Karen's Secret (Chapters 1-6)
I'M BACK! from my loooooooong absence. I don't use my LJ anymore so I kind of fucked off for a long time, but I decided I miss this comm and its people. :D I notice how it takes me too long to finish my snarks of actual BSC books. I know, that's a fatal flaw of mine that I plan to repair. I promise that now that I have returned, I WILL finish my abandoned Mary Anne snark, but inbetween that I will also be snarking this Karen book that essentially snarks the hell out of itself.
Basically, this book is really heavy on how much of a dumb little bitch Karen can be, and one of the few times her classmates ACTUALLY RETALIATE at her for it! :D Sounds beautiful? Well, it is. Except for how utterly shat upon Natalie is in this book. :c
Chapter 1
This book takes place shortly before Karen's Baby a.k.a. Karen Tries to Steal Nancy's Baby Brother. Karen and Nancy are discussing names for the new baby, and our ever-modest Karen suggests "Karen Brewer the Second," because she is so significant in the lives of the Dawes family that they will be TOTALLY willing to name their baby after her. Blonde hair, two pairs of glasses, blah blah blah. Nancy is her sla...I mean, bestest friend in all the world! (Seriously, throughout the series Nancy seems to be the most distinctly abused one and less willing to put up with Karen's bullshit, but try as she may she just cannot break entirely free from the Karen Hivemind.) Nancy is going to become a big sister in a few months, and as previously stated, Karen tries to steal the baby. Nancy confides in Karen that she's afraid her parents will like the baby more than her and she will be overshadowed, which makes Karen's behavior in Karen's Baby so much more horrid--Nancy essentially no longer exists to Karen in the face of the incoming baby. D: Not to mention all the people around her asking her constant questions about the baby and forgetting that she's her own person. Nancy tells Karen that she's going to go out of her way to be perfect so her parents still love her despite the baby. Poor kid. :( Karen and Nancy practice baby care on Hyacynthia, and then we get into the chapter everyone loves to hate.
Chapter 2
THE INFAMOUS TWO-TWO CHAPTER. Moving on now.
Chapter 3
It's raining and Miss Colman's class has indoor recess. Miss Colman asks if anyone wants to play Telephone. Karen responds by screaming "RING RING!" and is prompted to use her indoor voice. Karen decides to backtalk her about it, saying "But it's recess and I can be loud at recess!" Miss Colman, in a brilliant yet OOC use of her own snark, says, "But we are still indoors and I will still get a headache if you shout." OOOOOOH. Karen responds by redoing her "Ring ring!" in a high-pitched but "quiet" voice instead. No, Karen, you're supposed to shut up, is what she is trying to tell you. Karen and a few of her friends divide into a telephone group, and Karen explains how the game is played. Basically you stand in a circle and pass a message around until it becomes messed up and incoherent at the very end. Karen is glad that since she's the seventh, by the time the sentence gets to her it'll already be plenty messed up. The message is whispered around, Bobby tells it to Karen, and in a display of complete stupidity and lack of common sense and NOTHING MORE, Karen YELLS the sentence out, denying the rest of the circle a turn and messing up the game. Bravo, Karen, bra-fucking-vo. The kids reprimand her for this idiocy and call her "Blarin' Karen." Karen's all "YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME NAAAAAMES" but she brought it entirely upon herself. Instead of making her sit out of the game for ruining it for everyone else, poor harassed Miss Colman gives her another sentence.
Chapter 4
After school, Karen waits with Natalie to be picked up. Natalie is anxious about something and Karen the Perpetually Nosy wants to know. Natalie is in no way keen on telling Karen, but Karen's like "COME ON YOU CAN TELL ME I CAN KEEP SECRETS! :D" Natalie is not buying it, especially after the Telephone issue. Karen assures her that that was only a game and she'd NEVER tell a real and TRUE secret. Finally, Natalie gives in because Karen won't stop harassing her about it: she has to take some sort of test, and she has no clue what it's for but thinks it's because she's "dumb." Karen tries and fails to cheer her up, going all "Maybe it's a GOOD test!" "For what, then?" "Uhhhhhhhhhhh......nevermind! ^_^" Don't open your mouth if you're just gonna back out, Karen. Karen gives "Karen Brewer's Honor" that she won't tell. Ooooh, I'll bet Natalie feels SO damn safe now.
