aaaaugh
I wish I knew how to slip myself out of this situation and literally get the hell out of dodge. While I have left the awkward position from before, I feel like I've entered a weirder limbo stage where I'm not to fault but I just feel awkward and bad about the situation. I feel like I've inadvertently given T the green light to try and pursue a relationship with me just because I didn't say "No we should just end this" and haven't pushed the subject. But I also feel awkward knowing O's situation because I am friends with her and while it is my prerogative on who I decide to date or not or even in that realm of relation with anyone, I just feel like I shouldn't have done anything but in any circumstance I feel like I would have disappointed someone and I feel like this is just a zero sum game.
I thought my life was in disarray but in reality it's not that messy. Sure, K and I disagreed about the discrepancy between her year and mine but nothing said was particularly scathing and while neither of us have reached out to the other yet I don't think this is an issue that has stretched our friendship thin? Like I'm certain I could talk to her and meet up with her and things would be good again.
And I have other friends who are in more stable states, like my old roommate J who is good and solid. C got back from Peru and we are on good terms. I have a handful of other people I know and am friends with I could spend time with but I don't know why I keep forcing myself to stay in this corner. I'm literally poisoning myself with this kind of toxic thing because something is keeping me tied in this situation. In reality I could just honestly cut myself off and see other people but I don't know why I haven't. I'm stuck and of my own device.
I thought my life was in disarray but in reality it's not that messy. Sure, K and I disagreed about the discrepancy between her year and mine but nothing said was particularly scathing and while neither of us have reached out to the other yet I don't think this is an issue that has stretched our friendship thin? Like I'm certain I could talk to her and meet up with her and things would be good again.
And I have other friends who are in more stable states, like my old roommate J who is good and solid. C got back from Peru and we are on good terms. I have a handful of other people I know and am friends with I could spend time with but I don't know why I keep forcing myself to stay in this corner. I'm literally poisoning myself with this kind of toxic thing because something is keeping me tied in this situation. In reality I could just honestly cut myself off and see other people but I don't know why I haven't. I'm stuck and of my own device.