Jessi's Babysitter Chapters 6-10
http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/342909.html
Chapter 6
I totally love how the island book is being snarked while I’m snarking this book. I love it when they mention the fiasco with Becca in this book as reasons why Aunt Cecelia is so horrible. Aunt Cecelia is arriving today. This event is so horrible it requires Jessi to carry around a radio playing horror music. Jessi is downstairs practicing ballet, but goes upstairs to whine and hopefully convince her parents to make Aunt Cecelia go away. Okay, that’s what I would have done. Jessi just goes to see how the day is going to start.
Aunt Cecelia rented a U-Haul and Jessi whines because she doesn’t want Aunt Cecelia’s furniture clogging up the house. I’m just assuming Aunt Cecelia will have a nightstand, a table, a bureau and some other standard bedroom furniture. Maybe she doesn’t have a car big enough to fit the furniture into and the U-Haul was more convienient. Mr. Ramsey goes to pick up Aunt Cecelia. Jessi is happy that she has a car, because having a car and a license clearly means that you will be out of the house day in and day out.
Charlie says a set of wheels is totally necessary. His life is so pathetic that the only purpose of having a license and a car is to drop his little sister and her friends off places. Jessi and Becca are rude little brats. Their mother made them make a banner that said Welcome, Aunt Cecelia, and they misspelled their aunt’s name on purpose. It’s a good thing Aunt Cecelia won’t be put off by the bratty actions of her nieces. Do these girls ever stop to think for one second about how their aunt is feeling? Okay, I can understand being reluctant to have your strict aunt move in, but she just lost her husband. Show some compassion.
Aunt Cecelia and Mr. Ramsey arrive. Becca and Jessi don’t even get up. Mrs. Ramsey asks where their manners are and they get up and trudge behind their mother. They’re getting off rather lightly. I know some parents would have been scolding them and telling them to lose the attitude or they would be grounded, and would it kill you to smile? Mrs. Ramsey just lets the girls show attitude to their aunt, though. Besides, Becca and Jessi don’t have to kiss Aunt Cecelia. In my family we have to kiss and hug our relatives. This is kind of irritating to me because I really don’t like to be touched, and I really don’t like touching people I don’t know. I don’t even know some of my relatives but I still go and hug them if we’re having a party. It’s called being polite.
The first things Aunt Cecelia does is to tell Becca not to slouch and for Jessi to tidy her hair. What a horrible dictator! Becca stands the way any normal eight year old girl stands. Seeing as how eight-year-olds aren’t masters of perfect posture, I’m going to assume that she may have been slouching a little. Aunt Cecelia is such a dictator, correcting a girl’s posture. Please. My parents had to tell me to sit properly constantly as a child because I had a habit of sprawling.
Jessi is mad that Aunt Cecelia would tell her to fix her hair because she’s been practicing. What’s your point? You have a valid reason for your hair to be messy, but why can’t you fix it? Aunt Cecelia didn’t know you were practicing. Are you telling me your parents have never told you to comb your hair because it’s a mess? Are you telling me that you ordinarily just leave your hair a mess unless someone tells you to tidy it up?
The U-Haul is packed. Selfless Jessi doesn’t complain and starts hauling stuff in. I can just imagine her with a martyr face. They start unpacking and Aunt Cecelia has a lot of stuff. Becca asks why Aunt Cecelia bought so much stuff and her mother tells her that the stuff holds valuable memories. Jessi is sympathetic for only two seconds before she goes back to being a gigantic brat and whines about how this is inconveniencing her. Yes, your aunt just lost her husband and is grieving, she can’t stay in her old home because it has too many memories, she has to leave everything behind and hopes to reconnect with her other relatives because she can’t be alone in her old house, and what’s Jessi doing? Going, “Screw my aunt’s pain! This is inconveniencing me! Wah!” Shut the fuck up, Jessi.
