True courage is like a kite; a contrary wind raises it higher
Do you know what I deserve? I’m serious, here. I’m opening this recap with a call to all of you, community members, to sit and have a think about what I deserve. You aren’t sure how to answer. You don’t exactly remember who I am. I’m just going to tell you, you’re taking forever - I deserve to recap a Natalie-heavy Karen book. You feel me? And you deserve to read a recap with a lot of Natalie as well. We all deserve a rest from our humdrum, monochrome lives. We need someone to hike up her droopy socks and brighten our days. The sky’s the limit here, which works well, because we’re skyward bound.
This isn’t the highest quality rendering of our modern tableau, but I can still tell that Karen has her polka dot leggings tucked into her socks. This is a great way to avoid making friends. Is she doing this just to make it clear to Nat her socks aren’t drooping? I’m glad the illustrator didn’t try to pull one over on us, in terms of the quality kites these children are capable of producing. Who will win the kite-flying contest? Click the thing to find out.
Chapter 1
Karen’s being dropped off at the Academy, and lets us know that her day is guaranteed to be amazing. After all, Ms. Colman won’t yell at her, no matter how rowdy she gets. And she’s got her glasses pals to sit beside her as their journey through knowledge, building their education and social skills together, brick by vision-impaired brick. Good thing the three have their frames on, because Colman has written a Mystery Question on the board! Feel free to play along at home, get a workout for that ol’ brain of yours.
“What do the following things have in common?” Then there are some poorly done drawings. Some kind of bird I think, what appears to be a plane, a spooky upside-down bat, I think that’s a bumblebee, some kind of haunting butterfly monster, and a kite. Karen is pleased with the quality of this mystery. I don’t want to second-guess her grade-skipping vocabulary, but I think this is just a regular question. We don’t need to call Poirot in.
All the kids are puzzling out the similarity. They’re supposed to mull this over while attendance is taken. Karen is pleased when Hank raises his hand, only to immediately retract it. She wants to get it first! We all do. But maybe you should be thinking it over, instead of staring down your classmates one-by-one, searching for signs of weakness, and telling me how confused they all look. Why did we shell out those dollars at the optometrist if you’re just going to gaze around at whatever? Suddenly, Karen has a revelation! All these things can fly! She’s right! And what a way to introduce their new unit, which will be all about flight, and culminate with a trip to their local airport. Karen throws this in our collective face, all “I told you I love school!” Karen, we didn’t question you! We said “okay”. Please cool your flight-inducing jets.
Chapter 2
That is the only thing about the school day worth mentioning, and it all occurred within five minutes of attendance being taken. Now I’m starting to question your school loving. Mommy and Andrew are waiting outside. Karen hops in the car and doesn’t even wait for Mommy to say hello before announcing their upcoming journey to the local airport. Andrew wants to know if she’ll get to fly a plane, and after admitting no, she says she’ll probably get to go inside of one. Not much of a consolation prize. How local is this airport, anyway. Will this be a huge jet, or one of those small things that seat about four people? I can’t wait for this field trip, you guys. But please promise to hold my hand so I don’t get separated.
Karen runs down her bio, and as usual it is way more complicated than it needs to be. If Daddy grew up in the Big House, where are his parents? Dead? Are they dead? Karen? Hello? Also this is my second recap in recent memory where Karen claims that Crystal Light and Goldfishie are something other than goldfish. In this case, she says they’re elephants. Really leaning on this particular gag. Do they think the flaw with the joke is that they didn’t pick the right fake animal? They’re mistaken! Just like you were, if you believed that Crystal Light and Goldfishie were elephants. Wakka wakka.
She wishes that, along with everything else they have two of, Karen and Andrew had two airplanes so that they could fly back and forth between their houses as they wish. It looks like it takes fifteen minutes to drive. Why would you need two? That is just wasteful - oh! Karen’s just joking again! Sometimes her wit is so sharp I don’t even feel the blade. When will death come.
Chapter 3
It’s Wednesday, and keeping on with this flying motif, Hank’s dad has come to visit with their family canary. This particular bird is named Sassy, which is not great. Who named this bird. Are we at the Q&A portion yet? Who named this bird and why.
Ms. Colman gives a rundown of the features this bird is outfitted with as the chitlins gather round. Feathers, a beak, flying powers. What doesn’t this bird have going for it? I feel like Hank’s dad should be leading the charge on this show and tell, but maybe he doesn’t mind. Natalie hangs back, causing Karen to speculate that Stoneybrook’s Once and Future Queen is afraid. Maybe she just doesn’t care about this stupidly named bird.
After a spell, Sassy is freed from her tiny prison and allowed to fly around the room. Sorry, Sassy. All the windows and doors were closed. You’re trapped in a larger prison, now. That’s all life is. Different sized prisons, and the sooner you get used to that, the better. Free your mind. Colman tells everyone to watch Sassy’s wings closely, but all they really say is that Sassy flaps her wings and then glides. Alright.
After lunch, Karen “decide[s] to play make believe”, because she yearns for the power of flight. Before she can get this imaginary show on the road, she needs to decide what kind of flying thing she’ll be. Insects are out of the question, due to how gross they are. Bats, because they eat insects (good logic, airtight). Sassy is also a no-go, since Karen has zero desire to live at Hank’s house. I don’t know why she can’t imagine herself as a different bird, or a Sassy-bird that lives elsewhere, since imagining being a different thing entirely is already a pretty big jump, may as well just keep going.
She decides instead to imagine herself as the most beautiful butterfly, although she isn’t sure if they can wear glasses. Why not? This is what she asks, rhetorically. A lot of reasons why not, Karen. Just make believe you have good vision while you’re a butterfly. Why would you bring that with you. The animorphs didn’t do that.
Chapter 4
Dear snarkers, if you are faint at heart or prone to bouts of sensitivity, I beg you to read elsewhere. It’s easy to huff schadenfreude under the bleachers when it’s Karen being mildly inconvenienced, but we are about to witness the emotional harming of someone far more precious.
It’s the day of the field trip to the local airport! Karen tells us that Colman told them (phew) that airplane wings work a lot like birds’ wings. They don’t flap, and that was 50% of the previously discovered functionality of bird wings, so I’m not sure what to put down in my flight notes. Maybe our voyage to the voyagers will be illuminating.
Field trip-eve Karen has not yet turned in her permission slip. The very next sentence is the next day and she walks in with it and head aloft, calling everyone’s attention to her signed paper. This kind of thing is a staple in this series, and I don’t know why. Does the ghostwriter think we’re so desperate for conflict and resolution that we’ll take it wherever we can get it, no matter how brief and unimportant? Is it character development to show her as vaguely irresponsible, but not too irresponsible because, after all, she made the deadline? Just pick some field trip partners.
Colman shoots down the 3Ms for trying to pass themselves off as a duo, so Nancy separates and allies herself with Addie. At the end of this transaction, Natalie’s left alone by herself. She whispers that no one’s left to couple up with, and Karen tells us that speaking quietly is how Nat hides her lisp. No doubt that Colman’s class is full of tiny monsters but that strategy is awful, since lisps largely affect the sibilant sounds and those are the ones that you hear best in times of whisper. Yelling is probably the way to go. Karen could have the worst lisp in the world and none of us would know, our eardrums are so deadened to her yawps. I am loathe to advise anyone to be more like Karen, especially our precious Natalie, but…no I’m still not going to.
