, but it wasn't like Orlando could avoid this forever. He'd even admitted that himself. "Alright, I'll give 'em a call and see if they can come over."
"Thanks," Elijah told him.
Cooper answered on the second ring. "Little man," she exclaimed, warmth suffusing her voice. "And how are you this fine day?"
Josh immediately started smiling. He loved all of his bandmates, but Cooper was the true sister of his heart. "Pretty awesome, sexy mama, how's your day?"
"Another day in paradise. What can I do for you?"
"You remember my friend Elijah, right?"
"Sure I do. He and his girl both."
"Well, he's getting ready to pop the question to said girl and needs some advice on how to go about doing it without fainting. I was hoping you could drop by the house and give him some advice."
"Advice, hmm? I could maybe help him out. You mind if Aubrey tags along? We've been going over a few new songs to bring to the group next session."
"It would save me a phone call if you did, since she was next call on my list. I figure the more help the better when it comes to something like this," Josh replied, and they exchanged a few more pleasantries before hanging up. "They'll be here in fifteen," he told the group. "Anyone want anything to drink while we wait?"
"You got anything stronger than beer?" Orlando asked.
"Dude, this is me. I got a whole liquor store. What d'you want?"
"Jameson's," Orlando promptly replied. "I notice you didn't mention that I'm here."
"Nope," Josh said, getting up and heading towards the bar. Yeah, maybe it was shitty of him to blindside Aubrey, but a little honest reaction from the two of them might not be a bad thing. After all, Josh had seen the two of them the morning after, and he wasn't entirely convinced when Orlando said it wasn't like that. "Don't worry, though, it'll be cool. I promise."
"Thanks."
"Anyone else?" Josh held up the bottle, nodding when Dom asked for a glass and Elijah requested a Corona. "Seriously, Orli, relax. Aubrey hates to lose her shit in front of a bunch of people, so you're pretty safe. I'd still take her to Urth to talk, though, just the two of you."
"I call dibs on talking to Orli first," Elijah stated, giving him a meaningful look that a toddler could have deciphered.
"Hey, that's between you two, man," Josh said. "I am totally not getting in the middle of that."
"Besides, I'm with Josh, Aubrey's a cool chick. She's not gonna make a scene," Dom shrugged, smiling his thanks when Josh pressed his glass into his hand. "I mean, I wouldn't count on getting another go at tapping that, but since you said yourself you're concentrating on the Eternal Idiots, that might be a good thing."
"I don't want another go at 'tapping that', thank you," Orlando primly replied. "I just don't want her to hate me or anything. She was...really awesome, y'know? And she deserved better than me bailing on her the way I did."
"Dude, when we talk, we are going to have a very long discussion about how to treat women the morning after," Elijah said, as he took a long sip of his beer.
"I know how to treat women the morning after. In fact, I think two women are much better teachers on that subject than you are."
"Didn't save you from fucking up with Aubrey, did it."
"That was a first time thing. I freaked out."
"Just don't go getting any ideas in that little T-Rex brain of yours."
"Piss off," Orlando said, taking a swallow of his drink. "I'm not going to do anything I shouldn't."
"Why am I still worried?"
Dom laughed again. "Because he's Orlando."
Josh started to clear the plates from the table, shaking his head as they continued the good-natured bickering. He kept glancing at the clock as he worked, judging how much time they had before the girls got there. Sure, he'd told Orlando that he had nothing to worry about with Aubrey, but saying she was unpredictable at times was an understatement.
"Come on, let's take this out to the patio," he said, once he'd gotten everything squared away. It was a gorgeous afternoon out, and he thought everyone could do with a little sunshine. Plus, he'd just planted some honeysuckle and hibiscus in his back garden (with a lot of help from Harry), and wanted to check on them.
They brought the bottle of Jamesons, and a small cooler of Corona out with them, and settled into their chairs. Dom lifted his face towards the sun and let out a deep breath. "I just don't get why anyone would want to live anywhere else."
"The traffic sucks," Elijah said, pushing his sunglasses up his nose.
"And the smog," Orlando added. "But the weather makes up for a lot. I think it rained or drizzled just about every day in London."
"There's a reason I wasn't all that heartbroken when Sean wanted to leave England," Dom said. He reached out his foot to nudge Orlando's calf. "How's Dave?"
"He's good. Happy as he can be, all things considered, y'know. And the girls have been good for him. Plus Lawrence keeps him busy. He put Dave in charge of the public relations side of the company."
"I bet he's great at it," Elijah said, thoughtfully. "All that time as Viggo's assistant should come in handy in how to deal with people."