Some of Aunt Cecelia’s stuff is in Jessi’s room, so now it’s marked with the taint of an old woman. Shut up, Jessi. At least you still get to keep your damn room. At least Aunt Cecelia is staying in the guest room and not in your room. At least Becca doesn’t have to move into your room. Let me tell you, sharing your room is a pain in the ass, especially if you want some privacy. Your siblings just go, “It’s my room too and I have every right to be in here!”
Aunt Cecelia gets the house in order really quickly, causing her brother to remark that she’s efficient. Jessi disagrees and says that she’s a drill sergeant. It must be so horrible to be able to organize things efficiently. Oh wait, it’s awesome when Kristy does it. Aunt Cecelia is a horrible dictator for being organized. How is Aunt Cecelia a drill sergeant? She only asked Jessi to carry two eggs. It wasn’t like Jessi mentioned that Aunt Cecelia constantly found jobs for her to do. She would have whined about that, I’m sure.
Was Jessi just going to sit in her room and sulk all day, though? I probably would have done that and been told to help. Then I would have gotten scolded for having a shitty attitude.
Aunt Cecelia asks if the girls are ready for bed, and it is too early to go to bed. They’re confused and wonder why Aunt Cecelia is calling them. Yes, Aunt Cecelia, you’re not supposed to raise your nieces and nephews. You’re just slave labor. Jessi tells her not yet, and Aunt Cecelia tells them to put on their nightgowns, which is the height of injustice. They run downstairs to complain to their parents, but their parents seem indifferent. What is wrong with you, Mama and Papa Ramsey! Can’t you see your daughters are being inconvenienced? Don’t you care about the great injustices being perpetrated upon them? No, they don’t.
Seriously, what is Jessi whining about? Aunt Cecelia didn’t tell them to go to bed; she just told them to put on their nightgowns. It’s eight-thirty. That’s a perfectly reasonable time to put on pajamas. Instead of telling their parents that they’re upset with Aunt Cecelia, they say nothing.
The next morning Mr. Ramsey wants to take them out for brunch. My mom’s taking me out for breakfast tomorrow morning. Aunt Cecelia ruins everything by suggesting that the parents go and have a nice breakfast by themselves. Jessi is indignant because Aunt Cecelia is babysitting the family. I think the family should have informed Aunt Cecelia that Jessi goes apeshit if someone says the word babysit around her. Jessi, Aunt Cecelia is trying to be nice and let your parents have some time to themselves before Mrs.Ramsey goes to work. They’re thrilled, so shut up.
Aunt Cecelia is a little overbearing, but I’m sure if you girls just spoke to her, she’d lighten up. Apparently doing everything for them means reminding Becca to use her napkin and telling Jessi to clean her plate. Becca’s eight. People older than her have to be reminded to use napkins. Shut up, Jessi. I love how Jessi says she can’t be a fat ballerina, but whines about having two measly cookies as a snack later.
Aunt Cecelia has Squirt in his high chair, causing Jessi to whine about how she plays with Squirt because it’s more stimulating for him. She should be a child psychiatrist. Your aunt is cooking dinner, Jessi. It’s kind of hard to cook dinner while you’re holding a baby. I think these girls have some sort of aversion to putting a baby down. They’ll be doing something and instead of putting the baby down for a moment, they’ll try to hold the baby and continue with their task. Why don’t you play with Squirt, Jessi? Were you too busy sulking in your room?
Jessi wants to take Squirt for a walk, but Aunt Dictator says no because it looks like rain. Jessi also can’t go to Mallory’s house because it might rain and roads will get too slippery. There’s also the fact that Jessi will be caught in the rain. Maybe it’s one of those days when it looks like it’s constantly going to rain and Aunt Cecelia is just trying to be safe. It would suck if it started pouring the second Jessi stepped outside.