Chapter 5
Nancy comes to Karen's house and tells her about her mom's visit to the doctor. She got to listen to the baby's heartbeat and see the sonogram, and she hopes the baby will like it in mommy's tummy so much that it wants to stay. Sorry Nancy, but that's what c-sections are for. Nancy is worried about being forgotten (again, this is why Karen's Baby is very, very sad) and decides to do good deeds so she won't be.Of course Karen has to mosey her way into this, because nothing can ever ever happen without Karen being a part of it (including the fucking birth of her friend's baby brother). She makes a list of good deeds they can do--basically just chores that nobody tells them they have to do. At the end of the chapter, we get some foreshadowing when Goosie "asks" Karen to hear Natalie's secret. Karen's like "Sorry, but no way." IT'S A TRAP! A TRAAAAAAAAP! D:
Chapter 6
Karen's finished copying spelling words, and of course has to add a brag about how good she is at spelling. She turns around to observe everything the Three Musketeers are doing, as she often does, like a stalker. Miss Colman tells her to turn around and read. The PA system comes on and tells Natalie to report to the nurse's office. This is for the test, and Karen worries that Natalie might be sick. Instead of reading, she laments over poor Natalie and how she's like, gonna die and stuff. Miss Colman tells Karen that she'd already asked multiple times for her to put away her book and take out her math. How does this kid get good grades? Instead of paying attention to math, Karen laments over Natalie's alleged illness, until Natalie returns at lunchtime. Despite the fact that Natalie looks extremely distraught, Karen immediately rushes over to her begging for the information about the test. Natalie tells her she doesn't want to talk about it, but Karen KEEPS. FUCKING. PUSHING HER. Leave the girl ALONE, Karen. Obviously it's a touchy subject that she doesn't want getting out, but none of that matters because poor Karen has to worry so much she won't eat her lunch, because mean old Natalie refuses to tell her all about her personal life! Bite me, Karen. Karen goes outside with Nancy, and if she doesn't tell Natalie's secret to JUST ONE PERSON, she will just EXPLODE! Because this is totally all the fuck about her. Go to HELL, Karen. So Karen decides to tell Nancy because that's totally okay, even though she was told to tell NO ONE else, so it'll stop messing with her precious feelings (I refuse to say "fee fees" because I've seen it come from too many SJ idiots). Karen tells Nancy about the test and the nurse's office, and is like "So don't tell anyone else, K!" It really is just disturbing how Karen has to make everything, from the birth of someone ELSE'S baby to the touchy details of someone else's personal life, ALL about her.
And that is the end for now.
Basically, this book is really heavy on how much of a dumb little bitch Karen can be, and one of the few times her classmates ACTUALLY RETALIATE at her for it! :D Sounds beautiful? Well, it is. Except for how utterly shat upon Natalie is in this book. :c
Chapter 1
This book takes place shortly before Karen's Baby a.k.a. Karen Tries to Steal Nancy's Baby Brother. Karen and Nancy are discussing names for the new baby, and our ever-modest Karen suggests "Karen Brewer the Second," because she is so significant in the lives of the Dawes family that they will be TOTALLY willing to name their baby after her. Blonde hair, two pairs of glasses, blah blah blah. Nancy is her sla...I mean, bestest friend in all the world! (Seriously, throughout the series Nancy seems to be the most distinctly abused one and less willing to put up with Karen's bullshit, but try as she may she just cannot break entirely free from the Karen Hivemind.) Nancy is going to become a big sister in a few months, and as previously stated, Karen tries to steal the baby. Nancy confides in Karen that she's afraid her parents will like the baby more than her and she will be overshadowed, which makes Karen's behavior in Karen's Baby so much more horrid--Nancy essentially no longer exists to Karen in the face of the incoming baby. D: Not to mention all the people around her asking her constant questions about the baby and forgetting that she's her own person. Nancy tells Karen that she's going to go out of her way to be perfect so her parents still love her despite the baby. Poor kid. :( Karen and Nancy practice baby care on Hyacynthia, and then we get into the chapter everyone loves to hate.
Chapter 2
THE INFAMOUS TWO-TWO CHAPTER. Moving on now.
