Silent Sunshine Part Three
Title: Silent Sunshine
Pairing(s): Harvey/Steve Rogers, Harvey/OC, Harvey/OC/Steve
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 13,178
Warning(s): Sex, character death
Summary: He can’t move past it. It hurts too much. But maybe, just maybe, he can start. (Crossover with movie-verse Captain America)
November, 1943
Harvey couldn’t remember seeing a more defeated looking group. And that was when he remembered that most of the soldiers hadn’t gotten time off any time recently.
Luckily, they were willing to listen to someone sing. Harvey didn’t bother trying to raise their spirits. He could tell they had been through too much, so he didn’t sing the happy, patriotic songs that the government liked. Instead, he sang sad songs, songs that told them it was okay to be sad, that it was okay to mourn. But he also sang songs of hope, that told them it would get better, that it wouldn’t always be dark. And it seemed to help. The men didn’t look happier after Harvey finished, but they at least didn’t look as sad.
And then Steve went out.
He expected the usual jeers, the fast insults, the rambunctious cynicism that they had always encountered before. In the other units, it was all in good fun.
Here, not so much. Steve actually finished his speech without interruption, receiving only haunted, dead eyed stares in return. And when the time usually came for the requisite volley of insults, the men only requested that the dancing girls come back onstage.
Steve trudged back stage, looking even more dejected than he had after his first performance. He didn’t even speak to Harvey, simply pushing past the singer and going back to his tent. Harvey hesitated, but decided to give Steve a bit of space. They could talk about it tomorrow.
*
Tomorrow came sooner than Harvey expected.
He couldn’t sleep that night, thinking of the hurt look on Steve’s face and wondering if he should go to him. After several hours of tossing and turning, Harvey couldn’t take it anymore, and he rose, dressed and headed toward Steve’s tent.
He was about halfway there when he heard a soft noise. He quickly shrank into the shadows and watched as a shadow crossed the camp. Harvey watched a moment before following. There was only one man on the base that size.
It took a moment to catch up, but he did, touching the man on the shoulder. “Steve?” he whispered.
Steve jumped and whirled around. “Harvey!” he hissed. “What…what are you doing?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Harvey answered. “I was going to see you…” Now that he got a good look, he saw that Steve was in full Captain America gear, except he had added a pair of tan pants, a leather jacket, and one of the dancer’s helmets to the ensemble. “What are you doing?”
Steve glanced around. “There…there’s something I gotta do tonight,” he said. “And…I might not come back.”
Harvey stared. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Haven’t you heard?” Steve asked. “There are hundreds, maybe thousands of prisoners still alive behind the lines. Someone has to try and save them…but Colonel Phillips refuses to go.”
“So you’re going to disobey orders, go behind enemy lines, and risk your life for men who may not even be alive?”
“We don’t know. They’re in the hands of one of Hitler’s scientists…they’re more valuable alive.” Steve looked closely at Harvey. “I have to do this, Harvey. Going home…seeing Charlie and all those boys who believe in Captain America…who believe in me…they made me realize that I can’t just keep being a dancing monkey. I have to be a hero…a real hero. I loved talking to them, but saying I was a soldier, that I had done all those amazing things…lying about it to people who really believe in me…I have to do something more.”
“What about what you told Charlie? That you don’t have to be a soldier to be a hero?”
“I know, Harvey…but right now, I can save people. I can make a difference. And if it means fighting…I’ll fight for them.” Steve leaned in and kissed Harvey gently. “Please Harvey…let me go.”
“Why do you have to go?”
Steve blinked back tears. “It’s more than that,” he admitted. “Remember Charlie talking about that kid Bucky? Well…Bucky’s real…sort of. His name is James Barnes. He’s a soldier and a good man and my best friend in the world. And he’s in there. I have to go in there for him.” He looked at Harvey seriously. “You understand that, right?”
“I don’t wanna lose you,” Harvey whispered. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I won’t,” Steve said. “I’m Captain America.”
“Can Captain America take on an army alone?”
“I won’t be alone. Carter and Stark are going with me.”