It turns out that the Anti-Ms have also tried to triple up, making them the reason no one’s left over for Nat. Colman makes them choose which will go and hand-hold Miss Springer, and they actually draw straws. I’m glad instead of using her authority and just telling Leslie to follow directions and be a partner, she let all three of them demonstrate for the entire class exactly how reprehensible they each find the prospect of partnering up with Natalie Springer, which has the bonus of holding up their field trip. No wonder Karen idolizes their teacher so much.
Once on the bus, Natalie starts to show signs of motion sickness, since that’s series code for tragic nerdiness. Karen passes over a Baggie (capitalized) and hopes no one vomits. I hope so too, how would you do that into a Baggie?
Chapter 5
They roll into the airport, and Karen reminds us of her Nebraska visit the summer before.
Is Ms. Colman even on this fieldtrip? The Anti-Ms are holding hands but no one is holding Natalie’s. What is even the point of partners?
In groups of two they get to take turns sitting in the pilots seat of an actual plane, provided they don’t touch anything. Karen doesn’t mention whatever constraints she gives her pilot self as they make believe fly, but Hannie does fever dream that KBrew is about to crash them into the cafeteria. Leslie hiss-whispers (hisspers) to Pamelannie that Natalie will probably get air sick, even in this non-moving plane. Is it rad to be an asshole and also wrong? Nat overhears the speculation and tears up, as do we all. Karen vaguely thinks it would be nice to “let” Natalie eat with them at the airport cafeteria during lunch (again with this - what even is that?) but Nat takes too long and there are no more seats. Worries about the fragile self-esteems of her classmates are thrown out the emergency exit when all children are presented with pilot’s wings after their meal. WHAT. This is Karen’s second pair at least, and then she says she’s officially a pilot? No she isn’t. Why is she so bad at make believe when her relationship with reality is so touch and go?
Chapter 6
All this class is doing is studying flight. If I had respect for Ms. Colman as an educator, I would be impressed with this unit as an Aristotelian exercise in learning to learn, having all scholastic disciplines (math, science, literature) get wrapped up into this one focus. In reality, I think it’s just become increasingly difficult for her to pretend she has the patience to teach these guys multiplication, so she’s trying to waste as much time as possible with questions like “What flies without wings or an engine?”
Does no one remember those crude drawings from when this unit was introduced? KBrew and Co are stumped. Natalie finally breaks the silence with a tentative handwave and a tremulous “A Frisbee?” Colman accepts that answer, sure. Someone else says a baseball and not really. If we’re going to accept having the capacity to be flung some distance then pretty much anything could fly, and that would make this unit ridiculous. Luckily, Audrey mentions that her cousin once went parasailing, causing Colman to sigh with relief and thank her. Finally we can introduce the plot - kites!
There is seriously so much to be told about kites. We are told none of it, except that Karen hears it. Their art teacher comes in with some kite examples. Boss! I take it back, we get some kite factz - ne of the kites is a parafoil, which it shapeless while on earth, but “gets its shape from the wind”. That’s beautiful! Also not true. But I still like it!
Mr. Mackey, the art teacher with the name I hate, how do you even say it which syllable gets emphasized, has some news for them. They’re going to be making their own kites and having a sleepover at the school and whoever’s kite stays in the air the longest has eternal glory amen! A lot of this school’s resources are being funneled into a whimsy unit for one class. Nice. But how can they learn how to make kites without a f-i-e-l-d-t-r-i-p to Mrs Moody’s Kite Store (support local businesses)? They can’t. So they’ll go there next week for some recon. I’ll bet this shopowner is already mentally preparing to have this kids touch all her merchandise with the guarantee that no one is going to buy anything. Karen, remember your slip!
Chapter 7
Karen has nothing going on in her life right now, aside from studying flight. We fast forward over five days, five precious childhood days, to go to Mrs Moody’s shop. Colman asks them to keep the same partners they had at the airport, under the pretense of not wanting to waste anymore time. Leslie can’t even believe her rotten luck. Leslie! Natalie gets her shape from the wind, don’t judge her while she’s a crumpled droopy sock heap.
The art teacher is with them on the field trip, are there any other grades at Stoneybrook Academy? Just running a census. It’s only a short bus ride to the kite store, and all are astounded once they arrive. Kites on kites on kite. Kites flying kites while they kite. It doesn’t even sound like a word anymore. Kites!
Karen wants to ask Mrs Moody some questions, but first she has to wait until Hank gets his tripe out. So much anti-Hank sentiment in this book! His last name is a delicious sandwich, what more do you need in a person? Moodulla Oblongata tells Karen she’s about to make an announcement, and Karen yells at max volume that everyone needs to shut up and listen. No one asked her to do that. She just sees a problem and solves it. Is your blood pressure kinda low? She’s on the case. Anyway, Moody just wanted to let everyone know that whoever wins the kite flying comp will also win a gift certificate to this very kite store. That seems backwards! If your crummy kite loses, you should get the gift certificate, you do not know what you’re doing and you need a professional. Karen stares at all the things she could buy with the prize. Before this morning she didn’t even know these kites existed and now it’s all her soul craves. She has to win the contest.
Is it too meme-y if I say “I know that feel”?
Chapter 8
The following Sunday, or at least some Sunday that chronologically comes after the kite shop visit, Mommy is picking up her pride and joy and Karen from the Big House. As usual, she just puts her car in park and honks. Who raised you? I know it wasn’t Grandma and Grandpa Packett. Karendrew sing songs from “The Little Mermaid” the whole way home.
Back at the Little House, Seth is on the phone. With whom? Natalie’s mother! Nat’s dad’s dad died and the two Springer parents are going out to St Louis for the funeral. Without Natalie? Is it to shield her sweet heart from trauma? Do they think she might miss something in school? She’s been in the second grade for six years. I’m sure she has it under control. For whatever reason, they want to know if Natalie can stay with Karen.
How does Natalie not have any other friends? How do her parents not have some kind of friendly relationship with a neighbor or something? Seth and Mommy are on a formal, last name basis with these guys. Seth isn’t even on a formal last name basis with me, and I’m just someone his stepdaughter narrates her life to insanely at all times. I’m suspicious of this whole set up.
Mommy agrees to have Natalie spend the week at Chez Petit, and Karen slowly draws breath. “This house is little, but it will just have to make room for one more person.” Never forget, even as your loved ones die and you first encounter the bittersweet promise that mortality makes with each of us, your feelings are just things for Karen to have feelings about. Bienvenue, Natalie.
Chapter 9
Mommy pulls Karen aside to impress upon her that Natalie might be pretty worked up about the turns her life has taken, so if Karen is at all capable of feigning sympathy toward human beings, now’s the time to start. They prepare some sheets, but I’m not sure where. It sounds like Natalie’ll be in Karen’s room, does Karen have two beds? You’d think she’d mention this in her self summary.
A little after dinner, the Springer family arrives. Karen cannot believe the frumpy mess they collectively are. It’s hard to tell if this absolves or further condemns Nat’s constant socks/glasses/knotted hair situation, but I’m relieved to know that, even in grief, Karen expects us to maintain our brand. You may have lost a parent, but you didn’t lose your iron. Get it together.
Up in her temporary room, Natalie starts to cry. First she loses a grandpa, second her parents take their temporary leave of her, third she will not get any respite from Blarin’ Karen for the foreseeable future. I am available for hugs, is all I’m saying. Karen resolves to be very nice.