Chapter 3
It's raining and Miss Colman's class has indoor recess. Miss Colman asks if anyone wants to play Telephone. Karen responds by screaming "RING RING!" and is prompted to use her indoor voice. Karen decides to backtalk her about it, saying "But it's recess and I can be loud at recess!" Miss Colman, in a brilliant yet OOC use of her own snark, says, "But we are still indoors and I will still get a headache if you shout." OOOOOOH. Karen responds by redoing her "Ring ring!" in a high-pitched but "quiet" voice instead. No, Karen, you're supposed to shut up, is what she is trying to tell you. Karen and a few of her friends divide into a telephone group, and Karen explains how the game is played. Basically you stand in a circle and pass a message around until it becomes messed up and incoherent at the very end. Karen is glad that since she's the seventh, by the time the sentence gets to her it'll already be plenty messed up. The message is whispered around, Bobby tells it to Karen, and in a display of complete stupidity and lack of common sense and NOTHING MORE, Karen YELLS the sentence out, denying the rest of the circle a turn and messing up the game. Bravo, Karen, bra-fucking-vo. The kids reprimand her for this idiocy and call her "Blarin' Karen." Karen's all "YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME NAAAAAMES" but she brought it entirely upon herself. Instead of making her sit out of the game for ruining it for everyone else, poor harassed Miss Colman gives her another sentence.
Chapter 4
After school, Karen waits with Natalie to be picked up. Natalie is anxious about something and Karen the Perpetually Nosy wants to know. Natalie is in no way keen on telling Karen, but Karen's like "COME ON YOU CAN TELL ME I CAN KEEP SECRETS! :D" Natalie is not buying it, especially after the Telephone issue. Karen assures her that that was only a game and she'd NEVER tell a real and TRUE secret. Finally, Natalie gives in because Karen won't stop harassing her about it: she has to take some sort of test, and she has no clue what it's for but thinks it's because she's "dumb." Karen tries and fails to cheer her up, going all "Maybe it's a GOOD test!" "For what, then?" "Uhhhhhhhhhhh......nevermind! ^_^" Don't open your mouth if you're just gonna back out, Karen. Karen gives "Karen Brewer's Honor" that she won't tell. Ooooh, I'll bet Natalie feels SO damn safe now.
Chapter 5
Nancy comes to Karen's house and tells her about her mom's visit to the doctor. She got to listen to the baby's heartbeat and see the sonogram, and she hopes the baby will like it in mommy's tummy so much that it wants to stay. Sorry Nancy, but that's what c-sections are for. Nancy is worried about being forgotten (again, this is why Karen's Baby is very, very sad) and decides to do good deeds so she won't be.Of course Karen has to mosey her way into this, because nothing can ever ever happen without Karen being a part of it (including the fucking birth of her friend's baby brother). She makes a list of good deeds they can do--basically just chores that nobody tells them they have to do. At the end of the chapter, we get some foreshadowing when Goosie "asks" Karen to hear Natalie's secret. Karen's like "Sorry, but no way." IT'S A TRAP! A TRAAAAAAAAP! D:
Chapter 6
Karen's finished copying spelling words, and of course has to add a brag about how good she is at spelling. She turns around to observe everything the Three Musketeers are doing, as she often does, like a stalker. Miss Colman tells her to turn around and read. The PA system comes on and tells Natalie to report to the nurse's office. This is for the test, and Karen worries that Natalie might be sick. Instead of reading, she laments over poor Natalie and how she's like, gonna die and stuff. Miss Colman tells Karen that she'd already asked multiple times for her to put away her book and take out her math. How does this kid get good grades? Instead of paying attention to math, Karen laments over Natalie's alleged illness, until Natalie returns at lunchtime. Despite the fact that Natalie looks extremely distraught, Karen immediately rushes over to her begging for the information about the test. Natalie tells her she doesn't want to talk about it, but Karen KEEPS. FUCKING. PUSHING HER. Leave the girl ALONE, Karen. Obviously it's a touchy subject that she doesn't want getting out, but none of that matters because poor Karen has to worry so much she won't eat her lunch, because mean old Natalie refuses to tell her all about her personal life! Bite me, Karen. Karen goes outside with Nancy, and if she doesn't tell Natalie's secret to JUST ONE PERSON, she will just EXPLODE! Because this is totally all the fuck about her. Go to HELL, Karen. So Karen decides to tell Nancy because that's totally okay, even though she was told to tell NO ONE else, so it'll stop messing with her precious feelings (I refuse to say "fee fees" because I've seen it come from too many SJ idiots). Karen tells Nancy about the test and the nurse's office, and is like "So don't tell anyone else, K!" It really is just disturbing how Karen has to make everything, from the birth of someone ELSE'S baby to the touchy details of someone else's personal life, ALL about her.
And that is the end for now.