Criminal Minds Fan Fic: Hallelujah: Chapter 8: Emily/JJ
Title: Hallelujah
Author: Carly Carter
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Paring: Emily/JJ
Rating: PG for now
Summary: Emily/JJ - an encounter in the snow, and beyond.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything
Dedication: Written for
kassandra_luem who introduced me to Emily and JJ:) I shall never forget you, or forget writing Emily/JJ fic on planes:) With my extreme gratitude to
lynders11 for reminding me about this fic and her constant encouragement. Also my dear
frenhufor her inspiration and support, and never giving up on me. And for Erin my awesome beta reader who blew me away with her comments on these chapters.
Previous Chapters...
Chapters 1-3 http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/30682.html
Chapters 4- 6 http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/30742.html
Chapter 7 http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/58920.html
Chapter 8
After Garcia has left, it's just Morgan alone in the room. There is silence for the longest time. Finally he clears his throat and asks "Can I get you anything?" From about as far away from you as he can possibly get without leaving the room.
"No." You answer. "You don't have to stay." You tell him.
"I'm right where I want to be." He replies casually.
"You can't even look at me. " You accuse. "You couldn't get further away from me if you tried. I don't have to be a profiler to see you don't want to be here. Its alright, I didn't want any of you to be , either. So you're free to go. Go after Garcia."
"I'm sorry, I just don't like hospitals." He acknowledges.
"No one does. No one likes sick people." You tell him.
"It's hard." He acknowledges, "To see someone you care about sick."
"You may as well not bother being here if you're not going to leave the doorway." You tell him.
His head snaps up, and you realise how much you've hurt him. Hurting him somehow felt even worse than making Garcia cry.
"Or..." You continue. "You can come and sit here beside me, talk to me. If you want. " You finish, softening you tone. You know it isn't easy for them. You should try harder to make it easy. You hadn't wanted them here, but they are here, and they aren't leaving.
Morgan smiles back at you, sitting beside you and taking your hand. It's easier, somehow, to talk to him.
"I wish you told us." He says simply.
"I'm sorry." You answer.
"How long have you known?"
"A little while."
"Is that why you left the BAU?" He asks.
"You don't need to be worrying about me, you have cases to solve, people you can save." Is all you answer.
"You don't need to be worrying about cases, you need to worry about getting yourself better." He responds.
"It's not gonna happen." You declare.
"There are treatments you haven't even tried yet." He insists.
"The chances aren't good."
"You can try. You're gonna try. You know that, right? You know that you have no say in it anymore? Not now we are here. You are gonna give it everything you got, you hear me Prentiss?"
"Ok." You negotiate with him. "I will try. If you do me one favour."
"I'm not making promises to you about keeping this from anyone. You know that it's not fair to ask Garcia that. I'm mad as hell that you didn't tell me you were sick, and I'm sure the rest of the team feel the same. I'm not keeping this a secret, from anyone, it's wrong."
"I know." You answer. "That wasn't what I was going to ask. I just need you to promise me, that when I'm gone..."
"Hey!" He cuts you off abruptly. "No talking like that!"
"Please?" You plead, as hot tears sting your eyes. "There is no one else I can ask. No one wants to look me in the eye, not even my doctor. They all know I'm dying. It makes them uncomfortable. And I guess Garcia won't be back after the things I said..."
"Oh, she'll be back, take more than that to keep her away." He assures you.
"I need you to promise you will look after them, Garcia and JJ, when I'm gone."
"Which is a long, long way away Prentiss." He insists, not willing to give up on you.
"Whenever it happens to be, I need to know you will look after them. Make them smile. Help them forget me."
"I will." He promises, not able to meet your eye. "But you are pretty damn unforgettable." He adds, lightening his tone. Desperately trying to get out of the conversation.
"And before I'm gone, when things get bad, don't let them sit here all day watching me die. I don't want that. I don't want them to remember that about me. I just want all of you to be happy, to be ok."
"You know what Prentiss? We are ok, all of us. You don't need to keep secrets to protect us. We wanna be here with you, no matter what. That's what family is, Em. Do you know how much it hurts us when you push us away, keep us in the dark about something so important?" He asks you.