Chapter 10
At the Academy, word has spread of Natalie’s loss. Everyone is being pretty cool about it, even the Anti-Ms. Natalie, of guilded spirit and pure soul, doesn’t understand why everyone is suddenly being so nice. It doesn’t seem very nice to let Natalie know exactly how nice you haven’t been to her, but she’s just glad no one is accusing her of imminent vomiting. Art time?! How often do they have art. I know this is a private school but at least pretend.
The sleepover is Friday, which means they need their kites to be shaping up. Everyone’s projects look great. Addie’s is “3-D”, so I guess no one else’s is? How are their kites staying in only two dimensions? What kind of math have these children been learning, and at what cost?
Karen interrupts her own praising of her classmates to bash Natalie’s kite. What a tiny twerp you are. She spends two paragraphs lavishing it with gross descriptors, saying its tail is made of knotted rags, just so we’re impressed with her for telling Natalie how special it looks. Karen Brewer, role model and philanthropist. She does worry that this kite may be too embarrassed to fly in the sky.
After some activity, I don’t care at all, she invites Nancy over to place, loudly announcing that Natalie will also be with them. Then there’s some back-patting over how easy it is to be nice to Natalie. We’re gonna need a bigger ‘yikes’.
Chapter 11
The play date starts with a snack. Natalie is apparently a picky and slow eater, and by the time she’s done, they don’t have anytime for playing left. Straight to the worksheets. How long could eating bread and honey possibly have taken?
Karen is not done enumerating the ways that having Natalie over is a gross inconvenience, and how sainted her whole family is for remaining closed-mouthed as they endure watching shows they ordinarily wouldn’t, not getting the biggest piece of cake, and even: etc. Visiting and being visited by your classmates is one of the amazing ways we realize things about the world, since our families (or two families, even) function as tiny micro-societies and shape our worldviews in ways we never think to question. It’s discomfort-inducing and eye-opening when we experience the alien existences our classmates live after we usually separate for the evening, and you never even realized you assumed everyone had been living exactly like you the whole time. We all go through this again and again and again, because everytime we replace our idea of the world with an even bigger idea, we meet something that dwarfs it’s pre-supposed vastness. So it’s not like I don’t understand being weirded out when someone wants to watch a different show or eat a different snack, but why does Karen feel she deserves to be canonized alive? The Pope is not gonna be impressed by this story.
That night, Natalie cries herself to sleep. Karen is glad when it’s bedtime and she can just ignore this. Actually, does anyone have the number for the Vatican? I need to talk to someone about performing an exorcism.
Chapter 12
On Tuesday, Natalie can hardly believe her luck - she has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play with the Three Musketeers! She actually refers to them that way. Karen smugly assure her that yes, her dreams have come true. Natalie, you were born in the wrong decade. Maybe! I can’t get a handle on when you were born. But if you can just hold on until high school, you’ll be one of the cool alt girls and this will all be a bad memory that you start drinking at an early age to forget.
Karen suggests that the 3Ms&N make little kites and fly them in the yard. Hancy are the compulsory amount of excited for the plan, but Natalie promises she has an idea that will one-up them. Karen eye-raises to us that, generally, Natalie isn’t one for ideas. How would she know? Who does Natalie usually play with?
Natalie’s idea is to attempt to fly themselves. Sure, no human has succeeded, but that doesn’t mean these four can’t. Karen is dubious, but decides now isn’t the time to naysay.
A short while later, they’ve outfitted themselves in paper wings, and are ready for their maiden voyages. Just get someone to throw you. Don’t you remember the baseball? They begin by trying to get air from jumping off the middle step, and then the top step. Karen isn’t sure she’s in danger of being some modern-day Icarus, and the impact from landing is hurting her joints. Natalie says they need a higher platform. This is what happens when you do art every day and science never. (No it isn’t)
Karen is still agreeing to this out of politeness, and she suggests they climb trashcans up to the roof of her shed. Fortuitously (depending on what your heart dreams of) Mommy catches them before they do it for the vine. She assumes, for obvious reasons, that Karen was the brainchild for this and tells her she ought to know better. Natalie looks on in silence, showing no signs of guilt nor remorse. There is a reason she’s my fave. I am going to get one of those religious icons with Natalie’s face tattooed on my arm, and under it I’ll have “Droopy Socks/Full Hearts” in that kind of sailor font. You get me. You all get me.
Hancy are sent home and Karen is sent to her room. She avoids eye contact with Nat.
Chapter 13
You would not believe how great these kites are. Karen muses that her sick fish kite is even better than the one she saw in Mrs Moody's store. She tells Hannie hers is “the best dog kite ever”, which is probably the most qualified praise I’ve ever encountered. Meanwhile, Nat is forlorn. Holding her kite up, she can’t decide what’s wrong with it. Why does she think something’s wrong with it? Karen tells us that nothing’s right with it, but if Natalie doesn’t find it ugly I don’t know why she’s unhappy with it. No one’s attempted to make theirs fly. All the other kids shower Natalie’s kite with compliments, suggesting it’s superiority in having been finished first, etc. Once again, having to be nice to Natalie is inconvenient for Karen, who wishes this family death could’ve come next week so people would be aiming their winged words at more worthy objects, like, oh, I don’t know…Karen’s kite? Just spitballing here.
Luckily, Mr. Mackey and Ms. Colman are making the rounds, praising everyone’s work. Karen’s relieved, she can’t go very long without attention. So much attention. Karen. I am you. She doesn’t return the thought, just gazes around the room to estimate her kite competition. Other than Natalie, who’s an obvious out, everyone’s a potential glory-thief. Not this time. Not this particular Friday. That prize is Karen’s.
I can’t wait until Friday.
Natalie suggests taking a joint bubble bath with Karen. They could wear swimsuits and that’s pretty much the entire plan. Is Natalie this much of a rebel at her house? Does Karen bring it out in her? Is she trying to IMPRESS Karen or see how far Karen will go in her attempts to be comforting? I always just imagine Natalie quietly practicing her violin or organizing her barrettes.
Natalie is supposed to watch the tub fill as Karen locates her bathing suits. It takes a predictable time of forever, and once Karen finally gets over to the bathroom the tub has overflowed and Natalie is smearing expensive face cream all over herself. What a queen. Karen’s yells of surprise draw Mommy and Seth upstairs, and once again, Natalie is unmoved by the display that follows. She is a force to be reckoned with and no mistake. Seth quickly gets up the water before it leaks through, and Mommy wants to know what’s up with Karen. Yesterday it was a completely dangerous activity, today it’s something stupidly careless. Mommy is not a very good problem solver for not noticing this is all going down after introducing an unknown element (Natalie), but Karen has always had mysterious ways without anyone helping her out in the past, so, fine. This is fine.
Karen disagrees. Once her mom and stepdad are out of the room, she wants answers. How could you let Karen take the fall like that, Natalie? There’s a code in this house. A code we live and die by. I told you your kite looked fine when it didn’t and this is how you repay me. Natalie’s defense is that Karen shouldn’t have left her alone in the bathroom so long, and Karen says she thought she could try Natalie with this one, simple task. Haha, why? Karen has never said anything to praise Natalies dependability in the past. She knew what she was getting into. Natalie starts to cry. Nat, no! Shhh. Shhh, baby. Karen’s about to make it all better. She swears she isn’t going to talk to Natalie for the rest of her visit.
Maybe this is what Nat was orchestrating the whole time.