Jessi throws a tantrum like a toddler and stomps away. Aunt Cecelia tells her to walk like a lady. I’d have told her to stop stomping like a little brat. Jessi is pissed! How dare Aunt Cecelia tell her what to do! Aunts have no right to discipline their nieces and nephews! Maybe it’s just my family, but my aunts and uncles can discipline me, and the same goes for mom and her nieces and nephews.
Becca and Jessi decide enough is enough. They don’t have to put up with being told not to slouch, to use a napkin, to clean their plates, and not being able to go to a friend’s house! This means war! They short-sheet her bed. Is that the only prank these girls can think of? Isn’t this what the BSC did to Claudia when she was hanging out with Ashley? They put shaving cream in Aunt Cecelia’s slippers and put a spider on her bed. The spider was fake. You girls are little brats. Apparently the pranks will cause Aunt Cecelia to rat them out. This will either mean Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey will scold Aunt Cecelia for being mean to their poor, sweet, angelic children, or Jessi and Becca will be in a lot of trouble. You girls could try talking to your parents and telling them that Aunt Cecelia is annoying you so that she knows to let up. But no, you have to play pranks like immature children instead of simply talking about your problems.
Aunt Cecelia doesn’t mention the pranks.
Chapter 7
Jessi and Becca wave good-bye to their parents as they leave for work. Jessi feels like she’s sending her mom off to kindergarten. That sounds a little bit condescending to me. Your mother’s a grown woman, Jessi, not one of your sitting charges. Jessi tells Aunt Cecelia about Squirt’s likes and dislikes, as well as his daily routine. Aunt Cecelia glares at her and says she raised children of her own. Jessi thinks that she didn’t raise Squirt. I’m on Jessi’s side here. Just because you’ve raised your own children doesn’t mean you won’t have to know about a new child’s likes and dislikes when you first start looking after them. Babies are different. I wasn’t allowed to suck my thumb, but my brother was. My cousin throws tantrums more often than his sister did when she was his age. See what I mean?
Jessi is not in a good mood when she leaves for school, but she had a good day so she’s almost ready to forget that she has a dictator for an aunt. This all comes crashing down when she calls hello and Aunt Cecelia tells her to be quiet because Squirt is sleeping. Jessi is shocked that Squirt is sleeping at an unusual time and calls her aunt a dictator. How is a baby being asleep at an unusual time reason to believe that your aunt is a dictator? Yes, Aunt Cecelia is clearly a horrible dictator because Squirt is sleeping at an unusual time. She’s clearly trying to control his sleeping habits. Maybe Squirt just got tired today.
The injustices continue when Jessi is given two boring oatmeal cookies instead of a sandwich for a snack. Cookies are for babies. Jessi is a grown woman and wants a sandwich. What’s this you were saying about not being a fat ballerina, Jessi? I don’t think oatmeal cookies are that repulsive myself, so I wouldn’t have minded the cookies.
Jessi says she’ll eat at Jackie’s house. Aunt Cecelia doesn’t want Jessi to go to the Rodowskys because she thinks that Jessi will engage in some hanky panky with Jackie. Jessi explains that she babysits Jackie. Aunt Cecelia doesn’t want Jessi to go to a strange person’s house. Jessi finally convinces Aunt Cecelia to let her go by telling her she made commitments. This problem would have been solved if someone had just gone to Aunt Cecelia and told her that Jessi has dance lessons and she babysits.
They could have had Jessi tell Aunt Cecelia where she was going to be babysitting ahead of time. If you’re going to help look after someone, shouldn’t you know about their schedule and commitments? Suppose Jessi went straight to the sitting job instead of going home, prompting Aunt Cecelia to call the cops?
Jessi goes to the sitting job with Jackie. Jackie’s father already took care of the box. If I had to make a volcano using a glass box when I was seven, I’d say forget it. I’m not even required to enter the stupid fair. They have to make paper mache. I’ve never done that before. Jackie gets paper mache on her face, which is somehow cause for annoyance in Jessi. She reads all about volcanoes while Jackie goofs off with Archie. So the way to get the babysitter to let you goof off is to have them take over a project that they forced you into. Good to know.
