Karen's Mermaid (1-6)
I'm bored, it's late, and I'm rereading this book over again. There isn't anything particularly snarky in it, but I'm in the mood for snark, so I'll see how much good the Snark Goggles do for this book.And really, Margo is an annoying little so-and-so so that alone should be enough for some good snark.
This particular Karen book holds a special place in my heart because I live at the Jersey shore. Sea City, as far as I know, is not an actual town here (there is a Sea Isle City, but I've never been there and have no clue what it's like), but the seaside town in this book seems like either a town in Long Beach Island, or Ocean City. When we moved down to the Jersey shore when I was 11, I got this book just two months afterwards and it got me all psyched about my new life at the shore. So it's pretty special to me. Also I'm going to the beach tomorrow so I am so in the mood for this book.
Anyway, this is mostly a Margo snark now that Margo gets a role in a book besides being Mallory's barf-happy little sister, and my god is she ever annoying as hell. Since the two-two chapter is universally skipped, you all get an extra chapter from now on.
Chapter 1
Karen starts telling Andrew about the things they'll see at the beach because she's a beach expert of course. I was lucky enough to see a crab at the beach for the first time last year since my friend's good at catching small animals and caught one, but I have never once seen a starfish at the beach. Andrew says he wishes there were palm trees there so he could climb up and pick a coconut to eat. Karen's like "MORON YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE COCONUT" and they get into an argument about freaking coconuts, seriously. The Pikes have eight children oh Jesus Christ. Karen explains that she doesn't like Margo because she's a bossy bragger. Pot calling the kettle black, anyone? Karen says that the only one who's ever called HER a bossy bragger is Margo herself. YEAH SURE KAREN, YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. Karen calls up Kristy and we're led into the two two chapter nobody cares about.
Chapter 3 (in which Margo is annoying as hell)
Karen packs and gets her rat ready to go to Nancy's when she gets a call from Margo, who feels the need to list EVERY SINGLE BLOODY THING Karen is going to need at the beach, even feeling the need to tell her to bring a bathing suit, for Pete's sake. Karen is like FFS MARGO, I KNOW WHAT THE BEACH IS LIKE. Pretty sure they have beaches in Connecticut! Margo whines that she was only trying to help and Karen hangs up on her. Trying to help, my foot.
Chapter 4
Karen and Andrew get into usual sibling rivalry on the car ride there. They play the license plate game and Karen brags that she taught Andrew to read by doing so. Oh and MARGO'S the only bossy bragger here, huh. Andrew causes some discrepancy by saying he saw a car from Hawaii. I still wonder if he really could've seen a car from Hawaii...would someone moving in from Hawaii go through all the trouble to get their car shipped over, you think? Kristy has taught Karen the Look, which she's passed on to Seth. Karen complains that the rest stop is probably gonna be crap, but it turns out to be one of those awesome ones with restaurants and a game room. I'll save my crappy pit stop story for the comments section if anyone cares to know. The names of the stores are so believable--that's pretty much how they name their stores on the little beachside hamlets down by the shore: "Candy Heaven," "Fred's Putt Putt," etc. So generic xD Well except for Trampoline World. Wtf kind of store ONLY sells trampolines?
Chapter 5
I want a beach house like theirs soooo bad, and if I don't make it to Lake Buena Vista (but I WILL make it to Lake Buena Vista) a little cottage on the shore will be my back-up plan. Anyway, Karen moans that she needs to unpack before she plays in the ocean, and Andrew reminds her that of course she needs to freaking unpack, she doesn't even have her dang bathing suit ready. The Pikes and Jessi show up and Ann gets her obligatory "let's pimp out the BSC" moment. Lisa and Mrs. Pike allow the kids to walk around a strange and unfamiliar neighborhood accompanied by only two 11-year-olds. Faility Fail McFailerson, king of the Fail Dynasty.
Chapter 6
Enter young children walking around an unfamiliar neighborhood with no adult. Margo makes this dramatic gesture and goes "Welcome to Sea City!" even though they've been in freaking Sea City this whole time. Margo's huge, pulsating brain grows 3 sizes as she walks around and schools Karen and Andrew on Sea City. She even comes right out and says, "I know everything!" and Mallory tells her to cut that shit out. Andrew is now completely ignoring Karen in favor of Margo and, unlike with Pamela in Karen's Candy, I feel like Karen would be justified if she just decked Margo in the nose. Candy Heaven sounds a lot like ItSugar, which I fucking love. Burger Garden sounds like a ghetto fast-food version of Olive Garden. Margo and Karen unite in teasing Claire. Mallory says nothing 'cause she had her one moment of competency for today and even joins in with the rest of her siblings in laughing at her little sister's speech impediment. Karen finally tells off Margo when Andrew asks what a putt-putt course is and Margo is like "*gaaaaaasp* YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW???" Go Karen go!!! Margo has the fucking NERVE to get judgey about the fucking ICE CREAM FLAVOR Karen chose because it's not the newest flavor. Margo is another fictional child I would like to feed to wolves. When Karen finds a flyer for a Fun In The Sun Festival, Margo FINALLY can't be a know-it-all about that because it's new for this year. HAHA MARGO, JOKE'S ON YOU. NOW HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT UP FOR ABOUT A WEEK?