Chapter 15
Karen immediately effs up her swear of a silent treatment when she wakes up the next morning and tells Natalie “hi”. Rookie mistake. Once at school, Karen tells Hancy that she has no plans of “inviting” Natalie to sit with them. Why do these children think people need inviting to sit somewhere in this classroom? Those that overhear Karen explain how mad she is at Nat shoot her death glares. So do I.
At lunch, seeking to clear her name, Karen stands up and promises to tell every detail about why there’s been a great schism between the One We Have to Hear About Always and the One We Wish We Heard About Ever. Repeating the tale in full for all to hear does not work. Even Hancy have to pull Karen aside (she actually uses those words) and tell her to chill out by an entire order of magnitude. Everyone else gathers around Natalie. Per Karen, “She thought she was so great just because everyone was mad at me.” Karen as the unreliable narrator is amazing! Where does she get this from? Does Natalie actually think that? Probably not. But she should! I definitely do. I feel like Natalie is a character we have very little insight into, because Karen is always just deciding Natalie feels certain ways with no evidence at all. Why are these kids allowed to sit and stand at their own leisure, anyway? Stay in your seats until lunch is over!
After lunch, Karen is in a foul mood. Even knocking over Nat’s crayons on purpose doesn’t help.
Chapter 16
It’s Friday morning! Karen has awoken prepared. She greets every object in her room with sincere wishes for all to have a great day, skipping over Natalie. So cold. So calculated. Natalie does and says nothing. What moves her? We haven’t see her react to the fight at all.
The school day drags on and on, but finally Mr. Mackey is there with the three parents who will be chaperoning the event. Lucky them. This art teacher loves kites so much. Are we still learning about flight? Did we actually learn anything? My notes just say “planes’ wings same as bird”, that can’t be right. I hope there isn’t a test.
This kite thing is gonna go all night. The plan is for the kids to release their kites skyward, watch them for a little while, play some games, eat some food, and then sleep. The adults will take turns on kite watch. All night. Do we think they brought flasks? Ugh.
Karen hugs her fish kite to her chest. Her heart is being so wildly one might think the fish can feel it too. She says a silent prayer to the gods of Wind and Fish and Fish Who Live in Wind for Whatever Reason, Real Estate Probably, and the next thing she knows the sun is on her face. It’s fly time.
Chapter 17
This is the first time these kids will be actually flying their kites. How do they know their vessels are airworthy? There’s been no opportunity for trial and error. But, somehow, all the kites make it into the air. Last kite flying is the winner. The countdown begins now. The kids step back to see the sky, visited by their masterpieces. This is living.
Suddenly, a harsh wind invades the playground. Karen’s kite is driven into Natalie’s kite, which barely made it into the sky in the first place (Karen reminds us how much of a mess it is), and after a brief kite fight (I have no idea what that is) Nat’s kite comes crashing down. She starts crying and saying Karen broke her kite. Well, look who suddenly has opinions about personal responsibility. This girl.
Karen doesn’t know how to feel. She’s pretty sure that kite attacked Natalie’s because the wind gave it it’s shape (kite killer), but she feels bad about this grandpa death, for all she knows it was caused by a larger, different kite out in St. Louis. She’s kind of tired of fighting and also bored wait that’s me. That was me guys. My bad.
Chapter 18
Once again, the majority of Ms. Colman’s class has gone to flank Natalie, while the 3Ms sit in quiet desperation and exile. Appropriate. The kids are blaming Karen for the loss of Nat’s kite. Where are the chaperones? Drunk already? No one’s alarmed that there’s a standoff in the class?
Luckily, the other kids just forget after awhile and everyone retreats to the gym. Colman is hanging up a chart that lists each student and how long their kite survived. Natalie’s name is alone up there. Suddenly, an adult yells “Kite down!” and Bobby’s name and time (only 45 minutes have gone by, I feel like it’s taken longer than that to write this section of the recap). And lo! The pattern is established. Karen is having a pretty good time, running around in the gym. So were “most of the other kids”. Uh, who wasn’t? Is it Natalie? Can someone please check on Natalie? I’ve never felt so disconnected from a character I’m supposed to have strong feelings about. Is she even still there? Did the electric wavicles binding her atoms together just give up and dissipate? Karen loves to overestimate how much I care about her doings and underestimate how much I want to hear about others. Bedtime.
Chapter 19
Ms. Colman rouses her sleeping scholars, and tells them there are only two kite survivors - Hank and Karen. Hank again! I guess now she can be rude in her head about him and be semi-justified. I’d like to take this time to mention that in Mrs Moody’s shop, Karen had been torn between a dragon kite and a tropical fish kite. Now she’s made a tropical fish kite and Hank has made a dragon, and they are the only two left in the sky, just as Mrs Moody’s are the only two left in her heart. Is this the two sides of Karen, fire and water, in a good, old-fashioned endurance test? Which will last longer, the rage against Natalie’s betrayal, or Karen’s fluid sympathy? Also, fuck Hank, right? This is called “symbolism” but the author forgot the other part where they make it mean something, because they are not good at their job.
Almost immediately after being told it’s down to two, an adult yells “Kite down!” and Karen has won! Again with this very very temporary tension! I barely had time to worry that Karen would only take second before someone was awarding her first, jeezums.
They go back to the classroom to be collected by their parents, and Mrs Moody hands Karen a gift certificate. Karen takes this opportunity to make a speech, obviously, and no one stops her, obviously, I can’t imagine a seven year-old me being indulged to this degree. Was I not cute enough? Too much water, not enough fire. Anyway, she’s going to split the gift certificate with Natalie, saying aloud to her classmates that Natalie might have won, had her fish not taken a turn for the murderous. She says inwardly, to us, that Natalie’s kite would have never won, but whatever. Fish gotta fly. Karen’s finally getting her shape from the wind.
Everyone claps.
Chapter 20
Natalie and Karen steal a moment alone and immediately apologize. Natalie doesn’t give any reason for her reckless suggestions and careless behavior, so I’m just going to assume that’s how she is at all times. Is my love for her without bound? She does offer to let Karen keep the whole gift certificate, but Karen insists. So Natalie offers the best favor she can think of - to tell Mommy what really went down with the bathtub. Karen is relieved. She asks if Natalie will also spill about the kite people. Stop pushing, Karen. How much d you think half of a gift certificate can possibly buy?
Natalie goes home to her droopy parents without being further mocking by Karen’s internal narrator. Stay safe, my flower. On Wednesday she calls Karen to say she got a caterpillar kite. Good phone call. Definitely could not have waited until the next day, at school, they sit right next to each other for crying out loud. Never call me unless you are on fire, and even then I would prefer you text. This applies to all non-Natalies, but I still don’t want even her to call me and tell me about her purchases. Just make a YouTube video about it or something. Ugh these children are a lost cause.
Karen wonders how she’ll get enough scratch to buy the dragon kite from Mrs Moody’s shop. She could offer to wash pets, with a starting price of just 20 bucks. She assures us “Just kidding!” and I will assure you that if you have to announce you made a joke, it was not a good one, and remove it from your manuscript immediately. Just kidding! You know I have no room to talk. LOL LMAO
Andrew wants to fly kites with Karen, but she’s busy staring at the wall. Thinking. Waiting. Jiminy. Andrew’s right to press her further, because she is creeping me out. Is she just staring straight ahead every time she narrates something to us? Interacting with her must be more horrifying than I ever imagined.