"I'm sorry." You whisper. "I was trying to do the right thing." You try to justify it.
"Good you're sorry! So stop doing it. Stop it right now, ok?" He tells you. "You're not alone, let us help you. All of us. JJ included. Please let's not do everything the hard way. You know we are all gonna get our way in the end. You can't fight all of us. So stop it. Ok?"
"It's gonna be hard for her, for JJ." You say. It just slipped out. You're not even sure you believe it. She has a husband now, she won't miss you.
Morgan nods. "Yeah? Well imagine this. Imagine how hard its gonna be if anything happened to you, anything, and she isn't here. She would be in shock. She would have no chance to say goodbye, to say...things she needed. Its not fair, Em. And talking to Garcia like that isn't fair either."
"I know."
"Yeah I know you're sick, but i'm not gonna lie to you. You owe Garcia an apology." He insists.
"I know. And I'm glad you're always straight with me. I value that more than I can tell you." You tell him.
"Are you really worried about JJ?" He asks finally. "Is that why you don't want her here? Or are you worried about yourself?" There is no malice in his accusation, only curiosity.
You can't find an answer. Maybe he is right. "I just want this all to be over." You tell him softly as you close your eyes, exhuasted.
"Please, don't say that. I talked to your doctor. There are treatments and you're gonna try them, all of them. And if they don't work, we are here. And you aren't alone. But you have to make an effort, Emily. And you better get used to all of us being here. You have to stop this, stop keeping things from us, trying to protect us, trying to protect yourself. Life is short. No one knows how much time they have left. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Maybe you have another 60 years to live. Maybe not. But don't push us away. If there are things you need to resolve, thing you need to say or do, then you have to stop running and hiding, and face them. And you have to give people a chance to do the same."
Slowly you open your eyes as his words sink in. "You, Morgan, are my hero." You tell him as you kiss him on the top of his head. "You make the people around you feel good. You care. And you're strong. A great leader, a great friend. A brother. You changed my life."
"Back at ya." He tells you. "And don't even pull anything like this again, you hear me?"
"Ok." You agree sleepily as you close your eyes and surrender to sleep.
Author: Carly Carter
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Paring: Emily/JJ
Rating: PG for now
Summary: Emily/JJ - an encounter in the snow, and beyond.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything
Dedication: Written for
kassandra_luem who introduced me to Emily and JJ:) I shall never forget you, or forget writing Emily/JJ fic on planes:) With my extreme gratitude to
lynders11 for reminding me about this fic and her constant encouragement. Also my dear
frenhufor her inspiration and support, and never giving up on me. And for Erin my awesome beta reader who blew me away with her comments on these chapters.
Previous Chapters...
Chapters 1-3 http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/30682.html
Chapters 4- 6 http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/30742.html
Chapter 7 http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/58920.html
Chapter 8
After Garcia has left, it's just Morgan alone in the room. There is silence for the longest time. Finally he clears his throat and asks "Can I get you anything?" From about as far away from you as he can possibly get without leaving the room.
"No." You answer. "You don't have to stay." You tell him.
"I'm right where I want to be." He replies casually.
"You can't even look at me. " You accuse. "You couldn't get further away from me if you tried. I don't have to be a profiler to see you don't want to be here. Its alright, I didn't want any of you to be , either. So you're free to go. Go after Garcia."
"I'm sorry, I just don't like hospitals." He acknowledges.
"No one does. No one likes sick people." You tell him.
"It's hard." He acknowledges, "To see someone you care about sick."
"You may as well not bother being here if you're not going to leave the doorway." You tell him.
His head snaps up, and you realise how much you've hurt him. Hurting him somehow felt even worse than making Garcia cry.
"Or..." You continue. "You can come and sit here beside me, talk to me. If you want. " You finish, softening you tone. You know it isn't easy for them. You should try harder to make it easy. You hadn't wanted them here, but they are here, and they aren't leaving.
Morgan smiles back at you, sitting beside you and taking your hand. It's easier, somehow, to talk to him.
"I wish you told us." He says simply.
"I'm sorry." You answer.
"How long have you known?"
"A little while."