“A dame and a mechanic?”
“Carter shot a man in a moving car from half a block away and Stark can fly any plane you give him. I think they’ll be okay.” He looked deep into Harvey’s eyes. “You gotta believe in us, Harvey. Believe in me…like Charlie does.”
Harvey nodded and they kissed once more. Harvey looked and Steve, barely holding back tears. “Knock ‘em dead, Captain.”
Steve smiled and disappeared into the night.
*
Harvey waited for him. Every night for three days, Harvey would walk around the camp, smoking incessantly, watching for Steve to return.
He didn’t come. His accomplices came back, refusing to answer any questions about their actions, but Steve didn’t appear.
Harvey listened to Colonel Phillips dictate the letter, his heart heavy. He couldn’t even bring himself to send a telegram to Maria. He had to believe that Steve was alive. That he would come back someday.
“Can’t you wait another day or two?” Harvey asked the colonel as he listened to the report.
“I have to follow procedure,” the colonel said. “Captain Rogers has been gone three days. We’re not risking our unit to save him. I have to report him as a loss to Washington and hope that they don’t send me another experiment.” He turned to berate Agent Carter, leaving Harvey to light another cigarette and try not to show too much emotion.
It couldn’t be true. Steve was supposed to be invincible, a super soldier, the ultimate weapon against the enemy. He couldn’t be killed on a simple rescue mission. Maybe he wouldn’t succeed in saving everyone, but he couldn’t die. He couldn’t…
A sudden roar from the gate caught Harvey attention. Not knowing what it could be, Harvey hurried over, dropping his cigarette, hoping…
And there he was. Tall and proud and handsome, carrying a now much-dented shield, a haggard young man at his side carrying a weapon, hundreds more following with Nazi tanks and guns and technology that Harvey could make neither heads nor tails of. But he didn’t care. Steve was alive. Steve was alive and he had done the impossible in rescuing everyone that Colonel Phillips refused to save single-handedly.
If the entire division hadn’t been watching, Harvey would have kissed him right then and there.
Steve didn’t even glance at the admiring faces around him. He went straight to Colonel Phillips and saluted properly. “I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action,” he said.
Harvey could tell Colonel Phillips was struggling not to smile. “That won’t be necessary, Captain,” the colonel finally said.
A cheer went up from the division and only then did Steve look to Harvey, smiling softly and signaling for them to meet later.
*
Harvey didn’t have to wait long for Steve. The captain slipped into his tent as soon as night had fallen.
Harvey was on him in a moment, kissing him hard and pulling him toward the bed, trying to convey everything he was feeling toward Steve at the moment-pride, relief, joy, love…all of it.
And Steve kissed him back, pulling Harvey as close as he could, as though Steve were a drowning man and Harvey was the only thing he had to cling to. They fell to the floor, still kissing, their hands moving quickly over one another. They didn’t have to speak. Their actions did all the talking.
Eventually, though, Harvey pulled back and looked at Steve for a moment. “Know where you’re going next?” he asked.
Steve shrugged. “Don’t know. They’re not going to keep me in USO. Probably going to be sent out to take down HYDRA…which means I need to get a team together, I can’t defeat them alone.”
“Why not? You already have.”
Steve smiled. “That was one base, and I wouldn’t have made it without the four hundred men I rescued. War isn’t won by a single man. It’s won by all of us together.”
Harvey nodded. “I’m going with you,” he said.
Steve stared. “What?”
“I want to be on your team. I want to fight by your side. I want to give my kid a reason to be as proud of his dad as he is of you.”
“But…you’re not active combat…you haven’t been trained for this.”
Harvey smirked. “I know how to use a gun,” he said. “I speak three languages and I can be very fast and very stealthy when I want to be. Maybe I didn’t go through all the hell you did, but I think I can keep up…and I don’t want to spend the war sitting in a tent wondering if you’re still alive.” He stroked Steve’s cheek. “So please…let me come with you.”
Steve hesitated. “I’ll have to talk to the colonel,” he said. “But I’ll see what I can do.”