Once dragged outside, she sees how much fun Andrew’s having with the kite. Having already been generous to Natalie, she realizes she already has a great, prize winning kite, and doesn’t need another. She gives tells herself she’s going to give her half of the prize money to Andrew, so they can fly kites together. Awww. Karen loves Andrew $12.50.
I miss Natalie already
This isn’t the highest quality rendering of our modern tableau, but I can still tell that Karen has her polka dot leggings tucked into her socks. This is a great way to avoid making friends. Is she doing this just to make it clear to Nat her socks aren’t drooping? I’m glad the illustrator didn’t try to pull one over on us, in terms of the quality kites these children are capable of producing. Who will win the kite-flying contest? Click the thing to find out.
Chapter 1
Karen’s being dropped off at the Academy, and lets us know that her day is guaranteed to be amazing. After all, Ms. Colman won’t yell at her, no matter how rowdy she gets. And she’s got her glasses pals to sit beside her as their journey through knowledge, building their education and social skills together, brick by vision-impaired brick. Good thing the three have their frames on, because Colman has written a Mystery Question on the board! Feel free to play along at home, get a workout for that ol’ brain of yours.
“What do the following things have in common?” Then there are some poorly done drawings. Some kind of bird I think, what appears to be a plane, a spooky upside-down bat, I think that’s a bumblebee, some kind of haunting butterfly monster, and a kite. Karen is pleased with the quality of this mystery. I don’t want to second-guess her grade-skipping vocabulary, but I think this is just a regular question. We don’t need to call Poirot in.
All the kids are puzzling out the similarity. They’re supposed to mull this over while attendance is taken. Karen is pleased when Hank raises his hand, only to immediately retract it. She wants to get it first! We all do. But maybe you should be thinking it over, instead of staring down your classmates one-by-one, searching for signs of weakness, and telling me how confused they all look. Why did we shell out those dollars at the optometrist if you’re just going to gaze around at whatever? Suddenly, Karen has a revelation! All these things can fly! She’s right! And what a way to introduce their new unit, which will be all about flight, and culminate with a trip to their local airport. Karen throws this in our collective face, all “I told you I love school!” Karen, we didn’t question you! We said “okay”. Please cool your flight-inducing jets.
Chapter 2
That is the only thing about the school day worth mentioning, and it all occurred within five minutes of attendance being taken. Now I’m starting to question your school loving. Mommy and Andrew are waiting outside. Karen hops in the car and doesn’t even wait for Mommy to say hello before announcing their upcoming journey to the local airport. Andrew wants to know if she’ll get to fly a plane, and after admitting no, she says she’ll probably get to go inside of one. Not much of a consolation prize. How local is this airport, anyway. Will this be a huge jet, or one of those small things that seat about four people? I can’t wait for this field trip, you guys. But please promise to hold my hand so I don’t get separated.
Karen runs down her bio, and as usual it is way more complicated than it needs to be. If Daddy grew up in the Big House, where are his parents? Dead? Are they dead? Karen? Hello? Also this is my second recap in recent memory where Karen claims that Crystal Light and Goldfishie are something other than goldfish. In this case, she says they’re elephants. Really leaning on this particular gag. Do they think the flaw with the joke is that they didn’t pick the right fake animal? They’re mistaken! Just like you were, if you believed that Crystal Light and Goldfishie were elephants. Wakka wakka.
She wishes that, along with everything else they have two of, Karen and Andrew had two airplanes so that they could fly back and forth between their houses as they wish. It looks like it takes fifteen minutes to drive. Why would you need two? That is just wasteful - oh! Karen’s just joking again! Sometimes her wit is so sharp I don’t even feel the blade. When will death come.
Chapter 3
It’s Wednesday, and keeping on with this flying motif, Hank’s dad has come to visit with their family canary. This particular bird is named Sassy, which is not great. Who named this bird. Are we at the Q&A portion yet? Who named this bird and why.
Ms. Colman gives a rundown of the features this bird is outfitted with as the chitlins gather round. Feathers, a beak, flying powers. What doesn’t this bird have going for it? I feel like Hank’s dad should be leading the charge on this show and tell, but maybe he doesn’t mind. Natalie hangs back, causing Karen to speculate that Stoneybrook’s Once and Future Queen is afraid. Maybe she just doesn’t care about this stupidly named bird.
After a spell, Sassy is freed from her tiny prison and allowed to fly around the room. Sorry, Sassy. All the windows and doors were closed. You’re trapped in a larger prison, now. That’s all life is. Different sized prisons, and the sooner you get used to that, the better. Free your mind. Colman tells everyone to watch Sassy’s wings closely, but all they really say is that Sassy flaps her wings and then glides. Alright.
After lunch, Karen “decide[s] to play make believe”, because she yearns for the power of flight. Before she can get this imaginary show on the road, she needs to decide what kind of flying thing she’ll be. Insects are out of the question, due to how gross they are. Bats, because they eat insects (good logic, airtight). Sassy is also a no-go, since Karen has zero desire to live at Hank’s house. I don’t know why she can’t imagine herself as a different bird, or a Sassy-bird that lives elsewhere, since imagining being a different thing entirely is already a pretty big jump, may as well just keep going.
She decides instead to imagine herself as the most beautiful butterfly, although she isn’t sure if they can wear glasses. Why not? This is what she asks, rhetorically. A lot of reasons why not, Karen. Just make believe you have good vision while you’re a butterfly. Why would you bring that with you. The animorphs didn’t do that.
Chapter 4
Dear snarkers, if you are faint at heart or prone to bouts of sensitivity, I beg you to read elsewhere. It’s easy to huff schadenfreude under the bleachers when it’s Karen being mildly inconvenienced, but we are about to witness the emotional harming of someone far more precious.
It’s the day of the field trip to the local airport! Karen tells us that Colman told them (phew) that airplane wings work a lot like birds’ wings. They don’t flap, and that was 50% of the previously discovered functionality of bird wings, so I’m not sure what to put down in my flight notes. Maybe our voyage to the voyagers will be illuminating.
Field trip-eve Karen has not yet turned in her permission slip. The very next sentence is the next day and she walks in with it and head aloft, calling everyone’s attention to her signed paper. This kind of thing is a staple in this series, and I don’t know why. Does the ghostwriter think we’re so desperate for conflict and resolution that we’ll take it wherever we can get it, no matter how brief and unimportant? Is it character development to show her as vaguely irresponsible, but not too irresponsible because, after all, she made the deadline? Just pick some field trip partners.
Colman shoots down the 3Ms for trying to pass themselves off as a duo, so Nancy separates and allies herself with Addie. At the end of this transaction, Natalie’s left alone by herself. She whispers that no one’s left to couple up with, and Karen tells us that speaking quietly is how Nat hides her lisp. No doubt that Colman’s class is full of tiny monsters but that strategy is awful, since lisps largely affect the sibilant sounds and those are the ones that you hear best in times of whisper. Yelling is probably the way to go. Karen could have the worst lisp in the world and none of us would know, our eardrums are so deadened to her yawps. I am loathe to advise anyone to be more like Karen, especially our precious Natalie, but…no I’m still not going to.
It turns out that the Anti-Ms have also tried to triple up, making them the reason no one’s left over for Nat. Colman makes them choose which will go and hand-hold Miss Springer, and they actually draw straws. I’m glad instead of using her authority and just telling Leslie to follow directions and be a partner, she let all three of them demonstrate for the entire class exactly how reprehensible they each find the prospect of partnering up with Natalie Springer, which has the bonus of holding up their field trip. No wonder Karen idolizes their teacher so much.