Chapter 8
Kristy babysits for her family. David Michael is going to enter the science fair. Kristy mentions that she wants to be a teacher. I weep for those students. Kristy will probably force them into doing completely idiotic projects. I’m a quiet student, so I wouldn’t have done shit. I’d have just jumped around to “Celebrate Good Times” when I had the last class. Jessi thinks that this means competition. These girls are such jerks that they will turn events their charges are competing in contest about them. This is the pageant bullshit all over again.
If you opened up the dictionary, you’d find a picture of Kristy under competitive. This is true. You’d also find a picture of her under bossy and a bunch of other nasty words. Why does this have to be a competition between sitters? This has nothing to do with you lot! Stop making everything about you!
David Michael wants to enter the science fair. He likes space, so Kristy suggests doing a project on the solar system. He tosses out ideas and Kristy keeps going, “No, damn it! Still not epic enough! These kids will be playing hard ball science!” These kids are in elementary school, just how good at science can they be? Are the Perkins girls entering? I would have just told my brother to do whatever he wanted for a science fair project. I wouldn’t have bothered with trying to make him come up with an epic one.
I find it funny that Kristy says she won’t help David Michael. If Jessi wasn’t the one taking over Jackie project so that there’d be a forced parallel between her and Aunt Cecelia, I’m sure Kristy would have taken over the project. Kristy turns her attention to Emily Michelle. She’s playing with blocks. Kristy asks her what’s she’s building and Emily says building. Kristy asks if she’s building a building and Emily gets frustrated. Kristy asks again, causing Emily to say she’s building blocks. Kristy sighs and Jessi goes into an info-dump about how Emily Michelle is language-delayed. She doesn’t seem language-delayed to me. Saying that you’re building blocks seems like a perfectly logical thing for a two-year-old to say.
Kristy sees that Emily looks frustrated with her blocks and decides to teach her the head and shoulders song. My cousin loved that song when he was Emily’s age. My mom taught it to him and he made me sing that song constantly. He used to go into my room and jump up and down on the bed while I sang it. He’d just drag me into the room and go, “Sing Head and Shoulders,” and I’d give him a look until he said please.
My mom learned a different version than I did. The version she learned goes, “Head and shoulders, baby, one, two, three! *clap, clap, clap!*
Head and shoulders, baby, one, two, three! *clap, clap, clap!*
Head and shoulders!
Head and shoulders!
Head and shoulders, baby, one,two, three! *clap, clap, clap*
Kristy’s version goes like this.
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.
Eyes and ears and nose and mouth and chin.
Head, shoulders, knees and toes!
Why did Kristy put in the line about the chin? Nose was fine, it rhymes with toes, but chin doesn’t and ruins the flow of the song.
Emily gets a kick out of the song. It is a fun song to sing with toddlers. David Michael interrupts to say that he’ll draw a picture of the planets in the solar system. Kristy asks if he’s giving this his best shot. I’d have said that was a really stupid project and it sounded like something someone would do at the last minute, but if he wanted to do that, fine with me.
David Michael comes up with more and more stupid ideas until he finally picks one Kristy approves of. He’s going to make a mobile display. Maybe it was just my school, but we had to conduct experiments if we entered the science fair. In eighth grade we had to make inventions. Kristy mentions that the kids are doing experiments, but these don’t really sound like experiments. How is making a volcano an experiment? How is making a shadow box of Barbie on the Moon an experiment? It sounds like an art project.
Chapter 9
Babysitting chapter. Charlotte is doing an actual experiment by having plants listen to music. She mentions that plants grow faster in damp cotton than soil. I think she could have done an experiment on that as well. Stacey suggests that Charlotte keep track of the plants’ progress and Charlotte is able to go from there. Becca comes over to whine about Aunt Cecelia. It’s okay for the BSC to boss them around and force them to do things they don’t want to, but Aunt Cecelia is the devil incarnate for doing the same thing.