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Pairing(s): Harvey/Steve Rogers, Harvey/OC, Harvey/OC/Steve
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 13,178
Warning(s): Sex, character death
Summary: He can’t move past it. It hurts too much. But maybe, just maybe, he can start. (Crossover with movie-verse Captain America)
November, 1943
Harvey couldn’t remember seeing a more defeated looking group. And that was when he remembered that most of the soldiers hadn’t gotten time off any time recently.
Luckily, they were willing to listen to someone sing. Harvey didn’t bother trying to raise their spirits. He could tell they had been through too much, so he didn’t sing the happy, patriotic songs that the government liked. Instead, he sang sad songs, songs that told them it was okay to be sad, that it was okay to mourn. But he also sang songs of hope, that told them it would get better, that it wouldn’t always be dark. And it seemed to help. The men didn’t look happier after Harvey finished, but they at least didn’t look as sad.
And then Steve went out.
He expected the usual jeers, the fast insults, the rambunctious cynicism that they had always encountered before. In the other units, it was all in good fun.
Here, not so much. Steve actually finished his speech without interruption, receiving only haunted, dead eyed stares in return. And when the time usually came for the requisite volley of insults, the men only requested that the dancing girls come back onstage.
Steve trudged back stage, looking even more dejected than he had after his first performance. He didn’t even speak to Harvey, simply pushing past the singer and going back to his tent. Harvey hesitated, but decided to give Steve a bit of space. They could talk about it tomorrow.
*
Tomorrow came sooner than Harvey expected.
He couldn’t sleep that night, thinking of the hurt look on Steve’s face and wondering if he should go to him. After several hours of tossing and turning, Harvey couldn’t take it anymore, and he rose, dressed and headed toward Steve’s tent.
He was about halfway there when he heard a soft noise. He quickly shrank into the shadows and watched as a shadow crossed the camp. Harvey watched a moment before following. There was only one man on the base that size.
It took a moment to catch up, but he did, touching the man on the shoulder. “Steve?” he whispered.
Steve jumped and whirled around. “Harvey!” he hissed. “What…what are you doing?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Harvey answered. “I was going to see you…” Now that he got a good look, he saw that Steve was in full Captain America gear, except he had added a pair of tan pants, a leather jacket, and one of the dancer’s helmets to the ensemble. “What are you doing?”
Steve glanced around. “There…there’s something I gotta do tonight,” he said. “And…I might not come back.”
Harvey stared. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Haven’t you heard?” Steve asked. “There are hundreds, maybe thousands of prisoners still alive behind the lines. Someone has to try and save them…but Colonel Phillips refuses to go.”
“So you’re going to disobey orders, go behind enemy lines, and risk your life for men who may not even be alive?”
“We don’t know. They’re in the hands of one of Hitler’s scientists…they’re more valuable alive.” Steve looked closely at Harvey. “I have to do this, Harvey. Going home…seeing Charlie and all those boys who believe in Captain America…who believe in me…they made me realize that I can’t just keep being a dancing monkey. I have to be a hero…a real hero. I loved talking to them, but saying I was a soldier, that I had done all those amazing things…lying about it to people who really believe in me…I have to do something more.”
“What about what you told Charlie? That you don’t have to be a soldier to be a hero?”
“I know, Harvey…but right now, I can save people. I can make a difference. And if it means fighting…I’ll fight for them.” Steve leaned in and kissed Harvey gently. “Please Harvey…let me go.”
“Why do you have to go?”
Steve blinked back tears. “It’s more than that,” he admitted. “Remember Charlie talking about that kid Bucky? Well…Bucky’s real…sort of. His name is James Barnes. He’s a soldier and a good man and my best friend in the world. And he’s in there. I have to go in there for him.” He looked at Harvey seriously. “You understand that, right?”
“I don’t wanna lose you,” Harvey whispered. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I won’t,” Steve said. “I’m Captain America.”
“Can Captain America take on an army alone?”
“I won’t be alone. Carter and Stark are going with me.”