"Speaking of," Orlando slowly said, toying with his glass. "If you wanted to, y'know, invite Dave to the wedding, I, um...I could ask Viggo if he'd, y'know, lift the banishment for a few days. No promises, though."
"That would be cool. You think he'd go for it?"
"I don't know, but it can't hurt to ask, right? It's not like I'm asking for me."
"Actually," Dom broke in, "it wouldn't hurt if you were with him, Lij. If you want to put the odds in your favor, you could butter him up by asking him to officiate the wedding."
"He can do that?"
"Yeah, he's actually been ordained in, um, lemme think," Dom said, scratching his chin for a second, "a dozen different religions, I think. As long as she's not a Scientologist or something, he could probably do it."
"The Scientologists wouldn't have him?" Josh wondered. It was literally the first thing that popped in his head.
"I think it's more a matter of them wanting their own ministers to officiate," Dom shrugged. "Viggo can't perform Catholic ceremonies, either, on account of the whole not being celibate thing, and the fact that he's never been a priest."
"Now that would be a neat trick," Orlando mused. "Are there any vampire priests?"
"Not that I know of, but it's not like they're my people," Dom grinned.
"That would be really weird," Josh agreed. "It does seem like the whole priest lifestyle would go against the vampire culture."
"Especially given the enhanced sex drives," Elijah nodded. "But, since neither Christina nor I are Catholic or Scientologists, if Christina's cool with it and Viggo's cool with it, I think it'd be pretty fucking sweet."
"Don't you boys look as pretty as a picture?"
Cooper, looking as cool as the other side of the pillow in a bright yellow sundress that showed her flawless dark skin off to perfection, and Aubrey, wearing a pair of cut-off jeans and a green tank top that did considerable things to her curves, stood on the other side of the small, wrought-iron gate.
"Not as pretty as you," Josh replied, and went to let them in. Cooper brushed a small kiss to his cheek as she stepped past him, and was warmly greeted by the others. Aubrey glanced around him, then raised an eyebrow Josh's way when she spotted Orlando.
"Way to warn a girl," she murmured.
"No violence in my house," he warned her, playful, but serious.
"Please," she scoffed, and gave him a friendly hug. "He's not the first man to duck and run the morning after. Hey sexy," she called, louder, and patted Josh on the shoulder as she walked to Orlando. "Nice to see you stateside again."
"Hey gorgeous," Orlando said, flashing her a soft smile as he stood. "I, uh, I'm sorry for -"
"Apology accepted," she said, putting a finger against his lips. "It's not like you took off before I woke up and didn't bother ever speaking to me again. I got the texts you sent."
Orlando exhaled slowly, then nodded. "Still, though, I was a jerk. Let me make it up to you."
"And how do you plan on doing that?"
"By asking you out to coffee, for starters," Orlando said. He grinned at her, and Josh knew that grin all too well. And so far, Josh had never seen it not work.
"We'll see," she said, but her smile was enough indication that she could be persuaded. Not too shabby, Josh thought, as Aubrey turned to Dom and her smile widened. "Looking good, Dominic."
"Looking better than good, Aubrey," Dom replied, and leaned in to give her a soft kiss. Aubrey then turned to Elijah, and Josh took advantage of the moment to stand next to Orlando.
"Everything good?" he asked quietly.
Orlando nodded. "It wasn't as horrible as I'd thought it would be."
"I told you, she's not the type to make a scene."
"I'm still in the doghouse, though, aren't I?"
Josh patted his back. "Dude, that was never in any doubt."
Orlando sighed, his eyes following Aubrey. "I figured as much," he said, then went to sit beside Cooper. Josh narrowed his eyes, watching him, but it seemed innocent enough at the moment. And if Orlando tried anything funny, Josh would just pulled him aside and give him a good talking to.
"Hey." Josh looked down as Aubrey linked her arm through his. "Ease down, Papa Bear. I can hear you growling from here."
"Sorry." He patted her hand. Orlando and Cooper were joined by Elijah and Dom. Dom, he noted, was also on his best behavior. "I know she hates it, but I...I just don't want her to get hurt again." Not that he thought Dom or Orlando would do it on purpose - far from it - but the habit was hard to break.
"She can take care of herself." She leaned against his shoulder. "Simon was a long time ago."
"She's still fucked up about it."
"She's getting better. Now, come on," she said, and tugged him forward. "I thought we were here to dispense advice to the groom-to-be."
"Conspiring?" Cooper asked, when they sat at the table. She looked like she knew exactly what they'd been talking about, and wasn't too thrilled about it.
"Not really," Josh replied, with an apologetic smile. He knew she hated to be fussed over, but he couldn't help it sometimes.