Once on the bus, Natalie starts to show signs of motion sickness, since that’s series code for tragic nerdiness. Karen passes over a Baggie (capitalized) and hopes no one vomits. I hope so too, how would you do that into a Baggie?
Chapter 5
They roll into the airport, and Karen reminds us of her Nebraska visit the summer before.
Is Ms. Colman even on this fieldtrip? The Anti-Ms are holding hands but no one is holding Natalie’s. What is even the point of partners?
In groups of two they get to take turns sitting in the pilots seat of an actual plane, provided they don’t touch anything. Karen doesn’t mention whatever constraints she gives her pilot self as they make believe fly, but Hannie does fever dream that KBrew is about to crash them into the cafeteria. Leslie hiss-whispers (hisspers) to Pamelannie that Natalie will probably get air sick, even in this non-moving plane. Is it rad to be an asshole and also wrong? Nat overhears the speculation and tears up, as do we all. Karen vaguely thinks it would be nice to “let” Natalie eat with them at the airport cafeteria during lunch (again with this - what even is that?) but Nat takes too long and there are no more seats. Worries about the fragile self-esteems of her classmates are thrown out the emergency exit when all children are presented with pilot’s wings after their meal. WHAT. This is Karen’s second pair at least, and then she says she’s officially a pilot? No she isn’t. Why is she so bad at make believe when her relationship with reality is so touch and go?
Chapter 6
All this class is doing is studying flight. If I had respect for Ms. Colman as an educator, I would be impressed with this unit as an Aristotelian exercise in learning to learn, having all scholastic disciplines (math, science, literature) get wrapped up into this one focus. In reality, I think it’s just become increasingly difficult for her to pretend she has the patience to teach these guys multiplication, so she’s trying to waste as much time as possible with questions like “What flies without wings or an engine?”
Does no one remember those crude drawings from when this unit was introduced? KBrew and Co are stumped. Natalie finally breaks the silence with a tentative handwave and a tremulous “A Frisbee?” Colman accepts that answer, sure. Someone else says a baseball and not really. If we’re going to accept having the capacity to be flung some distance then pretty much anything could fly, and that would make this unit ridiculous. Luckily, Audrey mentions that her cousin once went parasailing, causing Colman to sigh with relief and thank her. Finally we can introduce the plot - kites!
There is seriously so much to be told about kites. We are told none of it, except that Karen hears it. Their art teacher comes in with some kite examples. Boss! I take it back, we get some kite factz - ne of the kites is a parafoil, which it shapeless while on earth, but “gets its shape from the wind”. That’s beautiful! Also not true. But I still like it!
Mr. Mackey, the art teacher with the name I hate, how do you even say it which syllable gets emphasized, has some news for them. They’re going to be making their own kites and having a sleepover at the school and whoever’s kite stays in the air the longest has eternal glory amen! A lot of this school’s resources are being funneled into a whimsy unit for one class. Nice. But how can they learn how to make kites without a f-i-e-l-d-t-r-i-p to Mrs Moody’s Kite Store (support local businesses)? They can’t. So they’ll go there next week for some recon. I’ll bet this shopowner is already mentally preparing to have this kids touch all her merchandise with the guarantee that no one is going to buy anything. Karen, remember your slip!
Chapter 7
Karen has nothing going on in her life right now, aside from studying flight. We fast forward over five days, five precious childhood days, to go to Mrs Moody’s shop. Colman asks them to keep the same partners they had at the airport, under the pretense of not wanting to waste anymore time. Leslie can’t even believe her rotten luck. Leslie! Natalie gets her shape from the wind, don’t judge her while she’s a crumpled droopy sock heap.
The art teacher is with them on the field trip, are there any other grades at Stoneybrook Academy? Just running a census. It’s only a short bus ride to the kite store, and all are astounded once they arrive. Kites on kites on kite. Kites flying kites while they kite. It doesn’t even sound like a word anymore. Kites!
Karen wants to ask Mrs Moody some questions, but first she has to wait until Hank gets his tripe out. So much anti-Hank sentiment in this book! His last name is a delicious sandwich, what more do you need in a person? Moodulla Oblongata tells Karen she’s about to make an announcement, and Karen yells at max volume that everyone needs to shut up and listen. No one asked her to do that. She just sees a problem and solves it. Is your blood pressure kinda low? She’s on the case. Anyway, Moody just wanted to let everyone know that whoever wins the kite flying comp will also win a gift certificate to this very kite store. That seems backwards! If your crummy kite loses, you should get the gift certificate, you do not know what you’re doing and you need a professional. Karen stares at all the things she could buy with the prize. Before this morning she didn’t even know these kites existed and now it’s all her soul craves. She has to win the contest.
Is it too meme-y if I say “I know that feel”?
Chapter 8
The following Sunday, or at least some Sunday that chronologically comes after the kite shop visit, Mommy is picking up her pride and joy and Karen from the Big House. As usual, she just puts her car in park and honks. Who raised you? I know it wasn’t Grandma and Grandpa Packett. Karendrew sing songs from “The Little Mermaid” the whole way home.
Back at the Little House, Seth is on the phone. With whom? Natalie’s mother! Nat’s dad’s dad died and the two Springer parents are going out to St Louis for the funeral. Without Natalie? Is it to shield her sweet heart from trauma? Do they think she might miss something in school? She’s been in the second grade for six years. I’m sure she has it under control. For whatever reason, they want to know if Natalie can stay with Karen.
How does Natalie not have any other friends? How do her parents not have some kind of friendly relationship with a neighbor or something? Seth and Mommy are on a formal, last name basis with these guys. Seth isn’t even on a formal last name basis with me, and I’m just someone his stepdaughter narrates her life to insanely at all times. I’m suspicious of this whole set up.
Mommy agrees to have Natalie spend the week at Chez Petit, and Karen slowly draws breath. “This house is little, but it will just have to make room for one more person.” Never forget, even as your loved ones die and you first encounter the bittersweet promise that mortality makes with each of us, your feelings are just things for Karen to have feelings about. Bienvenue, Natalie.
Chapter 9
Mommy pulls Karen aside to impress upon her that Natalie might be pretty worked up about the turns her life has taken, so if Karen is at all capable of feigning sympathy toward human beings, now’s the time to start. They prepare some sheets, but I’m not sure where. It sounds like Natalie’ll be in Karen’s room, does Karen have two beds? You’d think she’d mention this in her self summary.
A little after dinner, the Springer family arrives. Karen cannot believe the frumpy mess they collectively are. It’s hard to tell if this absolves or further condemns Nat’s constant socks/glasses/knotted hair situation, but I’m relieved to know that, even in grief, Karen expects us to maintain our brand. You may have lost a parent, but you didn’t lose your iron. Get it together.
Up in her temporary room, Natalie starts to cry. First she loses a grandpa, second her parents take their temporary leave of her, third she will not get any respite from Blarin’ Karen for the foreseeable future. I am available for hugs, is all I’m saying. Karen resolves to be very nice.
Chapter 10
At the Academy, word has spread of Natalie’s loss. Everyone is being pretty cool about it, even the Anti-Ms. Natalie, of guilded spirit and pure soul, doesn’t understand why everyone is suddenly being so nice. It doesn’t seem very nice to let Natalie know exactly how nice you haven’t been to her, but she’s just glad no one is accusing her of imminent vomiting. Art time?! How often do they have art. I know this is a private school but at least pretend.