“A dame and a mechanic?”
“Carter shot a man in a moving car from half a block away and Stark can fly any plane you give him. I think they’ll be okay.” He looked deep into Harvey’s eyes. “You gotta believe in us, Harvey. Believe in me…like Charlie does.”
Harvey nodded and they kissed once more. Harvey looked and Steve, barely holding back tears. “Knock ‘em dead, Captain.”
Steve smiled and disappeared into the night.
*
Harvey waited for him. Every night for three days, Harvey would walk around the camp, smoking incessantly, watching for Steve to return.
He didn’t come. His accomplices came back, refusing to answer any questions about their actions, but Steve didn’t appear.
Harvey listened to Colonel Phillips dictate the letter, his heart heavy. He couldn’t even bring himself to send a telegram to Maria. He had to believe that Steve was alive. That he would come back someday.
“Can’t you wait another day or two?” Harvey asked the colonel as he listened to the report.
“I have to follow procedure,” the colonel said. “Captain Rogers has been gone three days. We’re not risking our unit to save him. I have to report him as a loss to Washington and hope that they don’t send me another experiment.” He turned to berate Agent Carter, leaving Harvey to light another cigarette and try not to show too much emotion.
It couldn’t be true. Steve was supposed to be invincible, a super soldier, the ultimate weapon against the enemy. He couldn’t be killed on a simple rescue mission. Maybe he wouldn’t succeed in saving everyone, but he couldn’t die. He couldn’t…
A sudden roar from the gate caught Harvey attention. Not knowing what it could be, Harvey hurried over, dropping his cigarette, hoping…
And there he was. Tall and proud and handsome, carrying a now much-dented shield, a haggard young man at his side carrying a weapon, hundreds more following with Nazi tanks and guns and technology that Harvey could make neither heads nor tails of. But he didn’t care. Steve was alive. Steve was alive and he had done the impossible in rescuing everyone that Colonel Phillips refused to save single-handedly.
If the entire division hadn’t been watching, Harvey would have kissed him right then and there.
Steve didn’t even glance at the admiring faces around him. He went straight to Colonel Phillips and saluted properly. “I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action,” he said.
Harvey could tell Colonel Phillips was struggling not to smile. “That won’t be necessary, Captain,” the colonel finally said.
A cheer went up from the division and only then did Steve look to Harvey, smiling softly and signaling for them to meet later.
*
Harvey didn’t have to wait long for Steve. The captain slipped into his tent as soon as night had fallen.
Harvey was on him in a moment, kissing him hard and pulling him toward the bed, trying to convey everything he was feeling toward Steve at the moment-pride, relief, joy, love…all of it.
And Steve kissed him back, pulling Harvey as close as he could, as though Steve were a drowning man and Harvey was the only thing he had to cling to. They fell to the floor, still kissing, their hands moving quickly over one another. They didn’t have to speak. Their actions did all the talking.
Eventually, though, Harvey pulled back and looked at Steve for a moment. “Know where you’re going next?” he asked.
Steve shrugged. “Don’t know. They’re not going to keep me in USO. Probably going to be sent out to take down HYDRA…which means I need to get a team together, I can’t defeat them alone.”
“Why not? You already have.”
Steve smiled. “That was one base, and I wouldn’t have made it without the four hundred men I rescued. War isn’t won by a single man. It’s won by all of us together.”
Harvey nodded. “I’m going with you,” he said.
Steve stared. “What?”
“I want to be on your team. I want to fight by your side. I want to give my kid a reason to be as proud of his dad as he is of you.”
“But…you’re not active combat…you haven’t been trained for this.”
Harvey smirked. “I know how to use a gun,” he said. “I speak three languages and I can be very fast and very stealthy when I want to be. Maybe I didn’t go through all the hell you did, but I think I can keep up…and I don’t want to spend the war sitting in a tent wondering if you’re still alive.” He stroked Steve’s cheek. “So please…let me come with you.”
Steve hesitated. “I’ll have to talk to the colonel,” he said. “But I’ll see what I can do.”
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