venting
I'm going to take some time and VENT here because this is the second time this happened and thankfully I had a group with me so I didn't have to feel that shitty feeling again last quarter I don't need to CRY about it this time.
I made plans because K was finally back (!!) and without her boo so she has time to spend with people outside her girlfriend so I had called upon people to spend time with us. Of course why do I bother though? I called them out on having their lives revolve around E and it does. I don't know why I agreed with them that it doesn't. They obviously have to spend their lives taking care of her. And to what degree? She has literally ever other aspect of her life in order, I REFUSE to believe she can't get her personal life in order. What on earth is wrong with her? How can she be a fully functional student, a fully functional person with in her professional group, but she somehow can't either handle her 1) romantic life or 2) some other aspect of her life? If it was me, ok, I can't even handle living my own life sometimes. But I get by. For the past three years, I have NEVER handled someone this HIGH MAINTENANCE and you know what? I'm not here for it. I can't deal with people who need that amount of attention all the time. If you have a problem, say it to my face.
The problem that seems unrelenting is not just the fact that E can't DEAL with her own life but she drags people I want to see and spend time with. But that's fine. They know her more than I do, they know what she needs and they have to deal with it. That's fine! People are emotional and some people need others more. I get it.
I just don't understand why they can't feel the need to tell me this. It would have been fine just: "Sorry, we can't come over at this point, there is a crisis." I mean, I would be frustrated, but today it wasn't even me. It was K at this point, also frustrated and it just made me unnerved that it wasn't even me alone at this point. Someone else was upset. Someone else who I like and care about was upset. This is BS.
I don't care. Why do I bother? I tried offering the laurel branch because I felt like this was a big part of their lives and since I want to be friends with them I'd bend over backwards for this. But why do I bother? Obviously she does not see or understand and I get nothing but dissatisfaction and nothing. I don't care anymore. Why should I try when I barely get acknowledged? This is a waste of time.
I'm still so angry right now. This is the second time this has happened and I'm sure it won't be the last. I really need my friends here because I wouldn't give a damn if she had a personal breakdown if I had other people. If she has a problem with me spending time with her friends I'd rather her say so and have me try and accommodate that. Because this false pretense of being okay is really fucking annoying.
I want to believe it isn't deliberate but I can't help but think it totally is.
I made plans because K was finally back (!!) and without her boo so she has time to spend with people outside her girlfriend so I had called upon people to spend time with us. Of course why do I bother though? I called them out on having their lives revolve around E and it does. I don't know why I agreed with them that it doesn't. They obviously have to spend their lives taking care of her. And to what degree? She has literally ever other aspect of her life in order, I REFUSE to believe she can't get her personal life in order. What on earth is wrong with her? How can she be a fully functional student, a fully functional person with in her professional group, but she somehow can't either handle her 1) romantic life or 2) some other aspect of her life? If it was me, ok, I can't even handle living my own life sometimes. But I get by. For the past three years, I have NEVER handled someone this HIGH MAINTENANCE and you know what? I'm not here for it. I can't deal with people who need that amount of attention all the time. If you have a problem, say it to my face.
The problem that seems unrelenting is not just the fact that E can't DEAL with her own life but she drags people I want to see and spend time with. But that's fine. They know her more than I do, they know what she needs and they have to deal with it. That's fine! People are emotional and some people need others more. I get it.
I just don't understand why they can't feel the need to tell me this. It would have been fine just: "Sorry, we can't come over at this point, there is a crisis." I mean, I would be frustrated, but today it wasn't even me. It was K at this point, also frustrated and it just made me unnerved that it wasn't even me alone at this point. Someone else was upset. Someone else who I like and care about was upset. This is BS.
I don't care. Why do I bother? I tried offering the laurel branch because I felt like this was a big part of their lives and since I want to be friends with them I'd bend over backwards for this. But why do I bother? Obviously she does not see or understand and I get nothing but dissatisfaction and nothing. I don't care anymore. Why should I try when I barely get acknowledged? This is a waste of time.
I'm still so angry right now. This is the second time this has happened and I'm sure it won't be the last. I really need my friends here because I wouldn't give a damn if she had a personal breakdown if I had other people. If she has a problem with me spending time with her friends I'd rather her say so and have me try and accommodate that. Because this false pretense of being okay is really fucking annoying.
I want to believe it isn't deliberate but I can't help but think it totally is.