"Good," she replied, with a decisive nod, then turned that megawatt smile of hers to Elijah. "So, we hear you're finally ready to pop the question to Christina."
"I am. I just, uh, I'm not sure the best way to ask her."
"What did this bunch of delinquents tell you?" Aubrey asked.
"To, uh, act like I was in the courtroom," Elijah muttered, turning bright red.
"That's a horrible idea," Cooper frowned.
"It was Josh's."
"I meant as far as the confidence factor."
"I told you it was a bloody awful idea," Dom said, beaming as both girls smiled at him.
"Suck up," Josh muttered.
"Don't be hatin'," Cooper sweetly said. Then she turned back to Elijah. "Okay, so tell us what you've got planned so far. Is it a big production, or are you just going to take her to dinner and do the whole one knee thing?"
"Well, Dom suggested a weekend at Catalina at the Del Mar -"
"Because I have awesome ideas -"
"And Josh suggested taking her on Karl's yacht for dinner while we're down there and popping the question over dessert," Elijah finished, ignoring Dom. "Which, I dunno, sounds romantic to me, but it's the how that's giving me jitters."
"I like the weekend away and the yacht idea. Very romantic," Cooper said, and Josh barely resisted the urge to gloat. Although he did flip Dom off. Dom just stuck his tongue out at him.
"You could always put the ring in her dessert," Orlando suggested. "Like they do with the baby in King Cakes at Mardi Gras or something."
"I'm not putting a ten thousand dollar ring in a cake!" Elijah said, sounding horrified.
Aubrey swept her finger over Dom, Josh, and Orlando. "No more suggestions," she stated. "You sent for the experts, so let us take over." Then she patted Elijah's knee. "Why don't you show us the ring and start telling us what she's like. We know her, but not like you do."
Josh settled back in his chair and watched as Elijah pulled the ring from his pocket again and opened the box.
"Sweet baby Jesus," Cooper breathed.
Aubrey nodded, her eyes as wide as saucers. "Wow."
"And a weekend in Catalina with a romantic dinner on a yacht out on the ocean?" Cooper added, tilting her head, then glancing at Aubrey.
They looked at each other for a long moment, then nodded. It made the hair on the back of Josh's neck stand up. Women - they were worse than vampires when it came to wordless communication.
"Elijah," Aubrey said, "just let the ring speak for itself."
"Huh?"
"What we mean," Cooper continued, "is just before dessert, get down on one knee, hold the ring up, and just say 'will you marry me' - trust us. A ring like that doesn't need any fancy words or speeches."
"Oh." Elijah sat back, looking stunned. "Well, that seems...simple enough."
"Trust me, if she doesn't get an inkling something's up when you suggest the trip, then she'll definitely pick up on it once you get to the yacht," Aubrey said. "By the time you actually go to a knee, she'll have been rehearsing her 'yes' mentally all during dinner."
"Provided I don't pass out first before I can get the words out."
"You love her, right?" At Elijah's enthusiastic nod, Cooper's smile widened. "Well, there you go. If you love her, and she's the one, and you spent that kind of coin on a ring like that, then you'll be fine."
"The hard part will be planning the wedding," Aubrey added.
"We've already been going over that," Orlando said, with a nod.
"We've got it all planned," Dom agreed. "No need for them to stress over anything."
Cooper raised an elegant eyebrow. "Have you really?"
"Monica's designing the dress, Viggo will officiate, Karl's paying for the wedding - although he doesn't know it yet, Orlando's paying for the bachelor party - not in Vegas," Josh said, "and Harry's buying the happy couple a house, not that he knows it yet, either. Oh, and I said if Christina asked that we'd play the reception."
"We are?" Cooper asked, with an amused laugh. "We haven't played a wedding in years."
"Not since the one where we met Aubrey, nope," Josh grinned. That had been a very memorable night.
"I still remember your Aunt Kate getting Grabby Hands fired or demoted or whatever it was," Aubrey said.
"I think that dude's still working in the mail room."
"Good," Aubrey said, with a nod. "Teach him to keep his hands to himself."
"I still say your Aunt Kate should've waited until Aubrey had belted him," Cooper added. "I had money riding on whether she'd go knuckles to the nose or a knee to the crotch."
"Next time," Aubrey promised. "Just for you."
"I won't hold my breath." Cooper crossed her legs, and rested her hands on her stomach. "So, Little Man, are you going to be a good host and offer us poor ladies a drink?"
Josh narrowed his eyes. "Where are my manners," he drawled, even more suspicious when she flashed him a saccharine-sweet smile in return. "Would you ladies like anything?"