The sleepover is Friday, which means they need their kites to be shaping up. Everyone’s projects look great. Addie’s is “3-D”, so I guess no one else’s is? How are their kites staying in only two dimensions? What kind of math have these children been learning, and at what cost?
Karen interrupts her own praising of her classmates to bash Natalie’s kite. What a tiny twerp you are. She spends two paragraphs lavishing it with gross descriptors, saying its tail is made of knotted rags, just so we’re impressed with her for telling Natalie how special it looks. Karen Brewer, role model and philanthropist. She does worry that this kite may be too embarrassed to fly in the sky.
After some activity, I don’t care at all, she invites Nancy over to place, loudly announcing that Natalie will also be with them. Then there’s some back-patting over how easy it is to be nice to Natalie. We’re gonna need a bigger ‘yikes’.
Chapter 11
The play date starts with a snack. Natalie is apparently a picky and slow eater, and by the time she’s done, they don’t have anytime for playing left. Straight to the worksheets. How long could eating bread and honey possibly have taken?
Karen is not done enumerating the ways that having Natalie over is a gross inconvenience, and how sainted her whole family is for remaining closed-mouthed as they endure watching shows they ordinarily wouldn’t, not getting the biggest piece of cake, and even: etc. Visiting and being visited by your classmates is one of the amazing ways we realize things about the world, since our families (or two families, even) function as tiny micro-societies and shape our worldviews in ways we never think to question. It’s discomfort-inducing and eye-opening when we experience the alien existences our classmates live after we usually separate for the evening, and you never even realized you assumed everyone had been living exactly like you the whole time. We all go through this again and again and again, because everytime we replace our idea of the world with an even bigger idea, we meet something that dwarfs it’s pre-supposed vastness. So it’s not like I don’t understand being weirded out when someone wants to watch a different show or eat a different snack, but why does Karen feel she deserves to be canonized alive? The Pope is not gonna be impressed by this story.
That night, Natalie cries herself to sleep. Karen is glad when it’s bedtime and she can just ignore this. Actually, does anyone have the number for the Vatican? I need to talk to someone about performing an exorcism.
Chapter 12
On Tuesday, Natalie can hardly believe her luck - she has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play with the Three Musketeers! She actually refers to them that way. Karen smugly assure her that yes, her dreams have come true. Natalie, you were born in the wrong decade. Maybe! I can’t get a handle on when you were born. But if you can just hold on until high school, you’ll be one of the cool alt girls and this will all be a bad memory that you start drinking at an early age to forget.
Karen suggests that the 3Ms&N make little kites and fly them in the yard. Hancy are the compulsory amount of excited for the plan, but Natalie promises she has an idea that will one-up them. Karen eye-raises to us that, generally, Natalie isn’t one for ideas. How would she know? Who does Natalie usually play with?
Natalie’s idea is to attempt to fly themselves. Sure, no human has succeeded, but that doesn’t mean these four can’t. Karen is dubious, but decides now isn’t the time to naysay.
A short while later, they’ve outfitted themselves in paper wings, and are ready for their maiden voyages. Just get someone to throw you. Don’t you remember the baseball? They begin by trying to get air from jumping off the middle step, and then the top step. Karen isn’t sure she’s in danger of being some modern-day Icarus, and the impact from landing is hurting her joints. Natalie says they need a higher platform. This is what happens when you do art every day and science never. (No it isn’t)
Karen is still agreeing to this out of politeness, and she suggests they climb trashcans up to the roof of her shed. Fortuitously (depending on what your heart dreams of) Mommy catches them before they do it for the vine. She assumes, for obvious reasons, that Karen was the brainchild for this and tells her she ought to know better. Natalie looks on in silence, showing no signs of guilt nor remorse. There is a reason she’s my fave. I am going to get one of those religious icons with Natalie’s face tattooed on my arm, and under it I’ll have “Droopy Socks/Full Hearts” in that kind of sailor font. You get me. You all get me.
Hancy are sent home and Karen is sent to her room. She avoids eye contact with Nat.
Chapter 13
You would not believe how great these kites are. Karen muses that her sick fish kite is even better than the one she saw in Mrs Moody's store. She tells Hannie hers is “the best dog kite ever”, which is probably the most qualified praise I’ve ever encountered. Meanwhile, Nat is forlorn. Holding her kite up, she can’t decide what’s wrong with it. Why does she think something’s wrong with it? Karen tells us that nothing’s right with it, but if Natalie doesn’t find it ugly I don’t know why she’s unhappy with it. No one’s attempted to make theirs fly. All the other kids shower Natalie’s kite with compliments, suggesting it’s superiority in having been finished first, etc. Once again, having to be nice to Natalie is inconvenient for Karen, who wishes this family death could’ve come next week so people would be aiming their winged words at more worthy objects, like, oh, I don’t know…Karen’s kite? Just spitballing here.
Luckily, Mr. Mackey and Ms. Colman are making the rounds, praising everyone’s work. Karen’s relieved, she can’t go very long without attention. So much attention. Karen. I am you. She doesn’t return the thought, just gazes around the room to estimate her kite competition. Other than Natalie, who’s an obvious out, everyone’s a potential glory-thief. Not this time. Not this particular Friday. That prize is Karen’s.
I can’t wait until Friday.
Natalie suggests taking a joint bubble bath with Karen. They could wear swimsuits and that’s pretty much the entire plan. Is Natalie this much of a rebel at her house? Does Karen bring it out in her? Is she trying to IMPRESS Karen or see how far Karen will go in her attempts to be comforting? I always just imagine Natalie quietly practicing her violin or organizing her barrettes.
Natalie is supposed to watch the tub fill as Karen locates her bathing suits. It takes a predictable time of forever, and once Karen finally gets over to the bathroom the tub has overflowed and Natalie is smearing expensive face cream all over herself. What a queen. Karen’s yells of surprise draw Mommy and Seth upstairs, and once again, Natalie is unmoved by the display that follows. She is a force to be reckoned with and no mistake. Seth quickly gets up the water before it leaks through, and Mommy wants to know what’s up with Karen. Yesterday it was a completely dangerous activity, today it’s something stupidly careless. Mommy is not a very good problem solver for not noticing this is all going down after introducing an unknown element (Natalie), but Karen has always had mysterious ways without anyone helping her out in the past, so, fine. This is fine.
Karen disagrees. Once her mom and stepdad are out of the room, she wants answers. How could you let Karen take the fall like that, Natalie? There’s a code in this house. A code we live and die by. I told you your kite looked fine when it didn’t and this is how you repay me. Natalie’s defense is that Karen shouldn’t have left her alone in the bathroom so long, and Karen says she thought she could try Natalie with this one, simple task. Haha, why? Karen has never said anything to praise Natalies dependability in the past. She knew what she was getting into. Natalie starts to cry. Nat, no! Shhh. Shhh, baby. Karen’s about to make it all better. She swears she isn’t going to talk to Natalie for the rest of her visit.
Maybe this is what Nat was orchestrating the whole time.
Chapter 15
Karen immediately effs up her swear of a silent treatment when she wakes up the next morning and tells Natalie “hi”. Rookie mistake. Once at school, Karen tells Hancy that she has no plans of “inviting” Natalie to sit with them. Why do these children think people need inviting to sit somewhere in this classroom? Those that overhear Karen explain how mad she is at Nat shoot her death glares. So do I.
