Day of the Usher (Wedding and Work)
As I sit here watching the clock tick, I wonder...how much? How much am I supposed to give? My dad is remarrying this weekend. His rehearsal was Fri night. His wedding is today. His reception is tonight. Once again, how much do I have to give? I don't have to do anything. I wasn't born to expect this. Nobody told me when I popped out of my mommy's vagina that my parents were going to have this choice---this choice to separate. It doesn't happen in nature. It shouldn't happen in this world. But it does. And it's a bitch when you find out that things don't work out for your parents. I am having a tough time dealing with it. Because with remarrying comes weird/strange people you've never seen before and well, frankly, people I don't want to know. But they want to know me! Shit, sure they do...they'd love to talk. In fact, they'll tell my dad how much they wish I'd OPEN up. That's about the time that I turn to them and put my middle finger and say "Open this" .
Truth is, I am not doing more than I have to today. I have thought this through and I have come up with this. This wedding is a hassle. It popped up on my radar. I wasn't supposed to deal with this. Band and work...I was supposed to. And they come first. But my DAD is remarrying...my dad. So, to not be entirely "cold-hearted", I am going to the wedding ceremony. I am going to be the usher in his ceremony for him. I am going to make sure things run smoothly. Make sure he gets things completed and is happy. And then, yea, I am going to play him. I figure this. He's going to Jamaica for his honeymoon to consummate the marriage, etc. And so if I were him, would I let my son ruin my honeymoon? No. I would go and enjoy it. And when I get back, deal with it. But the situation will have happened a time ago so maybe the argument isn't so bad. My dad and I need to have this argument though. He needs to know that I don't like mingling with his new additions to the family tree. Yea, I am going to play him. I will tell him that I couldn't get out of work. I lied when I told him I did. And I will do it in front of the entire wedding crowd. He's a fool if he starts a fight then. He'll have to let me go. And I will go assume usher duty at Showplace.
Do I wish it didn't come down to this? Yes. I wish my mom wasn't hurt. I wish my brother wasn't in a different school. I wish my dad hadn't cheated on my mom and been with this chick before my mom and dad separated (she worked for him). I wish a lot. But I don't want to wish upon myself misery. And forcing myself to be at this reception would be miserable.
Marching band...work...they are outs. And I am not ashamed to take them.
Anybody out there...I might need someone to talk to. If I start to cry or breakdown and say some emotional shit, don't be surprised. It could happen. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Truth is, I am not doing more than I have to today. I have thought this through and I have come up with this. This wedding is a hassle. It popped up on my radar. I wasn't supposed to deal with this. Band and work...I was supposed to. And they come first. But my DAD is remarrying...my dad. So, to not be entirely "cold-hearted", I am going to the wedding ceremony. I am going to be the usher in his ceremony for him. I am going to make sure things run smoothly. Make sure he gets things completed and is happy. And then, yea, I am going to play him. I figure this. He's going to Jamaica for his honeymoon to consummate the marriage, etc. And so if I were him, would I let my son ruin my honeymoon? No. I would go and enjoy it. And when I get back, deal with it. But the situation will have happened a time ago so maybe the argument isn't so bad. My dad and I need to have this argument though. He needs to know that I don't like mingling with his new additions to the family tree. Yea, I am going to play him. I will tell him that I couldn't get out of work. I lied when I told him I did. And I will do it in front of the entire wedding crowd. He's a fool if he starts a fight then. He'll have to let me go. And I will go assume usher duty at Showplace.
Do I wish it didn't come down to this? Yes. I wish my mom wasn't hurt. I wish my brother wasn't in a different school. I wish my dad hadn't cheated on my mom and been with this chick before my mom and dad separated (she worked for him). I wish a lot. But I don't want to wish upon myself misery. And forcing myself to be at this reception would be miserable.
Marching band...work...they are outs. And I am not ashamed to take them.
Anybody out there...I might need someone to talk to. If I start to cry or breakdown and say some emotional shit, don't be surprised. It could happen. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.