"Is that why you left the BAU?" He asks.
"You don't need to be worrying about me, you have cases to solve, people you can save." Is all you answer.
"You don't need to be worrying about cases, you need to worry about getting yourself better." He responds.
"It's not gonna happen." You declare.
"There are treatments you haven't even tried yet." He insists.
"The chances aren't good."
"You can try. You're gonna try. You know that, right? You know that you have no say in it anymore? Not now we are here. You are gonna give it everything you got, you hear me Prentiss?"
"Ok." You negotiate with him. "I will try. If you do me one favour."
"I'm not making promises to you about keeping this from anyone. You know that it's not fair to ask Garcia that. I'm mad as hell that you didn't tell me you were sick, and I'm sure the rest of the team feel the same. I'm not keeping this a secret, from anyone, it's wrong."
"I know." You answer. "That wasn't what I was going to ask. I just need you to promise me, that when I'm gone..."
"Hey!" He cuts you off abruptly. "No talking like that!"
"Please?" You plead, as hot tears sting your eyes. "There is no one else I can ask. No one wants to look me in the eye, not even my doctor. They all know I'm dying. It makes them uncomfortable. And I guess Garcia won't be back after the things I said..."
"Oh, she'll be back, take more than that to keep her away." He assures you.
"I need you to promise you will look after them, Garcia and JJ, when I'm gone."
"Which is a long, long way away Prentiss." He insists, not willing to give up on you.
"Whenever it happens to be, I need to know you will look after them. Make them smile. Help them forget me."
"I will." He promises, not able to meet your eye. "But you are pretty damn unforgettable." He adds, lightening his tone. Desperately trying to get out of the conversation.
"And before I'm gone, when things get bad, don't let them sit here all day watching me die. I don't want that. I don't want them to remember that about me. I just want all of you to be happy, to be ok."
"You know what Prentiss? We are ok, all of us. You don't need to keep secrets to protect us. We wanna be here with you, no matter what. That's what family is, Em. Do you know how much it hurts us when you push us away, keep us in the dark about something so important?" He asks you.
"I'm sorry." You whisper. "I was trying to do the right thing." You try to justify it.
"Good you're sorry! So stop doing it. Stop it right now, ok?" He tells you. "You're not alone, let us help you. All of us. JJ included. Please let's not do everything the hard way. You know we are all gonna get our way in the end. You can't fight all of us. So stop it. Ok?"
"It's gonna be hard for her, for JJ." You say. It just slipped out. You're not even sure you believe it. She has a husband now, she won't miss you.
Morgan nods. "Yeah? Well imagine this. Imagine how hard its gonna be if anything happened to you, anything, and she isn't here. She would be in shock. She would have no chance to say goodbye, to say...things she needed. Its not fair, Em. And talking to Garcia like that isn't fair either."
"I know."
"Yeah I know you're sick, but i'm not gonna lie to you. You owe Garcia an apology." He insists.
"I know. And I'm glad you're always straight with me. I value that more than I can tell you." You tell him.
"Are you really worried about JJ?" He asks finally. "Is that why you don't want her here? Or are you worried about yourself?" There is no malice in his accusation, only curiosity.
You can't find an answer. Maybe he is right. "I just want this all to be over." You tell him softly as you close your eyes, exhuasted.
"Please, don't say that. I talked to your doctor. There are treatments and you're gonna try them, all of them. And if they don't work, we are here. And you aren't alone. But you have to make an effort, Emily. And you better get used to all of us being here. You have to stop this, stop keeping things from us, trying to protect us, trying to protect yourself. Life is short. No one knows how much time they have left. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Maybe you have another 60 years to live. Maybe not. But don't push us away. If there are things you need to resolve, thing you need to say or do, then you have to stop running and hiding, and face them. And you have to give people a chance to do the same."
Slowly you open your eyes as his words sink in. "You, Morgan, are my hero." You tell him as you kiss him on the top of his head. "You make the people around you feel good. You care. And you're strong. A great leader, a great friend. A brother. You changed my life."
"Back at ya." He tells you. "And don't even pull anything like this again, you hear me?"
"Ok." You agree sleepily as you close your eyes and surrender to sleep.