At lunch, seeking to clear her name, Karen stands up and promises to tell every detail about why there’s been a great schism between the One We Have to Hear About Always and the One We Wish We Heard About Ever. Repeating the tale in full for all to hear does not work. Even Hancy have to pull Karen aside (she actually uses those words) and tell her to chill out by an entire order of magnitude. Everyone else gathers around Natalie. Per Karen, “She thought she was so great just because everyone was mad at me.” Karen as the unreliable narrator is amazing! Where does she get this from? Does Natalie actually think that? Probably not. But she should! I definitely do. I feel like Natalie is a character we have very little insight into, because Karen is always just deciding Natalie feels certain ways with no evidence at all. Why are these kids allowed to sit and stand at their own leisure, anyway? Stay in your seats until lunch is over!
After lunch, Karen is in a foul mood. Even knocking over Nat’s crayons on purpose doesn’t help.
Chapter 16
It’s Friday morning! Karen has awoken prepared. She greets every object in her room with sincere wishes for all to have a great day, skipping over Natalie. So cold. So calculated. Natalie does and says nothing. What moves her? We haven’t see her react to the fight at all.
The school day drags on and on, but finally Mr. Mackey is there with the three parents who will be chaperoning the event. Lucky them. This art teacher loves kites so much. Are we still learning about flight? Did we actually learn anything? My notes just say “planes’ wings same as bird”, that can’t be right. I hope there isn’t a test.
This kite thing is gonna go all night. The plan is for the kids to release their kites skyward, watch them for a little while, play some games, eat some food, and then sleep. The adults will take turns on kite watch. All night. Do we think they brought flasks? Ugh.
Karen hugs her fish kite to her chest. Her heart is being so wildly one might think the fish can feel it too. She says a silent prayer to the gods of Wind and Fish and Fish Who Live in Wind for Whatever Reason, Real Estate Probably, and the next thing she knows the sun is on her face. It’s fly time.
Chapter 17
This is the first time these kids will be actually flying their kites. How do they know their vessels are airworthy? There’s been no opportunity for trial and error. But, somehow, all the kites make it into the air. Last kite flying is the winner. The countdown begins now. The kids step back to see the sky, visited by their masterpieces. This is living.
Suddenly, a harsh wind invades the playground. Karen’s kite is driven into Natalie’s kite, which barely made it into the sky in the first place (Karen reminds us how much of a mess it is), and after a brief kite fight (I have no idea what that is) Nat’s kite comes crashing down. She starts crying and saying Karen broke her kite. Well, look who suddenly has opinions about personal responsibility. This girl.
Karen doesn’t know how to feel. She’s pretty sure that kite attacked Natalie’s because the wind gave it it’s shape (kite killer), but she feels bad about this grandpa death, for all she knows it was caused by a larger, different kite out in St. Louis. She’s kind of tired of fighting and also bored wait that’s me. That was me guys. My bad.
Chapter 18
Once again, the majority of Ms. Colman’s class has gone to flank Natalie, while the 3Ms sit in quiet desperation and exile. Appropriate. The kids are blaming Karen for the loss of Nat’s kite. Where are the chaperones? Drunk already? No one’s alarmed that there’s a standoff in the class?
Luckily, the other kids just forget after awhile and everyone retreats to the gym. Colman is hanging up a chart that lists each student and how long their kite survived. Natalie’s name is alone up there. Suddenly, an adult yells “Kite down!” and Bobby’s name and time (only 45 minutes have gone by, I feel like it’s taken longer than that to write this section of the recap). And lo! The pattern is established. Karen is having a pretty good time, running around in the gym. So were “most of the other kids”. Uh, who wasn’t? Is it Natalie? Can someone please check on Natalie? I’ve never felt so disconnected from a character I’m supposed to have strong feelings about. Is she even still there? Did the electric wavicles binding her atoms together just give up and dissipate? Karen loves to overestimate how much I care about her doings and underestimate how much I want to hear about others. Bedtime.
Chapter 19
Ms. Colman rouses her sleeping scholars, and tells them there are only two kite survivors - Hank and Karen. Hank again! I guess now she can be rude in her head about him and be semi-justified. I’d like to take this time to mention that in Mrs Moody’s shop, Karen had been torn between a dragon kite and a tropical fish kite. Now she’s made a tropical fish kite and Hank has made a dragon, and they are the only two left in the sky, just as Mrs Moody’s are the only two left in her heart. Is this the two sides of Karen, fire and water, in a good, old-fashioned endurance test? Which will last longer, the rage against Natalie’s betrayal, or Karen’s fluid sympathy? Also, fuck Hank, right? This is called “symbolism” but the author forgot the other part where they make it mean something, because they are not good at their job.
Almost immediately after being told it’s down to two, an adult yells “Kite down!” and Karen has won! Again with this very very temporary tension! I barely had time to worry that Karen would only take second before someone was awarding her first, jeezums.
They go back to the classroom to be collected by their parents, and Mrs Moody hands Karen a gift certificate. Karen takes this opportunity to make a speech, obviously, and no one stops her, obviously, I can’t imagine a seven year-old me being indulged to this degree. Was I not cute enough? Too much water, not enough fire. Anyway, she’s going to split the gift certificate with Natalie, saying aloud to her classmates that Natalie might have won, had her fish not taken a turn for the murderous. She says inwardly, to us, that Natalie’s kite would have never won, but whatever. Fish gotta fly. Karen’s finally getting her shape from the wind.
Everyone claps.
Chapter 20
Natalie and Karen steal a moment alone and immediately apologize. Natalie doesn’t give any reason for her reckless suggestions and careless behavior, so I’m just going to assume that’s how she is at all times. Is my love for her without bound? She does offer to let Karen keep the whole gift certificate, but Karen insists. So Natalie offers the best favor she can think of - to tell Mommy what really went down with the bathtub. Karen is relieved. She asks if Natalie will also spill about the kite people. Stop pushing, Karen. How much d you think half of a gift certificate can possibly buy?
Natalie goes home to her droopy parents without being further mocking by Karen’s internal narrator. Stay safe, my flower. On Wednesday she calls Karen to say she got a caterpillar kite. Good phone call. Definitely could not have waited until the next day, at school, they sit right next to each other for crying out loud. Never call me unless you are on fire, and even then I would prefer you text. This applies to all non-Natalies, but I still don’t want even her to call me and tell me about her purchases. Just make a YouTube video about it or something. Ugh these children are a lost cause.
Karen wonders how she’ll get enough scratch to buy the dragon kite from Mrs Moody’s shop. She could offer to wash pets, with a starting price of just 20 bucks. She assures us “Just kidding!” and I will assure you that if you have to announce you made a joke, it was not a good one, and remove it from your manuscript immediately. Just kidding! You know I have no room to talk. LOL LMAO
Andrew wants to fly kites with Karen, but she’s busy staring at the wall. Thinking. Waiting. Jiminy. Andrew’s right to press her further, because she is creeping me out. Is she just staring straight ahead every time she narrates something to us? Interacting with her must be more horrifying than I ever imagined.
Once dragged outside, she sees how much fun Andrew’s having with the kite. Having already been generous to Natalie, she realizes she already has a great, prize winning kite, and doesn’t need another. She gives tells herself she’s going to give her half of the prize money to Andrew, so they can fly kites together. Awww. Karen loves Andrew $12.50.
I miss Natalie already