Our home study visit was six weeks ago as of yesterday.  At that time, we handed in our full packet of information, all organized and put together in a folder that I purchased specifically for the occasion.  Hell, I even wrote our names on the front of it.  Fran looked through the papers, wandered through our house, gave us the impression that ( Read more... )

We got our adoption loan!

For the attorney all we have left is to get some photos and send it all in; the "Dear Birthmom" letter is finished (it took me forever; I kept freezing every time I went to start it), the contract is signed and the questionnaire is finished.  Then we'll officially go on a list and wait.

Our home study is next week ( ( Read more... )

John ( Read more... )

For the past two weeks or so, I've had laydbugs around me.  This morning I was in the kitchen, teary and mad at the world about baby stuff, when I looked up and found a ladybug crawling on the cabinet above me.  I finally decided to look up the totem for the ladybug and it's funny how much it fits with my life right now.  I've been saying that I'm ( Read more... )

I hate it when people talk about their ex spouses in such an awful way.  Yeah, I know there's anger and often bitterness there; it's just the way of the situation.  But to not ever be able to find something nice to say about them?  If she was so awful, why did you marry her in the first place?  Because you loved her.  Despite the problems between ( Read more... )

Infertility; the silent suicide for those who want to live.

This is something that I have been avoiding to write about, even while I write about it in the sense of updates, appointments and results.

How do you explain the pain of infertility? It's not an easy thing to do. It's difficult to express just how gut-wrenching infertility can be. And it's ( Read more... )

I'm driving down to a major Infertility Clinic today.  I'm meeting with a doctor who's supposed to be one of the best.   I'm hoping he may have a suggestion for me other than IVF ($20,000 each round with no guarantees?  No thank you.).  I'm almost afraid to hope that it might be possible.  I'm a little sick to my stomach right now; I think I'm just ( Read more... )

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Aww, glorious five day weekends... could there be anything better?  I've been saving my PTO time for doctors appointments and when I got pregnant, and decided that it's time I treat myself to some of it for purely non-practical reasons.  Spontaneous impracticality!  Well, not really as I had to put in the request for it a week ago.  But still, the ( Read more... )

John told his brother that we can't have kids.  Today he and his wife sent me flowers with a note that they love me.  Simple as that.

I, of course, cried.