"I'll just take one of those," Aubrey said, pointing to the cooler of Coronas.
"It's such a nice day, I think I'll have something frothy," Cooper declared, dark eyes flashing with challenge. "Maybe you can blend something up for me."
Yeah, he knew her game alright. She knew he'd have to go into the kitchen to make her something, and that she'd be alone (relatively speaking) with Dom and Orlando and their wildly flirtatious ways. Dom and Orlando, who had no idea about Cooper's past (just the way she liked it, Josh knew) and wouldn't know to be on their guards. "This is payback, isn't it?"
"Maybe I'm just thirsty," she replied, mildly, but Josh got the message loud and clear.
"Yeah, alright, one frothy drink coming up," he said, and stood. He didn't dare risk looking at Dom and Orlando and telling them to behave themselves.
"I'll come with," Elijah said, standing with him. "If I'm drinking, I need to grab some water."
Which just left Aubrey to chaperone - not that anything was going to happen, and Josh knew it - and he trusted Dom and Orlando, he really did, but this was Cooper, and fuck, he really was an overprotective control freak sometimes - but Josh just shrugged. "Suit yourself."
Elijah waited until Josh had gotten fresh strawberries from the fridge and the rum from the liquor cabinet (Cooper had a fondness for homemade daiquiris) before saying anything. He leaned against the counter, fiddling with his water bottle cap. "Hey, is it just me, or are you and Cooper having the world's most polite fight?"
"More like she's reminding me to keep my nose out of her personal business," Josh said, filling the blender with ice.
"Ah." Elijah looked confused.
Josh sighed. "Cooper has a history, okay, and some bad shit happened with her a couple of years ago," he said, capping the strawberries and tossing them into the blender. "So we - well, Gibson and I mostly - look out for her. She doesn't like it."
"You mean with guys," Elijah said, slowly, and shifted to look out the window. "And you think Dom or Orli..."
"No, I don't," Josh said, holding the bottle of rum and just looking at it for a moment. "Not really. But they don't know, and Orlando...fuck, I know he's serious about reconnecting with Harry and Karl, but he's going to explore his options, y'know."
"And Cooper's beautiful," Elijah said. He nodded, then glanced at Josh. "I don't think he'd push it, though, y'know, if she doesn't seem interested."
"I know." Josh sighed again. "I trust him. I really do. And I trust Dom. It's just...it's hard to forget what she was like after...well, anyway, it's not my story to tell, but it wasn't pretty. We all thought she was gonna bail on us and head back to Meridian. Her hometown," he explained, at Elijah's blank look. "Some podunk place in Mississippi, to hear her tell it."
"Wow, that must've been bad," Elijah said, as Josh added lime juice and simple syrup to the rum and strawberries and started the blender again. "And it's cool that you're all looking out for her, but as almost two decades of friendship with Orlando has taught me, your friends are gonna royally fuck up their lives no matter how much advice you give. All you can do is be there for them for the fallout."
"Yeah, I know." Josh snagged a few glasses and poured. "And I worry about Orlando, too. I know he and I didn't get off to the best of starts, but..."
"He's like a brother now. He feels the same way about you, you know," Elijah added, hitting the nail on the head. "And I bet Cooper can also get her claws out on your behalf, if she thinks you need protecting."
"You have no idea," Josh chuckled. "Before Karl, man... I have made some epic mistakes, let's just put it that way. And she still gives me grief sometimes about how she didn't get a chance to vet Karl out before we had our ceremony."
"I know how she feels," Elijah grinned. "Scariest moment of my life was going toe to toe with Karl when he and Orlando first got together - I mean, here's this friggin' Council member in our crappy Hollywood apartment going through Orlando's things like he's got every right to be there and dictating what Orlando can bring with him or not to the house, moving Orlando out from under my nose, basically, and there was no way I was just gonna stand by and let that happen. Someone had to look out for the dork's best interests, since he clearly wasn't doing it. He was in such a sexual fog I don't think he would have noticed a bomb going off next to him."
"Dude, I've seen him around Karl. I know exactly what you mean," Josh laughed as he rinsed out the blender. "He's even worse around Harry."
"I believe it." Elijah grabbed one of the glasses, and his bottle of water, then stopped when he got to the sliding glass door. Josh followed his gaze, and saw Dom and Cooper engaged in what looked like a pretty lively conversation, with a lot of hand waving on Dom's part, and Aubrey and Orlando sitting next to each other, both of them also clearly involved in whatever it was Dom was saying. Josh was pretty glad to see that they looked friendly. Maybe it wouldn't take much on Orlando's part for Aubrey to forgive him.
