What the devil

[urfuckingfired]

Today, I woke up outside my tank, and only had one penis.

One.

It's considerably smaller than what I previously remembered it to be, too. How on Earth am I going to penetrate Gus when my willy-dilly is this tiny?

I am also notably more hairy, not to mention less than good-looking, which I don't like at all.

On the bright side, I smell delightfully --

Comments

[objectivismlol]

Wilkins, I would be inclined to feel much happier for you if you weren't scratching your bare posterior in my presence. Think of the children. Or something.

Actually, just pull up your trousers and go about your business.

[urfuckingfired]

Hold your horses, boy. What are you doing here? Are you not supposed to be in Fort Frolic, or in Cohen's bed?

Additionally, I am puzzled by your brutish speech.

[objectivismlol]

Boy? Boy? I ought to cane your sorry, flabby hide! How did you know about Co- Look, I was drunk, it was dark, I was only going to lie down for a few minutes...

Additionally, you should shut the fuck up.

[urfuckingfired]

Don't you
dare speak to me like that.

You're dismissed.

Boy.

Don't hurt me! I feel so mortal!

[yesmisteralex]

/walking in circles. constantly.

I don't know. It's lovely having arms and all but I keep feeling like I'm going to die any second. Have you ever felt like that?

[urfuckingfired]

What's wrong with you, woman? You actually speak English now! Oh, I'm so proud of you! You finally put the shamrocks behind you and went clean!

Let us hope that your selfless act will inspire the other shamrock-buggerers in this city to do the same.

[anirishbloke]

I swear to the feckin' Lord I shall smack six shades o' shite outta ye, ye great big amadán.

[urfuckingfired]

You wouldn't dare, tattoo-boy.

/smacks Louie's filthy, suspiciously Irish-sounding gob with a salmon

[ladiesman1959]

What are you goin' on about now, Peach?

[urfuckingfired]

I am not Peach! I am Alex the Great, and demand to be addressed as such!

[ladiesman1959]

[squints]
...nnnno, you're definitely not. I know Gil. Inside and out.But not in that way.

[urfuckingfired]

When I get my body back, I'm coming for you -- and I'm
not letting you get away this time.

[mmhsocommongood]

Gilbert, is that you?

[urfuckingfired]

Sofia! Oh, Sofia, is that you? What happened to us?

[mmhsocommongood]

It is, Gilbert! It is! I... I don't know that is going on here; my breasts have never been smaller and this... this is just terrible!

/hugs Gilkins
/HARD

[urfuckingfired]

Oh, Sofia! I'm so glad I found you! This day has been full of nothing but confusion and... and
puzzlement!

/clings to Mafia
/PASSIONATELY

You know I will always love you, no matter how big your bosom is!

[fearmyblowtorch]

WILKINS, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YA? YOU AIN'T TALKIN' ABOUT FONTAINE ANY MORE!

[urfuckingfired]

Mr. Norris, is that you in there? I'd know that strangely appealing accent anywhere!

[fearmyblowtorch]

GIL? GIL, CAN THAT REALLY BE YOU? IN THAT UGLY-ASS BODY?

/AFFECTIONATELY SHOWERS GILKINS IN GOLDEN SPARKLES

[urfuckingfired]

Oh! Is this what is sometimes called a "golden shower"? If so, it is highly enjoyable!