Hey, a mention of the island fiasco! Aunt Cecelia rushed over and took charge when she got stranded like Jessi didn’t exist. Your aunt is a grown woman and your aunt, Becca. She had every right to take charge when her eight-year-old niece is missing. On what planet would an eleven-year-old be of more help than a grown woman? I think these girls just hate anyone aside from Kristy telling them what to do, ever.
Becca and Charlotte discuss really mean and stupid pranks to play on Aunt Cecelia. Stacey lets them because she figures Becca needs to blow off steam. I can understand that. I generally need to vent about my problems. But why doesn’t Stacey suggest that Becca talk to her parents? Oh yeah, because talking to adults is bad.
Chapter 10
Meeting time! Mallory wonders what the world record for a gum chain is, prompting the girls to talk about world records. Mallory wants to braid the world’s longest friendship bracelet, and Jessi says that no one can wear it. Mallory counters than no one can eat the world’s biggest pancake, yet people always try to make one. Jessi says that they could, but Mallory’s like, “I’m not eating a pancake that a bunch of people have touched and buttered by strapping slabs of butter to their feet.” Mary Anne cries out for them to stop, because she has a weak stomach just like Margo.
Jessi wants to know what’s wrong with Mallory. How dare she inject logic onto a fantasy! She’s worse than Aunt Dictator! Kristy calls the meeting to order. They take care of some club business, and then they start talking about the science fair projects. Jessi is horrified that Mallory isn’t jumping in to correct Margo on her mistakes, but Mallory says that this is Margo’s project and she won’t do it for her.
Kristy says Margo won’t win, but neither will David Michael. I never won any science fairs either. I sleep okay. They mention the pageant. I’m quite sure that if these girls could have competed onstage at the pageant, they would have. Jessi realizes that the girls aren’t going to be jerks about the competition again, and she asks Stacey if she’s helping Charlotte. Stacey says she gives suggestions, but Charlotte does most of the work on her own.
Dawn asks how Jackie’s project is coming along, and Jessi brags about how well he’s doing. The other sitters think Jessi is taking over, but she denies this. After all, Jackie is right there when she does the work, so he knows what’s going on. Jessi, you just said you did the work while Jackie just sits there. That counts as taking over. Jessi wants to give Jackie lots of help so that he can win something and have better self-esteem. Those are good intentions, but wouldn’t taking over a kid’s project decrease their self-esteem? Isn’t it possible that some kids would think they aren’t good enough to do the project so their babysitter has to do it? Also, why don’t you guys stop calling Jackie the Walking Disaster and stop sighing and looking so put upon whenever he trips?
Jessi isn’t taking over Jackie’s project, but Aunt Cecelia is taking over her life. She lays out clothes for Jessi and Becca. I couldn’t choose clothes at that age. She whines that her parents trust her. They set limits, but they give her some privileges. Aunt Cecelia is suffocating them. For once the BSC talks sense and ask if Jessi has told her parents. Jessi beats upon her chest and talks about how she’s so selfless by not complaining because Aunt Cecelia is a big help. How can she possibly burden her parents with minor problems that can be solved rather easily?
Stacey tells Jessi that talking to her parents has to be nicer than pulling pranks on Aunt Cecelia. Jessi blushes and admits that she can’t talk to her parents because Aunt Cecelia might rat them out about the pranks. If you and Becca had simply gone to your parents and told them that there were a few problems between them and Aunt Cecelia, they could have spoken to her and cleared the matter up. Hell, in the last chapter Jessi has an outburst and talks to her parents. Her parents tell Aunt Cecelia that the girls are capable of doing certain things and they back off. End of crisis! But no, you girls had to go and play pranks to drive Aunt Cecelia off instead of going to your parents and discussing things in a civil manner. I have absolutely no sympathy, so shut up, Jessi.