Elijah turned his gaze to Josh. "Can I ask you something?" When Josh said sure, Elijah turned his head back to the patio. "What the hell happened that night?
"I don't know the whole story, and that's the truth," Josh replied, quietly. "I mean, he slept with her, obviously, but as far as the particulars and how it happened? No clue. After I left you guys at HC, I didn't see him again until the next morning at Dom's." He remembered how shocked he'd been witnessing Orlando and Aubrey with each other over breakfast. Even three months later, it still felt a little unreal.
"It's just so crazy to imagine him with girls."
"Well, clearly no one was more shocked than he was that it happened," Josh said, and gently bumped Elijah's elbow. "But I told him at the time, he could have done a whole lot worse than Aubrey as his first, but he couldn't have done much better."
"Good." Then a strange look passed over Elijah's face. "You, uh, you think the two of them might, uh, go out again?"
"Who knows with Aubrey. Hell, she might kick me out of bed with her and Karl and put Orlando in there instead."
"You guys are all too convoluted," Elijah shook his head. "Even after all this time, it still makes my brain hurt."
"Not everyone's cut out for monogamy. But if I had a woman like Christina, I don't think I'd mind so much," Josh said, then laughed outright at the dopey, lovestruck look on Elijah's face. "Come on, before Cooper thinks I'm in here pouting."
Elijah reached for the door, then stopped. "Hey, uh, you think that Aubrey and Cooper would... You think they'd like to maybe hang out with Christina sometime?"
"I don't see why not. What's up?"
"Nothing, just...well, Christina doesn't have a lot of really close friends," Elijah said. "Most women can't see past the exterior, y'know? So the ones she has are really important to her, but she works a lot, and I just...I want her to have her own life and her own friends, and I guess I figured they seem to like her, and I know she likes them..."
"I can talk with them, if you want, maybe mention that they could kidnap her for a bride-to-be spa day or something to start brainstorming over whatever it is chicks need to talk about when it comes to weddings."
Elijah flashed a grateful smile. "That'd be great."
"What are friends for?" And, as strange as it was to realize, considering how different his life had been just a year ago, Josh really did consider Dom and Elijah and Orlando friends.
He held one of the glasses up as he stepped back on the patio. "Homemade and extra tart, just the way you like it," he told Cooper, and handed it to her with a flourish.
She took a sip, then nodded approvingly. "Alright, you're forgiven," she smiled. "Have a seat."
"Aren't you sweet," Aubrey said, arching an eyebrow as Josh sat the second glass in front of her before dropping back into his chair.
"Sometimes."
"Mine?" Orlando looked startled when Elijah sat the third glass in front of him.
"Extra rum in the batch," Josh replied. He accepted a fresh Corona from Dom and settled back.
"Are you trying to get us drunk, sir?" Cooper asked, but she was smiling.
"Maybe," Josh admitted, with a wide grin. "Some people at this table are pretty damn funny when they're drunk."
"Agreed," Dom said, clinking his bottle to Josh's.
Orlando narrowed his eyes. "Oi, I am not the only one who's funny when they're drunk."
"No, but you are pretty funny," Elijah stated. "And you should enjoy it while you can, since you bitched so much about how hard it was to get drunk when you had your fangs."
"And since everyone decided to come to my house to play hooky, and there's a pretty kick-ass pool at the main house, and I've got enough rum and Corona for a party..."
Cooper and Aubrey looked at each other, then at Josh. "You do realize that neither of us is dressed for a pool party, right?"
"Well..." Dom said, then his eyes almost crossed when Aubrey's finger jabbed at his nose.
"Don't finish that thought, Dominic," she said. "There will be no skinny dipping."
"You could borrow t-shirts from Josh," Orlando suggested.
"Or," Josh said, "you could remember that you both left bathing suits here when you were over the other week. So why don't you ladies go get changed, and we'll head up to the pool with the drinks. I might even be persuaded to throw together some munchies later."
"Now you're talking like a man with a plan," Cooper pronounced. "Aubrey, you up for it?"
"Am I up for lounging poolside in the Hills with a group of gorgeous guys and Josh as our personal cabana boy bringing us food and drink? Hell yeah on that."
Josh rubbed his hands together. "Alright, let's reconvene at the pool in fifteen."
Dom high-fived Josh as he walked with Elijah up to the main house to grab their swim trunks, and Aubrey and Cooper headed to the spare bedroom to get changed, leaving just Josh and Orlando at the table. Josh saluted him with his beer. "Here's to good friends and new beginnings."
Orlando smiled and tapped his daiquiri glass to the bottle. "Here's to family of the blood and of the heart. It's good to be home."
Josh returned the smile. "It's good to have you back."
***