More probably before I leave for the beach tomorrow.
This particular Karen book holds a special place in my heart because I live at the Jersey shore. Sea City, as far as I know, is not an actual town here (there is a Sea Isle City, but I've never been there and have no clue what it's like), but the seaside town in this book seems like either a town in Long Beach Island, or Ocean City. When we moved down to the Jersey shore when I was 11, I got this book just two months afterwards and it got me all psyched about my new life at the shore. So it's pretty special to me. Also I'm going to the beach tomorrow so I am so in the mood for this book.
Anyway, this is mostly a Margo snark now that Margo gets a role in a book besides being Mallory's barf-happy little sister, and my god is she ever annoying as hell. Since the two-two chapter is universally skipped, you all get an extra chapter from now on.
Chapter 1
Karen starts telling Andrew about the things they'll see at the beach because she's a beach expert of course. I was lucky enough to see a crab at the beach for the first time last year since my friend's good at catching small animals and caught one, but I have never once seen a starfish at the beach. Andrew says he wishes there were palm trees there so he could climb up and pick a coconut to eat. Karen's like "MORON YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE COCONUT" and they get into an argument about freaking coconuts, seriously. The Pikes have eight children oh Jesus Christ. Karen explains that she doesn't like Margo because she's a bossy bragger. Pot calling the kettle black, anyone? Karen says that the only one who's ever called HER a bossy bragger is Margo herself. YEAH SURE KAREN, YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. Karen calls up Kristy and we're led into the two two chapter nobody cares about.
Chapter 3 (in which Margo is annoying as hell)
Karen packs and gets her rat ready to go to Nancy's when she gets a call from Margo, who feels the need to list EVERY SINGLE BLOODY THING Karen is going to need at the beach, even feeling the need to tell her to bring a bathing suit, for Pete's sake. Karen is like FFS MARGO, I KNOW WHAT THE BEACH IS LIKE. Pretty sure they have beaches in Connecticut! Margo whines that she was only trying to help and Karen hangs up on her. Trying to help, my foot.
Chapter 4
Karen and Andrew get into usual sibling rivalry on the car ride there. They play the license plate game and Karen brags that she taught Andrew to read by doing so. Oh and MARGO'S the only bossy bragger here, huh. Andrew causes some discrepancy by saying he saw a car from Hawaii. I still wonder if he really could've seen a car from Hawaii...would someone moving in from Hawaii go through all the trouble to get their car shipped over, you think? Kristy has taught Karen the Look, which she's passed on to Seth. Karen complains that the rest stop is probably gonna be crap, but it turns out to be one of those awesome ones with restaurants and a game room. I'll save my crappy pit stop story for the comments section if anyone cares to know. The names of the stores are so believable--that's pretty much how they name their stores on the little beachside hamlets down by the shore: "Candy Heaven," "Fred's Putt Putt," etc. So generic xD Well except for Trampoline World. Wtf kind of store ONLY sells trampolines?
Chapter 5
I want a beach house like theirs soooo bad, and if I don't make it to Lake Buena Vista (but I WILL make it to Lake Buena Vista) a little cottage on the shore will be my back-up plan. Anyway, Karen moans that she needs to unpack before she plays in the ocean, and Andrew reminds her that of course she needs to freaking unpack, she doesn't even have her dang bathing suit ready. The Pikes and Jessi show up and Ann gets her obligatory "let's pimp out the BSC" moment. Lisa and Mrs. Pike allow the kids to walk around a strange and unfamiliar neighborhood accompanied by only two 11-year-olds. Faility Fail McFailerson, king of the Fail Dynasty.
Chapter 6
Enter young children walking around an unfamiliar neighborhood with no adult. Margo makes this dramatic gesture and goes "Welcome to Sea City!" even though they've been in freaking Sea City this whole time. Margo's huge, pulsating brain grows 3 sizes as she walks around and schools Karen and Andrew on Sea City. She even comes right out and says, "I know everything!" and Mallory tells her to cut that shit out. Andrew is now completely ignoring Karen in favor of Margo and, unlike with Pamela in Karen's Candy, I feel like Karen would be justified if she just decked Margo in the nose. Candy Heaven sounds a lot like ItSugar, which I fucking love. Burger Garden sounds like a ghetto fast-food version of Olive Garden. Margo and Karen unite in teasing Claire. Mallory says nothing 'cause she had her one moment of competency for today and even joins in with the rest of her siblings in laughing at her little sister's speech impediment. Karen finally tells off Margo when Andrew asks what a putt-putt course is and Margo is like "*gaaaaaasp* YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW???" Go Karen go!!! Margo has the fucking NERVE to get judgey about the fucking ICE CREAM FLAVOR Karen chose because it's not the newest flavor. Margo is another fictional child I would like to feed to wolves. When Karen finds a flyer for a Fun In The Sun Festival, Margo FINALLY can't be a know-it-all about that because it's new for this year. HAHA MARGO, JOKE'S ON YOU. NOW HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT UP FOR ABOUT A WEEK?
More probably before I leave for the beach tomorrow.